This Corner Of The World
by Vee-sempai
Summary: AU - Himura Kenshin's idyllic existence as a high-school guidance counselor is turned upside down when his past comes back for him, along with a problem student who insists on being part of his life. Yaoi, yuri, het.
1. A Friendly Voice

  
***  
  
The building was in a serious need for a paint job.  
Maybe some new windows, brickwork... it was truly a daunting sight.  
Himura Kenshin gulped, summoning his every ounce of courage, then gathered up his things and opened the car door. He had gone through this same process every morning since he had begun working here three weeks ago, in his very first decent job for years. A high school guidance counselor.  
He scuffled through the asphalt parking lot, making a beeline for the   
sidewalk before he dropped everything and got loose gravel all over it. Why had he decided to bring everything today of all days, when he got stuck at every traffic light and behind a mail truck besides? Now he would be late getting in, and not even a month on the job... The students were already entering through the main doors. The first bell had probably just rung.  
Kenshin wedged the door open with his foot, inwardly cheering his good luck and praising his power to hold three full duffel bags with only four fingers, then scuttled down the hallway and tried not to knock down innocent passerby. Though innocent would probably not be the word, looking at some ofthe discipline reports... But the guidance office wasn't far, and-  
Watch your back, Sagara, I'll kill your ass! You ain't as tough as you   
think, ya frickin' queer!  
Kenshin froze at the angry voice, and began searching for the source with a lump in his throat. A fight... aagh... This sounded like a bad one. He carefully set down his bags, hoping no one would step on them, and moved forward to try and push his way through the crowd of students thronging about the two boys who stood facing off.  
an equally furious tone snarled back. Kenshin blinked in   
surprise, the slangy Japanese catching him off guard. He didn't let it distract him, knowing more important things were at stake than the curiosity of someone in the school besides himself and his daughters speaking his native language. He would have to break this up himself, since there didn't seem to be any other staff around. But there was no reason he couldn't, even though everyone underestimated him because of his size. Or lack thereof.   
Still, though, his job was to keep order amongst the hundreds of students at this high school, and that was what he was going to do.  
"What the Hell is your problem?" the same voice, the Nihonjin, continued.   
"You're askin' for trouble! You're too weak to mess with me!  
"YOU'RE my goddamn PROBLEM! An' I'm not too weak to find that cardboard box you live in an' throw it into traffic with you in it!"  
Kenshin broke the circle the instant the first punch connected. The boy   
that had been called "Sagara" had thrown it- he was easily identifiable, features obviously Oriental. Kenshin saw in a moment why he had called the other "weak". The boy who was still recoiling from the force of the punch was small, stocky, all defiant scowls and sagging muscles. Sagara, on the other hand, was his complete opposite; tall, arms tightly muscled, well-defined shoulders and chest visible even through the white shirt he wore, and yet of a slender build. And while the smaller boy had dirty-blond hair, white skin from too much time inside, and eyes of an indiscriminate color, Sagara was dark- tanned skin, unruly and spiky hair that appeared ebony but showed to be dark brown under the fluorescent lighting, chocolate eyes framed by strangely full and delicate eyelashes.  
Kenshin knew that yelling at them to break it up, as most staff did, would   
most likely have no effect, so he chose to save his voice and instead stepped out between them. With a hand quickened by years of martial arts training at the local dojos, he caught the second punch in midair, fisting his smaller hands around Sagara's.  
"Stop this immediately," he said coolly.  
Instead of breaking his grip and muttering rebelliously as he would have expected, Sagara stared down at him in silent perplexity, dark eyes large in his bronzed face. Those eyes... they were almost gentle... warm and glimmering with luminosity that seemed out of place in a teenager who had just physically attacked another student. In fact, he was... he seemed almost beautiful, under these artificial lights...  
Kenshin shook himself out of the odd thought, and forgoing the grip on his   
hand, grabbed onto the tall boy's wrist. "You," he addressed the smaller combatant, "go to the office. Now."  
"I didn't do nothin'-"  
"Go!" Kenshin snapped. He would have to deal with him later. Even though   
the blond hadn't thrown a single punch, he had initiated the encounter, and had threatened Sagara's life on top of that. It was a serious offense, in his mind, more so than simple roughhousing. You never did know, in this day and age, how far those threats would go...  
His voice had been icy and calm, before, but with those thoughts in mind,   
the ice snapped into a flare of anger. "Go now, and I will handle you later!"  
The teenager glared rebelliously for a moment, but his facade broke and he scuttled for the office door.  
"Ima da-omae wa-" Kenshin turned back and looked up into Sagara's face,   
those youthful features still frozen in surprise. He allowed himself to switch back into his native Japanese, knowing the boy understood it. "Come with me."  
"O-oi... naze ka?" Sagara went along, and his words seemed to flow much   
easier.  
"Because you are going to the guidance office de gozaru yo."  
"N-not the main office?" He sounded baffled.  
"Iya." Irritated at his lack of movement, Kenshin started walking and dragged the boy along.  
"Datte-"  
Kenshin sighed in frustration and turned back to face him. "Do you want to go to the main office de gozaru ka?"  
"No! It's just-"  
"What?"  
Sagara stared at him briefly, mouth working but no sound coming forth.   
Kenshin waited patiently.  
"Nothin'. And you forgot your stuff."  
"Oro!" Kenshin dropped Sagara's wrist and scuttled back to gather up his   
bags. He lifted them into his arms, not wanting to bother with arranging them amongst his hands, and zipped back over to where the teenager was waiting, wearing an expression of bemusement.  
"Now we go." Kenshin bumbled down the hallway as quickly as he could go. Thankfully, Sagara followed.After turning the corner, Kenshin blinked helplessly at his door, then attempted to open it with his arm. No luck.  
"Need some help with that?" The boy's voice was amused, but not unkindly so.  
"Aagh..."  
Sagara leaned over and opened the door. Kenshin burst through the opening and set his bags on the floor, heaving a thankful sigh. He turned around, motioning the student inside with a sweep of one arm, then closed the door behind him and sat down in his swivel chair. Sagara flumped onto his couch.  
"So," Kenshin said more pleasantly, relaxed in the familiarity and safety   
of his office, "what's your name de gozaru ka?"  
"Sagara."  
"I know that. What's your first name de gozaru ka? Or do you not want me to know it?" Kenshin leaned his chin on his hands, examining the teenaged boy.  
"You can just go look it up in the records, y'know. What're ya askin' for?   
Sagara looked at the ceiling.  
"I wanted to hear it from you de gozaru. If you don't want to tell me, I promise I won't go look it up de gozaru yo."  
"What're you doin'?" Sagara looked back down at him incredulously. "Tryin' t' gain my trust or some crap?"  
Kenshin blinked. "Iya. I'm trying to be trustworthy de gozaru yo."  
There was a long silence. The dark-haired boy stared at him, as though   
trying to gauge his honesty.  
"You haven't been doin' this very long, have you." It wasn't a question,   
but a statement.  
"Hai. Three weeks."  
"Figures." Sagara examined him a little longer, then his face softened into a smile. Kenshin blinked again, unsure of what he had done to deserve such an honor. With the indifferent exterior melted away, the teenager appeared to be just that- young, innocent, trusting, even...  
"Y'know, I think I like you. Ore wa Sagara Sanosuke."  
"Ahh." Kenshin smiled in return. "Sessha wa Himura Kenshin de gozaru."  
"So, Himura..." Sanosuke leaned back on the couch. "Why 'm I here? You   
holdin' me till the cops come?"  
"P-police...?" Kenshin considered that. Perhaps he could have a police   
officer speak with the other boy... maybe then he would understand the power of his words. That was what was usually done with threats, wasn't it? Yes, that was what he'd been told in orientation. "Wait here a moment. I'll be right back de gozaru."  
"Wh-what?" Sanosuke jumped up as though he'd been bitten, eyes blazing angry dark fire. "You expect me t' wait here while ya call the cops on me?!"  
"Oro?" Kenshin furrowed his brow in confusion, then understood and smiled soothingly. "Sit down de gozaru yo. You aren't the one who made the threats."  
"O-omae-" Sanosuke looked baffled. "You're callin' the cops on Westbrook? But he didn't even hit me, he-"  
"Westbrook? What's his first name de gozaru ka?"  
"Curtis, but- I don't get it-"  
"Stay here de gozaru yo. I'll be back in a few minutes." Kenshin bustled   
out, shutting the door behind him.  
  
Sano stared at the door.  
Heaving a sigh of exasperated confusion, he ran a hand through his unruly   
hair, and slumped back onto the couch. What was this, anyway? The office had sworn that the next fight he was in, no matter how inconsequential, would get him arrested, no way out.  
It hadn't even been two months since he'd started his senior year, and   
already he was teetering on the brink of expulsion.  
What would Sagara-sensei think of that, huh? Sano stared moodily at the   
floor, twisting his fingers together. He'd been lucky this time, maybe, but there was no telling how long his luck would hold out.  
He'd been expecting the usual potbellied gym teacher to come pounding out yelling and screaming, and then to get thrown in the office to await sentencing, like always. But instead, that counselor... blazing amethyst eyes, long, soft-seeming red hair framing an angular jaw, the bright fire setting off pale skin, husky soprano voice commanding him in his native Nihongo... so unlike anything he'd ever expected of...  
And that scar, the cross-shaped scar that stood out against his left cheek.   
It wasn't something you saw every day. There was probably quite a story behind that. Like the name, Kenshin... sword-heart, heart of sword... like something from an old samurai manga...  
Sano shook his head irritably. That wasn't really something he should be   
catching himself thinking about.  
The door opened again, and Himura Kenshin closed it behind him. Sano   
jumped, trying not to let his face assume the guilty expression he wore when he was contemplating forbidden things. Luckily, Himura didn't seem to notice anything, and teachers had a nasty tendency to zero right in on that look.  
"Now," the guidance counselor said lightly, settling again into his desk   
chair, "tell me what happened de gozaru yo."  
"You know what happened. You were there." Sano looked at the floor again.  
"Iya. Not that. Why did you think I would call the police to take you away   
de gozaru ka?"  
Sano focused on Himura's feet. He was wearing sandals, which wasn't odd, since the school year started at the end of summer. His feet weren't hairy   
and ugly, which was always a plus. He had nice, pretty feet.  
Sano blinked and looked for something else to look at. "Uh... 'cause the   
office said I've been in too many fights, an'..."  
The motion of Himura's hands caught his eye as the counselor steepled his fingers before his face. "Why?" he asked simply.  
Sano stared at Himura's fingers. "Why?" he echoed dumbly, tracing the   
outline of the little hands with his eyes.  
"Why do you fight de gozaru ka?" Himura seemed unconcerned by his scrutiny.  
The question startled Sano out of his reverie. "Because people mess with   
me!" he answered, baffled. "Why else would someone fight?"  
"Hmm." Himura met his gaze unwaveringly, seeming to search deep within him for... something... Held with the unnerving feeling that his very soul was being examined, Sano shifted uneasily.  
"Wh-whaddya want from me, anyway?" he managed to stutter out.  
"I want you to know the real reason you fight de gozaru yo," Himura said   
abruptly, then stood from his chair, going over to open the door. "Go to class. When you know the answer..."  
"What, come back so we can 'discuss'?" Sano retorted skeptically, still   
feeling off-kilter and not liking it one bit.  
"Iya..." A radiantly beautiful smile broke over Himura's face, dazzling   
Sano briefly. "Perhaps you will understand yourself better and not have the need to fight anymore de gozaru na."  
"O-oh." Sano stood, uneasy. "I-back to class?"  
"Hai." Himura cocked his head, eyes scrunching up with the continued smile. Sano walked by him, through the unlatched door, hands shoved into his jeans pockets, and escaped into the hallway.  
"If you might have any further problems with your classmates," Himura called after him, "don't hesitate to come see me de gozaru. Instead of fighting!"  
"A-aa." Sano looked at the floor, retreating as fast as he could without   
looking stupid.  
  
Kenshin watched the dark-haired teenager leave, unsettled. What had it   
been, about the child, which made him seem so... so troubled, so much more so than all the other discipline problems...?  
Perhaps it was the agitation in his movements, the intensity lurking behind   
those soft chocolate eyes... the sense of an impending explosion...  
Kenshin's eyebrows knit together in consideration, and he watched the tall   
boy turn the corner and leave his line of sight.  
What was it...?  
  
*** *** ***  
  
"Tadaima!" a familiar voice called, the door slamming and rattling on the   
hinges. Kenshin winced at the sound, but decided against scolding her this time. It certainly hadn't done any good before.  
"Okaeri, Misao-dono. How was practice de gozaru ka?"  
"Eeh, fine. Dinner ready yet?" A long series of clattering and banging   
shook the thin walls of the hallway by the kitchen. Kenshin tensed, but no evidence of anything breaking followed. This time.  
"Not quite yet. Misao-dono... could you come in here for a moment de gozaru ka?" No harm could come from asking, at least.  
His younger daughter poked her head in, then sat on the table, pulling her   
long braid onto her lap and toying with it absently. Kenshin regarded her briefly, then turned back to the chicken teriyaki with a well-hidden smile. Misao-dono wore the same hopeful smile she had that day so long ago that he had adopted her. Then, she had been wishing for a home, a family to love her... now, she wanted dinner. How things changed... and stayed the same, he supposed.  
"Hey, 'tou-chan, don't forget the spaghetti thing, that dinner at the   
elementary school t'night. We promised we'd help, with 'nee-chan an' the Honor Society, remember?"  
"Hai, hai." Kenshin smiled. "I wouldn't forget." Then, he remembered his   
purpose in asking her inside the kitchen, and sighed.  
"Misao-dono, do you know Sagara Sanosuke de gozaru ka?"   
Misao-dono shifted on the table. "Yeah," she affirmed. "Most everybody at   
least knows of Sano-san. He's in my history class."  
Kenshin turned again to face her, strange uneasiness weighing down his   
chest. "What... what is he like de gozaru ka?" he asked carefully.  
Misao-dono shrugged. "I dunno... he sleeps through class, most a' the time. All the guys either hate him or look up to him, since he gets in all those fights 'n never loses. Most a' the girls I know are madly in love with him. He's always been nice enough t' me. Why?"  
Kenshin shrugged casually, focusing on the table. "I met him today de   
gozaru."  
"Didja?" Misao-dono's voice grew sly, considering.  
Kenshin blinked, looking up at her in bewilderment. That tone never inspired trust, especially not when coupled with the sparkling that twinkledin her blue eyes.  
"Pretty hot, ain't he?" she teased.  
"M-Misao-dono!" Kenshin scolded, turning back to the pot so she wouldn't   
see the embarrassment that darkened his cheeks. "I wouldn't know."  
She chuckled. "Oh, pleeease, 'tou-chan. I'm not as dense as all that. I've   
known you went up the down staircase the minute I saw you. Don't try 'n hide it."  
Kenshin flushed deeper. It wasn't as though he was ashamed of... his   
preferences, as they were, but it didn't mean he was comfortable discussing it with his children. Or anyone. Ever. "Misao-dono, that's besides the point de gozaru yo. He's barely older than you!"  
"He's eighteen! That's legal, right?"  
Kenshin tried not to combust and stared at the cooking vegetables.  
"But anyway..." Misao-dono huffed. "That doesn't mean you can't at least-"  
"Yes it does." Kenshin cut her off. "That isn't my point de gozaru. I was   
only wondering if you think he should go to counseling of some sort de gozaru na. He seemed to be quite troubled, to me."  
"Counseling? Like a shrink or somethin'?" Misao-dono seemed to be   
considering it.  
"A therapist, Misao-dono. Just to... help him with some of his confusions."  
"Why don't you do it?" Misao-dono suggested, sliding down off the table.   
"You have the degree 'n all, and you already know him."  
Kenshin stirred the vegetables, gazing into their bubbling depths as he   
thought about the suggestion. He did have the appropriate schooling, and he did want to help him, but... but would Sanosuke even want to be helped? It wasn't his place, as a guidance counselor, to dictate how the boy should handle himself. Just to be there, if he was needed...  
Sanosuke wouldn't want his help.  
"Go get your sister de gozaru. Dinner will be ready soon."  
It would probably be better for the both of them if he just forgot about it. Someone like him couldn't help someone else. Not when he could barely take care of himself.  
It would be better to just not care anymore.  
  
"'Tou-san?"  
Kenshin looked up from the dishes, wiping a stray lock of red hair from his   
eyes with a soapy hand, to see his older daughter standing in the doorway.  
"Hai, Kaoru-dono?" he asked cheerfully.  
His liveliness did nothing to appease the frustration and worry in her dark   
eyes as she entered the kitchen, crossing the tiled floor to step up beside him and drop an empty pill bottle onto the counter.  
Kenshin eyed the orange container, then looked back up into Kaoru-dono's face with nothing short of dread. Filled with an immediate need to explain   
away this predicament, he opened his mouth to utter a pathetic, "K-Kaoru-dono..."  
"How long have you been out?" she demanded, voice cracking with concern. "Kaoru-dono, sessha... It's only been a week de gozaru..."  
"A week? Only?! 'Tou-san, every day you go without taking your medication is a risk, you know that! What happens if you have another breakdown, like   
that time when-" Her voice broke, and Kaoru-dono looked down, fists clenching by her side.  
Kenshin picked up the empty bottle of Chlorazine, then stuck it into his pocket and turned his attention to his eldest, wrapping his arms around her slender shoulders and drawing her close.  
"I'm so sorry, Kaoru-dono," he whispered, stroking her hair soothingly. "It's just... it's so very expensive de gozaru... In order to keep up the rent, and handle things for school, we have to make some sacrifices... I've been saving the extra, from my paychecks and from what you girls put in from your jobs, and I'll be able to afford it at the end of the month de gozaru yo. But until then-"  
"The end of the month? It's the ninth! 'Tou-san, there's no way!" Kaoru-dono broke his embrace, eyes flashing in alarm. "That's too long!"  
"K-Kaoru-dono..."  
"There's got to be something we can do, somewhere the money can come from! 'Tou-san... if you lose it again..." Her voice trembled. "I... I don't want that to happen ever again..."  
Kenshin looked at the floor, his tone tightening with guilt. "Kaoru-dono,   
there's nothing I can do. I work two jobs de gozaru yo. You work. Misao-dono  
works. We live with the bare essentials de gozaru. There's nothing left to do."  
"Datte-"  
"Kaoru-dono, I promise I will do everything I can to protect you from   
whatever could possibly happen. You know that he won't hurt you and Misao-dono de gozaru. It'll be fine." Kenshin smiled reassuringly. "I promise de gozaru."  
Kaoru-dono nodded slightly, not appearing very reassured, but turned to go. "Hai. I have homework to do."  
"Hai de gozaru." Kenshin watched her leave, unsettled. The weight of the   
bottle in his pocket accused him of his horrible parenting job, and he turned back to the dishes.  
It wasn't that long until the end of the month... he would survive. It would be all right.  
It would.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
"Oi! Oi, Yahiko, you awake?"  
Sano closed the door behind him, dropping the mail on the floor by the door and checking around the dingy two-room apartment. No Yahiko presented   
himself. The kid must be asleep, or studying, or something like that. Sano smiled fondly to himself, wandering over to the refrigerator and opening it to look through.  
"Okaeri," a familiar voice muttered.  
"Oh, hey- What the Hell, kid?" Sano stood up, scowling. His little brother stood in the hallway, clutching an ice pack to one eye and wearing a sullenexpression.  
"Got in a fight," Yahiko explained.  
"Lemme see." Sano knelt down in front of him, lifting the bag up for   
inspection. He hissed in sympathy, eyeing the bruised swelling. "Mataku... don't be doin' crap like that. Yer gonna end up a punk like your loser big brother."  
Yahiko glared with his one good eye. "This creep accused me a' stealin' his lunch."  
"Mm. Didja?"  
"No!"  
Sano grinned and mussed up his hair. "Just pokin'. You hungry?"  
"Yeah, sure."  
He stood, then went back to the mini-fridge. "Go siddown. Don't let too   
much blood get in that. Hurts like Hell."  
"Ah, advice from the master."  
Sano grumbled playfully, then opened the fridge.  
Empty.  
His spirits sunk, and he sat heavily on the floor. Empty. The rent overdue,   
for the past three months, not paid... empty. His next paycheck not due for two weeks... empty.  
Empty.  
"Hey, uh... you eat yet?" Sano stared at the empty shelves. At least they   
still had the apartment. For a while. That was something.  
"No! That spaghetti dinner is t'night, remember? You promised we'd go."   
Yahiko sounded faintly outraged. "You didn't forget!"  
"Oh, no, no, I didn't." Free food! Sano rejoiced inwardly, thanking whatever gods existed for his good fortune. "We gotta go soon for that, right?"  
"Yeah. Now."  
Sano stood up again, stretching to keep up a mock casual exterior. "Sure,   
all right. Go on down to the car, I'll be there in a minute." The car... he had to pay insurance and the car payments...  
"Didja get the fuel injector fixed yet?" Yahiko headed for the door.  
Sano winced. "Not yet, no... Don't worry about it. Just go."  
The door swung shut, and Sano picked up the mail from the floor. Maybe he'd gotten some credit card offers or something, with extended limits... or free money in envelopes, or something like that. You never did know.  
Magazine subscription expired... big deal. Charities asking for money...   
good luck. Plain envelope with his name on it... oh shit.  
Sano stared at the envelope, the rest of the mail fluttering from his nerveless fingers like dying doves from their perch. Oh, shit... He tore it open, hands shaking and clumsy.  
He read the short, typed letter with an uncomfortable weight in the pit of   
his stomach. Oh, God in Heaven, what now? What now? God, what now? Sano crumpled the eviction notice up in his fist, headed for the door. He would just go to the dinner at the elementary school, pretend like nothing was wrong, and break it to Yahiko in the morning, or something... Or something.  
He opened the door, then closed it behind him, his hands shaking, stomach twisted, eyes beginning to sting...  
Sano slumped to the floor in front of the door to the apartment he used to   
own, where he had lived for five years, the place he had taught his little brother to write, the only safe place in the world... Where did he go now? He didn't have enough money to rent another place. He had to pay for the car, and the insurance on the car, and food... He had to take care of a ten-year-old kid...  
Sano buried his face in his arms and cried, unable to hold back the tears   
he'd been hiding for a decade, ever since Sagara-sensei had died, ever sincehe'd lost the only people who had wanted to take care of him, the only people he had ever loved besides Yahiko, the only people who had ever loved him...  
What did he do now?  
Sano lifted his head, staring at the pay phone on the wall through a film of tears. He did so for a long time before remembering that he had no one tocall. All his friends at school were just acquaintances, except for Katsuhiro... but Katsu's parents were convinced he ran drugs, and they wouldn't let him near the house. Katsu would want to help him out, but...  
There was nobody left.  
Himura...  
Sano thought about the redheaded guidance counselor with those blazing   
amethyst eyes, the gentle smile... He'd only met him today, but... He had to  
restrain himself from stumbling across the hallway and looking up "Kenshin Himura" in the telephone book, needing a friendly voice, someone to tell him it would be okay, that everything would work out, even if it wouldn't...  
Just a friendly voice...  
  
*** *** ***  
  
"So what do you need us to do de gozaru ka?" Kenshin asked hurriedly,   
checking his watch. "It's almost seven..."  
"Hai, hai..." Kaoru-dono looked about the small cafeteria, then nodded   
briskly. "Go and help the other Honor Society members serve the food, 'tou-san. Misao, uh... go greet people at the door or something."  
Misao-dono looked around, then shrugged. "Can I, like, walk around an' see how the people like the food?"  
"Misao-dono, don't harass the children."  
"I WON'T!"  
Kenshin smiled, then hustled for the kitchen. Kaoru-dono followed at full   
speed. They were... quite late, after all. Misao-dono had insisted on driving, and taking back roads, and... well, it had been an experience, to say the least.  
He wrinkled his nose at the familiar cafeteria smell as the door swung shut   
behind him. Aagh... he hadn't been near a cafeteria since... well, a long time.  
This was going to be an interesting night. He could feel it.  
*** *** ***


	2. Only Tonight

*** *** ***  
"Are you okay,  
Sanosuke?"  
"Yeah, yeah..." Sano  
shoved his hands in  
his jeans pockets.  
This place made   
him nervous. Whenever  
he came here, like  
for Parent-Teacher  
nights or stuff   
like that, the looks the teachers gave him, like he was gonna spray graffiti  
  
all over the walls and break all the windows... Sure, he looked like a punk.  
  
He was a punk. But even he knew better than messing with schools. That just   
wasn't right.  
Now what were they gonna think of him, making Yahiko live on the streets or   
something? Some parent he was, anyway...  
"Let's just go, huh?"  
The two walked together towards the building, not too close, but just close   
enough that they could see the other in the corner of their vision. For   
reassurance. Not that they needed it, of course.  
Sano held open the huge door so Yahiko could squeak in, then entered and   
let it swing closed behind him. Stupid giant public school doors. He was   
always getting his feet stuck in them, or his jacket, or some such thing   
attached to his body.  
"Let's go eat, then," Sano said gruffly, casting a nervous glance about for   
the accusing glares of disapproving teachers. He'd be happy to get out of   
here...  
But that, of course, meant he had to go back to his lack of an apartment.   
And explain it to his brother. Who expected Sano to take care of him.  
Dammit. He may as well just hide in the bathroom until someone came and   
arrested him. Then they could put Yahiko in foster care, and maybe someone   
could take care of him a lot better than he could.  
Sano wallowed in despair carefully masked as annoyance as he followed his   
little brother into line. "Eat as much as you want," he advised the boy. It   
would be all they could get for a while, probably...  
"Sure, sure."  
They shuffled along in line, Sano staring at the floor and plotting some   
way to regain his life. Most of the ideas he came up with were either quite   
illegal or just stupid. The rest made less sense.  
Well, if he got an electrician's degree and then moved to Canada, claiming   
bankruptcy-  
"Sano!" Yahiko poked him in the leg. "Pay attention!"  
Sano looked up and lifted the plate he'd picked up somewhere in his stupor   
obediently, expecting to be greeted by some random girl from the Honor   
Society, maybe one of the ones who looked shyly at him in the hallway, or   
one of the ones who flirted with him in the cafeteria and smiled those vapid  
  
smiles... the ones he avoided like the plague. Girls scared him. They always  
  
had, with their pushing and the looks and the comments and the   
persistence...  
But instead, he beheld an angel.  
"Himura!" Sano gasped.  
"Sanosuke!" The little redhead blinked at him from over the counter, spoon   
laden with spaghetti. "Sessha- What are you doing here de gozaru ka?"  
"M-my brother- he goes here- I-... What are you doing here?"  
"M-my oldest daughter- the Honor Society-"  
They stared at each other for a charged moment, dark chocolate eyes   
searching crystalline amethyst for some clue to the coincidence, to why they  
  
would meet up again on the worst night of Sanosuke's life, when they had   
only met that morning, when Kenshin had been late for the first time in his   
short career there, when Sano had lost his temper and gotten into a fight   
before second bell...  
Until Yahiko nudged him, coughing meaningfully.  
"I'm holdin' up the line," Sano said hurriedly. "Just-"  
"Hai, hai-" Kenshin dumped a mess of spaghetti on his plate, then Yahiko's.   
"I'm almost done my shift de gozaru," he informed. "I'd like to speak with   
you, if you're still here..."  
"Y-yeah, sure. I'll be here." Sano retreated from the line, then looked   
around for somewhere to sit. Yahiko tugged on his shirt.  
"Sanosuke. Over there," Yahiko suggested.  
Sano followed, hands clutching the plate like a lifeline. Himura... what   
was Himura doing here? Why was Himura here? Just now, when he... What would   
have happened if he had called him then? It was too much to think about...   
He had too much to think about...  
"Soooo, Sano..." Yahiko plopped down on the cafeteria bench, dark eyes that   
so resembled his own sparkling almost meanly. "That your girlfriend?"  
"Wha-WHAT THE- Urusee!" Sano glared at him, fighting back a flush. "Yahiko,   
what the hell, kid? He's a guidance counselor! I met him t'day, 's all!   
What's wrong with you?"  
Yahiko eyed him, chuckling faintly. "Protesting a little much?"  
"YAHIKO!!!"  
The dark-haired boy returned to his dinner, still chortling. Sano glared at   
him venomously, but ate his own as well. They sat in silence for a few   
minutes.  
"Hey. There he is, Sano. Go catch him."  
Sano jumped, looked over his shoulder to where Yahiko pointed, looked   
frantically for a napkin, wiped his mouth of the sauce and got up.  
"Heh heh."  
"Urusee," he repeated, embarrassed, but hurried off nonetheless. He dodged   
through the sitting people, trying hard not to knock anyone over or step on   
anything vital.  
He didn't know why he was filled with this intense urgency to see the   
other. It was... a friendly voice...  
Just something like that.  
"Oi! Himura!" Sano chased him down, heart pounding in his chest. The little   
redhead stopped in his tracks, looking up at him with a puzzled smile.  
"Hai... I wasn't expecting you to want to speak with me de gozaru." Himura   
motioned with his head, indicating they should walk, then started off. Sano   
followed.  
Sano twisted his hands together, then shoved them into his pockets to get   
rid of them. "Uhh... well, I..." What did he say, anyway?  
Himura was watching him out of the corner of one amethyst eye with that   
same soul-searching gaze. Sano felt his hands begin to shake. He needed   
help... from somewhere... if only for Yahiko's sake, he had to find   
someplace for the kid to stay...  
"Listen, Himura, can we, uh, go outside or somethin'?" Sano cast an annoyed   
glance at Yahiko's homeroom teacher, who was giving him some of the worst   
looks. "I do... I do have to talk to you. I have to talk to somebody."  
He was well aware of how pathetic that sounded. But some things mattered   
more than his own pride. Yahiko was one of them.  
But curiously, the guidance counselor didn't assume the relieved, satisfied   
appearance of one who was sure he'd saved a poor street kid from a fate   
worse than death by convincing him that 'communication is good!   
Communication is our friend!' Rather, those eyes darkened in concern, and   
Himura nodded quickly.  
"Hai. Wherever you would be more comfortable speaking to me de gozaru yo."  
They walked in silence out the front doors, not too close, but not too far   
apart either. Sano looked at the cement floor, growing more and more   
uncomfortable by the second. Why the Hell was he going to unload on this   
guy? What had he done to guarantee...  
I'm trying to be trustworthy.  
Well, sometimes you had to take risks... But still...  
Himura walked towards the little kids' playground. Bemused, Sano followed.   
The little redhead sat down in one of the swings, scuffling his feet back   
and forth across the grass. He was still wearing sandals, Sano noticed with   
an inward smile.  
Himura smiled brightly up at him, swinging back and forth a little. When he   
smiled like that... his eyes scrunched up, and he looked like a little   
kid...  
"Sit down de gozaru."  
Sano looked around, blinking, then shrugged and sat down in the little   
swing next to him. Himura shifted that radiant smile to his new position.  
"What did you need to talk about de gozaru ka?"  
"I, uh..." Sano swung a little, thinking about how to say it. He noticed   
Himura sobering next to him, obviously noticing his torment.  
"You can't tell anybody about this!" he blurted out. "Any of this, okay?   
I've got a lot riding on the social workers thinkin' I'm reliable, and if   
any a' this gets out, I'll lose everything, okay?"  
Himura blinked, then his delicate features grew serious. "Hai.   
Doctor-patient privilege de gozaru. I won't tell anyone anything unless you   
give explicit permission de gozaru yo."  
Sano watched him carefully as he spoke, but couldn't determine anything to   
make him distrust the statement. He seemed perfectly honest.  
"I, uh..." He heaved a heavy sigh, then began with a moderately shaking   
voice. "I have a little brother, like I said before. 'Is name's Yahiko. I   
never knew my parents... they dropped me off at an orphanage when I was real  
  
little, 'parently, and... Yahiko showed up when I was nine, and the people   
who ran th' place told me he was my little brother. So I took care of him   
ever since."  
So far, Himura had said nothing. His face was expressionless.  
Sano breathed for a few moments and then went on. "There was a man who   
taught at the orphanage, named Sagara, Sagara Sozou. He took care of me, and  
  
raised me, pretty much... but, then..."  
Himura's eyes glimmered at the pain that became so obvious in his voice.   
He'd never told anyone this, and it still hurt so badly, the wound still raw  
  
in his heart...  
"There was a raid, by the local police... It turned out that some local   
gangs were using some back closet as a place to dump their drugs, and   
there'd been some murders in th' area... They blamed it all on the people   
running the orphanage, and on Sagara-sensei in particular... threw 'em all   
in jail. Even though they didn't do anything, anything at all... They   
wouldn't listen, and..."  
Sano felt himself clutching the rusty chains that held the little swing to   
the wooden bar with all his strength. The ache gnawed at him, his eyes   
growing hot. "It turned out," he whispered, "that the police needed some   
testimony from some of those gang members... but they had to prosecute   
someone for the murders, or there'd be problems in the department or some   
crap... so they let the bastards who actually did it go free so they could   
catch some other asshole and threw Sagara-sensei and the others in jail for   
life..."  
"Sanosuke..." Himura's voice was soft, gentle, and he could hear real   
concern, real sympathy there. It was reassuring...  
But Sano forced himself to continue. "I went to visit Sagara-sensei in   
jail... I was only nine, still, and Yahiko wasn't even a year old... I   
thought he could tell me what to do, how I was supposed to live now, because  
  
he always could help me before... But the guard there told me he'd been   
killed, by another inmate..."  
He looked over at the guidance counselor who sat in the swing beside him.   
Himura was looking at the ground, long red hair hanging to obscure his   
expression. But his shoulders were tense, drawn up and shuddering slightly.  
"So I got odd jobs an' went around looking for somewhere to live... We   
lived at a dojo for a while, and I learned some martial arts, and   
Sasaki-sensei convinced me to go to school, finally. I was about thirteen   
when the social workers found me, an' they tried to take Yahiko away." Sano   
felt his voice quiver in remembered fear and rage. "I managed t' convince   
them it was best to leave him with me, and then I was old enough t' get a   
job... and an apartment..."  
"You did it all alone...?" Himura's voice shook with emotion, and Sano   
started. He hadn't... he hadn't expected him to care so much...  
"Well, pretty much..." Sano said honestly. "But, all that... that's   
backdrop, I guess. I've dealt with that all for ten years. I'm fine with all  
  
that. The problem is, well..."  
"You're fine with all that de gozaru ka?!" Himura's head snapped up, and   
only then was it obvious the tears that stained his cheeks, the pain and   
empathy, the distress that glistened in those crystal eyes. "How can you   
suffer all that and not still hurt deep inside every time you think of it de  
  
gozaru ka? How can you not hate those who caused all that pain?"  
"Himura..." Sano stared into his face, that unbelievably beautiful face...   
he'd cried for him...? Why did he care so much? Why did the pain in those   
eyes match his so well?  
Himura... what happened to you?  
"Sanosuke... please... Kenshin, onegai... Call me Kenshin de gozaru." The   
redhead wiped a delicate hand over his eyes, only succeeding in reddening   
them further. "I don't want you to think you have to be too respectful to me  
  
de gozaru."  
"Sure." Sano blinked.  
Hi- Kenshin smiled weakly. "Suman... I cry so easily sometimes de gozaru.   
Your story reminded me of... but anyway, you said that wasn't what you   
wanted to talk with me about de gozaru ka?"  
"Aa." Sano eyed him cautiously. He had just completely switched his method   
of attack on the situation... but it would probably be better to forget   
about it and go on. Maybe he'd been imagining that anyway.  
Well, anou... anyway... Sano sighed heavily, looking down at his hands.   
I... I got evicted from my apartment this afternoon.  
There was a long silence, and he could hear the cheerful chirping of the   
crickets in the evening around them, the slight wind that rustled through   
his hair setting the chains on the unused swing beside him jingling.  
  
  
  
Sano grinned faintly over at his unlikely companion. Don't be too   
respectful with me either. Kenshin.  
The strangest of expressions washed over the redhead's face, a mix of   
surprise, shyness, and something so cautious and guarded that it brought   
again that wondering thought to Sanosuke's mind. What happened to you? Why   
do you close yourself off?  
Arigato gozaimasu, Sano. His voice was soft, almost hesitant. Sessha...   
I don't know what I can do to help you, at this juncture. Is there a friend   
you can stay with do gozaru ka? I would offer you a place in my apartment,   
shikashi... there's not much, and you would have to be content with either   
my room or the couch. Neither is extremely comfortable de gozaru. And that's  
  
not to mention someplace for your brother... and I'm still not quite sure if  
  
that would overstep my boundaries...  
Sano stared at him, wordless and blinking stupidly. O- omae- he managed   
to stammer out. You would let me stay with you?  
Kenshin blinked back, though forgoing the stupid aspect and merely looking   
cute. H-hai... it would only be right de gozaru yo.  
Sano continued to gaze on him, still caught up in the realization of how   
damnably adorable he looked right now, so confused... And as that expression  
  
melted away into mere contemplation, his features smoothing, the stars born   
new again in the soft amethyst of his eyes, their light dancing enviously   
over his lustrous skin and falling to rest in blood-red tresses that framed   
his cheeks...  
Gods, he was beautiful.  
So beautiful.  
You're perfectly welcome in my home, small though it may be... and I'm   
quite sure the girls won't mind. I- oro?  
Kenshin had apparently noticed his prolonged attention, and abruptly   
stopped speaking, the slightest of blushes rising to the surface of his   
skin. He looked at the sand beneath their feet, evidently trying to avoid   
Sano's eyes.  
As was a bad habit of his, Sano spoke the first words that came to his   
mind, leaning forward in the swing.  
How many people have mistaken you for a woman?  
That little blush spread and darkened until the   
guidance counselor was beet red.   
I'm just curious, s all, Sano said reasonably.  
Oro... aagh... more than one. And that's all I will say de gozaru yo. He   
sounded more than a little embarrassed, and quite emphatic.  
Lost count? Sano teased.  
  
Sano laughed and spun around in the little swing, twisting up the chain   
until the links pushed at the top of his head. Then he let go and spun the   
opposite way. Kenshin muttered under his breath for a few seconds, then   
apparently forgave him and watched his play with a smile.  
I like swings, Sano offered as explanation.  
Aa... I do as well. Kenshin kicked his feet in the sand, then began to   
swing back and forth. They make me feel like a child again de gozaru. I   
treasure anything that makes me forget I'm an adult de gozaru yo.  
Sano sighed and looked resignedly at the building, warm yellow   
light glimmering from the window panels in the doors.   
Kenshin spoke before he could finish his thought. My daughters   
will worry. So will your brother de gozaru.  
Sano cast an unsure glance at him, not quite sure at the moment if he   
wanted to hear the answer to this. Anou... you're always talking about your  
  
daughters, and I do know Misao... kedo... She never mentioned a mother...  
Kenshin blinked at him, then smiled distantly. Hai. I'm not married de   
gozaru. I adopted the girls.  
Ah. Didn't think you were old enough t' have seventeen n sixteen year old   
daughters. Sano grinned to himself, relieved for some reason... oh, don't   
fool yourself. You know why.  
Hai, hai. I'm merely a decade older than you de gozaru na. Kenshin   
frowned cutely.  
You're... twenty-nine? Sano counted quickly on his fingers.  
Twenty-eight. Aren't you eighteen de gozaru ka?  
Ah. Iya. Sano shrugged, a little embarrassed. Nineteen. Failed once in   
middle school. S a wonder I haven't failed more... I usually just squeak   
by.  
Sou ka. Kenshin smiled. Daijoubu de gozaru na. I'm not here to judge   
you.  
Sano felt something in his chest warm inexplicably at those words, and he   
smiled a little shyly at the redhead.   
Kenshin returned the smile, seeming equally bashful, and it was only a few   
seconds before they both looked away.  
So where will you stay de gozaru ka?  
Ore... anou... Sano scuffled one sneaker along the sand. Can we stay   
with you? I'm real low maintenance, and Yahiko behaves around people he   
doesn't know too well, and we've have most of our shots, and I won't molest   
your children... If I keep up with this insanity, though, you may be a   
different story...  
Kenshin laughed, a pure, sweet sound, and Sano quavered somewhere deep   
inside. Sano... I trust you de gozaru. It's no problem at all... Did you   
drive here de gozaru ka?  
Sano continued to stare at the ground, not trusting himself to look   
up just yet.  
So, you can just follow us. It won't be difficult at all, but I have to   
warn you, if Misao-dono drives, she goes quickly and dangerously de gozaru   
na. Kenshin sighed, exasperated but fond.  
You haven't seen me drive yet, Sano reminded with a little humor. I may   
be worse.  
I'm not sure if that's possible, but I suppose I'll know soon, ne?   
Kenshin finally extracted himself from the little swing, standing and   
stretching. I'll go collect the girls de gozaru. I'm sure their shifts are   
done by now.  
I'll get Yahiko n tell him what's goin' on.  
  
Kenshin leaned against the steering wheel, nose pressed into the air bag.   
His knuckles were nearly white, clutching the abused leather with all the   
power in his small hands.  
He couldn't explain it...  
It was folly, pure and simple, to bring that child into his home when he   
knew, he knew with a deep and terrible certainty that he found Sano   
attractive.  
He'd accepted his... leanings long ago, after years of confusion preceding   
and many more of self-loathing afterwards. That had been, in truth, where   
his interests in psychology had begun; the desperate attempt to discover   
what was indeed wrong with him.  
There wasn't anything... wrong... with it. It was only that... he didn't   
know. After nearly a decade of self-analyzation, almost that long spent in   
therapy, the only things he'd learned about himself were that he had no   
interest in women, and no one else heard the people he did.  
They had called it schizophrenia, but he suspected... he had always   
suspected that those things he heard were Hitokiri Battousai's fault, that   
he forced them into Kenshin's mind because he was jealous that he couldn't   
control their shell. It had been because of those things the people   
Battousai sent said, because of what they said, when they wouldn't stop   
saying them and wouldn't let him sleep or eat, because he had to listen...   
he'd lost control and Battousai had the chance to take over for a little   
while, and do those horrible things... at least he was good enough to not   
hurt Kaoru-dono... because he loved her too.  
But they went away when he took his Chlorazine.  
You know full well we aren't the problem right now.  
Kenshin firmly told Shinta to be quiet and closed his eyes.  
It was true that Shinta-tachi weren't the problem. He was the problem, and   
would remain so until he got a handle on himself.  
Only... nineteen...  
Misao-dono'd voice was worried, and the car door to the back   
seat clunked closed after her. Daijoubu ka? You're white in the face. Ja   
eat somethin' bad?  
Kenshin plastered a smile on his face and shook his head. Iya, daijoubu.   
Kaoru-dono wa...?  
She's comin'. So... houseguests, huh? Misao-dono's blue eyes twinkled.  
Kenshin frowned. Misao-dono... Sano needs someplace to stay, as does his   
brother. Don't jump to conclusions de gozaru yo.  
Eh? Misao-dono cocked her head, beginning to grin wickedly.   
Since when do you call him Sano'? He doesn't let anybody get that familiar  
  
with him, cept maybe that stoner Katsuhiro, and he's known him fer years   
now. And for you,   
Kenshin spun around in the driver's seat to hide his blush. Don't be   
silly.  
Sooo... what's he call you?  
Kenshin squirmed, wishing Kaoru-dono would hurry up. He calls me by name   
de gozaru. Shikashi-  
The passenger door was wrenched open, and Kaoru-dono threw herself into the   
seat, an ominous dark glower already in place on her features. She stared   
resolutely ahead.  
O-oro... K-Kaoru-dono... Kenshin blinked at her worriedly.  
How long have you known Sagara Sanosuke? she asked evenly. The calm was,   
in truth, more frightening than any rage could be.  
With an unpleasant churning in the pit of his stomach, Kenshin looked down   
at the steering wheel again. Ah- sessha... I've known him since this   
morning de gozaru.  
The tension thrummed in the tiny little car like a guitar string pulled too   
tight, ready to snap on the player's fingers any moment. Kenshin clutched   
the wheel harder.  
Oh, come off it, Kaoru. Just cause he doesn't get perfect grades like   
some people... Misao-dono scoffed.  
It's not that! Kaoru-dono snapped. It's- Watashi wa- I just don't-  
Trust him? Misao-dono's voice was unreadable.  
Yes! I don't trust him! He makes me nervous and I don't want him anywhere   
near me! Kaoru-dono's voice cracked, and she stared at the floor of the   
little car. I don't know why.  
Kenshin was silent.  
I mean... I work in the office for a period, y'know... Her voice shook.   
Whenever he gets caught fighting, and they have to drag him into the   
prinicipal's office so they can deal with him... No one wants to get near   
him, they're all so afraid,   
Kenshin turned to gaze at her, palms cold. Afraid of Sano...?   
Once he'd calmed a little, the boy had been fine, he'd thought. A little   
distrusting, but that was to be expected. But he'd spoken, and laughed, and   
smiled that warm smile, and let a light dance in those eyes that seemed so   
gentle and soft. And tonight... telling his story... he'd only been a   
frightened little boy... trying so hard to be a man...  
Yes, afraid! Kaoru-dono turned her eyes to his, and they were indeed   
fearful. He hurts people, tou-chan... and not just like any other fight,   
not like any of those! No one who fights with Sagara Sanosuke can come away   
without scars, sometimes permanent damage... He smashed one guy's elbow to   
the point that it'll never work again, tou-chan. He broke a locker, just by  
  
ripping the door off the hinges, and when it was closed and locked, to boot.  
  
He threw someone through two sets of windows, and went after him to do it   
again. And when they bring him inside the office, whoever can, he... there's  
  
this rage that burns in his eyes, and I can never bear to look at him.  
Kenshin felt the sting of tears in his eyes, and he reached out to touch   
her shoulder. he whispered. I'm sorry... but I can't   
turn him away. Not now. And I swear to you... he will never harm you. Or   
Misao-dono. Or sessha. He's not like that de gozaru yo. He's not. He's only   
a frightened child who needs someone to love him and watch out for him.   
Sessha-  
How do you know?! she cried. You've only known him for one day,   
tou-chan! You can't know-  
Iya. I can. Kenshin let his voice firm, and he returned to his previous   
position, then started the car. I was once much like him, Kaoru-dono.  
I can't believe that, Kaoru-dono said stubbornly.  
Kenshin cast a quick glance in the rearview mirror, affirmed that Sano was   
indeed following him, then pulled out of the parking lot. Believe what you   
wish de gozaru, he said quietly. Shikashi... There is a reason why I never  
  
told you of my past, Kaoru-dono, Misao-dono. I see now it is a valid one.  
There was silence in the car for a long time.  
I'm sorry, Kaoru-dono said awkwardly.  
Kenshin let himself smile, then made his tone reassuring. There's no   
reason to be. I can understand your feelings de gozaru. But believe me.   
There will be no reason for you to worry de gozaru yo.  
She sounded relieved.  
Can we listen to the radio? Misao-dono piped up.  
Hai, hai...  
  
Do I have to sleep on the floor at this place?  
Iya. I'll take the floor. Daijoubu.  
Sano could hear Yahiko kicking his heels against the floor. He sighed   
heavily.  
Look... about the apartment... I'm real sorry, kid.  
Why didn't you ever say we were havin' money problems, stupid? Yahiko   
scolded. I could've-  
What, got a job? Kid, you're ten. Give it up.  
Uhn. Demo... Yahiko returned his sigh in nearly the exact same tone.   
There's no point in bein' mad at ya, I guess. You tried.  
Sano clenched his jaw. he gritted out. That simple statement had to   
hurt worse than everything else. He tried. And it wasn't good enough.   
Nothing he did was ever good enough. The only thing he could do right was   
beat in heads. If only there was a way to get paid for that...  
And you were already working as many jobs as ya could. There was nothin'   
ya could've done, so it's not yer fault.  
Yeah. Nothin' I could've done.  
Don't cry, Sanosuke... it's not your fault. There's nothing you could have   
done...  
How many times would he have to hear that before his life would be over?  
  
Kenshin pulled up before the dojo and turned off the engine, effectively   
silencing the blaring radio. Misao-dono, caught in the middle of a lyric in   
what was apparently one of her favorite songs, continued to sing cheerily.  
-Just before you die, It's the last time he will! Whomp, whomp, whomp-  
Misao, do you have to? Kaoru-dono scolded. With the drum part and   
everything? And it's so loud...  
C'mon, nee-chan! How can you not like Metallica? Misao-dono protested.   
And the drum line's the best part!  
Kenshin sighed and waved at them hurriedly. Go on inside de gozaru! I'll   
be there in a moment.  
Kaoru-dono nodded and turned to go obediently.  
'Tou-chan's got a boyfriend... whomp, whomp, whomp-  
  
The younger girl giggled and scuttled to catch up with her sister.  
Kenshin watched them go, then leaned against his car, watching as the   
teenager pulled in behind him. There was a brief pause, then the engine shut  
  
down with a horrible clanking sound, followed by a few trickles of smoke   
from beneath the bumper.  
Oh, dear, he commented quietly.  
The doors swung open, and Sano emerged from the still-smoking car with a   
sheepish grin. Haven't been able t' get it worked on lately, he said   
sheepishly.  
I can tell de gozaru.  
Sano shrugged, then moved to the rear of the car and managed to get the   
trunk open. After a brief conference at a stoplight, they had decided to   
make a quick detour to Sano's former apartment so they could pick up their   
things. It had been a little depressing how short a time it took for Sano   
and his brother to pack up their life's possessions, but Kenshin tried not   
to dwell on it.  
So, this your dojo?  
Oro? Ah... no. Kenshin blinked at the ground, obscurely embarrassed. We   
live in the apartment above it de gozaru... Shinimori-dono owns the dojo.  
Ahhh... he collect your rent? Sano hefted the three bags onto his   
shoulders and shut the trunk.  
Hai. Misao-dono keeps attempting to pay it with... herself de gozaru na.   
Kenshin sighed. Luckily, Shinimori-dono is a gentleman.  
That's her Sano grinned. I hear all about it in History.  
Hai. Shinimori-dono owns the dojo, and Aoshi-chan is the family hamster.  
Sano laughed, a warm sound, then nodded to the dark-haired boy at his side.   
This would be ore no touto, Sagara Yahiko.  
Konban wa, Kenshin said politely, extending a hand. Sessha wa Himura   
Kenshin de gozaru.  
Yahiko eyed him, then shook his hand. He had a surprisingly strong grip for   
such a young child. Thanks fer lettin' us stay here, he said almost   
grudgingly.  
You're perfectly welcome de gozaru. Now, follow me... we'll get you   
ensconced as soon as we can de gozaru.  
The pair followed him, and Kenshin led them inside the dojo.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
Oi, Kenshin.  
Kenshin started, then blinked up at his doorway from the dogeared   
psychology textbook he read. He shifted a little shyly, closing the book and  
  
placing it on the bed beside him.  
What is it, Sano? he whispered, palms a little chilled in surprise and   
discomfort. It's late... the girls are already asleep. It is a school night  
  
de gozaru...  
Aa. I know. But I wanted to talk to you, and I wanted t' be sure nobody   
was gonna barge in in th' middle. Sano shrugged. Anou... Can I come in?  
Kenshin hesitated, then pulled his knees up to his chest and   
indicated the emptied spot on the mattress with a nod of his head. Sit down  
  
de gozaru.  
Sano did so, and Kenshin swallowed hard as he came into the weak light cast   
by his bedside lamp. Though still wearing his jeans, the teenager was   
shirtless. The muscles that had seemed so clearly defined through his shirt   
were painfully obvious now, jutting from a thin frame as he leaned down on   
his knees, arms and back bent.  
Kenshin tried valiantly to avert his gaze before he started considering how   
his pants fit him.  
Thanks again, for lettin' me an' Yahiko stay here, Sano said quietly. I   
can't tell you how much you just saved me.  
Hai, daijoubu. Kenshin studied him voraciously, unable to control at   
least that much of himself. He didn't even try to justify it to himself,   
knowing he had no chance of ever doing so, and was merely content to impress  
  
this vision upon his mind.  
Sano cast a quick glance up at him, and Kenshin looked away, blushing   
helplessly.  
The boy's lips twitched, and then he smiled. You blush a lot, don't   
you...  
  
Hmmmph. Hontou ka?  
Kenshin looked at his hands with a heavy sigh.  
Sano chuckled, and unexpectedly, a long-fingered hand settled on top of his   
head. Kenshin blinked with a tiny little , and those fingers mussed up  
  
his hair a little.  
You're so little... His voice was a bit wondering.  
Kenshin shrugged, perplexed. I suppose de gozaru na. The weight of Sano's   
hand was distracting him a little, and he struggled vainly to regain his   
calm.  
You really are, though. And so damn adorable... can't help but wanna hug   
you. Sano's voice was mischievous. Though I'd pro'bly break ya t' pieces,   
tiny little thing.  
Kenshin blushed to the roots of his hair, barely believing what he was   
hearing. he protested weakly.   
Without any real warning, the hand that had been atop his head slid to the   
space between his shoulder blades, and pushed. Kenshin squeaked and fell   
against Sano's naked chest as the boy cuddled him close.  
Kenshin's eyes went wide, and then fluttered closed as he relaxed almost   
involuntarily. Sano's cheek nestled to his hair, one arm tight around his   
waist with the hand slung onto his hip, while he lay against that same   
shoulder with the teenager's free arm around his back, fingers stroking   
through his hair.  
he murmured softly. Just can't help it.  
Kenshin laid a hesitant hand against Sano's chest, then let his other   
clutch his shoulder, marveling at the muscles that tensed and smoothed under  
  
his fingers. he managed, sessha mo... sessha mo anata mo...  
Sano seemed adamant. Just a few minutes.  
Kenshin began to feel sick, but lay his head on Sano's shoulder and said   
nothing. Just... a few minutes... what harm could it do...? Only a few   
minutes...  
A few minutes could become five, ten... and then thirty, an hour... then a   
few hours... then tonight, only tonight'...  
This can't happen, he said softly, firmly, though every word hurt. What   
was happening here? Not twenty-four hours even, and already he was losing   
control... only nineteen... only since this morning! Why was he doing this?   
Why was Sano doing this? Why did this feel so familiar to him?  
I know, Kenshin. Just... a few minutes...  
he whispered. A few minutes...  
  
*** *** ***


	3. I Won't Hurt You

  
  
  
*** *** ***  
  
Sano stared at the ceiling.  
The weak, white light that danced along the cracks of the windows indicated   
it was about two, three in the morning. He'd learned to read the   
illumination like that as a child, wondering how long it would be until the   
sun would rise again, until he would have survived another night.  
He hadn't slept a bit.  
He couldn't sleep, not now, not after seeing the fear in those soft eyes,   
knowing it mirrored his own, and not being able...  
Kenshin... he seemed so vulnerable, so shy, so... lonely, even. The tears   
he'd shed for Sano's past were not ones of pity, they were ones of empathy,   
and Sano had learned the difference between the two long ago.  
What happened to him? Why would he... why would he understand?  
Those same questions had gnawed at him since the moment he'd set foot   
outside Kenshin's bedroom door. Just a few minutes, he whispered aloud,   
feeling his voice scratch, remembering the pure anguish in the redhead's   
eyes even as his lips condemned their sudden weakness.  
He'd wanted to hold him so badly, suddenly, inexplicably. He'd not put his   
arms around someone since... since Yahiko was five, and he was convinced   
that the sky was going to fall down after a nightmare he'd had that one   
time... That had been so long ago. And he'd held him to soothe him, to   
assure him that nothing bad would ever happen to them that they couldn't   
bounce back from. When Sagara-sensei had died, they had lived. They'd lived   
because they had to. They had to live on, because if they died... it would   
only be giving in. They couldn't give in. They had to be strong, for sensei   
and for themselves.  
But he'd reached out and drew the trembling little redhead close, for   
reasons he didn't understand then, and struggled to know now. Why...? Why   
had he needed to hold him so?  
And why had Kenshin let him?  
This can't happen'... what couldn't happen? And why not? This'... the   
only this' had been... an urge he couldn't explain...  
He wasn't stupid, of course. He was fully aware of what had at first drawn   
him to the counselor... it wasn't the deepest of emotions, but Kenshin was   
indeed beautiful... with his long, soft hair, gentle smile, jewel-like eyes   
and that pure, sweet voice...  
It was what had kept him there that confused him. What had made him tell   
Kenshin all those things about his past. What had made him... trust in him.  
Sano opened his eyes again and glared at the floor. He couldn't sleep. He   
hated not being able to sleep.  
Well... only a few hours before dawn.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
Sano let his chin thump onto the cold table, closing his eyes with a heavy   
sigh. So now he was tired. Couldn't be tired when it was convenient. Had to   
fall asleep in first period. Only period he had any chance of passing. But   
not... today...  
Oi. Didn't attack anybody this morning? Slacking off, are we?  
Sano didn't have the strength to life his head or open his eyes.   
Leave m'   
Tsukioka Katsuhiro plopped down across from him and popped the lid of his   
latex paint. Sano groaned and wrinkled his nose.  
Put that crap away. Smells bad.  
Well, so do you, and I can't put a lid on you.  
I think I like you better when you're high, Sano grumbled, then hid his   
face in the sleeves of his jacket. Not so damn annoying.  
You sound like you've got quite the hangover.  
Sano yawned profusely and cracked open one eye to watch Katsu   
paint, studying the intensity in his cool blue eyes with a detached   
interest. Oi. Baka yarou. Do my project for me or I'll beat you up.  
Go ahead. You'll have to get in line.  
Sano growled and returned to hiding.  
He'd known Katsuhiro for what seemed like forever. Katsu had lived down the   
road from the orphanage he'd inhabited, and gone there after his school for   
tutoring from Sagara-sensei. They'd grown up like brothers, and still   
treated each other as such.  
But it did him little good when Katsu refused to do his work for him.  
C'mon. Yer a little girly boy. You should do what I tell you.  
My mother could take you, Sano.  
That's cause yer mother's damn scary.  
You only say that because she doesn't like you.  
Sano glared at him forbiddingly. Katsu eyed him in return, unimpressed.   
Sano sighed and hid in his jacket again.  
So tired...  
Katsu chuckled and returned to his painting.  
Excuse me...  
The voice was far away and muffled through his jacket, but Sano's ears   
caught it nonetheless. He blinked, then sat up a little to investigate.  
Himura Kaoru stood in the doorway, frantically trying to get the attention   
of Sano's negligent art teacher, who at the moment was heaping caustic jibes   
upon someone who had been following Sano's stellar example and attempting to   
sleep through class.  
Excuse me... she called again, looking helpless.  
Finally, she achieved her objective. Having convinced the art teacher whose   
name Sano constantly forgot to acknowledge her presence, Kaoru relaxed a   
tiny bit. I need Sanosuke Sagara, please.  
Sano blinked. he returned intelligently.  
Go on, then, Sagara. It's not like you get anything done in here anyway.  
Sano cast a glance at Katsu, who was busily painting paisley patterns on   
the table, then shrugged and managed to stand, swinging his nearly-empty   
backpack onto one shoulder. He made for the door before that nameless   
teacher could change his mind.  
'Hayo, he said with some attempt at cheer. What's this   
about?  
I dunno. Kaoru looked at the floor, her shoulders slightly tensed.  
Sano felt his brow furrow, but they walked along in silence for a while   
before he got the nerve to speak up. Oi... jou-chan, it's not like I'm   
gonna rip your throat out or anything. Relax, huh?  
Can you say that for sure? Her voice was icy.  
Sano blinked, then sighed. he said softly, if your otou-san's   
charity keeps up, you're gonna have t' deal with me eventually. I... I'm not   
a bad guy, y'know.  
  
Sano protested, not sure why, but feeling a lot was at stake   
here. I, uh... all right, here's a thought for you. Remember the guy who's   
elbow I broke?  
I remember seeing his tendons hanging out his sleeve, if that's what   
you're asking.  
He winced, then firmed his voice. Player on the baseball team, right?  
Not anymore.  
D'ya know why?  
Kaoru looked up at him briefly, and her eyes were unreadable. No, I don't.   
But I'm sure nothing would justify-  
He was talkin' with a couple a' his buddies how cool it would be to have a   
certain girl forced to attend to their ev'ry need, and makin' plots on how   
t' achieve that end. And I'm not talkin' gettin' em drinks, either.  
Kaoru's eyes grew wide.   
I just may have saved your ass, Sano said seriously.  
She abruptly stopped walking, staring at the floor.  
Look, I'm not sayin' that I had a stellar purpose behind all those fights.   
But I wouldn't go that far without a decent purpose. I'm not as bad as all   
that. Sano grinned faintly. I'm too sentimental sometimes, I think.  
I don't know what to say, she said softly, and he could see her shoulders   
shaking slightly. Her voice quavered. I- I thought-  
Sano winced. Aw, don't do that, he protested helplessly.  
I really hated you for that, she whispered.  
Sano took a hesitant step closer to her, ignoring the few student who   
drifted by, hall passes in hand. he said softly, Daijoubu.   
Daijoubu yo.  
She blinked up at him, looking unsure, shy, like a little girl. Sanosuke,   
I...  
Sano winced, cast a glance about, then hestitantly held open his arms to   
her. Don't cry, jou-chan. Daijoubu. I'm not gonna hurt you.  
The tears that threatened her eyes overflowed, and she stood there looking   
helplessly up into his eyes, clutching the office pass in her hands. Sano   
couldn't for the life of him figure out what had brought on the sudden flood   
of tears, but attributed it to the things about girls that he had no chance   
of ever understanding. He stepped a little closer and hugged her gently.   
Kaoru collapsed against his chest with a little sniffle.  
Anou... Sano patted her on the back. Kaoru clutched at his   
shirt. Unsure, but knowing she wasn't going to let go anytime soon, Sano   
sighed and hugged her awkwardly. He'd never been very good at this kind of   
thing...  
She held onto him for a few minutes, crying softly. Sano tried to ignore   
the strange looks they were getting from passerby, and patted her hair   
gently.  
Ya gonna be okay,   
...I think so. Kaoru pulled back from him, rubbing her eyes, then cast   
her gaze shyly to the floor.   
'S okay. He smiled and ruffled her hair. Why do I hafta go t' the   
office, anyway?  
Oh! Right! Kaoru blinked, flustered. Uh... I dunno. I don't think it's   
anything too bad, though. No one looked too upset.  
Always a good sign. Sano set off down the hallway, hoping she'd follow.   
He may as well get this over with as soon as possible, and get back to his   
nap. Katsu would do his work for him if he bothered him about it long   
enough. He always had before. It was the only reason he'd passed any of   
those art classes, anyway.  
Anou... Sanosuke... Kaoru caught up with him after a few seconds. He   
slowed his pace, remembering with an internal sigh that her legs were   
shorter than his. Rather shorter, actually.  
Sano looked down at the top of her head, shoving his hands into his   
pockets.  
Anou... how long will you be staying with us, exactly? Kaoru sounded just   
this side of sheepish.  
Sano said quite solemnly. I've got a job, but I dunno how long   
it'll be til I can scrape together enough for a deposit on another   
apartment. I mean, Yahiko still grows like crazy, and he's not gonna be   
stopping any time soon, so I have to buy him new clothes every couple   
months, it seems. Sides that, my car keeps breaking down, and I- oi...  
He stopped speaking, confused, as Kaoru began to giggle softly. Oi,   
jou-chan, I'm glad you can find humor in my crappy life, but that's not   
quite polite, y'know.  
Kaoru shook her head, smothering her laughs into both palms. It's not   
that... you just sounded so much like tou-san right then. If you'd finished   
with but don't worry, Kaoru-dono, everything will be just fine', it would   
have been him exactly.  
Sano chuckled, then draped a spontaneous arm over her slender shoulders.   
'Zat so, jou-chan? You'd think you could tell us apart by how we look...   
I'm the tall one, y'know.  
She laughed and leaned against his chest lightly. Y'know, maybe you're not   
so bad after all, she conceded with a bright smile. I guess Misao was   
right.  
Well, I guess she was. Sano grinned down at her.  
Himura Kaoru... he'd known her only by reputation and occasional sightings   
at pep rallies and class meetings. She was in the Honor Society, and had   
been a cheerleader for a little bit, before she'd quit in a huff of apparent   
embarassment. That girl had dropped the baton more than any of the others   
put together, but she'd kept trying and trying until she couldn't try any   
more. There was something admirable in that, no matter how painful it had   
been to watch.  
He wasn't sure even to this day just why he'd stepped in to protect her   
virtue that day. He'd started seeing her in the office only the week before   
that, and it had been apparent her desperate crush on the baseball player.   
Still didn't know his name... Burr? Something Burr, maybe. But no matter who   
he was, he had decided to take advantage of that girlish infatuation for all   
he could. And for some reason, Sano refused to stand for it.  
He was glad, though. Kaoru seemed to be a nice girl.  
They walked on, talking quietly in Nihongo and laughing to each other,   
Sano's arm around her shoulders, Kaoru's head against his shoulder,   
unwitting of the gaze that followed them from down the hallway.  
  
Misao! MISAO! Kaoru waved frantically, trying to catch her delinquent   
sister's attention.   
I don't think she hears you, Kaoru.  
Kaoru winced, then turned with some trepidation to face the blond girl who   
stood behind her in the lunch line. She hated the way she and so many others   
pronouced her name, murdering it to something that sounded like   
cow-oh-roo'. The middle syllable wasn't really necessary... but it was   
useless to try and enlighten them. They didn't care, anyway.  
Hi, Samantha, she returned with fake cheer. I didn't hear you come up.   
With those giant platform shoes of yours, it's a wonder.  
Yeah... so, when are you joining the field hockey team, Kaoru? We've got   
too many graceful players. Maybe you could help us out, y'know, block up the   
holes.  
Kaoru simmered. It was never a good idea... to... to... oh, who was she   
kidding. I doubt it. With my kendo training, I'm sure I'd just be another   
run-of-the-mill. Eat that, you snide little-  
With a sigh, Samantha brushed her long hair from her flawless   
face. Kaoru thought of the many tiny scars that laced her body from numerous   
trips, spills, and erroneously placed kitchen knives and tried to suppress   
helpless jealousy.  
I saw you walking with Sanosuke this morning, the other girl informed,   
her voice ominously light. Kaoru twitched. The emphasis is on the first   
syllable, not the second, and the u' isn't pronounced...  
I was taking him down to the office, Kaoru offered, clueless as to the   
malice in her green eyes. They had to give him some letter about the   
absence policy.  
Oh? Then why did he have his arm around you? So you could be sure he   
wouldn't run away? Her cool voice fairly dripped sarcasm.  
Suddenly, the pieces fell into place, and Kaoru blanched. It was an   
unspoken rule that if a member of one of the girl's sports teams had her eye   
set on a particular boy, and you did something to interfere with the   
subsequent , a good deal of trouble would come your way. The   
student body was very hierarchial that way, and those with influence   
generally had it better than those who didn't. She'd heard about Samantha's   
efforts to gain Sanosuke's regard, and even though they were always   
monstrously unsuccessful, most people seemed to be under the impression they   
were already going out.  
Kaoru backed up a little, raising her hands before her chest, prepared to   
laugh this off and apologize. Her pride was worth a lot, but her record was   
worth more. Look, Samantha, it was only- we were only-  
Only what? she snapped. What's your excuse, Kaoru? You know full well-  
Her pride was worth more than this. Kaoru noticed the large crowd that was   
beginning to gather, and grimaced. Misao was standing by the door, and her   
eyes were large. Beside her stood a figure Kaoru was becoming quite   
acquainted with; Sanosuke had a hand on Misao's shoulder, as though   
restraining her from jumping forward. His dark eyes were considering, but he   
made no move to interfere.  
Tou-san, what would you do?  
What I know, Samantha, she broke in, letting her eyes flash in vexation,   
is that you've no right to tell me what to do regarding Sanosuke. She made   
an effort to pronounce it correctly, rising to stand straight and balance   
her weight equally on the balls of her feet. Even if there was something   
going on between us, which there is not, you do not own him. You never have   
and most likely never will. She paused a moment to savor this. The blond   
girl had been torturing her with those snide barbs coated in unbearable   
sweetness ever since they'd met in middle school, always winning class   
elections, getting the teacher's favor because she was so perfect, and now   
the one thing she couldn't get her hands on... He doesn't like you. Get   
over it.  
Green eyes flashed in fury and desperate need to deny the truth of her   
statements. That's not true! You don't know anything!  
Kaoru reacted to the weak punch she threw with the conditioning of years of   
martial arts training, stepping to one side and catching her wrist. Thwarted   
yet again, Samantha twisted and kicked her legs out from beneath her. Kaoru   
fell amidst the rising cheers of the bystanders, but kept her hold on the   
girl's wrist strongly enough to drag her down as well. Right before she hit   
the tiled ground, Kaoru yanked hard on Samantha's arm, planting a foot in   
her ribs and pushing the opposite way with all her strength.  
This wasn't dojo fighting. She didn't have to play by the rules anymore.  
Samantha broke her hold, and as Kaoru was finding her feet again, she was   
dimly aware of the sound of metal scraping over tile. Dismissing it as   
someone moving their chair to get a better look, she rose to her feet.  
The last thing she heard before the chair leg crashed into her temple was   
Misao screaming her name.  
  
The minute the blond girl's hands closed on the chair leg, Sano dropped his   
backpack and pushed through the crowd that had gathered in front of him.   
That crazy onna! What did she think she was-  
  
Misao's voice sent the coldest of chills through his spine.  
he cried in a sickening terror, breaking the circle and   
blindly shoving gawking teenagers to either side. The girl lay collapsed on   
the floor, a mark standing crimson on her cheek and temple, already   
beginning to swell.  
Samantha still held the chair, staring down at her handiwork with a horror   
on her perfect face. Sano spared her no more than a glance, then tenderly   
lifted the fallen girl into his arms as a father would hold a newborn child.  
he whispered again, shaking her gently. She moaned softly,   
then slumped against his chest. He grimaced, then raised a cold gaze to   
Samantha. She's still alive, at least, he said quietly, then stood,   
lifting her off the floor.   
Is she- The younger girl's voice shook.  
Knocked out. I'm gonna take her down to the nurse. You go tell the office   
and your Sano cast a quick glance around the cafeteria. They'd   
cut out the cafeteria supervision to handle lunch detentions a while ago. It   
was times like this he really hated the administration.  
  
Sano halted only for a moment, but refused to look back at her pleading   
voice and exited the cafeteria with the unconsious Kaoru in his arms.  
  
he called strongly, kicking the door. Oi! Open the door!  
The door to the nurse's office creaked open, and Sano growled in annoyance,   
knocking it open the rest of the way and carrying Kaoru inside. I got a   
girl in some real trouble here!  
You- Oh, my... The unfamiliar voice floated in behind him, apparently   
having been hidden in the tiny office. What happened?  
She got hit with a chair, Sano said curtly, laying Kaoru gently onto the   
cot. Where's the real nurse?  
  
Sano looked up, then blinked. A young woman stood behind him, peering at   
Kaoru. She appeared not much older than himself, if she was at all, with   
long black hair and quick dark eyes.  
The stand-in nurse flicked a disinterested glance at him, then knelt down   
beside Kaoru and began to examine the wound. Sano glared at her.  
Oi. Do you have medical training, or ya just watch alotta TV?  
I'm in med school. Now, either produce a reason I should be worried about   
you or let me take care of this girl. Her voice was as short as his had   
been, and she didn't even favor him with eye contact, seeming absorbed in   
her new patient.  
Sano blinked, dubiously impressed. Anou... okay, then. Her father works   
here, he'll probably be in here and underfoot within seconds of hearing, as   
will her sister. Her name's Himur- aagh, Kaoru Himura.  
Who might you be, hmm? A soliticious bystander? The boyfriend? Or did you   
hit her with the chair? She finally raised her eyes to his, and something   
approaching mischief glittered there.  
Sano glared at her. I'm a friend of hers, he snapped in reply. Sanosuke   
Sagara.  
I see. I would be Meg. Meg Thompson. Now get out from underfoot.  
  
*** *** ***


	4. Hitori De

  
  
  
Kenshin stared at his  
desk calendar,  
doodling with a pen  
in the margins. As   
of thus far, he had  
drawn several  
bunnies, a cow, and  
was working on a frog  
  
eating a sunflower.  
He hated slow days  
like this. He had  
absolutely nothing   
to do today and he  
wasn't allowed to  
leave.  
And he was so very  
tired. He was quite  
sure, though, the one  
time he put   
his head down on his  
desk to take a little  
nap, someone would  
burst in his   
door to see how his  
work was going and he would have to explain why in the   
world he had just passed out on his desk.  
Kenshin gazed contemplatively at his pen, pondering his lack of sleep.   
Normally, he could wander about in the cold of the early morning getting   
ready for school and preparing breakfast, and that would wake him up, but   
this morning, he'd been afraid to do so...  
Just a few minutes...  
Kenshin sighed heavily and lay his head on the desk, feeling the papers of   
the desk calendar stick to his cheek but not really caring much. He'd lain   
awake so late last night, listening to the pounding of his own heart,   
holding the thin sheets tight in his fists and staring into the darkness.  
A few minutes...  
How those few minutes' had stretched to hours, in his fragile mind! He'd   
lain there, the ghost of Sano's breath taunting and warm across his cheeks,   
making him so sure that he'd open his eyes to see the boy's warm brown eyes   
laughing into his, a hand reaching out to touch his cheek as that rough   
voice teased him for being so shy.  
What a fool he was.  
The door slammed open, and Kenshin jolted upwards, already formulating a   
thousand excuses for his slacking, when a familiar voice sent chills   
throughout his small form.  
'Tou-chan- Tou-chan, hurry, nee-chan's been hurt!  
Kenshin stood, the sound of his chair falling to the carpeted floor dim in   
his senses, and turned to face Misao-dono. She stood in his doorway, dark   
blue eyes wild, panting as though she'd been running.  
Kaoru-dono's been hurt...?  
As he followed her from the sanctity of his little office, the heat that   
swelled beneath his breastbone mutiplied thousand-fold, aching. Burning.   
Fighting and clawing at his mind, screaming to be let free.  
Hurt. Hurt. She's been hurt. What if she dies?  
This is your fault. You weren't there. You aren't strong enough to protect   
her.  
Pathetic.  
Weak.  
Let go, you pacifistic fool. You can't handle this alone.  
LET GO.  
LET HIM TAKE OVER AGAIN. HE CAN PROTECT HER.  
Shut up, Kenshin hissed under his breath. Shut up. Shut up...  
Hitokiri Battousai sang in his mind, backed by the choruses he summoned to   
drive Kenshin mad, but all was quieted by the fear, the fear that drowned   
out all sound but the fluttering of his heart. Kaoru-dono...  
  
The first thing she knew was a throbbing pain in her temple, enough to make   
her moan a little and wince as she cracked open one eye. What... what on   
Earth had happened?  
Oh... Kaoru rocketed upwards, remembering in a horrid flash the happenings   
in the cafeteria... what had she done? She'd never been in a fight before,   
she'd never even had a lunch detention! And... oh, God, what had she done?  
Kaoru bit her lower lip at the surge of nausea that washed over her at the   
change of position, the agony exploding in her temple, but she ignored it   
and struggled to her feet. She had to go see her father... make sure Misao   
was okay, after seeing that... make sure that...  
But the torture was too much, and Kaoru watched the room twist as her   
vision turned to black, and her knees buckled-  
Hey! What do you think you're doing, you- The admonition turned into a   
scolding sigh, and Kaoru tumbled into gently recieving arms. She whimpered,   
wincing, trying to open her eyes. Every light was like a lance between her   
eyes, but the curiousity was too much.  
she managed.  
You were hit in the temple with the leg of a chair, that same voice   
berated. It was a woman's voice, crisp, business-like. You have no reason   
to be standing up, you silly girl. Lie back down.  
Kaoru was able at last to see the face of who spoke to her. She was young,   
maybe about Sanosuke's age, with eyes so dark as to seem onyx, hair nearly   
the same color framing her pale cheeks and falling before her shoulders. Her  
  
eyes flashed with resolve, and Kaoru blinked in stupefication as the older   
girl lifted her, with some effort, then lay her back down on the cot.  
Stay there and be a good girl, now, she ordered.  
A-are you the nurse? she asked plaintively.  
For this week. Your school nurse is taking her vacation. The dark-haired   
young woman sat lightly on the cot, her hand settling lightly on the wound.   
Her fingers were cool and gentle, prodding a little. Kaoru blinked, but felt  
  
her eyes flutter closed in a confused enjoyment. It did feel nice... for   
some reason...  
I- how is Samantha? she asked quietly, remembering with a little guilt   
her attack on the other girl. Even though the blond had thrown the first   
punch, she couldn't absolve herself of blame. If she'd been badly hurt...  
I don't know. She never showed up. The nurse shrugged. Now, your name,   
it's Himura Kaoru, right?  
Kaoru blinked. The pronounciation had been perfect, and she'd even kept the   
right name order... Anou... yes. Himura Kaoru. How did you...?  
That young man who brought you in informed me. I'm Meg, by the way. She   
smiled a little. Rest now.  
  
Just as she was closing her eyes, bewildered at the events of the past half   
hour, the door slammed open. a familiar, anguished voice   
blurted out. Kimi wa- aah- oro- sumimasen- aagh- excuse me... Kenshin's   
tone had gone from pure distress to embarassment in less than two seconds,   
probably a new record for him.  
And who might you be? There was a new tone to Meg's voice, sly and   
considering.  
Kaoru could hear the blush on her father's cheeks without even having to   
open her eyes. Kenshin had always been extremely bad at dealing with women   
and children, but particularly women. Aagh... I'm Miss Kaoru's father. He   
stumbled over Kaoru's name, wanting to insert the honorific by reflex, but   
refraining from it and translating the best he could. Is- is she all   
right?  
She'll be fine if she doesn't get up- Kaoru could hear the warning in   
Meg's voice and remained obediently lying down. She'll need to rest for   
some time.  
B-but- what happened?  
She got hit in the head with a chair, Misao's subdued voice explained.  
Naniyo ?!!! Kenshin burst out, then took a deep breath. Miss Misao...   
how did this happen?  
Uh... I think she should tell you that. Misao's voice was tiny, wavering,   
a state that was so unlike her an unpleasant pain bit at Kaoru's heart.  
Kaoru opened her eyes gingerly, then bit her lip against the wave of   
revulsion the light produced and pushed herself up to her elbows.   
she said quietly, not bothering to speak English for the time   
being, I got in a fight. I'm sorry.  
Kenshin's eyes settled on her, and he crossed the small room in a few short   
seconds, going to kneel on the floor beside the cot. he   
whispered, following her example, daijoubu de gozaru. I'm sure you must   
have had a very good reason de gozaru yo... it's so unlike you, after all.   
All that matters is you're going to be fine de gozaru.  
If Sanosuke tried to blame this on himself, don't listen to a word he   
says, Kaoru warned with a faint smile. Do you really want to know what   
happened?  
Do you want to tell me de gozaru ka? There was a knowing smile on his   
lips.  
Not especially, she admitted.  
Then you don't have to de gozaru. Kenshin smiled more fully and squeezed   
her hand. I understand.  
I know. Kaoru closed her eyes again and lay back down, more at ease.  
What's your name, if I need to... get hold of you? That tone refused to   
leave Meg's voice.  
Oroo... Kenshin Himura. The sounds of Kenshin's attempted retreat halted,   
somewhat guiltily.  
All right... I'll be sure to update you on her condition, Ken-san.  
Kaoru rocketed back up, outraged.  
Meg grinned at her, some wicked light dancing in her onyx eyes that   
reminded her faintly of Sanosuke. Ara, Kaoru-chan? Don't think I don't   
understand every word you say. I speak a little Nihongo, you know.  
Kenshin's pathetic ororororororoooo....' went largely unnoticed as he made   
his escape, Misao on his heels.  
Kaoru scowled at Meg, knowing that the other girl was full aware that her   
proficiency with the language wasn't the point at all. With a hmph', she   
flounced back onto the cot.  
Unbeknowst to Kaoru, the substitute nurse's eyes remained on her back for   
quite a long time.  
  
Kenshin let the door close behind him, his cheeks on fire. He had never   
been able to handle things like that... never never never.  
  
He pushed his mind off his embarassment and turned to his younger daughter   
with a reassuring smile. Misao-dono, everything will be just fine de   
gozaru. Don't worry.  
She nodded with a tiny smile. I-I know.  
Kenshin sighed and reached out to her, wrapping his arms around her   
shoulders and hugging her close. Thank you for coming to tell me, he   
whispered into her hair. I appreciate it very much.  
Misao-dono leaned against him. What would we have done, if... She trailed   
off, seeming unwilling to finish the statement.  
Kenshin closed his eyes and patted her hair. Let's not think about it, he   
suggested. There's no need de gozaru. Everything is fine now.  
You're just afraid to think about it.  
Kenshin grimaced, then shook if off and squeezed her close once more before   
letting go. Are you going to be all right to go to class now de gozaru ka?  
  
he asked soliticiously. Misao-dono nodded, then let a smile firm firm on her  
  
lips and turned to go.  
Kenshin watched after her with the tiniest of sad smiles on his lips. To   
another little sister, having their older sibling hurt a little in a school   
fight might not have been such a shaking experience. They'd certainly been   
through their share of scrapes together, Kaoru-dono and Misao-dono, like all  
  
the times Misao-dono had fallen off the fire escape... But they had always   
been very close, and... all they had ever had was each other... the three of  
  
them...  
  
Kenshin jumped, a hand flying to his heart, and he spun around, scowling.   
he scolded. You scared me nearly to death de gozaru yo!  
Sano's voice was soft, dark eyes achingly gentle and warm.   
Daijoubu ka?  
Kenshin swallowed and looked at the floor, trying to mantain his   
composure. Hai, hai, daijoubu de gozaru na.  
He could feel the change in the air about him as the teenager took a step   
closer, then shuddered minutely as strong hands settled on his thin   
shoulders. Kenshin continued to stare at the floor, afraid to meet Sano's   
eyes, so out of place, so frightened and unsure, knowing this wasn't right,   
this couldn't be right, and yet there was no strength to protest, to scold   
him gently and back away, to say you shouldn't do such things, you don't   
know what people will think of you'... All he could manage was the tiniest   
whimper of and a quaver beneath the power of his hands.  
Kenshin, it's all right to be a little upset about stuff like this,   
y'know. The concern in Sano's voice was unbearable, and he shook his head.  
he whispered. Daijoubu de gozaru na. Sessha wa daijoubu de gozaru.   
Onegai...  
  
His tiny shudders developed into a full, violent shivering, hands clutching   
in fists, eyes fixed firmly on the dirty tiles beneath his feet. Sessha wa   
daijoubu de gozaru, he repeated. Daijoubu de gozaru yo.  
Sano's hands tightened on his shoulders.   
he whispered.  
As though understanding, Sano released him and took a step back. Kenshin   
timidly raised his gaze to Sano's, then immediately wished he hadn't.  
Sanosuke's dark eyes were hard, flashing with stubborn resolve and   
something more powerful, something that even unidentified electrified every   
nerve in Kenshin's body, setting him afire and shaking.  
Don't think this ends things, he snapped, then turned his back and   
stalked down the hallway towards the main office.  
Kenshin stared after him, his trembling so frenzied and intense that his   
muscles complained. How... why...? How could this be happening to him, now?   
He'd never... never felt like this... never been so afraid to see something   
in another's eyes... never been so afraid to feel that same something in his  
  
heart...  
Sano couldn't... he couldn't... Kenshin couldn't even bring himself to   
think the word, afraid to make it real, afraid that... he was frightened to   
be right, dreading to be wrong, knowing it would be best if he was only   
imagining it but unable to convice himself he wanted to be.  
You don't really want me, he whispered to Sano's now-distant figure,   
hurting and shaking inside and out. You don't really want me.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
Sano stared at his desk.  
There were already enough obscenities carved into it, so it wouldn't calm   
his nerves any to carve more. He needed a new desk. This one had borne the   
heat of his frustration too often... he needed a new desk.  
Or something to take his frustration out on. A human target would be nice.   
That would get him sent to the guidance office, though...  
Hmm.  
He entertained that thought briefly, then shook his head with a dark scowl.   
He'd seen the shynesss in Kenshin's eyes, felt the soft shiver that wracked   
his body as he collapsed into Sano's arms, the hesitant touch of a delicate   
hand on his shoulder... He couldn't deny that Kenshin had been more than a   
little repressed, last night, after lunch today, but through the restraint   
had been obvious the longing, the unsure want for something more, no matter   
how much he protested.  
And he could understand the reserve. If they were to... well, get   
involved... there would be a lot in danger. Kenshin's job, his reputation.  
But that didn't make it any less frustrating.  
Sano flipped through his History textbook with a significant lack of   
interest, needing something to take his mind off this. He'd only known the   
redhead for... a day and a half? This was entirely ridiculous, how obsessed   
he was becoming with the man. Only a day and a half. No matter how beautiful  
  
he was, how gentle, warm, or kind he was, it was completely irrational.  
Of course, when had ration ever mattered to him, anyway?  
  
*** *** ***  
  
Hold my ankles! Just- alittle farther-  
Misao, you're gonna fall-  
No, I'm not! I'm almost at the window- I- aagh! Don't let GO!  
I'm gonna drop you if you keep wiggling around like that!  
I've gotta get the window-!  
Misao, you-  
interrupted a calm voice from the door. I know she bugs ya,   
jou-chan, but that's no excuse to resort to homicide.  
Kaoru cast a harried glance over her shoulder at the young man who leaned   
in the doorway, a familiar indolent grin on his thin lips. She's trying to   
get into Shinimori-san's office again, she returned with some annoyance.   
She's gotta hang out and open the window.  
Sano laughed, then entered the room and dropped his backpack on the floor,   
in the corner. If you drop er, I was never here, he warned, then   
disappeared into the kitchen.  
Kaoru! Swing me a little!  
  
Sano's chuckle echoed down the hallway.  
It had been a two and a half weeks now. The sight of the blankets in the   
living room had become a familiar one. The dinner table was a little more   
cramped now, but a certain warmth had been added to it that had been missing  
  
before.  
Kenshin watched the antics of his children and houseguest from his bedroom,   
momentarily distracted from the disciplinary report he held in his lap.   
After a few days, they had seemed to settle into some sort of pattern, all   
living together. The girls were delighted to have a little brother in the   
form of Yahiko, who they could tease and poke and help with his homework.   
The child didn't seem to mind the attention tremendously, either.  
He'd dreaded Sano being similarly accepted, somehow. Were Kaoru-dono and   
Misao-dono to treat him as an older brother, as would seem to be the course   
their feelings toward him would logically take... it would only be more   
unbearable...  
But his girls had a way of confounding him, and again they had done so. It   
had baffled him, and in fact still did. Especially after Kaoru-dono's   
injury, the fierce protectiveness and tender regard he held both girls in   
was more resembling the attentions of... of, well, a father.  
And that hadn't been easy to accept, either.  
Kenshin knew full well that he had always been more of a mother to the   
girls. He had more of a maternal instinct, anyway, and there was nothing he   
could do about that. And it wasn't that he felt his postion in their hearts   
had been upset by their regard for Sano. He knew how silly that was. It was   
only... It was only...  
Everything fell perfectly into place exactly when he didn't want it to.  
Sano hadn't made a move towards him since that day, outside the nurse's   
office. It was somewhat of a relief, to not have to deal with the worry and   
distress presented in his mind whenever the boy was around. He had become   
more than a little uncomfortable in his company, and he supposed Sano had   
noticed that.  
And yet, no matter how much it had lifted from his shoulders, still... he   
couldn't deny the slightest bit of disappointment.  
It... had felt nice... to feel Sano's arms around his back, the brief flash   
of his hand tugging through his hair... No one had ever touched him with   
such gentleness, and yet such roughness all at the same time. It was more   
than a bit confusing, bewildering, really, even to think back on those times  
  
now, from the safety of his room, all alone.  
All alone...  
Hitori de... he whispered softly, feeling the bitterness and regret, not   
suppressing it deep within as he was so used to by now. Tomorrow seemed so   
far away, in those few hours before the dawn. And now... to know those   
strong arms, that gentle smile, lay only yards from him, their pulsing   
hearts separated only by air and a thin few inches of sheet rock and cheap   
wallpaper...  
Hitori dewa, he whispered again, smiling wanly, then returned to his   
book. He was alone now, and he would cross the distant tomorrow alone.  
He had the girls... he had them, yes, and he was grateful to whatever   
powers had sent those smiling angels his way, but there was a part of him   
that would be always alone. Because he could never allow anyone to know that  
  
part of him...  
So pompous. What's so special about you that no one else could understand?  
You're right, you are. When you let someone close, all they do is hurt you,   
indeed they do.  
Kenshin hummed noncommitally. I don't have to justify myself to   
you de gozaru.  
Then who are you justifying yourself to?  
Myself de gozaru.  
But we are you, aren't we?  
We aren't you, we aren't. You're us, indeed you are.  
Kenshin scolded, turning a page in his book. You're nothing de   
gozaru. Merely a chemical imbalance in my brain or some such. See? It says   
so right on this page de gozaru yo.  
Then why can't you get rid of us, eh?  
We are more than that, aren't we?  
No, you are not, and because I haven't been taking my medication de   
gozaru, Kenshin said firmly in return. But I will be soon, so don't you or  
  
Battousai get any ideas de gozaru yo.  
How do you know the medication does you any good?  
Kenshin froze, staring blindly ahead. Because... you go away when I take   
it de gozaru... he whispered, voice tiny and beginning to shake. Because   
you don't talk to me anymore...  
Maybe we do that of our own free will.  
It's our own desicion, it is.  
Kenshin barely felt his hands clenching into the spine of his textbook,   
every muscle in his body beginning to tense and coil. I can't know that for  
  
sure de gozaru. You could easily be playing off my insecurities de gozaru   
yo. He watched the room begin to blur before his eyes with a detatched   
sense of wonder.  
And if we're not?  
The medication is expensive, it is. You need that money to take care of our   
girls, you do.  
It sounded pathetic even to his own ears. You're only lying again   
de gozaru... that's all you do, lie, you can't fool me anymore de gozaru   
yo...  
Don't you see? The money goes to pay for the useless drugs they prescribe   
you, you can't take care of our children, the social workers take them away.  
They don't want you to be with the girls, indeed they don't.  
Kenshin stared blindly at the now-fading wall, his head aching. He... he   
couldn't be sure... what if they were right? What if the agency that had   
given him Kaoru-dono and Misao-dono had only been... what if it was all some  
  
sort of frightful plot? They wanted him to be alone... they had always   
wanted him to be alone... taking away everyone he loved... what if it were   
only to dig the knife deeper...? How could he be sure?  
But it says in the books... he protested feebly.  
What about the stores that sold you the books? How can you be sure of them?  
There's no one left you can trust, indeed there isn't..  
Trust in us...  
Kenshin closed his eyes, shuddering, letting the textbook so surely full of   
lies fall closed and to the floor. He couldn't be sure... how could he be   
sure?  
If he didn't have to buy the medication... if it did him no good anyway...   
Kenshin thought with a lighter spirit, of all those things he could do, with  
  
that money! He could get them a better house... maybe a nicer car... maybe   
be able to buy the girls cars of their own, after time! How grand it would   
be! And he could make those girls happy, no matter how hard the others   
tried, those nefarious Others who had always conspired against him, it   
seemed. And somewhere... far away... without those tacky ethics the Others   
imposed on their prison-like society... maybe someday, with his children   
happy, with Shinta-tachi satisfied, maybe, just maybe... he could feel   
Sano's arms around him again... maybe, someday...  
You see? We can take care of you, we can.  
Someday, someday! All these somedays! It could be today!  
Hontou de gozaru ka? Kenshin fairly purred, hugging himself and bouncing   
back and forth on the mattress, lost in his dreaming.  
Just let go, let me handle it.  
Kenshin froze in his dazed celebration, an instinctive whimper falling from   
his suddenly numb lips, that one voice that always seemed closer and louder   
than the others resurfacing in all its nighmarish certainty.  
Thin hands settled on his shoulders, squeezing hard, and Kenshin dimly   
heard himself scream, but it was only for a moment before all fell to   
inferno.


	5. No Logic In Emotion

  
  
  
  
The voices seemed far  
away, and it was a  
bewildered moment  
before he   
recognized them at  
all. They were no  
longer those who had  
plagued him in the   
depths  
of the night, but  
those who woke him to  
life again in the  
bright morning.   
The voices he loved,  
those of his  
children, his  
precious daughters...  
He was in warmth... a  
peculiar warmth, not  
the one that he'd  
fallen to in   
the torment he  
remembered all too  
clearly, but a gentle  
and caring one that   
lent strength to his aching limbs, enough to spur him to opening his eyes.  
Or at least trying. Something exploded behind his forehead, and he sobbed   
aloud, trying to claw it away. That warmth contracted about him, and his   
pillow rumbled as a new sound surfaced, a deep, rough voice...  
Kenshin, Kenshin, shhh... daijoubu yo, don't cry... it's all okay now...  
Kenshin whimpered and blindly burrowed deeper into Sano's embrace, aching   
deep inside himself. Those arms hugged him closer, gently and yet tightly.  
Smaller hands brushed tenderly across his face, and Kenshin felt some of   
the heat ebb away under the marvelously cool touch. He sighed and managed to  
  
let his eyes creep open a little farther.  
Four faces he knew so well peered down at him with such worry written on   
their features that he had to attempt a smile, to let them know he was all   
right. Daijoubu... de goza... de gozaru yo... he rasped, throat aching for  
  
some reason he couldn't name. Shimpai... shi-shina-shinai- His voice   
abruptly left him, and he coughed in bafflement.  
'Tou-chan, don't, Misao-dono said softly, her tone uncharacteristically   
serious. Don't talk just yet. Nee-chan called the paramedics just a minute  
  
ago, right before you woke. They'll be here any second.  
Kenshin protested weakly, struggling against Sano's now iron   
embrace. There's no need-  
Kaoru-dono began, but her shaking alto was cut off by one much   
lower.  
Kenshin, stoppit. You've got no say in this.  
Kenshin blinked up into Sano's dark eyes, then shivered at the intensity   
that lurked within their depths. The teenager cradled him closer, rocking   
his head tenderly onto his shoulder, then leaning down to lean his cheek   
against Kenshin's hair.  
Kenshin stared at him for a few moments, speechless, knowing he should   
protest this upsurption of control, but at the moment not caring. Yes, Sano   
was only nineteen to Kenshin's twenty-eight, true, he was a guest in the   
house, but... Kenshin closed his eyes, trying to calm the pounding in his   
temples, and breathed deeply, letting his heart fall into a regular rhythm,   
surrounded by the protective shield of Sano's arms.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
They sat in the hospital waiting room, silent. Occasionally, someone would   
shift position, or let out a particularly heavy breath, but beyond that the   
only sound was their hearts pounding in their own ears.  
What HAPPENED?! Misao broke the silence with an anguished outburst,   
rising up from her chair so fast it nearly toppled. Will someone tell me?   
Does anyone KNOW?!!  
Kaoru's voice broke slightly. Please, calm down. I- I'll   
explain, if you really wanna know.  
I, for one, would really like to know, Sano-san broke in roughly,   
cracking his knuckles against the arm of the chair with an anxious and   
annoyed grunt. I mean... it was obvious he had... well, somethin' goin' on,  
  
but... His face fell, and the teenager stared at the floor silently.  
Misao cast a glance at him, then sighed inwardly. She sat back down and   
stared expectantly at her elder sister.  
Kaoru met her gaze, then looked away, apparently troubled. Well, it   
was... she began softly. Everyone leaned forward to hear her better, like   
some perverse parody of children at storytime.  
It was back when tou-san first adopted me, I guess, that he started   
having problems. He said it had happened before, but he would never say what  
  
had happened then. I would walk into a room where he was, and if he didn't   
hear me come in... Kaoru paused, her face darkening in remembered fear.   
I'd hear him... talking to people... people who weren't there... like he   
was arguing with them... And things would catch his attention, like when he   
was cooking or something... He'd stop and stare at something, and when I   
asked him what was wrong, what he was looking at, he'd jump and look at me   
like he had no idea who I was... then he'd smile and laugh and change the   
subject. I thought he was just a little weird, and it didn't bother me too   
much, because he was nice and I loved him. But there was this one time...  
Kaoru shuddered and looked at the floor, hands clenching in her shirt, then   
shook her head, not able to go on.  
Misao whispered encouragingly, but Kaoru only shook her head   
again, mute and refusing to speak. Misao could see the tears that trembled   
on her eyelashes, the thinness of her lips... whatever this one time' was,   
the memory of it scared her to death.  
Misao leaned over and put her arms around her big sister tightly, hugging   
her close. Kaoru sobbed and burrowed against her. Misao bit her lower lip,   
not knowing what to do, feeling an uncertain fear turning cold in the pit of  
  
her stomach.  
Suddenly, powerful arms closed around them both, and Sano-san hugged them   
both against his broad chest, comforting, protective. MIsao felt a small   
hand settle on her arm, and she glanced down to see Yahiko kneeling in front  
  
of them, peering worriedly up at Kaoru.  
Go on, Sano-san whispered, his deep voice rolling gently   
through the stifling quiet. Nobody's gonna hurt you. We're all here.  
Misao took the time to smile up at him, grateful suddenly that he was   
there.  
It was... Kaoru whispered. 'Tou-san was reviewed as a foster parent by   
the agency, cause apparently one of my teachers complained to them, saying   
that there was evidence of negligence. We didn't have much money at the   
time, and so my clothes must have been pretty ratty... I liked t' play   
outside, and all, with the boys n all... She sniffled and wiped her nose   
on her sleeve. But I was happy... anyway, they came to the house, and   
decided that he was an unfit parent, and they were gonna take me away...  
I didn't know any of this, Misao commented, baffled. It was true... she   
had really never been told any of the events that had gone before tou-chan   
had adopted her... and the information hadn't been volunteered, either.   
Maybe this was why.  
'Tou-san didn't want me to tell you, Kaoru explained softly. He didn't   
want you to be scared of him...  
Misao stared at her, not wanting to ask just how she could ever be afraid   
of that gentle man, but knowing with a sickening quaver that she was going   
to find out.  
'Tou-san lost it, Kaoru continued quietly. He... he had a full   
breakdown. A psychotic breakdown, they said in the hospital. It turned   
out... he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.  
Paranoid schizophrenia...? Sano-san's voice echoed, dumbfounded. His dark   
eyes stared ahead, as though unseeing.  
Kaoru sniffled. And they said he had a split personality... when   
he'd lost control, the other side of him had taken over. Tou-san calls him   
Hitokiri Battousai.  
Misao looked frantically up at Sano-san for some cue, some understanding of   
how to take this. That... that's pretty bad, isn't it? she asked   
helplessly.  
He's okay when he takes his medication, Kaoru finished softly. But... he   
hasn't been able to afford it... and I guess something sent him over the   
edge.  
They sat in silence for a few loaded moments, holding each other, the quiet   
throbbing of uncertain fear in all their minds.  
  
Misao's head shot up from resting against her sister's, her heart jumping   
to pounding life in her breast. A dark-haired man stood uncertainly a few   
yards from their huddle, his coat still in one hand, ice blue eyes meeting   
hers.  
she whispered. As if in a dream, she let go of her sister   
and stood, crossing the waiting area in a few bounding strides. The   
black-haired man waited, face expressionless as usual, then directed his   
eyes down to hers.  
she offered as explanation. 'Tou-chan, he... something   
happened, we're still not sure what, and he passed out.  
I heard the ambulance, he responded quietly. Is he...  
Misao blinked, more than a little surprised. It was rare that Aoshi-sama   
said anything to her but . It was rare he said anything to anyone. She   
felt something warm in her breast, and she managed to smile a little. He'll  
  
be fine, just fine, Aoshi-sama. So don't you worry.  
He nodded sharply, and after a moment of uncharacteristic hesitation,   
turned to go.  
Misao interrupted his exit hastily, starting forward. You-   
you can stay... if you want.  
With a slow, graceful pivot, he returned his gaze to hers, then nodded   
again and corrected his path until he found a spare chair. After sitting, he  
  
folded his long coat on his lap and closed his eyes as though in meditation.  
Misao watched with more than a little fondness softening her gaze, then   
took the chair beside him without a word.  
  
  
The rough tone started Kaoru from her reverie. She blinked back to reality,   
then rubbed her eyes, looking up at Sanosuke in perplexity.  
The older boy motioned with a sharp jerk of his head towards the hallway   
across from their waiting room that led to another such room across the   
hospital wing. Take a walk with me, huh? His voice was the most serious   
Kaoru had ever heard it, rumbling deep in his chest, and that inspired more   
than a little worry.  
I- I guess, sure. She raised to her feet, a little stiff from having sat   
so long. Sanosuke stood beside her, then started off with those   
frustratingly long strides of his. Kaoru sighed, then hurried to catch up.  
Oh, sorry... He sounded merely sheepish now, which calmed her nerves a   
little. Sanosuke grinned weakly down at her, ruffled her hair, then set off   
again at a slower pace.  
They walked along in silence for a few minutes, and that calm he'd given   
her just a while before steadily evaporated until Kaoru was a bundle of   
seething nerves again. The tall boy beside her didn't even seem to notice,   
apparently lost in his own thoughts, until he finally cleared his throat and  
  
looked over at her.  
Hey, look, he said in a soft voice, shifting uncomfortably.   
I know how worried you've gotta be about your tou-san, and I'm worried   
too... if you ever, uh... He trailed off with a frustrated sigh.  
Kaoru blinked at him, baffled. He looked more than a little embarassed, and   
for the life of her, she couldn't figure out why. she prodded.   
Go on.  
I, well... He shook his head in apparent irritation. Just... I'm gonna   
be here, for as long as Kenshin'll let me be... if you need somebody t' lean  
  
on...  
Kaoru blinked up at him, then smiled a bit shyly. The light that shone   
behind the darkness of his eyes, no matter how uncertainly, was tender,   
compassionate, gentle... The same look she'd seen so many times in her   
father's amethyst eyes, and yet this was tempered to steel with the fierce   
protectiveness she'd seen firsthand, that day... He'd taken her into his   
heart long before shed bothered to care that he even breathed, beyond   
despising him with all her being for something, though of a nearly   
unspeakable violence... had been to protect her... she returned   
softly, gratefully. And about that...  
He blinked at her owlishly. About that...? he repeated dumbly.  
You're like my tou-san, a little, she offered, knowing that such a   
sentiment was a compliment she couldn't bring herself to bestow lightly.   
Not that you'd be a replacement, but-  
I would never- Sanosuke broke in, his tone urgent, as though trying to   
soothe an angry child. I would never try t' take his place, jou-chan.   
That's not what I-  
I know... Kaoru blinked at him in surprise, not comprehending the sudden   
fire that burned in his eyes. I wasn't saying that, I...  
Abruptly, Sanosuke's dark eyes dropped to the floor, and he scuffed   
a foot along the tile, apparently embarassed.  
Kaoru stared at him for a moment, baffled. It was almost as though... as   
though he was trying to say...  
How do you see me, Sanosuke? she asked, her voice sharper than she'd   
intended. You don't treat me like any other boy does, you know. Or any   
other girl, for that matter.  
Well, I'd prefer to think I'm not like any other boy or girl, Sanosuke   
retorted. I treat people how I treat em, that's all-  
Oh, stop! Kaoru snapped, stomping a temperamental foot. Don't lie. You   
don't tell somebody you've only known for about three weeks or even less   
that you'll always be there for them to lean on. You don't carry sombeody to  
  
the nurse's office and watch over them until you're sure they'll be fine if   
there's not some connection there. Any other boy your age would be acting   
quite differently in an apartment with two teenage girls, even if there was   
parental supervsion, and you know it, Sagara Sanosuke. Don't pretend you   
don't.  
Sanosuke stared at her dumbly for a silent moment, then he scowled, the   
forbidding expression set deep in his striking eyes. Y'know... for one   
thing... He scowled even deeper, and Kaoru took an involuntary step back.   
'Jou-chan, it shouldn't matter at all how long I've known you. People feel   
about other people how they do, and there's no logic involved, right from   
the start. So if I feel like I should be takin' care of you, like I should   
be watchin' over you, I'm gonna do that, and nothin's gonna make me change   
my mind. Second... you know full well why I'd never take a step towards you   
or your sister. I... His voice trailed off, and he fell silent, staring at   
some point on the floor.  
No, I don't know that, Kaoru retorted stubbornly. Why? Don't we meet   
your standards? She let her tone turn slightly icy on that last. In all the  
  
time she'd been aware of his existence, Sanosuke had never been known to   
date a girl, or exhibit the slightest of interests in any. There had always   
been rumors, rumors that made all the other boys laugh and nudge each other   
with derisive grins on their faces, rumors that infuriated those girls that   
had hopeless crushes on him, and seemed hysterical to all those girls he had  
  
spurned. But whenever she had dared to ask what was so funny, all she got   
was strange looks, a back turned to her, shrugs, and silences. The same   
things had occured when her tou-san had first started working at the   
school, too... and she'd had more of a vested interest in finding out then,   
but still all her efforts were met with incredulous silence.  
Sanosuke stared at her, and she expected with an inward cringe to see that   
same laughing disbelief in his dark eyes, unable to comprehend her stupidity  
  
like all the others... but instead, only a excruciating sadness, a slight   
twitch of his mouth that indicated all the emotion that he held back by not   
letting his thin, whitening lips to part. He watched her for a few more   
silent moments, the portait of misery, a fear enough to make her stomach   
twist darkening his face.  
she managed to whisper, blinking up into his eyes.  
Sanosuke smiled bitterly, then lifted a hand, laying it on the top of her   
head, mussing up her hair as seemed to be becoming a habit.  
Kaoru looked up at him, then gave up and looked at the floor.  
'Jou-chan... ore wa... ore wa okama yo, he said quietly.  
Kaoru felt her brow furrow, then lifted her head finally to   
meet his eyes. All she saw there was an unsure hope, and the remnants of   
that torment of before. He smiled down at her wanly, patting the top of her   
head.  
You like boys? she asked helplessly, trying to understand.  
Aa. Okama. Like boys. Walk on the other side of the fence. Go up the down   
staircase. Putt from the rough.  
Kaoru stared at him for a few more minutes, then found herself   
understanding. Well, of course... if he didn't like girls, he wouldn't want   
to date them, definitely, and it was certain that the rest of the student   
body would have a field day with that personal bit of information if ever   
someone heard or even suspected...  
I think I understand, she returned quietly, then smiled a little   
brighter, if only to reassure the naked worry in his eyes. Daijoubu desu   
yo, Sanosuke. It's not like I'm gonna scream and run away, right?  
Or laugh it up around school or run to your tou-san and tell him I'm a   
perverse abomination on the face of this world. I know, After a   
soft, awkward pause, his face relaxed into a smile. Thanks,   
Kaoru nodded, and after Sanosuke had pulled back from messing with her   
hair, turned to go back to the waiting room. I'm gonna go back and see how   
Misao is doing, she said softly.  
Sanosuke nodded. Aa... I'll go bug the front desk and see when we can all   
see your tou-san, then.  
Kaoru watched him go, then looked down at the floor, beginning to retrace   
her steps to the waiting area. It was nice... to know that Sanosuke trusted   
her enough to tell her something so deeply personal. And she supposed he was  
  
right, that it didn't matter how long they had known each other. If they   
felt a certain way towards each other, then that was fine. There was nothing  
  
wrong with that.  
Besides, it was kind of nice... having someone around who treated her the   
way he did. Tou-san, however much she loved him, and she did, had always   
been more of a mother than a father, helping her pick out her clothes and go  
  
shopping for dresses for school dances, telling her what colors complimented  
  
her best, teaching her how to cook without a recipe, though she really   
couldn't cook with one... teaching her to deal with her emotions and find   
the best way to solve a problem instead of volunteering to go beat up   
whoever had dared to even touch her like the typical single father would...  
Sanosuke was... more of the rough-and-tumble type parent, who would take   
her out to go climb trees in the park and carry her around and beg her not   
to cry if she should skin a knee, who would teach her to play sports like he  
  
would a son, who would get into shouting matches with a teacher who refused   
to admit how brilliant she was... the kind of man who would be a father...  
Kaoru caught herself in the middle of that thought, nearly stopping dead in   
the middle of the hallway. A... father? A parent? What was she thinking?   
Sanosuke was- he was only two years older than her, and besides, he   
couldn't- he would never want to-  
  
Kaoru stopped dead in the midst of those disturbing thoughts at the vaguely   
familiar voice, then pivoted about on one foot to see the person who had   
addressed her. In the hallway, a few yards behind her, stood a dark-haired   
girl in ratty scrubs carrying a clipboard and wearing a bemused expression.  
M-Miss Thompson! she exclaimed in surprise, remembering the subsitute   
nurse from that fateful day she'd been smacked down with a cafeteria   
chair, as Misao still said. What are you-  
I'm doing my internship here, she interrupted, smiling slightly, walking   
towards her slowly with a grace that made Kaoru sick with jealousy . What   
are you doing here, if you don't mind my asking? And it's Meg. You make me   
feel old.  
Kaoru blinked in utter bewilderment at her tone of voice, the strangley   
flirtatious smile curving her lips... no, she was imagining things... Then,   
she remembered in a guilty flash just why she was in the hospital. Her   
spirits fell, and she sighed, looking down at the floor. It's- it's   
she whispered feebly.   
What happened to Ken-san? the young nurse broke in again, real worry   
making her deeper voice harsh and urgent. Is he all right? What room is he   
in?  
Kaoru took a step back, startled at the sudden barrage of questions. I- do   
you want to see him? she asked politely, trying to regain her composure,   
not wanting to let the dark-haired girl shake her. It's not too far, and   
I'm sure-  
Show me! she ordered haughtily. Hurry up, girl! I haven't got all day to   
wait for you to sort out your mind, you know.  
Kaoru blinked, then bit her lower lip. A month ago, she would have   
submitted meekly to her dictate, sure that there was a time and a place to   
be assertive, but her pride didn't apply if there was something Meg could do  
  
to help her tou-san. It was what the gentle man had always taught her;   
respect for yourself and others, but respect for others came before yourself  
  
if there was something at stake. Well, not in so many words, but that was   
the way he'd always been. The only time she'd ever seen Himura Kenshin stand  
  
up for what he wanted when it contradicted with the wishes of others was...   
well, when he hadn't been Himura Kenshin at all, but Hitokiri Battousai...   
and no matter how frightening that had been, it had kept her by her   
tou-san's side, the one thing they both wanted...  
And besides, standing up to Samantha had given her a taste for being   
defiant.  
Where do you get off being so pushy? she snapped, losing her patience   
with the other girl. You've been around him for what, fifteen minutes? Why   
should I even show you where he is?  
There was silence, an almost dangerous silence, and Kaoru bit her lower   
lip. Of course, the other time she'd stood up for herself, she had gotten   
hit in the head with a chair. Maybe she should have learned something from   
that.  
Meg turned slowly, and her dark eyes were briefly considering, then a sly,   
fox-like smile spread across her lips, sending a laughing twinkle through   
those black orbs. There seemed to be the slightest of admiration,   
recognition there... and something Kaoru couldn't identify, something that   
made her feel very vulnerable, a heat fluttering in her breast.  
the nurse returned adroitly, I just thought that Ken-san could use   
some... feminine attention for once. She flicked a measuring glance up and   
down Kaoru's body and raised an eyebrow.  
Wh-wh-what are you implying?! Kaoru shrilled, suddenly hands clenching   
into fists and one foot stomping in frustration on the tiled floor. I'm   
feminine enough! I don't need you to tell me-  
Oh ho ho ho ho ho! the nurse laughed superiorly.  
  
  
The room was white.  
It was almost pure, unending white... except for the glaring black of the   
television, bolted to the wall. He attempted not to let his gaze pass the   
appliance, knowng how the distinct difference would bother him if he let   
himself dwell on it.  
Sano peered worriedly at the figure curled up amongst the hospital sheets.   
Kenshin looked so tiny, so helpless... but at least he was at peace now,   
unless he was tormented still in his dreams.  
He cast a guilty look at the door, then scooted his chair closer to the   
bed, close enough to lean onto the mattress with both his elbows and remain   
comfortably seated. At least, as comfortable as he could get in the tiny   
little chair...  
I knew you were hiding something, he scolded the sleeping redhead softly,   
reaching out to lightly touch the warm flame of his hair against the stark   
sheets. But this is a doozy, naa, Kenshin? Schizophrenia...  
He remembered with a residual twinge in his chest the terrible fear that   
had overcome him at those two words, paranoid schizophrenia'... All he knew  
  
about the condition, he'd seen on those stupid TV magazines that came on   
after he put Yahiko to bed, the ones with stories about the latest   
conspiracy theory or the newest ways the goverment was going to kill them   
all. He'd always come away from those with the worst feeling in the pit of   
his stomach, thinking how could anyone live like that?. Always convinced   
that there was some horrible plot against you, forces you couldn't control   
that could hurt you, voices no one else heard, terrifying things that no one  
  
else saw... And whenever anyone was diagnosed, they were denounced as   
crazy... sometimes not ever losing the stigma, even if they battled through   
the disease and came out triumphant on the other side, lost forever to a   
world that would never trust them... always asking, are the voices talking   
to you now? or telling them, I'm sorry, but you constitute a threat to our  
  
employees, you can't work here anymore... You can't live here anymore...   
don't bring your children by here anymore...  
Sano let his fingers stroke Kenshin's hair as he lay sleeping, aching deep   
inside. You're not crazy, he soothed softly, not knowing why he thought it  
  
would help, but needing to say it anyway. You're not crazy, Kenshin.   
Everything's gonna be okay. I'll take care of you. You just wait and see,   
ne?  
There was no repsonse, as he knew there wouldn't be, but he felt curiously   
reassured having said the words. He didn't understand the urgent desire to   
see this man safe, didn't know why he couldn't bear to see him hurt, or why   
he wanted to wrap him up in his arms and protect him from the evils of the   
world, the ones they both knew all too well, to hold him and never let him   
go...  
But as he had said to jou-chan, it didn't matter if he didn't know why.   
Emotions were emotions, and logic didn't necessarily apply, just how   
Sagara-sensei had always told him and Katsu growing up. You can't deny your  
  
emotions any more than you can stop the sun from rising and setting, he   
would say. You may not understand just why it rises every morning, how its   
light reaches to the ends of the galaxy, but it's something you have to   
accept for the truth. Scientists can tell you the mechanics, as they can say  
  
that all feelings are based from hormonal and ingrained urges, but in the   
end, it's a reality you have to understand for yourself. You will always   
feel things you cannot explain. That doesn't make them any less real.  
The door creaked open, and Sano started back from Kenshin with the guilty   
air of one who was full aware he had just broken an important rule and   
wasn't sure how he should explain himself. The doctor he'd seen in here   
before stood in the doorway, clipboard in hand and a scowl in place on his   
features.  
Are you related to Mr. Himura? he snapped, obviously exhausted. It was   
after eleven, after all, and he'd apparently been on duty since hours before  
  
they'd arrived at six.  
No. Sorry. Sano looked longingly down at Kenshin, not wanting to   
contemplate why he was disappointed at having to admit that.  
Then I'm going to have to ask you to leave. I'm sorry, but I can't provide   
for your presence unless you have a legal relation, as his adopted daughters  
  
do. I'm sure there'd be no problem with you coming back tomorrow after   
school. He should be ready to go home after that. The blond man checked   
over Kenshin's chart with piercing green eyes, then nodded, looking tired   
but relieved. Yeah... he was in shock, but we'll be sure to watch him and   
make he recovers completely.  
Sano nodded grudgingly. I guess that's fair, he muttered, then heaved a   
heavy sigh, preparing to leave.  
Just as he turned back to take one last glance at Kenshin, an inexplicable   
urge took him, and without thinking, Sano leaned down and pressed a   
lingering, tender kiss to the redhead's smooth, pale cheek. He had a dim   
sense of the skin shuddering just a little beneath his lips, but dismissed   
it as his imagination and stood again.  
Take good care of him, he ordered, then exited the austere hospital room,   
letting the door fall softly closed behind him, heart not pounding beneath   
his breastbone as it should be.  
It hadn't seemed to be anything out of the ordinary, just to lean down and   
kiss him goodbye. There hadn't been any measure of hesitation, no shyness,   
just the simple affirmation somewhere deep in his soul that it had felt   
right.  
There was no logic in emotion.  
  
Kenshin lay unmoving in the hospital bed, eyes closed, giving no impression   
that he was anything but asleep, resting after an uncharacteristic outburst,  
  
preparing to be ready for work again in less than two days. The doctor who   
had been charged with his care checked over his chart one last time, then   
took a glance at his watch and left the room, deciding to give himself a   
well-deserved coffee break and check on a few more patients before calling   
it a night.  
The slender redhead who lay there breathed shallowly, as one would in   
slumber, but it would take a practiced and careful observer to notice the   
harshness of those soft breaths, or the soundless whimper of something that   
might have been while one silent tear made a solitary track along   
his cheek.  
  
*** *** ***


	6. He'll Never Want Me

*** *** ***  
  
Well, that wasn't any help, Sano hissed under his breath, shelving yet   
another book against the wall. It was the fifth psychology book he'd read   
through this period, and not a bit of good it had done him.  
All those books had been useless. Everything he'd found in them had been   
information he'd already known, or cleverly disguised in language he'd need  
  
a dictionary at his right hand to ever hope of understanding. And no matter  
  
how dedicated to this cause he was, it wasn't in Sagara Sanosuke's nature  
to   
have that kind of patience.  
He cast a frustrated glance over the shelf, noticed some dusty book he   
hadn't seen before, then prepared himself for the worst and pulled it down   
to be inspected. It wasn't like he had anything better to do this period,   
and if it helped him to understand Kenshin a little better, it would   
definitely be worth the headache.  
he muttered aloud, paging to the index.   
  
Sano's first reaction was to drop the book. His second reaction, though   
preferable, was regrettably impossible, since he had no sharp and pointy   
objects on his person with which to end this torture before it started. So   
he gave up, seeing as he was cornered against the wall and a bookshelf   
anyway.  
he offered aloofly.  
Samantha Craven smiled, her green eyes sparkling, and Sano winced. I'm   
surprised to see you here, she purred, obviously pleased that he had   
acknowledged her existence. Never struck me as the intellectual type...  
Sano eyed her cautiously, wondering distantly if it were physically   
possible to vault over her head and make a break for the door. Deciding he   
probably wasn't quite that flexible, he tried to make it evident he was   
looking for something in the book. Realizing that he was no longer holding   
the book, Sano growled and bent to pick it up.  
Samantha leaned down next to him, too close, and Sano attempted to scoot   
away. Not succeeding in the slightest, only managing to back himself  
further   
up against the wall, he cursed his inability to deal with women as annoying  
  
as this and tried vainly to think of another escape route.  
I'm so glad you're not angry about that.. incident a few weeks ago, the   
girl practically oozed. I mean, I'm sure Kaoru can't be what a guy like  
you   
would look for in a girl, and she seemed so sure that you... well... you   
know.  
Sano took a deep breath, feeling the air shake in his chest, a hot pain   
stabbing beneath his breastbone. he manages to grit out,   
struggling to hold back the all-too-familiar rage at her off-hand reference  
  
to that... that... , as jou-chan would say, with her fondness  
for   
loaded words. Whaddya mean, incident'? She coulda been seriously hurt!  
If only for an instant, Samantha looked confused, even a little worried,   
but soon enough that sugary, self-assured smile reappeared. Oh, no... it   
wasn't that bad, it couldn't have been. I'm not as strong as you, y'know...  
  
with your... tightly muscled... powerful arms... she purred, laying a hand  
  
against his bicep. Sano twitched, suddenly very uncomfortable. I'm sure  
she   
was just trying for attention. She gets little enough from the boys, poor   
girl.  
Dunno why, Sano retorted, his protectiveness for the jou-chan speaking   
for him before he even thought. She's a great girl, y'know. She's smart  
and   
kind and funny, and pretty nice-lookin', too. Guys around here are just   
idiots who go for the quick fix.  
Samantha blinked at him, taking her time comprehending his impassioned   
statement, then shifted her weight to meet his eyes better, her fingers   
drawing lightly along the line of muscle in his arm. Sano shuddered and   
jerked away, not enjoying her touch in the slightest and not bothering to   
hide it.  
It almost sounds like you like her better than me, she commented. Her   
tone of voice was flirty and teasing, as always, but there was a hard glint  
  
of developing jealousy in her eyes. That can't be the truth, hmm,  
Sanosuke?   
I mean, really...  
What if I do like her better than you? Sano felt his own tone grow deeper  
  
in his chest, almost forbidding, his lips tightening to white and jaw   
squaring. He set the book down gently on the shelf, his hands clenching  
into   
fists by his sides as his eyes narrowed to glittering dark slits. Samantha   
stared up at him, the slightest hint of fear beginning to flutter in those   
deceptively innocent verdant eyes so expertly framed by the best eyeliner   
and mascara money could buy. Sano thrived on it, as he always relished the   
process of someone so inadequate realizing how weak they were.  
There'd be nothing you could do about it, he whispered, voice rumbling,   
the ominous preceding song to a savage thunderclap. You know that, don't   
you.  
  
I never gave you the privilege of using my first name, he growled, still   
letting it build. I never gave you the privilege of being involved in my   
life or messing around with the people I love to satisfy your own  
jealousy.  
Samantha continued to stare up into his face that was so steadily darkening  
  
with violent rage, tears that stemmed more from girlish frustration than   
grief or fear puddling in her eyes. But- she- I- what could you possibly   
want from her? she protested with a cry. I- I could be so much better for  
  
you! In every way! She's nothing compared to what I could-  
Himura Kaoru is more to me than you will ever be, Sano whispered.  
But I want to be-  
Get away from me! Sano exploded, slamming a fist against the bookshelf,   
feeling the wooden boards crack under the power of his strike. I don't  
want   
you anywhere near me! Or Kaoru! If you so much as look in her direction   
again I will make you regret it with every breath you take the rest of your  
  
cursed life! So get away from me and STAY AWAY YOU CRAZY BITCH!!  
She broke before his fury and fled, those contemptible tears falling over   
her flawless cheeks, smearing her makeup and reddening her perfect eyes.   
Sano watched her run out of the library, sobbing, one hand before her eyes   
and the other clutching her hall pass to her chest, with the thinnest of   
smirks curving his bloodless, white lips.  
No one had the right to talk about jou-chan like that. The girl was... she  
  
was like a daughter to him... and he wasn't about to tolerate anyone  
talking   
about her unless they were worshiping her like a goddess. It was no more   
than she deserved, after all.  
Hey, Sanosuke! Good job, there...  
Sano yelped, jumping out of his reverie. Familiar, mischievous eyes peered   
up at him, a hand punching lightly at his chest. Just staring off into the  
  
unseen world after you make that poor innocent girl cry her soul out into   
her agenda, eh, Sanosuke?  
Hi, Kelsey, he said sheepishly.  
Kelsey grinned up at him, continuing to poke. Always the heartbreaker,   
huh? One a' these days you're going to regret that, y'know... Some pretty   
man's gonna show up and stomp your heart to pieces just t' even out the   
cosmos.  
Sano scowled, sidestepping the constant prodding. I doubt that... he said  
  
calmly, patting her... him... Kelsey on the head. He was yet to figure out   
exactly what sex Kelsey was. She... well, she, for lack of a better  
pronoun,   
seemed pretty feminine, but there was something about her... some   
undefinable quality that made him wonder...  
Oh? Oh? Do tell...  
he retorted. Where's your stoner of a boyfriend?  
Kelsey flounced up beside him, then cocked her head and cupped her hands   
around her mouth. Oh, maaannnn slaaaavveeee... she called with a pretty   
smile.  
Katsu poked his head into the aisle, evidentially having been hiding   
out in the history section. He held a thick book to his chest, the title   
something about Indian sculptures.  
Kelsey frowned warningly. You're supposed to be looking up post-romantic   
period painting styles, she reminded, sauntering over to his side and   
snatching the book from his arms. Katsu protested with a wordless whine,   
trying to grab it back. Kelsey scowled and shoved him back into the aisle   
from whence he had came.  
Look for the right books. Not these pornographic... hey... Her voice   
trailed off. I'm gonna have t' inspect this more closely, I think...  
Sano smiled, then returned to his research as their bickering faded into   
white noise. They fought enough, after all, and not one serious problem had  
  
resulted from any of those scuffles. Katsu and Kelsey were like an old   
married couple, and it was obvious who wore the pants.  
But Sano's not working-  
I don't CARE! He's got an excuse, and you don't, and this project is due   
TOMORROW. If we get another bad grade, you're gonna have some groveling t'   
do to keep that pretty little head on your SHOULDERS.  
What excuse? He just doesn't wanna do any-  
If you would pay ATTENTION, you would remember he said he was at the   
hospital all last night.  
I was busy last night, too...  
We were watching Brendan Fraser movies last night!  
See? Busy!  
TSUKIOKA KATSUHIRO!!!  
...yes, dear.  
  
Oi, Sano...  
Sano lifted his head from the cafeteria table, snuffling and wiping his   
eyes. He was so tired... What, Katsu? he asked quietly.  
His long-time friend sat down across from him, placing his tray down and   
considering him with curiously clear blue eyes. It was obvious that Katsu   
was as non-medicated as Katsu ever got, and that never did bode well.  
Katsu wasn't the most innocent of people, though he wasn't as bad as some.   
He refused to touch anything that had the possibility of doing him  
immediate   
harm, or would cost enough to be obvious to his parents. The only  
substances   
he would deal with were the most diluted strains of marijuana or powerful   
over-the-counter drugs. He had his reasons for doing so, reasons that Sano   
knew a little of but hadn't pried into. Sano didn't ask Katsu why he   
frequently came to school bruised up around the jaw and high as a kite, and  
  
Katsu never asked Sano why he sometimes wore the same clothing three days  
in   
a row, or why he never ate during lunch unless someone gave him food. It  
was   
just how they were.  
I know this is out of character, Sano, Katsu said softly, but I have to   
ask you something.  
Sano sat up, an uncomfortable heat burning in his chest. he   
responded, voice barely escaping his throat.  
Katsu gazed at him sadly for a moment, then sighed. Why were you in the   
hospital? he asked quietly. What happened?  
Sano's throat closed up, and he fought to maintain his   
composure. He'd been all right, as long as he'd focused on other things...   
reassuring jou-chan, looking for information, taking care of Yahiko and   
making sure he got to school okay... but now, as it had in that hospital   
room, a sense of overwhelming helplessness and sickening fear...   
Something... something happened to Kenshin, he choked out, fisting his   
hands below the table. Something, I... I don't know... He...  
Katsu looked briefly alarmed, then fell to silence. Sano   
shuddered, staring at the Lysol marks on the table. Is that why neither of  
  
his daughters are here today?  
He left it at that.  
What happened? he interrogated gently.  
I dunno... he had a... breakdown... Sano whispered, squeezing his eyes   
shut.  
  
He shook his head, unable to continue. It hurt too much... and he didn't   
know why...  
You've been living there how long? There was some peculiar quality to   
Katsu's voice that he couldn't pinpoint, and Sano lifted his head again in   
confusion. Katsu was looking at his uneaten lunch, a strange smile curving   
the edges of his mouth.  
Almost three weeks. His voice shook, and Sano bit his lower lip to keep   
it from trembling, hating his weakness.  
You're in love with him, aren't you.  
Sano whispered without thinking. I- I-  
His lips froze on the word love', and he stared at the table, his heart   
pounding in his chest, beating frantically at his breastbone. The cold  
sweat   
that overtook him slickened his palms, and he wiped them against his jeans   
mechanically. What... what was he saying? He... he loved... no... he   
couldn't be... It was a mere physical attraction, that was all... He   
couldn't honestly be-  
Sano. You think I didn't know? Katsu's tone was gentle. I pay attention   
to you. You're like my little brother, bakayarou. I know this stuff about   
you.  
Sano stared at the table, unable to breathe. I can't be in love with him,  
  
he managed to rasp out, quivering. I can't...  
It's okay, Sano.  
No, it's not! he snapped, fists clenching. I can't, don't you get it? He  
  
thinks I'm just a kid! No matter how I much I embarrass him, no matter how   
much he runs away and tries to pretend he has no idea how I feel about him,  
  
it never registers enough in my head, y'know? I can never understand that-   
that- that he-  
That he what?  
That he'll never want me!! Sano exploded, voice hoarse with pain he   
didn't bother to hide, knowing that Katsu would see it anyway. He'll never  
  
want me! I'm just a kid to him, I'm only nineteen! I'm two years older than  
  
his oldest daughter, Katsu. His DAUGHTER, for God's sake!!  
Katsu stared at him wordlessly, cool blue eyes quiet and mournful. Sano met  
  
his gaze, shuddering in emotion, nails digging hard into his palms, lips   
pulled white in an attempt to restrain himself.  
Just wait and see what happens, he said finally. That's all I can tell   
you.  
They sat in silence for a long time.  
Hey, guys, what's- huh? Kelsey's cheery voice trailed off into confusion,  
  
and she glanced between the two boys in confusion. What... what happened?   
Is everything okay?  
Sano took a brief glance at her, then returned his gaze to the table. He   
saw Katsu shake his head a little out of the corner of one eye.  
Kelsey's voice became quite serious, a rare emotion for her, and   
she sat down beside Sano instead of her usual position attached to Katsu's   
hip. Sano blinked, lifting his head to peer at her in confusion.  
It's something about Mr. Himura, isn't it, she said somberly, laying a   
hand on his shoulder. Sano stared at her dumbly. She sighed and hugged him   
reassuringly. It's all gonna be okay, honey.  
Sano shook his head and gave up, closing his eyes. It didn't matter  
  
how they both knew, before he had known for sure, before he'd been willing   
to admit it... it didn't matter. None of this mattered at all. It didn't   
matter what they thought. It didn't matter how he felt. All that mattered   
was...  
Nothing would come of it...  
He felt the smallest, bitter tear escape his closed lids, and he wiped it   
away. He'd been blessed enough in the past month... with a solid place to   
live, people who were good enough to watch after his brother, who didn't   
view him as an intruder, even though he was... He had no place asking for   
anything more.  
No matter how much he wanted it.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
Oi. Give me a ride home.  
Go ride your bus, bakayarou. Sano dug into his jeans pocket in the daily   
search for his keys. I can't give you a ride t'day. Gotta get Yahiko and   
get back to the hospital.  
Katsu caught up with him, clutching his latest painting to his chest,   
scowling petulantly. I'll go with you, then.  
No, you won't. Sano eyed him, then shoved him back in the direction of   
the bus lane with only a tiny exertion of his muscle. Katsu didn't weigh  
too   
much. On a day like this, with the heavy autumn winds, it was a wonder he   
didn't just blow away. Go ride your bus. It won't kill you.  
I hate the bus. This is fragile, y'know. Katsu indicated his art   
assignment with a nod, hurrying to fall back into step beside him. You   
wouldn't want something to happen to my painting...  
Tell the truth, man, can't say as it'll break my heart. Sano shoved him   
again with a nasty grin. Yer such a wimp. Can't even protect your own   
schoolwork.  
Just because I'm not a brutish philistine like some people...  
Sano growled and pushed him harder. Go catch your bus, girly boy. Not   
gonna help you. I may be a brute', but I'm one with a car and a vengeful   
attitude. I'm gonna blast past that cheesewagon of yours on the road and   
laugh.  
Katsu pleaded. You know I didn't mean that...  
Your bus is leaving.  
Katsu blinked at him hopefully. Sano shook his head. He scowled and took   
off running.  
Sano smiled to himself and continued the long trek down the parking strip   
to his car, parked illegally on the grass. It was the school's own fault  
for   
refusing to give him a space. They could deal with it. Besides, he got out   
faster than anyone else. Anything that got him off school property faster   
than anyone else was an immediate personal victory.  
He checked his watch, then sighed and hurried. Yahiko would be getting out   
of class soon, and he needed to be there to pick him up, or else-  
Is this your car?  
Sano froze at the unfamiliar voice, prickles going up the back of his neck   
and setting his heart pounding. He wasn't sure just why... the tone sounded  
  
unassuming enough, but there was some quality there, something that was   
scaring the living daylights out of him and telling him he should be  
running   
for his life about now.  
Yeah, it's my car. What about it? he retorted sharply, hurrying over to   
the driver's door and searching for the source of that voice.  
A tall figure stood on the end of the walkway, silhouetted in the shade   
cast by the sun filtering through the setting sun. He could see the crimson  
  
light of a burning cigarette, the ashes falling to scatter on the broken   
concrete of the sidewalk.  
It's parked illegally.  
The coolness of the man's voice unsettled him to distraction, and Sano   
tried to keep his hands from shaking as he unlocked his door. So? At least  
  
it's parked. What do you care, anyway? S not like it's hurtin' anybody,  
and   
gets me off the property before I'm forced to kill somebody. He was fully   
aware of how much he was rambling, but he made sure his tone was scornful   
enough to maintain his outward composure. Inside, he was shaking like a   
leaf, and he'd just as soon get out of that parking lot as soon as humanly   
possible. As it was, he couldn't seem to get the key into the lock.  
Starting tomorrow, I would advise that you find someplace else to park.   
The shadowed man turned his back, headed back towards the school.  
Sano stared after him, then raised his trembling voice. Who the Hell are   
you, anyway? he called at him, finally getting the door open and prepared   
to bolt if he didn't like the man's answer.  
Officer Fujita. I'm assigned to your school now. The man paused, dropped   
his cigarette, then ground it beneath the heel of his boot. I'm sure we   
will have a long... association.  
Sano stared at his fading figure, a hand clenching on the door handle,   
until a nail digging unmercifully into his palm brought him back to the   
mundane reality that he had to go pick up his brother now.  
He got into his old car and started the ignition, trying not to let the   
memory of those amber eyes that had burned out of the shadows cross his  
mind   
again.  
  
*** *** ***


	7. A Breach Of Ethics

*** *** ***  
  
Sano smacked a palm against the faulty radio, was rewarded with a burst of   
static, and then it was silent again. He glared at the accessory that   
tormented him so, switched it on and off a few times, then sighed and gave   
up.  
Oi! Sano!  
He jumped at Yahiko's voice, then leaned over and unlocked the passenger   
door. His brother's dark head poked into the opening, and just as he set his  
  
backpack down on the floor beneath the dashboard, two thin arms appeared   
around his neck and dragged him back.  
Agh- Michael! Yahiko protested with a laugh, trying to shake out of that   
insistent grip. A smiling boy with impeccably cut blond hair and bright blue  
  
eyes appeared over his shoulder.  
Michael chirped to Sanosuke with a cute little grin.  
Hey, kid, Sano returned, somewhat bemused. You're in quite a mood today,   
aintcha?  
We got- ack- a good grade on our- hey, c'mon!- project we had to do.   
Yahiko struggled vainly, his cheeks starting to darken. Sano grinned at the   
two boys fondly, waiting patiently behind the wheel, feeling his spirits   
lighten.  
That soap boat thing? Good job.  
It wasn't just a boat, it was a warship- Michael, leggo! Yahiko squirmed,   
only succeeding in tightening the grip, his blush turning crimson.  
Sano kinked an eyebrow at Yahiko, who tried vainly to swat him. He would   
have said that Yahiko's relationship with Michael was much like his with   
Katsu, but there was a disturbingly romantic tension between the two kids   
that was absent from his friendship. Michael had been firmly convinced ever   
since kindergarten that he was going to marry Yahiko someday, and Sano's   
touto hadn't done a bit to discourage him. It was cute, really.  
Hey, touto, hate to interrupt the shoujo bubbles you got goin' here, but   
we've gotta get movin', he teased fondly. Say goodbye to your boyfriend,   
Yahiko.  
Yahiko turned beet red.  
'Bye, Yahiko! Michael chirped, then released him from the stranglehold.   
Yahiko popped into the seat, still crimson, but waving a begrudging goodbye.  
So, are we headed to the hospital? Yahiko obediently buckled himself in   
after only one warning look.  
Aa. The doctor said Kenshin could probably go home today. Sano kept his   
voice light, not letting himself lose his calm again. That had been damaging  
  
enough in front of Katsu... he didn't have to break down in front of his   
little brother too.  
That's good. Yahiko was silent, seeming unsure.  
Sano sighed, then steeled himself. What's on your mind, kid? he asked   
quietly.  
How much longer are we gonna be living there? Yahiko asked softly, voice   
very serious. Is it gonna be a while?  
Why, don't you like it there? Sano cast a worried glance at him out of   
the corner of one eye. What? Tell me.  
Yahiko shook his head quickly. No, nononono... It's not that I don't like   
it, I... I really do like it there, he confided, voice almost shy. It's   
not that I didn't like it before... it's just...  
This is better, Sano whispered, completing his thought.   
Aa. Different, but... better...  
Sano smiled a little sadly. That's cause... Kenshin knows how to be a   
parent, an' I don't, he clarified with little bitterness. I was never... I  
  
was never much of an adult where you were concerned, kid. I...  
Stop it, Sano. It's fine.  
Sano stared at the wheel, feeling his previous mood return in full   
force. You know I- his voice became low, rough with emotion- you know I   
love you, kid, but I just didn't know how to raise you... I'm not like   
that...  
You're not my father. You're my aniki. That's okay. Yahiko seemed   
desperate to reassure him, words stumbling over one another. It's fine.   
It's not like I was unhappy, it... it's just different now.  
Do you want to stay there? Sano asked quietly, oddly touched by his   
little brother's fervent words.  
Y-yeah. I'd like that.  
An obscure smile touched Sano's lips, and he thought of Jou-chan and her   
temper... Misao and her scheming ways... Kenshin's gentle smile, delicate   
hands shuddering atop his shoulders and shyness in his amethyst eyes...  
I'd like that too, he whispered.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
Misao, this is possibly the stupidest thing I've ever seen in my life.  
Shh! This is the good part!  
Kaoru glared at her sister's head, the younger girl's attention   
concentrated solely on the banal talk show she managed to find on the old   
television. It was true that they had pretty much run out of things to talk   
about, and Misao had difficulty containing herself without a distraction,   
but there was only so much she could take.  
Their father slept peacefully in the pristine hospital bed, his cheek   
pillowed innocently on his folded hands like a child would rest. He had been  
  
dead to the world for a few hours now, after having exhausted himself   
earlier that afternoon. In his infinite attempts to try and convince the   
world at large that he was quite fine, he had spent a good deal of time   
arguing with the doctor about his medication. Kaoru had avoided being in the  
  
room at the time, unable to shake a strange feeling that there was something  
  
inside that she shouldn't be near. It was a feeling she had become   
accustomed to, that winter a long time ago... hiding from Hitokiri   
Battousai... and she had never wanted to feel it again.  
But the sense had disappeared, and she had gone back inside to find   
tou-san meekly agreeing to a sedative. He had been asleep ever since.  
There was a business-like rapping at the door, and Kaoru rose mechanically   
to answer it. She found herself looking into near-black eyes.  
Good afternoon, Kaoru-chan, Meg said cheerily, nudging her aside.   
Ken-san has a visitor... why don't you and your sister come with me, hm?  
Kaoru blinked, then smiled in understanding as Sanosuke passed through the   
door beside her. Hey, the older boy said roughly, mussing up   
her hair. Yahiko's out in the waiting area with Shinimori, if you wanna go   
find them.  
Misao rocketed up from her seat, then pushed past the three   
of them with a silly smile on her face. Don't wait up,   
Kaoru sighed in irritation, then followed her. Third wheel again, she   
muttered under her breath. Nothing like it.  
Ara? What's that? Meg peered at her, eyes sparkling.  
Kaoru blinked up at her, then shook her head. Misao is madly in love with   
Shinimori-san, she explained with some annoyance. I'm always stuck just   
sitting there and trying to pretend I'm somewhere else.  
Oh, poor girl, Meg pouted. Why don't you come with me? I have a break,   
and I was going to go get some coffee... Her voice trailed off.  
Kaoru brightened. Oh, thank you! she said gratefully, going as far to   
grab her for an impromptu hug. I don't think I could stand that again! I-  
Meg's arms closed around her waist firmly, holding her close and not... not   
letting go... Kaoru lost her train of thought and blushed, uncontrollably   
and inexplicably. She felt her arms slide up from the other girl's shoulders  
  
to her neck, trying to keep her balance, and trying to keep from combusting   
completely. What... what was this...?  
You certainly won't be a third wheel, the dark-haired girl purred softly   
against her ear.  
Kaoru shivered, disbelieving the tingles that raced across her skin   
and the heat that caught in her chest, heart pounding and blood churning. It  
  
was incomprehensible... what could be...? Why would she be...?  
Abruptly, Meg released her, and Kaoru nearly stumbled. She stared up into   
those onyx eyes, unable to say a word, unable to even draw the breath needed  
  
through her lungs.  
Let's go then, hmm? Breaks are only so long, you know.  
  
Sano closed the door behind him, taking care not to let it slam. Kenshin   
was curled up amongst the white sheets, breathing softly, face relaxed. He   
looked so beautiful... so innocent... and Sano took a moment to merely   
admire that sight, his heart fluttering beneath his breastbone, something   
warm in his chest.  
Then Kenshin's breath caught, and those amethyst eyes slitted open, lips   
parting slightly as he lifted his head from his hands. He frowned a little,   
searching the room with half-closed eyes, then jumped as his field of vision  
  
took in Sano's figure, standing uncertainly by the door.  
he whispered, slurring a bit, the last vestiges of a slumber   
apparently drug-induced still lingering in his mind.  
Didn't mean to wake you, Sano returned apologetically, keeping his tone   
gentle and voice soft. Do you want me to go so you can rest?  
Kenshin said firmly, blinking his eyes open to their familiar wide   
state and sitting up a little. Daijoubu de gozaru yo. I'm glad to... He   
looked away, lashes falling bashfully over those jewel-like eyes as his   
cheeks flushed a little in embarrassment. I'm glad to see you, Kenshin   
completed, voice tiny and shy.  
I'm glad you're doing better, Sano replied with a gentle smile, sitting   
down on the edge of the mattress as he had the night before. His lips   
trembled a little at the memory that incurred, the sensation of the   
redhead's taut and yet curiously soft skin beneath his impromptu kiss...  
H-hai de gozaru. The doctor said I just had to rest a little de gozaru   
yo. Kenshin smiled a little. I suppose I just need to go home now.  
Did they give you a new prescription or something? Sano inquired   
worriedly, stilling his hands in his lap before they could reach out to   
brush a stray lock of hair from Kenshin's cheek, where it obscured that scar  
  
that still fascinated him so.  
He was completely unprepared for Kenshin's reaction.  
His thin shoulders drew up and stiffened, eyes going briefly, painfully   
wide, then he fell into a silent quavering, refusing to look up into Sano's   
eyes, hands clenching in the thin paper of the hospital gown he'd been   
clothed with. How did you know about that? he asked softly, voice shaking   
so badly that it took him a long time to allow the words to pass his lips.  
Sano winced, then reached out and took a gentle hold on one cold shoulder.   
'Jou-chan told us, he explained quietly. Kenshin, she was scared... she   
didn't know what else to do.  
Kenshin fell silent, and there was something in his eyes that   
scared Sano to no end. Something... dead, hurting...  
Kenshin, look, it's okay, he soothed hopefully. Everything's fine. None   
of this is your fault... it's not like you're crazy. It's a legitimate   
condition...  
So is insanity de gozaru, Kenshin pointed out, voice quivering, cool and   
detached.  
Sano sighed, knowing that he'd probably said the exact wrong thing again.   
he tried again, squeezing his shoulder in some attempt to warm him   
up. It's okay. You're not crazy. It's gonna be okay.  
How is it all going to be fine?! Kenshin burst out, face deathly pale,   
hands clenching into fists in his lap, tearing at the paper gown. I can't   
protect my own children de gozaru yo! I can't provide for them, I can't be   
there for them, all because I've been fooled into spending every cent any of  
  
us earn on this medication when it does me no good! They just want an excuse  
  
to take them away from me de gozaru yo! And if I don't buy the medication,   
I'll be declared an unfit parent de gozaru! There's no way I can win   
anymore, Sano!!  
That speech seemed to drain all his energy, and Kenshin slumped, face grey   
and eyes half closed. Sano leaned forward in worry, slipping his arms around  
  
the smaller man and automatically drawing him close. Kenshin offered no   
resistance, slumping into his arms with the tiniest of whimpers.  
He'd finally found a book, that afternoon, that had been understandable. An   
effect of paranoid schizophrenia, as he'd understood, was to see the   
internal voices as just as credible and real, if not more so, than those in   
the world around them. If this was what Kenshin believed to be the truth,   
there would be no dissuading him... at least not without the help of an   
actual therapist, which Sano was nothing like. He could barely understand   
his own feelings, let alone someone else's. Especially when they were so   
complex.  
he said calmly, thinking feverishly. The medication didn't hurt   
you by taking it, right?  
Kenshin was limp against his shoulder, breathing raggedly.  
And if you don't take it, the agency'll declare you unfit, right?  
  
So there's no harm in taking it, Sano said reasonably, petting his hair   
gently. You kept a good house before, still buying it, and I've got a   
job... used to have two, but I lost the one for bein' belligerent, y'know.   
So I'd have to put off the apartment search for a while, but unless you   
really object to having me around... Sano let his voice trail off, unsure   
of what he could be expecting.  
Kenshin whispered, his breath feathering over Sano's neck, a   
curiously pleasurable sensation. Sano closed his eyes and hugged him closer.  
  
he repeated more firmly. I don't mind at all de gozaru yo.   
Shikashi...  
Sano whispered back, enraptured by the soft skin of Kenshin's naked   
arm beneath his fingers, the fragrant silken hair that tickled his jaw.   
Kenshin's fingers slid over the thin fabric of his shirt, shaking and   
hesitant, then flattened on his chest.  
I'm not your responsibility de gozaru yo, Kenshin murmured softly,   
quivering a little against him. There's no reason you should exert yourself  
  
on my behalf. You don't have to do anything...  
Yes, I do, Sano soothed gently. I do. He hugged him gently, stroking   
his hair, pressing his cheek to Kenshin's smooth forehead. I do have to.   
I-  
he asked softly, plaintively, pulling back a little to look up into   
his eyes.  
Because I lo-  
Sano froze in the middle of that damning word, entire body going stiff. He   
couldn't- he couldn't say- Oh, Gods, he'd said enough already. His heart   
pounded suddenly beneath his breastbone, as though struggling to get free.   
It was one thing... for it to feel right, and another for it to be right.   
He'd learned that... thou shalt not lie with a man as thou dost with a   
woman, or some crap like that, that so many had preached at him over the   
years... It didn't matter if it felt right for him to think of himself as   
gay. It was wrong, a sin, an abomination against Nature... all that... It   
felt right, to say he loved Kenshin... but there was a very good chance   
Kenshin wouldn't think so.  
Kenshin stared at him, eyes going wide, painfully wide. His cheeks   
darkened, lips trembling and parting as he mouthed a soundless   
He cast his gaze aside, flushed in shame. I love you, Kenshin, he   
whispered.  
Kenshin was silent for a long time, gazing at him with those wide eyes,   
seeming to be comprehending this.  
You can't, he said plaintively.  
Well, I do, Sano shot back, aching deep inside inside. He knew... he had   
known this would happen... I'm sorry.  
Kenshin blurted out suddenly, eyes flashing with something powerful,   
something intense and passionate, his hands suddenly gripping Sano's   
shoulders. Don't! Don't apologize, don't, onegai, onegai... You've done   
nothing wrong, Sano, it's only... oh, Gods...  
It's okay that you don't, anou... that you don't- Sano wanted to look   
away, unable to bear this shame, not wanting to see the pity in Kenshin's   
crystalline eyes, not wanting to... But he couldn't tear his gaze away,   
afraid in some unreasonable distrust and paranoia that he would never be   
able to gaze into those gorgeous depths again.  
Oh, Sano... Kenshin whispered, the painful intensity of his naked anguish   
bringing tears to Sanosuke's eyes. It's not that- It's not that I- Oh,   
Sano, it doesn't matter how I feel, this can't happen de gozaru yo! We   
can't- we can't- we can't do this...  
It took a moment, but Sano understood in a flash that... that maybe there   
was something here he hadn't expected... He stared down into Kenshin's   
beautiful features, then moved his hands, drawing them to cup his cheeks,   
tilting his face up to his own. Kenshin's eyes were dark and shimmering with  
  
pain, lips trembling, parted slightly...  
he whispered, firming his grip, feeling his heart flutter. Tell   
me how you feel.  
It doesn't matter de gozaru-  
Sano interrupted. It does. It matters to me. He leaned closer,   
bringing Kenshin close to him. The little redhead shivered, but didn't   
resist him at all, staring into his eyes, thin chest heaving suddenly as his  
  
breath became heavy and labored.  
Sano nuzzled against his cheek, not breaking his gaze, waiting for the words  
  
that could either shatter his heart or make him the happiest he'd ever been.  
I- I, Sano, I- Kenshin shook against him, eyes wide, blushing crimson.   
  
Kenshin, anything you wanna say is okay, Sano soothed gently, fluttering   
in fearful anticipation. I'm not gonna-  
I'm the one who should be apologizing to you, Sano, Kenshin whimpered,   
trying to look away. I... I knew that I... I brought you into my home,   
where I could be around you nearly every moment of the day, knowing that   
I... His skin was crimson by now, burning beneath Sano's fingertips, tears   
of frustration beginning to glimmer in his eyes. Knowing that I found you   
attractive... oh, Sano, and to have... to have fallen in love with you... I   
couldn't have-... oh, Sano, you're only nineteen...  
You love me? Sano whispered, ignoring all the rest for a minute, focusing   
on those few words with all his being. You... you really love me, Kenshin?  
Kenshin trembled, then the slightest of smiles curved his quivering lips,   
eyes softening with gentle affection. Oh, Sano... of course I do de gozaru   
yo. You... you thought I didn't?  
I wasn't sure you... that you were... Sano blushed suddenly, embarrassed   
for reasons beyond his immediate understanding. I mean, I thought you were,  
  
uh... but I've been wrong about people before, I guess, and I didn't wanna   
assume just because... because you were so...  
Kenshin blinked, a certain shy light beginning to glimmer in his   
eyes. So, what?  
So beautiful, Sano completed raptly, stroking a finger across Kenshin's   
smooth cheek. More beautiful than anyone has any right to be.  
Kenshin cast his gaze away, blushing deeply. he protested,   
squirming.   
Sano tugged him back, unyielding hands holding the sides of his face.   
Kenshin gasped, staring up at him.  
Sano obeyed the urge singing in his heart, leaning down to Kenshin's sweet   
upturned face and kissing him, finally, for the first real time, fiercely   
albeit clumsily. Kenshin shook violently, then slumped against him with a   
soft little whimper, hands clutching in his shirt collar. His lips were   
soft, velvety, quivering against Sano's, vibrating with the guilty purrs   
emanating from his throat.  
He slowly released Kenshin's face, and when the redhead showed no sign of   
pulling away, he let his hands slide to rest on Kenshin's back, then his   
hips. The older man stiffened, then his hands relaxed slightly, moving to   
tangle in his hair, dragging him closer while his lips parted slightly,   
invitingly, his body shuddering maddeningly beneath Sano's unsure hands.  
Sano met Kenshin's tongue with his own, impatient and yet still hesitating   
out of fear and uncertainty. Kenshin's sharp intake of their shared breath,   
though nearly draining Sano's already-aching lungs, was agonizingly   
exciting, and he whimpered a little, clutching him close.  
It was an eternity before their lips parted. Kenshin stared up into his   
eyes, speechless, blushing so deeply his skin tone matched his hair. Sano   
tried to breathe, holding him close, burying his face in Kenshin's shoulder   
and saying nothing.  
Kenshin's voice was tiny. We... we can't do this de gozaru yo..  
Why not? Sano protested, knowing it was futile but unable... unable to   
let this go without a fight. Why can't we? I'm of age, so it's not...  
Sano, I could lose my job de gozaru yo, Kenshin said softly, bitterly. I   
can't afford that. It's going to be hard enough de gozaru... He shook his   
head, laying a hand against the back of Sano's neck, delicate fingers   
combing through his hair. Sano sighed longingly under his touch, tightening   
his grip on Kenshin's slender waist. Besides... it's not only that de   
gozaru. You're only nineteen... you have so much of your life ahead of you,   
all of it, nearly, and you deserve the chance to move about, try new things,  
  
do all those things that children do... you don't need to be tied down to   
anything just yet... especially me de gozaru yo. Kenshin fell silent, his   
fingers stilled in Sano's hair.  
I'm not a child, Sano said quietly, closing his eyes.  
  
Sano lifted his head, grabbing him close. Kenshin gasped, flushing.  
With one sharp motion and a explosion of power from his tightly bunched   
muscles, Sano shoved Kenshin down onto his back, the mattress complaining at  
  
the sudden movement, then straddled his hips before the redhead had a chance  
  
to even struggle.  
S-Sano, anata wa- Kenshin choked out, eyes wide, a renewed blush staining   
his cheeks.   
I'm enough of an adult to know what I want! Sano growled fiercely. If   
you wanna turn me down because you don't want me, that's fine. But I'm not   
gonna stand for you breakin' this off when you don't even bother to hide   
that you want me, that you love me, Kenshin! Don't you try and protect me! I  
  
know what's good for me, I've been taking care of myself and Yahiko since I   
was nine! I know what I want, and goddammit, Kenshin, I want you!  
Kenshin stared up into his eyes, bright red, eyes steadily tearing.   
he managed to whisper, I only... I want you to be as happy as you can be,   
and I would never... I would never want to let my own desires stand in the   
way of that...  
Sano bit his lower lip, then sighed, softening, and leaned down to brush a   
kiss over Kenshin's scar. he soothed. C'mon. Trust me more than   
that, huh?  
But... aagh... Kenshin sighed and smiled weakly up at him. Still... my   
job, Sano...  
No one has to know, Sano reasoned with a wicked grin, pleased that   
Kenshin had seen the correct path and wasn't protesting anymore. But let's   
not worry about that now... There's more important things to worry about   
right now, naa?  
It seemed more of a method of defense than true surprise.  
Sano leaned close to him, then kissed him for the second time, pressing   
close and sighing softly. Kenshin only resisted for a brief moment, then   
relaxed in a way that seemed nearly involuntary, melting down into the stiff  
  
hospital mattress. His arms wrapped around Sano's neck, pulling him down   
closer with a soft little whimper.  
They lay there, kissing, Sano still knelt over Kenshin's prone form,   
Kenshin's small hands clutching at his shoulders, Sano's finger's entwined   
deep in the mass of blood-silk hair, soft gasps escaping their throats as   
they shifted restlessly against each other, hesitant and unsure, but unable   
to hold themselves back.  
A few blissful minutes passed before they broke, and gasping for breath,   
Kenshin suddenly shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut.  
Sano whispered, stroking one cheek gently, dreading the answer.  
Sano... we can't do this, not now... Kenshin pleaded softly. Onegai...   
onegai shimasu de gozaru... Just let me think for a while...?  
Sano hesitated, then smiled a little, comforting, reassuring. Aa... gomen,   
I come on a little strong, I guess... He hid his hormonal disappointment in  
  
favor of true affection and changed position, cuddling Kenshin up in his   
arms. Don't worry about it, naa?  
A-arigatou gozaimasu... Kenshin sighed, sounding appropriately soothed.  
Sano waited for a long time, and at a lack for anything else to say, he   
held him close. Are you coming home today? he asked hopefully.  
Hai, I plan to de gozaru.  
And there was silence.  
  
Kenshin stared at the plain white sheets, heart racing in his thin chest.   
They were finishing up the paperwork at the desk, Kaoru-dono writing with   
Misao-dono and Sano leaning over her shoulders dictating. Kaoru-dono knew   
all their insurance information by heart, considering the various scrapes   
the girls had gotten themselves into over the years. They had been there   
more times for broken arms and legs than any other family in the county, in   
all probability.  
He brushed the back of one hand across his lips without thinking, amazed   
inwardly that they showed no signs of bruising yet. Sano... he fought to   
contain a blush, trying to force the memory of the boy's mouth on his from   
his mind and failing.  
What was he going to do...?  
What could he do? Sano already knew how he felt, there was no way that he   
would let that go... he'd seen the boy's tenacious nature on more than one   
occasion. And... something inside him thrilled at that, and yet something   
else was terrified. No matter what he said, Kenshin couldn't help but dread   
that something terrible would come of this... no matter how much they both   
might want it...  
He didn't know just when he had realized the depth of his feelings for the   
child, couldn't remember anymore... all he could recall was waking to   
Shinta-tachi taunting him of his perversion and not bothering to defend   
himself anymore. It was useless to try to convince them of an innocence that  
  
had never truly existed, when they dwelled within his mind as it was and   
thus had access to all the thoughts and feelings he did.  
There was nothing left to defend, anyway. His... depravity had been bad   
enough when he had never acted on it, when it simply slept within somewhere   
and only bothered him when he had nothing else to occupy himself with, but   
now... He could plead his self-restraint, his avoidance of any temptation,   
when there hadn't been any. He'd never had this problem before...  
His lips twisted. Problem'. What a way to think of this... a little   
problem, that was all. Just something to overcome and ignore, a little bump   
in the road... but...  
Problem'. It was a disaster. A calamity of unfathomed proportions. What   
could he do...? He... He was...  
He was in love. Helplessly, hopelessly, head over heels in love with a boy   
of nineteen years... a mere child, he was, and yet so... so mature, somehow,  
  
so wise and gentle and compassionate and warm and... trusting...  
It would be one thing if they'd met under different circumstances, just two   
people passing on the street or some such thing... but as it was...  
Misao-dono had said it, though it seemed so long ago... Sano had pleaded it   
himself, and Kenshin had reassured himself with the same sentiment so many   
times, in the chill of the night... He was nineteen. He was legally an   
adult, in this country, and had been so for a year and a half or so, since   
his eighteenth birthday. If they... were they... were they to continue, in   
some semblance of a relationship, it wouldn't be breaking any laws. Not   
those that were etched out in the law books, anyway. But that didn't change   
the truth that it violated the ethics of the school system for an employee   
and a student to... to be involved, as it were... and he would most   
definitely lose his job it anyone were to find out. Even what had already   
passed between them... even that would be enough to throw his continued   
employment into question. And he couldn't afford to lose his job... not now.  
  
Not ever... And how difficult it would be, to get a job somewhere else, with  
  
his qualifications... after being dismissed for a breach of ethics! A   
therapist fired for a breach of ethics!  
And even beyond that...  
  
Kenshin jumped, then blinked up into Sano's chocolate brown eyes. he   
returned softly, fidgeting.  
Looked pretty out of it, there. We're all done, if ya wanna... y'know, get   
outta here. The dark-haired boy cocked his head with a grin. Get ya home   
to decent food.  
Sano-san, you ate all his Jello, so you've no room to complain,   
Misao-dono reminded, laying a disciplinary smack upside his skull. Sano   
blinked dumbly.  
Well, I-  
Let's just go, Kaoru-dono interrupted. I'd rather sit at home if I have   
to listen to you argue, if you don't mind, you two. Are you all right to   
walk,   
Kenshin nodded, trying on a bright smile and discovering with astonishment   
that it fit on his lips again. Hai, hai, Kaoru-dono... Sessha wa daijoubu   
de gozaru yo. I even have my own clothes on again de gozaru, he indicated   
his favorite magenta shirt with a steady hand. I'm all ready to get home   
where I'm supposed to be de gozaru.  
That's good. Kaoru-dono returned his smile, seeming relieved. Let's go.  
  
*** *** ***


	8. I'll Never Leave You

*** *** ***  
  
Hey... Kenshin...  
the redhead returned distractedly, refolding another shirt and   
placing it in the upper drawer. The laundry was almost finished for this   
week, and then he could get back to his studying. Maybe, someday, he could   
get his own office... work with people who came to be helped and not just to  
  
get out of class... It was a nice thought.  
It took a moment before the deep, masculine tone connected with the source   
of the voice in his distracted mind. It was then that he froze, a crimson   
blush coming uncontrollably to his cheeks, and he looked down at the carpet.  
What is it de gozaru ka? he returned shyly.  
Sano entered the room, then sat with a graceless thump on the bed. How're   
you feelin'? he inquired. You threw yourself right back into th' chores   
once you got back...  
Sessha wa daijoubu de gozaru. Kenshin lifted his face, then gave him a   
brilliant smile in gratitude for his obvious concern. Sano blinked at him,   
then inexplicably, his cheeks darkened, and he looked away.  
They remained in silence for a few minutes, both unsure of what to say,   
what to do. Kenshin studied the shirt he smoothed out with trembling   
fingers, wanting to speak, but not knowing what he should say to this   
child... this innocent child he had so recently sullied with his unclean   
touch...  
He forcibly shook himself out of that self-condemnation, knowing it would   
only lead to tears, nausea, and louder and louder taunting from   
Shinta-tachi. He didn't need that right now...  
Th-that's good to hear... I... listen, Kenshin, I-  
Kenshin interrupted, turning to face him with his breath catching   
in his throat, hands clenching into shaking fists, cheeks reddening even   
further. Onegai... I don't know what to say to you anymore de gozaru. I   
told you all the reasons why this is the worst thing we could possibly do,   
and none of them seem to make any difference to you de gozaru yo. I don't   
know-  
Kenshin, you don't understand, Sano broke in, rising to his feet on the   
side of the bed closest to him. His dark eyes flashed with a fierce passion,  
  
and he caught Kenshin by the shoulders, hands unyielding. None of those   
things make any difference, don't you get it? I don't care how old you are,   
I don't care what other people think... I care about you. I want you. I love  
  
you. Nothing else matters to me.  
Kenshin stared at him dumbly, unable to breathe, his heart pounding faster   
and faster. he stuttered, shaking, the intensity in those dark   
eyes too much to bear...   
Sano's fierce eyes fell suddenly under shadow, arms flexing and hands   
clenching on his shoulders, shoving him with a sudden force against the   
dresser. Kenshin's head slammed hard into the highest shelf, pain exploding   
from the base of his skull and chest aching as the breath was knocked from   
his lungs... and yet, none of it mattered...  
He felt his brow furrow, heart fluttering wildly as Sanosuke's mouth   
covered his, hot and demanding, the same overwhelming tide of emotion and   
sensation momentarily silencing the babbling ethical condemnations that   
screamed in his mind. His head lolled back, lips trembling beneath the boy's  
  
assault, shaking under his hands.  
he whimpered, eyes opening to slits after he realized he'd closed   
them. The dark-haired boy leaned against his forehead, eyes closed, full   
lashes fluttering against his tanned cheek.  
Why do you keep pushing me away? he whispered, voice gentle again, soft   
and considering. I know it's not because you don't want me... So why? I   
just don't understand, koishii...  
Kenshin felt his cheeks burn at the Nihongo term of endearment, and he   
looked away shyly, unable to hold back a guilty sigh. Sessha... it's   
only... I... it just... it's wrong, Sano... it's wrong de gozaru yo...  
How is it wrong? Sano whispered against his ear. Kenshin gasped in   
shaming pleasure, the hot, fluttering gust of breath tingling across his   
sensitive skin. Is it wrong because you think so, or because you think   
everyone else'll think so?  
  
Don't do this to yourself, Sano interrupted, voice tight and intense.   
Don't do this to what we could have, Kenshin. Other people don't matter.   
All that matters is how you feel, not what you think they'll think of you...  
  
Do you really wanna live for the rest of the world? Or do you wanna live for  
  
yourself?  
Sano, please, I- Kenshin tried to meet his eyes, then gasped sharply, a   
stab of pain twinging in his earlobe as the teenager bit down suddenly on   
the soft, vulnerable flesh there. Sano suckled at him viciously, the tip of   
his tongue dancing over the skin, a hand pushing against his chest, sliding   
down over his ribs, finding the opening of his button-down shirt and pulling  
  
the cloth with two fingers, a savage motion that popped off one pearl button  
  
and ripped the fabric across his stomach.  
Sano's lips pulled from his ear and slid down his neck, leaving burning,   
open-mouthed kisses on the flesh that vibrated with helpless moans, the tip   
of his tongue dancing along the line of his jaw. Kenshin squeezed his eyes   
shut, unable to stop the tremulous song of breathless want that sang from   
his throat without his permission. He couldn't... he couldn't deny the need   
that quickened his pulsing heart, pounding in his loins, the desperate want   
he hated himself for, that left him unable to push Sano away...  
Do what you want for once, Sano suggested, hands making quick work of the   
remains of his poor shirt. It had been the blue one, anyway... he'd never   
been fond of that one...  
His attempt to distract himself with those superfluous thoughts went for   
vain as Sano's hands found his naked skin, the shirt mere rags on his back   
by now. It didn't matter... none of it mattered... Kenshin's thin shoulders   
heaved, labored and unsteady breath rattling in his throat.  
He wanted this... he wanted this more than he'd ever wanted anything in his   
life... he'd never felt something like this, never felt his body brought to   
such pounding, aching life, never felt something so... so good... It was all  
  
he could think, wondering in such simplistic, childlike words... so good...!  
  
How could something so simple as another's touch feel so good?  
Sano's lips covered his for the third time, and this time Kenshin kissed   
him back, the protesting dying out, replaced by the soft moans and whimpers   
escaping his own throat as the boy kissed him, rough hands fondling his   
naked chest, strong legs pinning him to the dresser. He let his arms stretch  
  
around his neck, fingers entangling deep into his unruly dark hair, pulling   
him closer, shivering in excitement. This was unbearable...  
Is this what you want, koishii? Sano murmured into his parted lips,   
thumbs smoothing over his exposed ribs. Kenshin stared up into his dark   
eyes, breath coming in short pants, entire body throbbing to a near painful   
distraction.  
What he wanted... when was the last time he'd even thought of... what he   
wanted, only himself, not the girls, not his job, not anyone but...   
himself...?  
Kenshin felt his lips move against Sanosuke's, but was not sure himself of   
what they said. He trembled, Sano's obvious excitement pressing heavily   
against him, knowing the boy could feel his own desire in a similarly   
substantial fashion, knowing it was wrong to the world, and yet so right in   
his heart... so... so very right...  
Hai de gozaru yo, he managed, wondering faintly if he had already   
whispered those words, his voice barely audible. I... This is what I   
want... You are what I want de gozaru yo...  
Sano was silent for a moment, dark eyes glimmering with emotion, then let   
the shining of sudden tears in his eyes fall to darkness, moving forward to   
capture his lips again, and closing his arms around his slender waist.   
Kenshin melted into his arms, shivering at the power of his embrace, the   
strength of the thudding heartbeat beneath one hand.  
Sano took one step towards the bed, and Kenshin followed, unthinking. So   
reassuring was the gentleness of those rough and powerful hands that... that  
  
the fear that had choked him so often when under the steady gaze of those   
soft dark eyes simply dissipated, allowing him to... to concentrate on the   
heat that was burning deep inside him, to feel the touch of his fingers   
without pulling away. It didn't matter... it couldn't matter, what anyone   
else would say. Let them think what they would... he loved Sano... he loved   
him, and that couldn't be wrong...  
Sano pulled him down to the mattress, and Kenshin sat obediently, cheeks   
dark in embarrassment, eyes cast away. Sano's hands framed his face, tugging  
  
him closer as the teenager sighed in a fond annoyance.  
Shy little... c'mere, you.  
Kenshin yelped in surprise, then subsided with a bashful little ,   
Sano cradling him firmly to his chest. He ran the tips of his fingers   
lightly over the fabric of the teenager's shirt, then blinked up at him.   
he said shyly. Do we... do we know what we're doing, exactly...   
de gozaru ka?  
Sano pondered that silently, a hand slowly stroking over his naked back.   
Kenshin sighed shakily, the silent thrumming inside his shivering form not   
ebbing for a second.  
he replied simply. Not exactly. But, if we just don't think about   
it...  
  
Sano took him firmly by the shoulders and shifted about to face him   
directly. Kenshin blinked up into his eyes, blushing crimson, heartbeat   
thumping on in his ears.  
Like this, the boy said simply, then kissed him firmly.  
Kenshin leaned into him with a soft purr, becoming slowly more and more   
accustomed to this feeling, and yet loving it more with every new   
experience. Sano pulled him close again, the warmth of his body reassuring,   
and he cuddled against his broader chest.  
Sano held him tightly, biceps flexing against his back, then leaned forward   
even further. Unable to think of any other course, Kenshin leaned back. He   
was, however, utterly unprepared for the soft, triumphant growl that issued   
from the dark-haired boy's throat.  
There was a moment of pure silence.  
And then Sano pounced.  
Kenshin only managed a squeak of complete surprise as his back became   
acquainted with the quilt he covered his bed with. he stuttered   
out. Oro- we- ororororoooo...  
Sano propped himself up on one elbow, leaning over him. His free hand   
stroked lightly over his cheek, eyes dark and serious. he whispered.   
Nothin' to it. Just... as it goes...  
His eyes fluttered closed as Sano kissed him deeply, leaning close, then   
shifted to cover Kenshin's body with his own. Kenshin quavered beneath him,   
then firmed his resolve. This... this was what he wanted... So he lifted his  
  
arms to wrap tightly around Sano's shoulders, pulling him closer.  
It wasn't as if this was the first time he'd felt this... it was, after   
all, exactly how Sano had first attempted to convince him of his resolve,   
back at the hospital... the pressure of his weight, pushing him down into   
the mattress... But, this was different somehow, some indescribable way,   
knowing that... Sano wasn't going to let him go this time...  
The heavy scrape of one hipbone pushing into his upper thigh startled him   
with the sudden feverish urgency of the boy's movements, long fingers   
tangling in the crimson fall of his hair and clutching with a harsh sigh.   
Kenshin whimpered deep in his throat, reacting to the shift and pushing back  
  
with a sinful eagerness. Sano's dark eyes slitted open for a brief moment,   
then squeezed closed again as his mouth fell hungrily to the exposed, pale   
skin of his chest, the beaded sweat of both nerves and arousal devoured by   
his frenetically seeking lips and tongue. The redhead shuddered beneath him,  
  
fingers tearing at the soft mane of dark hair he clutched, the carnal   
stirrings deep within him almost too much to bear... and yet... not nearly   
enough... he gasped, straining up to him.   
the teenager moaned near reverently in reply, savage kisses   
tracking down to play along his ribs, two fingers of his free hand skimming   
down over his chest to dig underneath the waistband of the thin cloth hakama  
  
he had kept from his training at some dojo... he had always liked them,   
after all, feeling more comfortable in such clothing than many more modern   
types... He usually wore them when doing housework, like laundry, and he   
had-  
The thought process was interrupted by the intense, near-painful prickles   
that dug into the insides of his thighs, Sano's fingers pulling insistently   
at the clothing until the waist dragged low over his hips. He could hear the  
  
low growl of frustration that rumbled in the boy's chest as he evidently   
realized it was going to take some more effort to strip him of the garment,   
and Kenshin felt a throbbing whine start somewhere in his throat... a sound   
of pathetically helpless excitement as he squirmed beneath Sano's hands,   
those agonizingly powerful hands...  
Sanosuke was motionless for a few seconds that stretched into a tortuous   
infinity, staring in consternation at the hakama that seemed adamant in   
their duty to remain clothing Kenshin's person. Kenshin breathed harshly,   
every heartbeat answered by another aching twinge inside, then took frantic   
action in answer to the silent complaint. He slid his fingers from their   
entanglement in his dark, soft hair to dig into the fabric of his shirt   
collar, then tugged petulantly.  
There was no answer, Sano appearing frozen in his considerations.  
Kenshin frowned, then listened for once to the little voice in the back of   
his mind, which seemed to be working in concert with the ones focused in   
other, less prestigious areas of his body, and yanked viciously at the   
shirt. It tore easily beneath his demanding hands, and through the two   
lengths of black fabric, two eyes of a slightly lighter shade blinked at him  
  
in stupefication.  
Kenshin observed with some measure of sheepishness.  
The second syllable seemed frozen somewhere in Sano's throat,   
his eyes painfully wide in apparent surprise. Kenshin tried vainly to think   
of something to say, then when his brain refused to offer up anything   
intelligible, simply blushed.  
Sumimasen de goza-  
His trembling, hoarse voice was effectively silenced by the smothering   
force of Sano's lips on his, the boy resuming their earlier... activity...   
with nothing less than the most savage determination.  
Kenshin subsided beneath him with a soft whimper, hands clutching at the   
teenager's strong shoulders, a violent tremor racking all his slender form.   
Sano pulled him close, arms around his waist, ridged muscles pushing   
insistently into the dip of his spine and digging at his sides. The two   
halves of the now-unwearable black t-shirt fell unnoticed to the mattress on  
  
either side of them, the torn fabric merely the second casualty of a shared,  
  
furious passion... the first having been Kenshin's poor shirt.  
However, the casualties that would follow would no doubt be more severe...   
a thought that would have dwelled heavily on Kenshin's already-tormented   
mind and heart, were it not for the distracting influence of the object of   
all his desire and need, his guilty adoration and love, mouth unforgiving on  
  
his, pronounced hipbones pushing in a fevered grinding on his upper thighs,   
the flesh there burning from both the building agony of friction and the   
throbbing ache of need that pulsated in waves from that very center...  
Kenshin could feel himself slowly losing his desperate hold on   
what little control he'd ever had of the situation. There had to be   
something... something to interfere... and his mind raced, searching through  
  
anything, anything that could... the girls- no, Kaoru-dono and Misao-dono   
had taken Yahiko over to the park for a few hours... aagh, the one time they  
  
decided to all get along...! And Shinimori-dono had gone out... he'd left   
one of those carefully-worded notes, expressing that he would not be back   
until late that evening... The hamster had been fed...  
Kenshin shivered, his head falling weak against the rumpled pillow, his   
entire body betraying him utterly and completely... He couldn't deny the   
fear that sickened him... he was afraid, he was terrified, and there wasn't   
anything he could do... He was helpless. Not once had he been so swayed by   
personal want... not when it was so damaging! so dangerous! It didn't matter  
  
what he wanted, it only mattered what... what was right... what he knew   
was... right...  
Sano's strong hands fisted in the thin hakama, and when he knew that it was   
his final chance to raise his voice in righteous protest, to save this child  
  
from his perversity and the trials they would suffer as a result of this   
fatal weakness... When he knew he had to stop this now, push him away, save   
him, save him from what he could never save himself...  
He parted his lips to condemn himself, and at the end, even his command of   
his speech left him, left the logical, rational, moral side of his   
ever-divided mind, and fled to the voice inside he fought so hard to   
silence, the one that railed against the injustice of every day hiding who   
he was, what he felt, his values, his feelings, hiding all that he was   
because of the fear that someone else might not approve...  
he whispered, eyes squeezing shut, a single tear burning along   
the track it knew so well. Aishiteru... aishiteru... aishiteru... I don't   
want to be alone anymore... Don't leave me alone anymore... onegai...   
aishiteru...  
  
The next thing he felt was a rough hand settling onto his cheek, one thumb   
tenderly brushing away that single tear. Kenshin choked and opened his eyes,  
  
silently begging, pleading...  
Sanosuke smiled, if only a little, dark eyes burning with a fire that   
seared him, left him gasping for breath. You're not alone, he whispered,   
voice harsh, rumbling deep inside his chest. And you'll never be alone   
again. I should return the favor...  
Kenshin could only blink up at him, not comprehending, only able to   
perceive the pulsing, fiery passion in his eyes... the unfathomable depth of  
  
love in his eyes... he managed, voice small. Sessha mo...  
I was just as alone as you, he whispered, voice husky, heavy with   
feeling. Until you stuck your nose into my life.  
It was all he could manage, eyes aching with unshed tears, heart   
in as much unexpressible pain.   
the boy reprimanded with fond gentleness, still smiling that tiny   
little grin, hand trailing down his chest and settling again at the waist of  
  
his hakama. I'll never leave you alone again. Just keep up your end, naa?  
Kenshin nodded with a tearful smile, feeling his fingers tremble as he   
reached up hesitantly to touch his cheek. H-hai de gozaru yo. Sessha wa...  
Sano shook his head a little, then brushed the quickest of kisses over his   
fingertips before Kenshin pulled them away. He said nothing, but his eyes   
spoke enough, their fiery depths renewing the aching throb that through some  
  
marvel, Kenshin had momentarily been able to ignore. That period of   
unexpected grace now so suddenly over, Kenshin whimpered plaintively, with a  
  
quiver that swept his entire form.  
Sano kept his eyes, but busied his hands to the hakama that had frustrated   
him so. Kenshin squirmed uncontrollably, a crimson blush rising to his   
cheeks. The very flesh of his thighs twinged in an impatient ache, jealous   
of the attention the rest of him had received. Sano's long fingers hesitated  
  
for a moment, then took a firm hold on all that made his lower half fit to   
be viewed by the world and yanked it free of his body. The faint sound of   
ripping cloth made its way to his ears, but Kenshin shelved that away to be   
dealt with later and concentrated on blushing so hard that all the blood   
that was supposed to be other places was busied at either his cheeks or the   
throbbing pain that tortured him so and was at the moment pulsing naked in   
the cool air. As was... all of him, at the moment...  
Oh, Gods... he gritted out, shivering and...so embarrassed...  
Sano was silent, and after Kenshin had realized his eyes were closed and   
thus couldn't perceive his expression, he squeezed one open with a agonizing  
  
amount of trepidation.  
Sano was just as red as he was.  
Kenshin eyed him with a bit more courage. The teenager swallowed, blinked,   
shook his head, then swallowed again. Then he blinked some more.  
he whispered, hesitant. D-daijoubu de gozaru ka?  
Sano heaved a heavy sigh, shuddered, then nodded sharply. H-hai, hai hai   
hai... it- it's only... He shook his head and fell silent, but his arms   
shook violently where they were braced against the mattress.  
Kenshin blinked. he ventured again, his breathing too shallow and   
labored to manage any more. His entire body prickled with both nervousness   
and helpless arousal, and he fought to not concentrate on that...  
You're so beautiful, Sano whispered finally, shoulders shaking almost as   
though he were laughing, but no such much was evident on his features. His   
voice trembled as badly as Kenshin's had, if not worse, and he refused to   
meet his eyes, shaggy dark hair hanging to obscure his features. So much   
more beautiful... than anybody's got any right to be...  
Kenshin remembered those words from that tumultuous hospital visit, and   
smiled with shy affection, lifting a shaking hand to smooth his hair back   
from his forehead, stroking the dark locks and rubbing his fingertips over   
the hot skin. he returned, voice deeper than usual with emotion.   
Anata wa... motto... kirei... Oh, Sano... The words weren't even   
connected, not a sentence or phrase of any sort, but the bashful grin on the  
  
boy's lips indicated he understood.  
A hand caught his, and Sano kissed the palm, then the tips of each finger,   
pushing him gently but firmly back to the mattress beneath him. Kenshin   
stared up into his eyes, firming his resolve, shaking in anxiety but not   
caring anymore. His breath came harsh and shallow as he tried to reconcile   
himself with the thought of lying naked beneath Sanosuke, heart pounding and  
  
head starting to hurt as the growing lack of oxygen registered. Sano's lips   
nuzzled at his neck, then his hands settled onto his hips, the skin there   
tingling in guilty pleasure at his touch.  
Kenshin closed his eyes with a soft whimper, the denim of Sano's jeans   
digging into the vulnerable flesh of his thighs. It was... it was too   
much... just to lie here, those rough fingers playing over his hipbones,   
velvet lips light on his chest, just dancing along, until-  
Sano shifted position abruptly, lifting up to his knees, eyes flashing with   
something he couldn't describe. Kenshin lay prone, blinking up at him   
stupidly, aching with a life he'd never known before... every nerve was   
singing with awareness, burning and working, the entirety of his body more   
aroused and excited by Sano's simple nearness than he had ever known it   
possible to be. It was all he could bear, simply to lie here... how could he  
  
handle any-  
With a graceless thump that was so endearingly like him, Sano knelt over   
him, knees pushed against his upper calves, hands braced on either side of   
his hips, head ducked. Kenshin closed his eyes with a sudden realization of   
what the boy had in mind, a low moan sighing in tremulous song from his   
throat. Oh... Sano... he gasped, flushing, shaking beneath him.  
A rush of hot breath prickled across his burning need, and Kenshin sobbed,   
jumping up beneath him. Sano's dark eyes closed, his head lowering, and then  
  
the tip of his tongue teased along the throbbing length, hands sliding to   
grasp his hips...  
Kenshin wailed, his head snapping back, fingers digging into the sheet   
beneath him, voice hoarse in shocked ecstasy. Sano's lips closed around his   
hungrily pulsing need, suckling at him eagerly, the former throb seeming   
docile compared to the violent pounding of need that vibrated under the   
boy's ministration, all the blood rushing with a vengeance to his arousal.  
he cried, voice catching, back arching and stiffening,   
temples pounding to the same fierce rhythm of his hips, Sano's mouth pumping  
  
along his length, hands stroking his thighs, a soft groan rumbling through   
his lips... Kenshin sobbed and thrust against his mouth, trying to keep up   
with the steady rhythm Sano had set, unable to... he couldn't handle this...  
  
it was too much... too much... Oh, Gods... His throat vibrated with   
continued moans, the passionate, breathy sounds spilling from his lips over   
and over as Sano pleasured him...  
the boy rumbled, his tongue stroking the throbbing flesh,   
lapping at him, devouring him and touching him, touching him, a hand sliding  
  
around the back of his thigh... Kenshin whined deep in his throat,   
helplessly excited, Sano's fingers prodding at him, as though... as   
though...  
he panted, chest rising and falling quickly, breathing labored,   
eyes squeezed shut. Oh, Gods... What was he doing? This felt too good... too  
  
good to be wrong... how could something that felt so good, so right, be   
wrong? This was right... this had to be right... Oh, Gods, Sano... he loved   
him so much... so much...  
Sano rasped against his throbbing need, the vibration of his   
deep voice maddening, and Kenshin felt the sheets tear beneath his   
scrabbling fingers, unbearable, unbearable... Do you want me?  
he moaned, body quivering at a violent pace, clutching the   
sheets and wanting him, wanting him, wanting him more than he'd ever wanted   
anything in his life, but the fear that still weighed upon him was enough to  
  
silence that desire... He was frightened, and he didn't know why... he   
trusted Sano... he loved Sano... they could bear the consequences together,   
he knew Sano wouldn't desert him... but...  
It meant so much... this simple, physical act would mean so much...  
It was the end, and yet so much the beginning...  
Don't be scared, Sano whispered, his voice rough and harsh with desire,   
and yet so agonizingly gentle, tender... There's no reason to be scared...   
everything's okay. Everything's okay, Kenshin... He lifted his head, then   
rubbed hot kisses along his length, then the insides of his thighs, nuzzling  
  
him softly, gently, reassuring...   
Kenshin whispered, eyes open to slits and staring blindly at   
nothing. Hai... Hai, Sano...  
Sano was silent, but he kissed one trembling thigh and slid a finger   
against- Kenshin gasped, shuddering, squeezing his eyes shut and waiting,   
unable to breathe-  
He nearly screamed, Sano's long finger prodding deep inside him, the sudden   
searing pain nearly enough to clear his mind... He squirmed, whimpering,   
breath catching in his throat and choking him. he whined, twisting  
  
in agony.  
Sano's voice held the deepest of concentration, his free hand   
laying a brief, reassuring caress on his cheek. Kenshin panted, trusting him  
  
and waiting... but, Gods, it hurt, and-  
His head snapped back with a sudden shriek of baffled ecstasy,   
Sano's fingertip brushing- something- He sobbed, shivering, Sano stroking   
him... inside... inside... and the pain was slowly ebbing away as he grew   
accustomed to the invasion...  
Daijoubu ka? Sano mumbled, the tiniest of smiles twitching on his lips.  
Kenshin returned intelligently, brow furrowed, trying to   
breathe, the growing tide of sensation threatening to overwhelm him. Sano   
stroked him slowly, agonizingly slowly, gently, touching him so... so   
intimately... His head fell back, moans pouring from his lips... It felt so   
good... and the ache that had pounded inside, the emptiness that had begun   
to nag with the same thrumming rhythm that tortured all his body... it was   
soothed, by his touch, by...  
Sano groaned, then edged a second finger inside him... then a third...   
then... pushed, as thought searching for... for something, something that   
he-  
His voice tore at his throat, something exploding inside him,   
unbearable heat rushing through his veins and catching his entire body to   
fire... Sano's fingertips found that spot again, pushing, probing, waves of   
unendurable euphoria breaking over him... He writhed beneath him, desperate   
in passion and need...  
A few moments passed, a few ecstatic moments, Kenshin's sobbing growing to   
a frenzied, fevered pitch as Sano felt him, and then suddenly the teenager   
withdrew from him in a sharp jerk, leaving him empty and aching. he  
  
protested, squirming uncomfortably beneath him, not having been ready, not   
ready to lose...  
Shh, daijoubu, daijoubu... Sano soothed quickly, shifting. Kenshin   
whimpered, laying his head back and closing his eyes, the pain inside too   
much to ignore. He couldn't imagine how anything could be any better than   
what had already passed between them, those things Sano had already given   
him, his touch, his kisses, his love... what could there be left...? He had   
to admit... he had little idea of how exactly... well, how exactly two men,   
well... went about things... He'd tried hard to never find out, tried hard   
to keep away from the subject, knowing that his knowledge of himself   
being... homosexual... was exposure enough... but a little more knowledge   
would probably be useful about now.  
There was a bit of struggling obvious from the foot of the bed, but Kenshin   
never opened his eyes, still scolding himself silently about being such a   
closeted prude. After a few seconds had passed and some muffled cursing made  
  
Sano's frustration obvious, there was a thump of denim on the floor and a   
relieved sigh.  
Kenshin opened one eye shyly, then he blushed deeply and tried not to   
stare, his other eye creeping open as well as he peeked bashfully at Sano's   
gloriously naked form. Gods, he was so very beautiful... so strong and   
powerful, yet lean and slender, muscled, perfect, tanned skin and dark eyes   
that surveyed him with such tenderness, and yet such hunger...  
C'mere, now, Sano rumbled, moving forward and catching him close, their   
trembling bodies pressing close to each other, a smothered gasp escaping   
Kenshin's throat at Sano's hot skin on his, the sound of surprise and   
pleasure reciprocated from the boy's throat. They froze for a moment, then   
Sano groaned and pushed his hips hard against Kenshin's, their need grinding  
  
unmercifully. Kenshin moaned and pushed back, body shaking in sinful   
pleasure, savoring the feel of Sano's naked skin on his... Gods, he was so   
beautiful... so perfect...  
Sano didn't let up in the steady, driving force of his hips once, but his   
hands slid to the backs of Kenshin's thighs, pulling them gently up and   
apart. Kenshin resisted for only a second, uncomprehending, but relaxed   
obediently in a moment, allowing Sano to do as he wished. Hopefully, he knew  
  
what to do...  
Sano kissed his lips softly, gently, tasting him, his hands pushing slowly,   
lifting his lower back off the mattress. Kenshin squeaked, knocked off   
balance, but caught himself by clutching at Sano's hips with his knees. The   
teenager grinned briefly, something flashing in his dark eyes.  
Kenshin blinked at him, blushing.   
Trust me, he whispered, then kissed him gently, pushing his throbbing   
length against Kenshin, then... then...  
Kenshin gasped, his jaw falling open, Sano pushing inside him slowly,   
filling him, completing him... Kenshin sobbed, moaning his name, neck weak   
and head falling back, body arching up beneath him. Sano... Sano...  
He pushed steadily until the ache was gone, the pain was gone, and all   
Kenshin could feel was Sano throbbing inside him, pulsing to the same   
steady, frantic rhythm that had tormented him so. He panted, sobbing, unable  
  
to breathe... this was too perfect... too right...  
Sano rumbled, then pulled out of him... Kenshin hung on the   
edge, trying desperately to hold onto his sanity, his control, his very   
mind, to-  
And then Sano slammed back into him, and all was lost.  
Dimly, Kenshin heard himself scream, Sano shouting along with him, but none   
of that was important enough to command his attention, not now, not now as   
Sano pounded him with such frantic passion, sliding in and out of him so   
fast, so hard, friction building between them like fire and searing all his   
sense away... It was so good, too good, too good to be real, to last, but he  
  
wanted nothing more than for it to last, for it to last forever, to never   
end...  
Sano... Sano...  
Oh, Gods, Kenshin...!  
They clutched each other, wailing and crying, Kenshin's nails digging into   
Sano's shoulders and tearing at the flesh, Sano gritting his teeth and   
thrusting into him harder...faster... Kenshin gripped Sano's hips with his   
thighs, wrapping his legs around his back and shivering, wailing in   
unendurable passion.  
Sano grunted softly, the low, animal sound thrilling his every sense, then   
shifted, pulling him closer, changing his angle for some reason, and Kenshin  
  
blinked dumbly for only a split second before the scream tore his throat,   
head snapping back, heat churning inside him and exploding through every   
vein in his body. Sano's brief grin of triumph was lost in the same waves of  
  
euphoria that had buffeted him before, when Sano had first discovered that   
spot inside him before, with the tips of his gentle fingers, but now...   
now... underneath his powerful thrusts, the rough caresses of his hands, it   
was too much, too much, those waves of ecstasy that broke over him   
dissolving into a sea that threatened to drown him... it was too much...  
Sano gasped out, his once-smooth motion growing more violent,   
rougher, harder, so much as to almost hurt, but it didn't matter, nothing   
mattered... Kenshin grasped him tightly, the throbbing too intense, too   
intense to go on, and he was aching for release, but... He wasn't ready...   
He wanted this to go on forever...  
One calloused hand fisted around his feverishly pulsing need, pumping   
roughly, savagely, thumb stroking over the slickened head and working him   
hastily, with more than a touch of desperation. Kenshin sobbed his name   
frantically, burying his face in Sano's shoulder. he managed,   
Sano... don't- don't- don't ever stop...  
Ah- ahh- K-Kenshin- His voice was harsh, heavy with emotion and lust.   
Onegai... come for me... Onegai...  
Kenshin whimpered, trying not to cry.  
I'll never leave you- Sano whispered into his cheek. Never. I'll never   
leave you. I'll always be here for you. Aishiteru... aishiteru...   
aishiteru...  
Kenshin clutched at him, eyes glazed and staring blindly ahead, feeling the   
blood that slickened Sano's shoulders beneath his nails, the sheets beneath   
him dampened with his own blood, torn from his veins by their violent   
lovemaking, and secure in that knowledge, that Sano loved him and would   
never leave him, let go...  
Sano's thrusting continued on as he came, the white-hot ecstasy made that   
much more agonizing, pounding at his senses and determined to drive him mad,  
  
building and growing, his own cries and exhilarated screams echoing off the   
walls of his tiny bedroom, until at the height of it all, Sano flooded him   
with searing heat, enough to make him nearly faint, head spinning, Sano's   
deep shout underscoring his own sounds of pleasure.  
They hovered in the midst of it all for a long moment, stretching to   
eternity, then fell together in a tangled mass of sweat-slickened limbs.   
Sano was whimpering softly against his chest, hands clutching hard on his   
sides. Kenshin breathed raggedly, shaking, tears in his eyes.  
Sano, oh... aisuru... Kenshin lay a hand on Sano's rumpled hair, stroking   
it softly, loving him so dearly in that moment that it hurt... Sano moaned   
softly, nuzzling into him. The hot moisture of a tear burned against his   
chest, and Kenshin moved his arms to encircle the teenager slumped on top of  
  
him.  
he whispered, voice husky and rough, arigatou yo...  
Kenshin was silent to that, blushing fiercely, but hugged him tightly and   
closed his eyes, obscenely comfortable and sleepy. Sano purred a little at   
his embrace and seemed to relax against him.  
The siren song of sleep was entrancing, and Kenshin let it take him,   
sighing happily and snuggling his young lover close.  
He could worry about the rest in the morning.  
  
*** *** ***


	9. Aku Soku Zan

*** *** ***  
  
Look! Ducks!  
Kaoru called vainly, but her sister and Yahiko were already   
chasing down the poor birds. They seemed to share a love of such activity...  
  
ducks, pigeons, sparrows, none were safe. She watched them scatter the   
waterfowl with a sigh, then jingled the change in her pocket. The sun was   
setting, and tou-san generally wanted them home before too late. He had not  
  
once imposed a curfew, but there was one somewhat enforced in town, and she   
could just imagine the look on his face if the police had to cart them home.  
I'm gonna call tou-san, and then we're going! she called after her   
younger companions.  
  
  
She shook her head with another sigh and headed for the pay phone. Once   
meeting her destination, she set to the familiar action of depositing the   
change and dialing home, waiting for the usual prompt pick-up and cheerful   
greeting.  
But this time the phone went unanswered through the usual two rings, and   
then two more after. An unpleasant churning began in the pit of her stomach.  
  
Tou-san was never far from the phone, when they weren't home... and even if  
  
he was, he could run faster than anyone she'd ever seen in her life. There   
was no reason he shouldn't be getting the phone, unless something was   
wrong...  
Then the line picked up, and she relaxed long enough to hear a deep, rough   
voice answer with a muzzled, Wha'? O's this?  
Kaoru blinked for a puzzled moment, then realized who it had to be.   
she asked politely. Is that you? It's Kaoru.  
Oh. Ey, Sanosuke sounded as though he'd just woken up,   
slurring and hoarse.   
Anou... Where's Kaoru checked over her shoulder, noted with   
relief that Misao and Yahiko were keeping out of the water and hadn't harmed  
  
any innocent ducks, then returned to the phone.  
Sleepin'. You all comin' home now?  
Hai. Is tou-san feeling all right? It's not like him to just conk out   
before ten. Kaoru played absentmindedly with the volume switch on the pay   
phone, for some reason not very worried. After all, if something was wrong   
with tou-san, she could be sure that Sanosuke wouldn't be so off-hand about  
  
it. It was obvious they cared for each other very much... very much... Kaoru  
  
mused on that for a moment.  
Sanosuke was silent for a moment, then finished his statement, voice   
softer. He's fine, don't worry. Think he's wakin' up, too. So you'll be   
home in a few minutes? There was some scuffling on the other end.  
Kaoru blinked. What are you doing?  
Nothin', nothin'. Another voice she recognized as her father's was   
suddenly evident on Sanosuke's end, asking quite clearly who was on the   
phone. It's jou-chan, Kenshin. They're gonna be home soon.  
Kaoru listened to their conversation in perplexed silence.  
Kenshin- Kenshin, where d'you- get back here, dammit! I'll take care of   
the dishes-  
There was another scuffle, the sound of Kenshin's voice saying something   
unclear about having warned him of something, then Sanosuke putting down the  
  
phone.  
Kenshin- Ken', for the love of God, get back here and calm down.  
Kaoru coughed hopefully, thought about hanging up, and then decided against   
it. It sounded almost as if they were arguing about something... but she   
couldn't imagine what they would be fighting about... Hopefully, she was   
just being paranoid.  
Kenshin's voice came through again, louder but less coherent. The only   
phrases she could discern were put them through enough and breach of   
ethics. Sanosuke's words, however, were perfectly clear, being as he was   
apparently still near the forgotten receiver and speaking rather loudly,   
voice rough and shaking a frightening amount.  
Kenshin, I thought we had worked this out already! You know they- Kenshin,   
it shouldn't matter! I swore to you that I'm not just gonna run off and   
leave you. I wouldn't have before, and I'm really not gonna now! Whatever   
happens-  
Kaoru firmed her grasp on the phone, her mere discomfort multiplying into a   
genuine fright. What... what was going on?  
There was a incoherent exchange, then the distinctive sound of Sanosuke   
cursing in quite vulgar English and the phone being slammed down. The line   
obediently went dead.  
She remained holding the receiver for a few moments, staring blindly ahead,   
not understanding...  
  
Kaoru hung up the phone and spun around, her heart thudding in her breast   
and sweat slickening her palms. Misao and Yahiko stared up at her, wearing   
nearly identical expressions of worry.  
She stared at them, not knowing what to say or how to explain what she   
herself had no hope of understanding. she began, then fell silent,   
blinking at them helplessly.  
Was it about tou-san and Sano-san? Misao asked softly, voice   
unsettlingly serious.  
Misao, I... Do you know something I don't? Kaoru stepped away from the   
phone, a little frightened but caring more about her concern. Are they...?  
Sanosuke's in love with Kenshin, Yahiko said quite bluntly, crossing his   
arms over his little chest and eyeing them both. I dunno about your father,  
  
but I know that much for sure.  
I know that tou-chan thinks he's hot, Misao added, looking pensive, and   
it's true they seem pretty close lately... but like they don't want us   
t'know...  
Kaoru stared at them both, stupefied, her mind babbling so many different   
things at her that she had no idea what to think... In all the time she'd   
been with tou-san, not once had he expressed any sort of interest in   
anyone... though she'd found it difficult to ever picture him with a woman.   
And what Sanosuke had said to her in the hospital... and all the things   
people had said about him, those jokes they had made... They'd done the same  
  
things when Kenshin had started working at the school, and she'd never made   
the connection, that maybe they were making fun of an alike   
characteristic...  
she asked softly, feeling inexcusably stupid, is tou-san gay?  
Misao was silent for a moment, then simply nodded.  
Kaoru looked at the ground, feeling herself trembling. So... if they   
are together... will it be okay?  
There was a brief silence, then Yahiko patted her arm. Sanosuke may be   
pretty stupid, he said roughly, and pretty uncool, but deep down he's a   
good guy. He won't let anything happen to Kenshin. And he's smotheringly   
affectionate. So it'll be obvious how much he loves him. I think it'll be   
okay.  
I don't see why anything bad should happen, Misao reasoned. I mean,   
Sano-san'd be a good dad, right? We were talking bout that just at lunch   
yesterday.  
Kaoru shook her head silently. It's not that, she clarified. I mean...   
if it was anybody else I'd be mad, but... I like Sanosuke a lot... and I   
guess that's why it's okay with me... but they were fighting, I think.   
Something about a breach of ethics... I think tou-san's worried about his  
  
job.  
There was a pensive silence.  
'Nee-chan... You're really okay with this? Misao blinked at her, eyes   
darkened with doubt. That seemed a little quick-  
Why wouldn't I be okay with it? Kaoru snapped suddenly, feeling her voice   
crack. Of course I am! I want tou-san to be happy as much as anybody! It   
doesn't matter what-... She fell silent, staring at the ground.  
Why was this bothering her?  
Misao patted her awkwardly on the shoulder. Kaoru shook her   
head and looked away.  
All our lives, it's just been us... she said softly. For as long as I   
can remember, since he adopted us, Misao. It's always just been us. And it   
was fine. It's not that I dislike Sanosuke... He's a good person and I like   
him around as much as anyone, and you too, Yahiko, but...why... Why is it   
different now? Why aren't we enough for him anymore?  
Misao blinked, taken aback, then pursed her lips and thought for a long   
time. Kaoru shuddered silently, looking at the patches of bare ground   
beneath the carpet of grass.  
'Nee-chan... it's not that he loves us any less, I know that, but I   
think... You didn't see how he was, after you were in that fight. He was   
really upset, y'know... And sometimes, you gotta wonder how he feels, all   
alone raising us, especially with his... well, with his problems and all...   
He's always been there for us, to take care of us when we're scared or we're  
  
sad or hurt, but there's never anybody there to take care of him. Misao's   
voice was quiet, but very certain, the most serious and sure Kaoru had heard  
  
her speak in a long while.  
But why can't we take care of him, Misao? I mean, we-  
Because he won't let you, a rougher voice interrupted, Yahiko moving   
closer to them. He wants to take care of you and won't let you see any   
weakness from himself, cause it'll worry you too much and you might feel   
less safe in his company if you know there're things that scare him. After   
a slight pause, the little boy looking away in apparent embarrassment at his  
  
insight, he further clarified with a soft sigh. Sanosuke's the same way, so  
  
I think I can understand.  
Kaoru trailed off, unsure.  
I think we have to stand behind tou-san and Sano-san, Misao said firmly.   
They're gonna have enough trouble, if he's right, y'know.  
How are you so resolved with this? Kaoru asked plaintively, blinking   
down at her little sister. I mean...  
Misao blinked up at her, then grinned and shrugged. I've had more time to   
think it over, she pointed out smugly. You may be the honor student,   
nee-chan, but it turns out I've got the better observation powers, ne? I   
figured this out a loooong time ago.  
Kaoru glared at her.  
Misao posed with a giggle.  
She sighed. Let's just go home... and hope everything's fine when we get   
there.  
  
Kenshin- Kenshin, c'mon!  
The despairing tone in Sano's voice was enough to bring tears to his eyes,   
but Kenshin stumbled from his bedroom that much faster, tying his bathrobe   
around his waist with a vicious tug and fleeing to the relative safety of   
the kitchen. Once there, he slumped against the counter, sliding down to sit  
  
with a hard thump on the tiled floor.  
Oh, Gods, what had he done? A sharp pain went through his stomach, setting   
it churning, and Kenshin doubled over with a choked sob. It was over... it   
was all over now, oh God, all his struggle... He'd tried so hard, so hard,   
to suppress those filthy urges, and all for nothing, nothing, now... He'd   
lose his job... and without a job, the apartment... the agency would take   
his children away, if only because Sano was only nineteen! Nineteen! Two   
years older than Kaoru-dono! His own daughter!  
Kenshin buried his face in his arms and cried, unable to hold it inside   
anymore. Sano... if it were only lust, it would be one thing... mere   
physical yearnings he had learned to suppress in his training so long ago,   
knowing he would be forced to go days, even weeks without sleep, food,   
water... It had been so long ago, and those abilities had no doubt been   
dulled by time, but it would have been enough... if only... if only he   
didn't love him so...  
He loved him so dearly, so dearly the pain in his heart was unbearable when   
he thought of letting him go... But...  
  
He went still at the unsure voice, the fear that trembled there digging at   
his already-bleeding heart. Kenshin lifted his head, wiping the tears from   
his eyes with an unforgiving hand, not caring how his eyes hurt. Sano,   
I... he returned, hesitating. I... I'm sorry...  
What're you apologizing for? Sano's dark eyes were emotionless, face   
drawn tightly, lips white. Kenshin winced, suddenly hating himself all the   
more bitterly for doing this to Sano, forcing the poor child to draw away   
and replace the guard Kenshin had labored so earnestly to bring down, what   
seemed so long ago... He'd wanted Sano to trust him, and Sano had trusted   
him... and he'd only been hurt, like all the times before...  
It's your decision. Sano stepped into the room, hands jammed deep in the   
pockets of the jeans he'd apparently put back on after Kenshin had left the   
room. I'll understand if- His voice broke, and he cast his gaze aside,   
firming his jaw. If you wanna just forget this all... I'll go if you want   
me to. I've probably got enough saved for a down payment on a new apartment,  
  
so you don't have to worry.  
Kenshin stared at him for a long moment. Did he really care so little? It   
didn't make sense, if... He found resolve somewhere deep within him, and   
struggled up to his feet.  
You don't have that much money, he argued sharply. You've barely enough   
to make your insurance payments de gozaru.  
I'm not your responsibility, Sano refuted just as harshly, still not   
meeting his eyes. I'm fine on my own. It's not a problem.  
Kenshin said softly, it is. You know it is, Sano. You can't stand   
being alone any more than I can. And you- He choked, tears welling again in  
  
his aching eyes, blurring his vision. You promised you wouldn't leave de   
gozaru yo!  
What do you want from me, Kenshin?! Sano exploded, voice hoarse, eyes   
burning with pain as he focused his gaze on Kenshin for the first time since  
  
he'd entered the kitchen. You say you want me to trust you, then you lie to  
  
me about yourself and how you're suffering so I won't worry. You say you   
need me, then you push me away. I can't- I can't take this from you! Either   
you want me, or you don't. Pick one, dammit! Stop treating me like a child!   
I know what I am, Kenshin, and I know what I want, and I don't try to   
convince myself of something that isn't true or possible just so other   
people will like me better. I think that makes me more mature than you are.  
Kenshin stared at him, overwhelmed. Sano's dark eyes flashed with a   
helpless, angry frustration, hands clenched in fists at his sides, shoulders  
  
drawn up and tensed.  
If you don't accept who you are, then no one else will either, he   
finished, voice much softer, but not losing the slightest bit of his   
intensity.  
Kenshin bit his lower lip, shaking, then gave up and took a   
hesitant step forward, then another, hoping that... that it wasn't too late,  
  
to...  
Strong hands settled onto his thin shoulders, then clenched hard. Kenshin   
gasped, then pushed closer and buried his face in Sano's warm, firm chest,   
unable to stop shivering.  
Aishiteru de gozaru yo, he whispered.   
Do you want me to stay with you? Sano sounded guarded, hesitant, but the   
tiniest hint of hope was shining through the masterful shields he had   
erected around himself.  
If you would still want to de gozaru. Kenshin closed his eyes with the   
littlest of smiles. Knowing my many faults...  
Sano sighed heavily, but pulled him close, arms falling tightly around his   
waist. Kenshin... baka, baka baka baka... I love you. That's all fine by   
me.  
Kenshin cuddled against him, trying to calm his still-pounding heart.   
This... this is dangerous de gozaru, he said quietly. Shikashi... I trust  
  
you de gozaru yo.  
Sano was silent, but Kenshin knew he understood, and with a sigh, he pulled   
back a little and blinked up into his eyes. he said calmly, if the   
children will be home soon, we should probably make an effort to put some   
clothes on de gozaru.  
After a pause, Sano grinned, a familiar mischievous twinkle dancing in the   
depths of his chocolate brown eyes. And do something with the ripped ones,   
naa?  
Kenshin was baffled to hear himself laugh, but went along with it and   
relaxed. Hai hai, he replied sheepishly. I'm quite sorry about your shirt  
  
de gozaru.  
We're even. Sano brushed the back of one hand across Kenshin's cheek and   
squeezed him tightly with one arm before letting go. Yours is kinda in   
pieces.  
Their eyes met, and almost simultaneously, both began to laugh.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
The rest of the night had been quiet.  
The girls had not asked a single question, and had seemed to be avoiding   
the subject entirely. Kenshin wasn't sure yet if he was reassured by that or  
  
not. Usually, if something was bothering either of them, he heard of it   
quickly... but it wasn't like them to be searching for conversation topics   
to fill every silence, either. He didn't quite know...  
Kenshin blinked in consternation at the papers he held, the most prominent   
being a notice of a meeting about some student he had never heard of or   
seen, much less interacted with. There were three of these today... And   
there had apparently been three the past two days, when he'd been out. He   
could have been back the day directly after leaving the hospital, but Sano   
and Kaoru-dono had insisted he stay home and rest one more day... so, of   
course he had done laundry yesterday. Until Sano had distracted him.  
He blushed and forced the memory of last night from his mind, both the   
unexpected... interaction... with Sano, and the argument and reconciliation   
afterwards. They'd not even discussed it this morning, when he'd woken... in  
  
his arms... The blush deepened, and Kenshin flipped through the papers with   
a vengeance. It was of no concern to him right now that Sano had decided to   
share his bedroom late last night. Right now, he had to worry about figuring  
  
out what on Earth he was supposed to do on School Improvement Day. What did   
they do, clean the toilets?... fix the leaking stairwells? It would   
certainly improve the schools...  
He mused on that for a few moments, enjoying the picture of the entire   
staff trying to plug up a leaking roof with the Home Ec teacher, her ranting  
  
and raving the whole time... That woman was frightening, she truly was...-  
  
Kenshin's heart stopped.  
The voice sent a chill down his spine, and Kenshin froze in mid-step,   
though every instinct screamed at him to run, to flee, to leave and never   
come back again... no, he had to be hallucinating. He must have mistaken the  
  
voice. It was silly, to think that... after all these years... no. So he   
turned, prepared to calm his nerves and discover the true identity of the   
man who addressed him.  
A figure stood outside the stairwell, a hand braced casually against the   
concrete wall. He wore a policeman's uniform, the fabric a dark blue   
throughout, and a handgun prominent on one hip. Amber eyes studied him   
coolly from behind stringy, dark bangs that cast shadows on a long, thin   
face- a wolf, clothed in the trappings of humanity, yet not giving up his   
predatory nature.  
Kenshin stared, blind to the halls around him, the students who passed with   
agendas in hand, only seeing that line of darkness against the light grey   
wall, those nightmarish eyes not leaving his for a moment, triumphant,   
smug... Ready for the kill... Like... so long ago...  
he hissed, heart pounding anew in his breast, a familiar   
adrenaline prickling at his veins, setting him tense and poised for   
flight... or attack. Saitou Hajime...  
Saitou took a long step forward, hand falling easily to the gun at his   
side. Himura Kenshin, he returned in kind. Or, shall I say... Hitokiri   
Battousai?  
Battousai is dead de gozaru yo! Kenshin snapped, blood pounding in his   
ears, that voice singing in his mind, beating at his resolve, his strength   
ebbing... He could feel him, deep inside his mind, that twisted darkness   
swelling, growing, fed by the threat in Saitou's amber eyes, laughing... he   
wouldn't stop laughing...  
Battousai is dead, and yet you live? Saitou glided closer, that same   
deadly grace of old guiding him across the floor. Don't play me for a   
fool.  
Battousai is gone! Kenshin hissed frantically. Go home! I want nothing   
to do with you de gozaru yo! Leave me be! He searched about him with   
over-developed peripheral vision, and finding no one to have overheard their  
  
conversation, was able to calm his racing heart, if only a fraction.  
Do not add cowardice to your list of sins, Battousai, Saitou continued,   
voice maddeningly calm and cool. No matter how far you run, justice will be  
  
dispensed in due time. I traced you across an ocean, through a vast   
continent with so many places to hide... there is nowhere you can go that I   
will not find you.  
Your own government tells you that justice has been given de gozaru!   
Kenshin protested. Soshite- what kind of justice can be gained from taking   
the life of a man on whom innocent lives depend de gozaru ka? You are many   
things, Saitou, but not one who would cause innocent children undue   
suffering de gozaru yo.  
Saitou gazed on him silently, emotionlessly.  
I have children, Kenshin pleaded, not caring for his pride at the moment.   
This conflict would not involve only us any longer de gozaru.  
You would beg for your life? There was a cool amusement in the tall man's   
voice.  
Kenshin narrowed his eyes, unable to withstand his scorn. he said   
coldly. Have you forgotten me so de gozaru ka? I care nothing for myself.   
Only for my family.  
Saitou was silent for a long while, amber eyes considering. Kenshin waited   
with cold palms, still unable to believe... This wasn't happening. It   
couldn't be happening. He was dreaming, and would wake up on his desk any   
minute. This had been behind him. He'd been promised...! It was all over,   
they had said... He'd done his duty by them, and he could leave, he could   
leave and start over, and no one would know... no one would ever know...  
For the second, the other said with quiet malice, one such as you has no   
place pleading for innocent lives. You lost that right when such pleas fell   
on your deaf ears.  
Kenshin gasped as though the air had been knocked from him, aching as much   
as he had indeed been hit with a physical blow rather than an emotional   
trauma reawakened. He took a step backwards.  
But for the first, Saitou continued pitilessly, the government's idea of   
justice is as corrupted as the government itself. I will live by my own   
ideal and prosecute accordingly. He lay a hand ominously on the gunbutt of   
his old-fashioned revolver, and those golden eyes glinted.  
Aku. Soku. Zan.  
As Kenshin watched, unable to breathe or move, the policeman vanished   
through the doors of the stairwell he'd come from, silently as the wolf he   
seemed to be.  
He backed up, little by little, then made a break for his office, heart   
pumping as though he'd just been in battle... and it wasn't far from the   
truth.  
Kenshin slammed the door behind him, dropping his papers onto his desk,   
then collapsed into his swivel chair. It rotated a little from the sheer   
force of his movement and the added help of his weight, and swung him into   
view of the telephone.  
He stared at it for a few seconds, then reached forward and lifted the   
receiver. His fingers shook, and he took a few breaths to calm himself a   
little before he dialed a room upstairs and waited for the intercom to   
connect.  
  
You look tired.  
Sano replied intelligently, yawning expansively. Didn't get much   
sleep last night.  
Sleeping on the floor'll do that, Katsu observed, drawing a frog of some   
sort on the edge of Kelsey's notebook. His significant other smacked him one  
  
and returned to her sculpture, which also seemed to be a frog of some sort.   
Everything seemed to be frogs today...  
Wasn't sleepin' on the floor, Sano pointed out, then decided to leave it   
at that, closing his eyes and resting his chin on his arms with a lazy   
smile.  
Kelsey blinked at him, and was opening her mouth to further inquire   
when the intercom crackled.  
Mr. Lasek?  
Sano froze at the familiar husky soprano, lifting his head in surprise.   
Kenshin...? An immediate, unpleasant shock tingled through his nerves. The   
staticy voice had been shaking the tiniest bit... Kenshin had such a steady   
voice when on business, calm and controlled... losing his cool in the   
slightest wasn't like him at all.  
his teacher returned, the yardstick he'd been holding tapping on the   
tabletop as he relaxed his grip.  
Do you have Sanosuke Sagara, that is?  
The tingling shock deepened into the beginnings of a full panic, and Sano   
ducked to the side to grab his backpack where he'd dropped it on the floor   
at the beginning of class. No, nononono... What could've happened, in half   
an hour? It had only been half an hour! It was probably just school stuff...  
  
There was enough stuff on his record for him to be called to the guidance   
office every five minutes, so maybe Kenshin was actually doing the job the   
rest of them had slacked off on. That was probably it. That had to be it.  
Yes, I do. The tone of Lasek's voice made it obvious he'd rather not, a   
sentiment Sano couldn't blame him for.  
Send him to the guidance office, please. Kenshin's voice seemed to break   
a little on that last, and Sano winced. This wasn't doing his nerves any   
good...  
Of course. Sagara, get outta here.  
Sano nodded distractedly and closed the door behind him, having been   
outside before the intercom had even switched off.  
It was shorter to take the second stairwell, Sano reasoned, hurtling down   
the hallway towards the language and history building, more commonly known   
as B. Otherwise, he'd have to go outside and go further... which was what he  
  
usually had done, trying to spend as much time out of class as possible. But  
  
this was a different situation... something about this just screamed major   
problem, and instincts so strong had never been wrong before, in his   
experience.  
The door was just swinging closed as Sano reached it, and he stopped in his   
tracks, staring blankly at the latch as it clunked into place. There had   
been no one in the hallway coming out, or anyone there to go in... The panic  
  
that had swelled beneath his breastbone only a few minutes before came back   
to pounding, screaming life. Too weird. This was just too weird...  
He bolstered his courage and pushed open the door. What a little kid he was   
being! It wasn't as if he was in any danger, just because he'd neglected to   
notice whoever had gone in or come out. He was in a high school, for God's   
sake, not a war zone. He pushed into the stairwell, resuming his previous   
pace just in time to wish he'd listened to those instincts.  
He bounced off the flat chest of someone substantially taller than him, and   
with a yelp of surprise, Sano cast his gaze upwards. Amber eyes stared down   
at him, and Sano swallowed hard in immediate recognition, blinking up at the  
  
police officer with dread choking him from even breathing an apology. Fujita  
  
was silent, then something glinted in those eyes, and he stepped easily to   
one side, allowing Sano to enter the stairwell.  
Do you have a pass? he asked, his speech slow but not accented.  
Sano glared up at him, frustrated by both this waste of time and his   
unreasonable terror at the man's presence. If there was really a problem   
with Kenshin, and he was just standing here trying to catch his wits...   
he spat, switching easily into Nihongo and finding the courage deep   
within, aided along by his natural contempt for authority, to be   
characteristically impudent. I got called down to the guidance office.  
By whom? Fujita did the same, amusement obvious in his wolfish eyes.  
Himura Kenshin. What's it to you? Somehow, only speaking Kenshin's name   
ignited daring enough to push by him and hurry to the first set of stairs,   
though uncomfortably aware of the gaze that burned into his back and wishing  
  
to get as far away as possible as quickly as he could.  
The sudden hissing of a quick intake of breath past teeth was enough to   
stop him in his tracks. Sano peered up at the police officer, who still   
stood at the head of the stairs.  
Fujita was silent for a few agonizing seconds more, then spoke, voice cool   
and considering, a frighteningly focused glint of curiousity glimmering in   
his eyes.  
So... you are acquaintanced with Himura?  
What do you want with Kenshin? Sano whispered, heart pounding hard in his   
chest, hands slickening with terrified sweat by his sides. The ominous air   
of those simple words was more than he could bear, and he felt the air leave  
  
his lungs, hovering in anticipatory dread. The dark figure at the head of   
the stairs stood unmoving for an eternity, then broke that terrible spell as  
  
he turned on one boot heel to exit the stairwell.  
None of your affair... ahou.  
Sano snapped in surprised rage, the heat enough to stir him again   
to start himself forward towards him, but not quite enough to stop him from   
thinking better of it and teetering back. But it was too much of an affront   
to bear silently. Ahou- Sagara yo! he snarled threateningly. Ore wa   
Sagara Sanosuke yo!  
As you say, ahou. The door swung closed behind him.  
Sano growled in impotent fury, then, his fist clenched so hard as to dig   
what little nails he had deep into his palm, punched the wall hard enough to  
  
bruise his knuckles. With a hiss of pain, the skin already burning, he   
pulled back and spurred himself back to his previous path.  
He nearly tripped on the stairs, but caught himself with the rail and   
stopped dead, forcing himself to breathe. Kono yarou... he snarled under   
his breath, rubbing his hand, then he caught his breath and pulled the reins  
  
in on his pounding temper. Now wasn't the time... it just wasn't the time.   
Kenshin... Kenshin needed him, maybe... so he'd have to reserve the need to   
beat the crap out of that arrogant bastard for later. But oh, how he would   
hurt that man...  
Sano finished walking down the stairs, more calmly but swiftly, contenting   
the raging bloodlust with some nice, calming mental imagery... Fujita's head  
  
on a pike... that was nice... The hallway was short, leading to the guidance  
  
office, and he completed its length in only six strides.  
Sano closed his eyes, willing his heart to stop banging at his chest like   
it was going to burst out and run away any second, then knocked calmly at   
the door that led to Kenshin's office. He'd only been in there once... so   
long ago, it seemed...  
Sano smiled distantly, remembering for a moment that day four weeks ago...   
Gods, had it only been four weeks? Four weeks ago, he had never even met   
Kenshin, and now... now, they were-  
The door creaked open, interrupting his thoughts, and one crystalline   
amethyst eye peered up at him. Sano blinked down at him, then the door swung  
  
open and Kenshin was nowhere to be seen. He entered, casting a quick glance   
about the darkened office. Battered old couch... chair... swivel chair at   
the desk, all empty. The door latched, and Sano turned to face the sound,   
utterly baffled. Kenshin was leaning against the door, eyes fixed firmly on   
the floor, shoulders drawn up and tight, hands clenched on the doorknob. He   
lifted his head slightly, long red hair still hiding his features, but his   
quivering chin became evident.  
he whispered, voice shaking violently.  
Sano took a halting step towards him, heart aching in sympathy   
for the pain so obvious in his lover's posture alone. What... What   
happened, koisuru? What's wrong?  
Sessha.. Oh, Sano, I can't say de gozaru yo... Kenshin's voice was soft,   
bitter. He let go of the door and started forward as Sano had, then halted   
abruptly, craning his neck to meet his eyes. His beautiful face was twisted,  
  
tormented, lips drawn tightly together and white with strain.  
Sano lifted a hand, then drew a fingertip gently along the horizontal ridge   
of that prominent scar that fascinated him so. Kenshin trembled under his   
touch, his eyes silently pleading, and Sano obeyed the need that was spoken   
so plainly without words, sliding his hand to cradle Kenshin's skull and   
hugging his waist with his free arm. The redhead slumped into his arms with   
a shuddering sigh. he murmured worriedly into his hair. There   
was no response, just the tightening of Kenshin's grip on his shirt and a   
hesitant nuzzle closer.  
Sano, onegai... just stay here with me for a little while de gozaru.  
Kenshin's usually warm, husky tone was brittle and thin, muffled by the   
fabric of his shirt. Sano sighed, knowing he probably wasn't going to get   
any more information on the subject, but held him tightly and didn't   
protest. He could figure this out when Kenshin felt better... whenever that   
would be.  
So now he only held him.  
  
*** *** ***


	10. Make Yourself Happy

*** *** ***  
This isn't food,  
Misao complained  
aloud, prodding the  
lump that was   
supposed to be an  
eggroll with a  
disgusted shiver. It  
squished under her   
finger, but held firm  
when she shifted that  
poking to somewhere  
else.  
Then don't eat it,  
stupid. Kaoru was  
nibbling delicately  
at her sandwich,   
watching her from  
across the table with  
a smug glint in her  
sparkling blue   
eyes. 'Tou-san would pack you a lunch too, if you asked. He's quite happy   
to.  
Yeah, yeah... don't want him t' girly-up my food. Misao took a deep   
breath and gnawed at the edge of the lump of psuedo-Chinese food. With the  
  
pretty little napkins an' crap. She glared at her older sister, still   
chewing determinedly at the rubbery substance the cafeteria passed off as   
food. You don't eat that neatly. Give it up.  
I- I do too! Kaoru protested, outraged, a flush rising to her cheeks.  
'Nee-chan, you're the one who managed to get barbecue sauce in your ear   
somehow, Misao reminded with a mean little grin. Remember? That was back   
when-  
Oh, shut up! Kaoru was crimson with embarrassment. Misao giggled and   
returned to contemplating her eggroll.  
Excuse me...  
The light voice startled both the girls, and Misao blinked up at the   
newcomer. A boy stood beside her, smiling brightly, holding a can with a few  
  
dollars peeking out of the top. he said cheerily. I'm collecting for   
the Key Club fundraiser... Could you spare some change, if you have any,   
please?  
Hi, Sydney, Kaoru said politely, as Misao blinked up at the dark-haired   
boy with eggroll still hanging out of her mouth. What's this fundraiser   
for? I didn't hear anything about it at the Honor Society meeting, so it's   
not another of those joint things..  
Oh, no, he said disarmingly. Just a fundraiser. To supplement our funds,   
correct? Running those recycling drives requires a strangely large amount of  
  
funds, more than one would suspect... Sydney cocked his head and held out   
the construction paper-covered can with a sunny smile.  
Misao dug out a crinkled dollar and dropped it in the can, grumbling around   
her food. Kaoru did the same, but with considerably less malice, being the   
more altruistic of the two.  
Thank you! he said brightly, then was gone, disappearing with almost   
inhuman speed amongst the milling crowd.  
Misao was silent for a few minutes, then nodded after him, still chewing   
aggravatedly at the same bite. 'O's that? she mumbled around the eggroll.  
That was Sydney. Kaoru shrugged. He works with the Key Club. He's pretty   
nice, I guess...  
He's creepy, Misao said pointedly, waving her fork. Nobody, and I mean   
nobody, smiles that much...  
Well, I suppose...  
The conversation soon enough turned to other things, but the image of that   
bright smile nagged at Misao, burned into her thoughts... her mind... it was  
  
creepy. Too damn creepy. And the thought just wouldn't go away...  
Who could smile all the time...?  
  
Sano- Sano! Sano!  
Sano froze, then spun off to the side of the hallway, ducking out of the   
stream of traffic to lean on the brick wall. The students were like a   
stampeding cattle drive, at the end of the day... and he had to admit, he   
was usually right there with them. School wasn't exactly his favorite place   
in the world to be, and the less time spent there the better, or at least   
that had always been his opinion.  
But Kenshin's husky soprano held a note of urgency, and he knew full well   
it wouldn't be the greatest of ideas to make him chase Sano out the building  
  
to catch his attention. He might appear small and harmless, but that little   
redhead had a way of making Sano feel guilty... just with a quirk of one   
eyebrow, a certain considering look... And Sano would willingly go on his   
knees to beg forgiveness.  
He leaned down to closer catch what his lover was saying, and Kenshin   
scowled cutely, pushing up on his toes. The height difference between them   
was a source of endless frustration for the older man.  
Sano- I have somewhere to go after school today, and I don't know how long   
I'll be de gozaru. So, could you make sure everyone eats, and... He paused,  
  
then prodded Sano's shoulder lightly, smiling a little bashfully. Don't   
neglect yourself in the process de gozaru. You eat too.  
Sano cocked his head, inching a little closer to him across the   
dirty tile floor. Where're ya goin'?  
I- I'm going to visit someone- Kenshin paused, as though not sure what to   
say, then sighed. A friend... an old friend de gozaru na.  
Sano said affably. I'll handle everything at home, naa? Don't   
worry about it.  
For only an instant, a peculiar light flashed through Kenshin's amethyst   
eyes, but it was gone before Sano had a chance to try at deciphering it.   
Arigatou gozaimasu, he said with a grateful smile. I'll see you later   
tonight de gozaru.  
Sano watched Kenshin push off through the crowd with a distant smile on his   
lips, then turned again to go.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
Kenshin turned the ignition off, then sat unmoving in his car as the engine   
died, finally settling to silence with an unsettling clunk. He considered   
his fingers where they clenched into the steering wheel, knuckles white and   
strained, as though he were observing an occurrence far removed from   
himself. It just didn't seem to matter.  
Nothing mattered, really...  
He shook himself from that disturbing thought, then sighed heavily,   
untangling his shaking hands from the wheel and unbuckling mechanically from  
  
the driver's seat. In an effort to distract himself from the depression that  
  
weighed ominously on him, Kenshin found his mind drifting to earlier that   
morning... Saitou... how he had seen his world crumble to pieces before him,  
  
and having nowhere else to turn... had fled to Sano...  
It was a peculiar thing. In the past, his confrontations with Saitou had   
numbered more than he had ever cared to count, and though most of those were  
  
not memories he could access, he knew the other man's skills and strengths.   
He'd never been able to escape him then, but... but he had thought he would   
be safe here... But nonetheless, he knew how powerful Saitou was. Sano   
himself was astonishingly strong for his age, and showed evidence of having   
trained to develop that strength in more ways than lifting weights, but even  
  
so... He was no match for Saitou. He was only a child, after all... Things   
may have been different, had he been older...  
Of course, the entire situation would have been significantly less of a   
problem were Sano older.  
But no matter how young and inexperienced Sano was, Kenshin had found...   
some measure of safety, in his embrace, in his soothing whispers and gentle   
touch. It made no real sense. But Sano... Sano made him feel secure,   
somehow...  
Though they were both in more danger now than he most likely had the   
ability to comprehend. And he was at a complete and total loss for what to   
do, where to go next, what to think... And that, in the purest essence, was   
why he was here, at this place, for the first time in so long... To find   
some idea of what to do. What he should do. What the right thing to do was.  
But it was doing him no good to just sit in the car, so Kenshin firmed his   
courage and threw the door open. If he went in with confidence, all would be  
  
fine. It would all be fine. He just had to get a handle on himself...  
He shut the door, checked the lock, then shivered convulsively in the   
breeze. It was getting cooler... October was reaching its end, and November   
beginning... the winter taking a stronger hold on the dying autumn and   
beginning to choke away its last breaths. He pulled his jacket more tightly   
around him and started for the large buildings that made up the community   
college.  
Only the beginning of November... he had started his new job only two   
months ago? He had come in three weeks or so later than the school year had   
begun, so... only two months. That had to be right, then. No matter how   
strange it seemed.  
Only two months.  
It hadn't taken him long to foul up this new venture, had it... two months.   
He'd met Sano three weeks or so into his career at the high school, and four  
  
weeks since then... it hadn't quite been two months, then. Seven weeks. He   
had been fine for those first three... then Sano... and then, last night...  
It only took you seven weeks to be sleeping with a student de gozaru ka?   
Kenshin hissed under his breath, voice bitter and self-loathing... but not   
repentant. Never had he been repentant... Ashamed of himself, yes, but never  
  
had he been able to feel sorry, truly sorry... No matter how wrong it was,   
some voice inside him still whispered of that falsehood, that it was right,   
it was right and all the others were wrong...  
It all came down to which voice was right, in this matter. And that was   
something he couldn't decide on his own, being too involved in the matter.   
He needed someone more removed... but one whose counsel he trusted.  
Which had brought him here.  
Kenshin blinked helplessly for a moment at the large cluster of buildings,   
stepping onto the pavement that seemed to serve as a welcome area, with a   
bench that formed half a rectangle, bent around three ninety degree   
angles... it was a unique design, and Kenshin pondered that for a few   
moments before resuming his search.  
He jogged down flight of stairs, shivering violently within his thin coat.   
He'd always caught cold easily, especially when it was windy like this.   
Luckily, whatever powers there were smiled upon him, and a keenly searching   
eye caught the word on the labeling plate of one building not   
far from him. He made a beeline for the doorway, caring for nothing but   
getting somewhere it was warm at the moment. His apprehensions about this   
visit could wait for later. When he could feel his fingers.  
Kenshin pushed the door open and burst inside the smaller building,   
breathing heavily and shivering so hard his muscles ached. The lobby was   
largely deserted, which he was grateful for. Classes should have ended about  
  
half an hour before he even had entered the parking lot, and he'd driven   
about aimlessly in the upper lot for five minutes before looking for a   
space.  
Once the feeling had returned to his hands, Kenshin swallowed, and set off   
down the hallway. The Psych building was set up the exact same way it had   
been when he'd gone here, eight years ago... Things were just newer and   
brighter. The heating system appeared to work much more efficiently, as   
well.  
He followed the hallways, paying no attention to the wood-paneled walls,   
clutching his jacket together before his thin chest with both hands. He had   
difficulty with the zipper sometimes, and snapping it was too much work.   
Besides, half the zipper teeth and snaps were long missing, and he had no   
hope for them to ever return... He was murder on jackets. And gloves. And   
shoes. And unfortunately, his daughters seemed to have learned that bad   
habit from him... and so he was constantly having to buy new things for both  
  
himself and the girls.  
Kenshin heaved a heavy sigh, standing before the door he'd sought. He had   
arrived there sometime in the track of his thoughts, and had halted by   
habit. It didn't seem that imposing, just at first glance, yet his heart was  
  
pounding, palms cold... because he knew, unlike one who would be a first   
visitor, the true nature of the man who occupied this room... A man who was   
no ordinary teacher, who failed students with the same regularity as others   
passed them. A beginning psych student dreaded the day he saw this name as   
his instructor on his new semester schedule, because so few had ever passed   
one of his classes...  
Kenshin, eight years ago, had been one of those few.  
Not the first try, of course. He'd failed along with the rest of his class   
the first time he'd taken the class. But unlike the rest of them, who had   
opted for an easier level, or pleaded for a different teacher, he had   
entered the class again. He'd come for tutoring, and suffered through   
that... unique experience. He'd studied for five hours every night. He'd   
done every assignment, and then had done every exercise in the book that   
wasn't assigned. And when the time had come for the final exam, he'd spent   
the weekend before both studying and demanding extra help from the professor  
  
every chance he had gotten. And that day... though he'd not slept for the   
three nights before, and only eaten when he could do so and study at the   
same time... he had passed. He had passed with ninety percent, which even   
though fell quite short of perfection, was about seventy percent better than  
  
the rest of the class. He had been the only passing grade.  
And no other class he had taken had ever compared. He'd learned everything   
from this one professor... the best teacher he had ever known.  
And during those late-night tutoring sessions, and the Saturdays and   
Sundays he'd appeared in that classroom with textbook and notebook in tow,   
refusing to leave until he got his questions answered, he'd learned so much   
about both psychology and himself... He'd found himself thinking of this man  
  
as his Shishou, his master... And it was indeed that kind of relationship   
they had developed.  
The title had slipped by his lips one of those days, and he'd expected   
either a lack of comprehension or a simple silence, and yet... Those sharp   
dark blue eyes had focused on him, and after a long pause, he had responded   
with a long-suffering, Will you never understand this simple concept,   
bakadeshi?  
And from that day on, they had been master and apprentice, shishou and   
deshi... The only authority figure Kenshin had ever been comfortable   
challenging. And the one from whom he had learned everything he needed to   
live on in this strange place, who had helped him with his English in spare   
moments, how to act here, how to be a regular person...  
And he'd been fine with that instruction for so long, seven years... It was   
only now that he'd hit an entanglement so large that he couldn't move on   
with only the knowledge he had. So he had returned here, in the hope...  
Kenshin took a deep breath, then opened the door.  
And walked straight into an argument not unlike one he'd seen almost every   
day, back when he'd attended class here.  
For the last time, I will not tutor someone who sleeps through my class   
every day. And I will not give you extra assignments when you don't do the   
ones I give you. That is the final ruling. Get out of my classroom.  
the hapless student began.  
  
Kenshin blinked in surprise from where he stood in the door, then stepped   
aside obediently as the grumbling teenager shoved by him. He watched after   
him for a few moments, then shook his head and sighed. These children...   
they just didn't understand that they had to work for what they wanted.   
Things weren't as simple here, in college... And even though it wasn't   
exactly Ivy-League, college was college. And no one who stepped inside this   
classroom could hope to coast through, no matter their comprehension of the   
human brain and mechanics of emotion. It simply was a very, very hard class.  
Kenshin breathed deeply, then crossed the threshold. There was no reaction   
from the man who sat at the desk, and he had truly not expected one. So he   
moved forward a little and bowed.  
  
Fail... Fail... Fail...  
Kenshin blinked.  
Fail... Fail even worse... Fail... Pathetic... Worse...  
  
Fail... Wastebasket... Fail...  
Kenshin scowled, then crossed in front of the desks before him   
and stood directly in front of the large table.  
More papers were tossed to one side, each with a large zero in red ink   
etched at the top. Shishou had always graded by percent, so he could   
differentiate every paper by specific rank. Of course, that crimson oval was  
  
the most common.  
  
Finally, his head lifted, and one hand brushed long brown hair from his   
face so he could glare at Kenshin correctly. Kenshin blinked, but held his   
position.  
What do you want, bakadeshi? Why can't I get rid of you?  
Kenshin blinked at him silently. His shishou scowled deeply, then sighed   
and motioned to a desk.  
If you're going to take up my time, you may as well sit down and tell me   
why you're here again. I'm going to hear it eventually, knowing you, so the   
faster I get it over with the better.  
At that, Kenshin found himself smiling. If his shishou didn't want him to   
stay, he would have ordered him out as quickly as that poor slacker of   
before. He would never say it aloud, but they both held a certain amount of   
affection for the other. So he sat in the offered desk, and pondered exactly  
  
how to phrase his problem.  
There was a creak of a drawer, and the professor pulled a jug from behind   
the desk and set it on the desk. Following was a small dish, resembling a   
chawan of old. Kenshin blinked at him wordlessly, and Shishou motioned to   
the jug.  
  
Kenshin sighed. His shishou was American, but had an   
obsession with sake as opposed to any plain alcohol. He also understood   
enough Nihongo to have known what shishou' meant, and what a characteristic  
  
response for him would be. Kenshin had spent some time speculating on where   
this knowledge had come from, knowing that those phrases were not commonly   
taught in language courses, but had come to the suspicion that he was one of  
  
those Americans with a fondness for Japanese anime, which was well supported  
  
by his familiarity with Chinese mythology and his suspicion of student   
councils. Of course, the man would never admit to such a fancy.  
So what do you want, bakadeshi?  
Kenshin blinked, startled out of his ponderings, then fidgeted. He had an   
idea of how Shishou would react to this, but still... he had to hear it   
aloud...  
I... I took the job of a guidance counselor at a public high school a few   
months ago. I-  
You what? Dark blue eyes focused on him at least, deeper voice aggrieved,   
and Kenshin winced. You know that is no position for you, bakadeshi. Any   
teenager who wants to be helped at all will go to an actual psychotherapist   
with a practice, not to a school employee. The only ones you'll see are the   
ones who think they can get out of a particularly abhorrent class by taking   
advantage of your submissive nature. That type of job should go to someone   
with only a basic understanding of psychology so the more qualified can take  
  
jobs that actually help people. Not that you should be a therapist at all,   
bakadeshi.  
Kenshin was silent, then nodded quietly. I... I know...  
His shishou sighed, then waved a hand. I can yell at you later. You know   
all the reasons you shouldn't be a therapist... taking others problems on   
yourself and so on. I don't need to tell you that again, do I? Besides, I   
can tell that isn't your real problem.  
Kenshin nodded. He knew he shouldn't be a therapist, as shishou had said...   
He obsessed on other's problems, and had spent a few nights awake worrying   
over a trial case, where the client had no deeper problems than having   
repressed the exact details of a car accident in which they had been   
injured, which in reality was a quite common occurrence and signified   
nothing more important than the brain acting as it was supposed to at times   
of pain. Beyond that, as the older man had mentioned, he was too submissive   
at times... and were he to face a client that wanted to take advantage of   
him in some sense, it in reality wouldn't be quite hard for them to do just   
that...  
But that wasn't the problem, as he had said.  
Kenshin sighed and looked down at the desk, hesitant to speak of this   
shaming entanglement, but knowing that he had to, now... I had been working  
  
there for three weeks, that I had, and I met this boy...  
There was more than a little sly understanding in his shishou's   
voice, and Kenshin squirmed.  
H-Hai... only, he was a student, Shishou. He's nineteen... a senior at the   
school, and two years older than my oldest...  
You have children? That had surprised him, evidentially, and Kenshin   
smiled a little.  
Two adopted daughters, Shishou. Kaoru-dono is seventeen and Misao-dono   
sixteen. It felt strange, to use the -dono suffix while still speaking in   
English, but it was silly to attempt a translation when he knew Shishou   
understood little things like that.  
Oh. Adopted. I was wondering. Kenshin sighed, embarrassed. Shishou had   
known, somehow, that he was homosexual, probably before Kenshin had known   
that what he was feeling wasn't some sort of psychological disorder. It   
hadn't bothered him in the slightest, either, which had baffled Kenshin to   
no end for a few months until he had learned to take Shishou in stride.  
Hai, hai... but anyway, I... He told me, when I saw him that night- there   
was a dinner at the elementary school, and he was there with his brother-   
anyway, he told me that he he had just been evicted from his apartment,   
indeed he had, and had nowhere to stay...  
So you invited him to stay with you.  
Kenshin blinked up at his shishou in surprise. The professor   
shrugged.  
Seemed like you, bakadeshi. So, let me guess... he stayed with you, and   
the two of you fell madly in love, but you still can't get past the problem   
of student-teacher ethics and his age, feeling you're tying him down before   
his time, while he doesn't see a problem with your relationship and is   
constantly hurt by your rebuffs. And you're here to get my opinion on what   
you should do.  
Kenshin blinked at him, and seeing no other option, blushed and nodded. It   
seemed so simple, to be summarized in one sentence like that... but...  
His shishou leaned back in his chair, eyes still boring deep into   
Kenshin. What do you want, bakadeshi?  
What do I want? Kenshin stared back at him, still unable to comprehend   
how his shishou had seen through him so easily.   
What do you want, yourself? Do you really love him? Or is it just a   
passing thing? Shishou appeared to be considering him, drinking his sake   
quite leisurely.  
I wouldn't jeopardize my livelihood and his future if I didn't truly love   
him, indeed I wouldn't, Kenshin shot back, a little injured that Shishou   
thought so little of his self-control. If it were only lust, I-  
Have you slept with him yet? the older man interrupted again.  
Kenshin turned bright red and choked. His shishou waited patiently.  
  
  
Kenshin scowled and looked at the desk, then nodded a minuscule bit, biting   
his lower lip in an attempt not to combust from pure embarrassment. He   
certainly didn't beat around the bush...  
The tone to the professor's soft humming of consideration was not   
one that inspired much trust, and Kenshin waited for his next question with   
nothing less than dread.  
Top or bottom?  
  
It's generally a good indicator of your position in the relationship and   
the dynamics between you, the dark-haired man pointed out casually. A   
psychological thing, which is, of course, my specialty.  
Kenshin scowled at him, knowing his face was as crimson as his hair. His   
shishou waited patiently.  
he gritted out, cheeks flaming.  
Of course. The professor turned about in his chair, swirling in a lazy   
spiral for a few moments before halting, apparently coming to some sort of   
decision. Kenshin blinked, feeling his heart fall to his stomach, waiting   
with mixed dread and hope. Either way his mentor answered, part of him would  
  
be validated and the other cast to dust... It all fell to which, now.   
Whether his heart would sing with elation, or his sense retake a smug air of  
  
superiority.  
How much do you love him? Shishou asked simply.  
Kenshin blinked dumbly. His lips moved, but no sound came forth.  
More exactly, do you love him enough to lose your job and risk your   
livelihood for him? Or would you rather forsake whatever feelings you have   
for him to live on as you have?  
Breathing hurt, and Kenshin stared blindly into those dark   
blue eyes, hands clenching unaware into the desktop. I... I...  
Would you be able to live with yourself waking every morning without him   
beside you, knowing you sacrificed both your feelings and his to maintain a   
wage? the dark-haired man continued pitilessly. Would you rather please   
the people around you who care nothing for you, or do something to make   
yourself happy?  
That's not fair, Shishou, Kenshin whispered brokenly, hands beginning to   
ache. I have to take care of my children... how could I do that if I were   
to lose my job? How could I-  
You get another job. How hard is that? Intense eyes bored into him.  
But- He- He's so young, Shishou, he-  
Is he a child? Or can he make his own decisions?  
He- Of course he can make his own decisions! I would never-  
Then let him. He's made his decision. You have to make your own.  
Kenshin was silent, chin shaking, knuckles white where his fingers dug into   
the unyielding plastic of the desk. It... What could he say? Shishou refused  
  
to understand... just as Sano had refused to understand... why wouldn't they  
  
just admit-  
Why don't you understand how wrong this is?! he burst out, feeling his   
eyes sting, rising unwittingly to one knee, braced in the seat and leaned   
over the desk.   
Why is it wrong? His shishou's voice overrode his own, even though his   
soprano had risen to the most strident and pained he could ever remember it   
being. Because you think so? Or because you think everyone else will think   
so?  
Kenshin froze, those words singing to the back of his mind as they floated   
in his memory... Sano had said those same words...  
You're the one who is refusing to understand. Shishou focused his gaze   
unwaveringly on his student, who shook like a leaf in the winter gale in the  
  
desk. This isn't a matter anyone else has any place interfering in. They   
will interfere, and you can count on that. But this matter is between you   
and that young man.  
Kenshin said faintly.  
Between you and Sanosuke, he amended. No other opinions matter. That is   
the one thing you've yet to learn. You've never understood the value of your  
  
own life.  
Kenshin quavered, but firmed his jaw and met the older man's   
gaze.  
Understand that you are worth no less than all those around you, he   
continued, voice as serious as Kenshin had ever heard it, pushing back from   
his desk to pace about the front of his room. If you have learned anything   
from this experience, it is that it is possible for another to love you. You  
  
are worthy of another's affection, even if you don't believe it yourself.   
And besides that... it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you. Know   
that you have value in yourself, and for once, do what you want. Take some   
steps to make yourself happy. Because no one will do it if you don't try   
first.  
Kenshin listened silently, the tears that ached at his eyes steadily   
growing to be of an entirely different nature.  
Make yourself happy. And give yourself the chance to be who you truly are   
inside. Because then, you'll be someone worth knowing, Kenshin. And perhaps   
then, you'll want to know yourself.  
Kenshin gasped softly. Shishou had never used his name before... the only   
method of address he had ever used towards him before was bakadeshi'. And   
those words... the tears that had lingered in his eyes spilled over, and he   
extracted himself from the desk, launching forward across the dusty tile to   
latch onto the taller man's arm.  
he sniffled.  
With an embarrassed grunt, the professor shook him off. How many times do   
I have to tell you, bakadeshi-  
Kenshin found it somewhere within himself to laugh, and shook with mirth   
for a few moments before subsiding. The dark-haired professor sighed and   
retreated to his desk.  
Go home, bakadeshi, he ordered. Work things out. Maybe I'll be willing   
to speak with you when you make an actual man of yourself.  
Kenshin headed for the door, catching up his jacket, unable to wipe a   
brilliant smile from his lips. Shishou... you know that will never happen,   
indeed it won't, he returned, then bowed once more to the man who'd done so  
  
much for him and exited. There was no need for thanks, and no need for   
goodbyes. It simply was not how they did things.  
As he closed the door behind him, Kenshin's keen ear caught the sound of   
muttering, and he leaned close to the crack to better discern the words.  
That damned fruitcake'll be the death of me...  
Kenshin smiled, stifled a giggle, then headed down the hallway.  
  
*** *** ***


	11. I Couldn't Have

*** *** ***  
  
I don't know how the  
Hell you do it,  
koishii, Sano muttered,  
staring down   
at the dishes in  
consternation.  
Sure, he knew how to  
wash dishes. He'd done  
it every two days for  
himself   
and Yahiko when they'd  
lived alone. But that  
was usually limited to  
forks   
and knives, as they ate  
nothing that required  
anything more than paper  
  
plates.  
He wasn't the greatest  
cook in the world. Thus,  
take-out had been the  
usual   
meal of choice.  
But tonight, Jou-chan and Misao had insisted on cooking, thus it had ended   
up some odd concoction, of which he still had little idea what the contents   
were. And he was hesitant to get anywhere near the residue.  
So he continued to stare at it, hoping a solution would magically appear.  
Somewhere in his considerations, the phone rang.  
Grateful for the distraction, Sano dived for the phone. True to how his   
evening had been running, it fell off the counter, and he ended up on his   
rear somewhere next to the wall. He grunted in annoyance and picked up the   
blatting phone.  
was his coherent answer.  
There was a pause, then the caller spoke up. It was a female voice,   
slightly bemused, in the lower register.  
Is this the Himura residence?  
Yeah. Whossis? Sano tried irritably to pick himself up. That failing, he   
settled back onto the floor to rub at his backside, annoyed at the   
probability of some sort of bruise. Normally, that never would have bothered   
him, but things were always different when someone else was seeing you   
naked.  
It's Meg Thompson, calling for Himura Kaoru...  
Sano considered that for a moment, then recognition came to him in a flash   
of inspiration. Oi, you're that nurse lady!  
Let me guess. You were the overprotective idiot. There was a certain   
dryness to the woman's tone that Sano wasn't quite sure he appreciated.  
Hey, watch it, lady, he warned, a bit miffed and not in the mood to just   
swallow it, considering his developing bruise and the possible crimp in his   
sudden sex life thereof. I don't have to give the girl the phone, y'know.  
And I'm sure she'd see the importance in your asserting your excuse for a   
manhood over her getting her phone call.  
Sano considered that.  
There was a silence on the other end.  
Look, I'll overlook it this time, he said warningly, stumbling at last to   
his feet. But only because it was your first offense. Another and I won't   
be so lenient.  
She didn't sound impressed in the least.  
Sano called, leaning out the kitchen door. 'Jou-chan! Phone!  
An irritated humming came to him from the other end. Sano sighed and waited   
impatiently. Girls were so slow...  
Kaoru came careening around the corner, the already-beat-up rug scrunching   
up beneath her feet. Who is it? she panted out, launching forward to grab   
the phone from his hand before he could answer.  
he protested, a little overwhelmed with her bounding enthusiasm.   
It's Meg the nurse lady-  
Kaoru froze , the phone midway between his hand and her ear, staring at him   
with large blue eyes. He blinked down at her, not comprehending either the   
surprise in her eyes or the sudden flush that rose to her cheeks.   
she repeated dumbly.  
Sano cocked his head, then poked at her cheek with one fingertip.   
What's with the blush, naa,   
Kaoru blinked, then scowled and spun away. Oh, leave me alone! she   
snapped over one shoulder, disappearing into the living room.  
Sano stared after her, stupefied, then shook his head with a heavy sigh.   
he told the wall, will I understand girls. Never. Just ain't   
possible.  
  
Kaoru cast one final glare at the dark-haired teenager who still blinked   
after her from the kitchen, then flumped onto the couch, lifting the phone   
to one ear with a sigh. she managed with only minimal stuttering.   
It's K-Kaoru.  
Oh, good. Someone with more than the least required amount of brain   
cells. The young woman sounded a bit annoyed. Does that rooster-head   
actually live with you?  
Well, yes... Kaoru sighed, feeling a little more at ease. For some   
reason, when she'd heard it was Meg... calling her... The mere memory of the   
other girl sent chills over her skin, for reasons she didn't care to   
question. She didn't provoke any sort of fear... well, that wasn't quite   
true. She was... a little afraid of Meg... He had nowhere else to go,   
really. His little brother lives here too.  
There's more of them? She sounded almost horrified, and Kaoru giggled.  
No, no... Yahiko's a smart little boy. Not like his brother.  
I HEARD THAT!!! came a threatening bellow from the kitchen.  
Hold on a sec, Kaoru alerted Meg, then covered the mouthpiece. STOP   
LISTENING IN, YOU JERK!!! she yelled back.  
There was a guilty silence.  
I'm back, she informed the other girl, removing her hand and putting it   
aimlessly on the couch, not sure what to do with it. That had to be done.  
Meg laughed, an actual laugh, not the taunting, earsplitting sound of   
before. I couldn't blame you, Kaoru-chan... I don't see how you could live   
with such a boorish little boy. She paused, and when she resumed speaking,   
her mirthful tone had become much more serious. I was calling to ask you if   
it would be all right for me to come by and drop off Ken-san's medication.   
My shift is almost over, and I'd rather be sure it got to you, so there's no   
chance of what happened before happening again.  
Kaoru sobered almost instantly, then nodded before she realized Meg   
couldn't see her. she said hastily. That'd be fine, I guess. Do you   
know the address?  
Yes, in fact I do. It's on your insurance information along with your   
phone number. There was a certain smugness to her voice.  
Kaoru nodded again, then winced and smacked herself on the forehead in   
retribution for her stupidity. All right, she replied, calm regained.   
That's the address of Shinimori-san's dojo. We live in the apartment above   
it, so just come in the front and go up the staircase. Our front door is at   
the top.  
That sounds fine. It'll take me, oh... say, fifteen minutes to get there.   
So, I'll see you then, Kaoru-chan...  
There was a certain lilt to Meg's voice that didn't escape Kaoru's notice,   
and she sat dumbly for a few moments after the click had sounded and the   
dial tone buzzed insistently in her ear, trying to understand...  
It took the automated please hang up and try again message to knock her   
out of her stupor, and Kaoru hit the power button as reflex. She stared at   
the portable phone in her hand, then kicked one leg with her opposite foot   
in irritation and returned to the kitchen, phone in tow.  
Sanosuke popped out the swinging door, eyes large. She scowled up at him.  
Don't you have anything better to do than eavesdrop on my phone   
conversations? she snapped irritably. Jerk. That was private.  
His dark eyes were nearly as round as tou-san's were on a   
regular basis. What'd she want, anyway,   
Kaoru opened her mouth to tell him it was none of his business, then   
realized it was partly his business and scowled in deepening annoyance.   
Aah... She's gonna come by and drop off tou-san's medication for him.  
Ah. Sou ka. Sanosuke puttered over to the sink, and stared at it with the   
beginnings of utter desolation pulling at his features. Kaoru blinked at his   
pathetic figure, then sighed.  
Do you want me to do the dishes, Sanosuke?  
he said brightly, straightening up with a broad grin.  
Kaoru glared at him, placing her hands on her hips. You should do them   
yourself. It'd give you something better to do than bothering me.  
I gotta bother you. Can't bother your tou-san, he's not home. And that's   
my major pastime. Sanosuke looked pleased with himself.  
Those words brought a flash of memory, and Kaoru was motionless for a   
moment, remembering her conversation with Misao and Yahiko at the park.   
Sanosuke... and tou-san... They never had brought up the subject that   
night, and somehow, she was both glad and disappointed. It was the kind of   
thing that gnawed at her... was tou-san in love with Sanosuke? If so... did   
Sanosuke know it? Were they already together and hiding it? Why would   
tou-san hide that from her? What... what was going to happen to them all?  
About that... she said slowly, Sanosuke... about you and tou-san... are   
you-  
Sanosuke interrupted, His chocolate eyes went wild, and   
the older boy stumbled backward, a hand searching along the countertop as if   
for something to hold onto. His features were darkened with some urgency,   
some terror, a sight that twisted her stomach. What could be scaring him so   
badly...? Did he suspect her question before she'd even asked it?  
Sanosuke, you and-  
Her words were interrupted a second time, but this time by the creak of   
hinges as the front door was pushed open. Kaoru froze in mid-word. It   
couldn't be Meg, it'd only been a few minutes...  
Her confusion was abruptly answered by a cheery, so-familiar voice.   
Tadaima de gozaru yo! After a brief pause, during which Kaoru found   
herself inexplicably frozen to her spot, there was a scuffle and a thump of   
something onto the floor. Ya, Kaoru-dono, Sano! tou-san continued, voice   
as obscenely cheerful as she had ever heard it.  
She found the strength to turn about and smile for her beloved father, not   
knowing why her heart fluttered within her breast as though she had nearly   
been caught doing something wrong. Okaeri, she returned. Did   
you eat?  
Hai de gozaru. I- oro?  
Kaoru blinked, clueless as to the sight her father's amethyst eyes had so   
readily fixed to, as well as the sudden concern on his delicate features.   
Then she turned back to where she had previously been gazing, and saw   
Sanosuke poking again at the dishes, his jaw set so firmly it had to have   
been a conscious decision.  
There was a long silence, the strange tension in the little kitchen rising   
so high Kaoru could barely stand it. She turned back and forth between the   
two men, enough to make herself nearly dizzy, until finally she lost her   
patience and stomped one foot.  
she snapped out.  
Sanosuke said quietly, voice rumbling through the silence. Betsu   
ni. Just- lemme talk to your tou-san real quick, kay,   
Kaoru blinked, then sighed in irritation. she acquiesced, then   
exited the kitchen with a huff.  
She'd find this out later. For now, if Meg was going to be here in a few   
minutes... for some reason, she felt an irresistible urge to brush her hair.   
And maybe put on some makeup. Nothing extravagant.  
  
Kenshin pulled the kitchen door shut behind him, cocking his head   
to the side worriedly and moving forward to lay a hand on his young aisuru's   
arm. Daijoubu de gozaru ka? You look as though something's bothering   
you...  
Sano was silent for a few moments, then looked down into his eyes. His face   
was drawn with worry, lips pulled tight. What are we telling the kids about   
this? he asked softly, voice shaking only a little bit. 'Jou-chan was just   
about to ask me before you walked in the door, I think, and I don't wanna   
lie to er... but...  
But what? Kenshin let his voice drop, reassuring him as best he could.   
What do you think de gozaru ka? This is a decision we should make   
together.  
Sano regarded him silently for a few moments, surprise evident on his   
features. Kenshin blinked at him innocently.  
When did you get so comfortable with this, naa? he prodded, the   
beginnings of a smile softening his worry-engraved face. Who did you talk   
to today, and when can I meet him?  
Kenshin smiled a little shyly, remembering all too well how he would have   
reacted a few days ago to the mere idea of telling the children of their...   
relationship? Relationship, he supposed... This matter doesn't concern   
anyone but us de gozaru, he returned softly, paraphrasing his shishou's   
advice with a soft flutter of his beating heart beneath his breastbone. He   
had been trying so hard, to push this idea away... But now, to accept it and   
decide... that this was what he wanted... it was a little awing.  
I've been trying t' say that all along, Sano reminded with a little   
scowl.  
Kenshin acknowledged a bit shamefully, hanging his head. It wasn't   
that I didn't trust your word, Sano... It was only-  
I'm biased, I know, I know. Sano's face softened at last into that sweet   
boyish grin of his, and Kenshin relaxed with a little sigh. But still...   
Koishii, I'm all for telling them. I think they'll understand, and it'll be   
better in the long run for us to not hold it back any longer than we already   
have, naa?  
Kenshin agreed softly, then pushed forward a little to lean his   
forehead against Sano's arm. The teenager stroked the back of his head with   
his free hand. Kenshin purred, then looked up at this boy he was willing to   
give everything for with all his adoration singing forth from his eyes.  
A moment passed, then Sano blushed. Aw, man...  
Kenshin laughed softly, amazed himself at the calm he felt, not worrying in   
the slightest bit, just... comfortable... with Sano... he said softly,   
gently, we tell them de gozaru.  
Sano nodded decisively. Aa. Oh- Kenshin, jou-chan talked to Meg Thompson   
on the phone a little before you got home. She's comin' by t' drop off your   
medication.  
At those simple words, all the calm that had relaxed him vanished, the   
warmth of Sano's nearness torn away by the numbing cold that prickled at the   
base of his skull, spreading down his spine...  
he whispered, casting his gaze away, aching deep inside.   
He... he couldn't... Sano, it costs too much, he whispered, feeling his   
voice grow plaintive, begging. I can't afford-  
No, you can't, the dark-haired boy interrupted, catching one hand and   
bringing it swiftly to his lips. Kenshin blinked at him, not understanding.   
Then the hard glint in his beloved's eyes softened to gentle, protective   
affection, and Sano squeezed his hand.  
But we can, he amended with a little grin. We, Kenshin. You can't do   
anything without me butting in anymore. I'm gonna be by your side in   
everything you do, standing by to make sure you get everything you want. I'm   
not gonna go away. Not ever.  
Kenshin stared up into his dark eyes, heart beating faster, blood stirring   
in his veins, something warm and soft growing in his chest and choking off   
all breath. Sano squeezed his hand again, then brushed a little kiss over   
the tip of each finger, lips gentle and smiling. Daijoubu sa, he   
whispered, then let his hand go. I'm beside ya all th' way, koishii.  
I know de gozaru na, Kenshin said shyly. Hai. I know.  
  
It was only a few minutes later that a knock sounded at the front door.  
Kaoru tore down the hallway, the rug bunching up beneath her socked feet,   
desperate to get there before anyone else did. Sanosuke was embarrassing   
enough, and tou-san seemed to have more than a few problems dealing with   
Meg.... overall, it was just best if she got the door.  
She came to a skidding halt just before the oak door, forcibly stopping   
herself with a hand on the wall, then caught her breath and swung open the   
door, pasting a smile on her face.  
The familiar figure of the young med student was leaning on the wall, arms   
crossed over her substantial chest, a small plastic bag hanging from one   
long-fingered hand. Kaoru blinked at her, stupefied. she squeaked   
out, unable to believe that she could look so- so- Hadn't she come straight   
from work? How could she look so unruffled and composed, not a hair out of   
place...?  
Meg stood up from the wall and entered past her, one delicate hand artfully   
sweeping long dark hair from one flawless cheek and tucking it seemingly   
carelessly behind an ear. Did you just move in? she inquired with detached   
concern, taking a glance about the entry hallway. This place looks so   
run-down...  
Kaoru bristled, pulling the door shut behind her . We've been   
living here for almost eight years now, she snarled, feeling her blood   
pressure rise. And tou-san does a wonderful job of taking care of-  
Oh, no, I would never accuse Ken-san of being an neglectful parent! Meg   
turned back to face her, onyx eyes wide in deceptive innocence. I'm sure he   
does the very best he can. It just must be so hard for him, all alone trying   
to raise two little girls... And I'm sure it was only the unavoidable power   
of his masculinity that brought those little girls up to be sweaty,   
rambunctious tomboys... Taking up all his income with their insatiable   
appetites and growth spurts so the poor man had nothing left to keep up the   
home...  
Kaoru sputtered, feeling her skin heat to a furious crimson, her fingers   
clenching into trembling fists. Meg considered her, eyes narrowing, lips   
quirking into a smug little smile.  
So what if I sweat?! Kaoru burst out, voice strident and echoing off the   
walls of the tiny hallway. You do too, ya know! And- and- argh! WHAT   
masculinity? Have you SEEN the man?! What d'you know, anyway?! AAGH!  
Oh, my... Meg said placidly. What a violent little girl...  
Kaoru was considering a demonstration of just how violent she could be when   
the door to the kitchen swung open and a familiar head popped out.  
Oi, it's the fox lady! Sanosuke observed. Heya, fox lady! Don't hurt the   
  
Kaoru glared warningly at the older boy, fist clenching harder. Sanosuke   
winked, then stepped out into the hallway, still grinning that goofy grin   
that made her wonder if he had any brain cells at all, hands in his jeans   
pockets. he observed, glancing back and forth between them,   
anybody want something to drink? Kenshin sent me to ask... by th' way, I'll   
take that- He snatched the plastic bag from Meg's hand without warning and   
shoved it in his pocket. You two go ahead and sit in the living room...   
I'll bring somethin' later on. He nudged Kaoru, winked down at her again,   
then disappeared back into the kitchen, humming something under his breath.  
Kaoru stared after him, utterly baffled. What was that all about? she   
asked aloud, hoping vainly for some sort of enlightenment. She knew Sanosuke   
was weird and all, but there was usually some sort of motivation for his   
strangeness. This seemed without a basis at all...  
I couldn't tell you, Kaoru-chan. Shall we go sit? Meg asked calmly, then   
pushed past her down the hallway.  
Kaoru watched her go, then shrugged resignedly and followed. Who was she to   
question why...?  
  
Where're the cups, koishii? Sano shut another cabinet and peered at it in   
consternation. This man had entirely too much kitchen stuff. There were   
devices in there that had purposes he couldn't begin to fathom, things with   
many pointy appendages and graters and such... Maybe there was a reason the   
bookshelf was evenly split between psychology reference and cookbooks.  
To the left, Sano.  
Sano glared at the cabinets and moved to the next one.  
Iya- Sano, your other left.  
Sano snarled under his breath and moved back the other way, not willing to   
meet Kenshin's eyes.  
The redhead laughed lightly, placing another plate on the counter beside   
him. Sano... Why are you getting refreshments for Kaoru-dono and Meg-dono   
instead of making one of them do it de gozaru ka? That's very unlike you.  
Sano shrugged innocently. Felt like bein' nice.  
The tone of Kenshin's voice made it obvious he wasn't fooled at   
all.  
Sano sighed, giving up. Fine, fine... M followin' through on a suspicion,   
that's all. He shrugged and took two cups, then let the cabinet swing   
closed and made his way to the refrigerator, opening it with his knee. I   
could just as easily be wrong, but I don't think I am, this time... after   
all, I wasn't wrong about you, naa?  
There was a pause.  
Sano... what on earth are you talking about de gozaru ka?  
Sano turned around and blinked at him. Kenshin craned his neck and peered   
back at him over one shoulder, beautiful face quite puzzled.  
After a few moments passed, the two silently staring at each other, Sano   
shook his head and chuckled. I'll tell you later, he said gently, then   
grabbed two random sodas for the girls and pushed out of the kitchen.  
  
Kaoru said awkwardly, twisting her fingers together in her lap,   
anou... how's your internship going?  
Meg blinked at her from where she was reclined on the couch. Oh, as well   
as any work goes, she replied lazily. It has its ups and its downs... Why   
do you ask?  
Kaoru shrugged, focusing on her fingers, not readily willing to meet the   
older girl's gaze. I dunno... just making conversation, I guess... And I   
know it has to be hard, working in a hospital like that, stressful and   
all... she said shyly.  
Meg shifted, her gaze becoming a bit more direct. Just as it must   
be hard to live with someone dear to you being so ill... Her voice was   
soft, considering, lacking any of the condescension or sarcastic bite Kaoru   
had become used to.  
Kaoru lifted her eyes to Meg's, found those onyx orbs to be strangely   
gentle, and sighed. I- I guess... she said quietly. 'Tou-san isn't hard   
to live with, but... I just...  
It hurts you to know he's in pain.  
Kaoru blinked in surprise. How would you- she stuttered out. How would   
you know-  
It's written all over the both of you. I saw you in the hospital,   
remember? Meg cocked her head with a little smile. He doesn't want you to   
see him hurting, but you see it all too well. Right? And he doesn't want to   
appear weak to you, so you'll always feel safe with him.  
Kaoru stared at her silently for a few moments more, then scooted her chair   
forward a little, stretching to look better into her eyes. There was   
something there... something that she recognized, a look she'd seen in   
Sanosuke's eyes when he'd spoken of tou-san, back at the hospital... What   
was this...?  
Meg, did something- she started plaintively.  
Oi, refreshments! a familiar voice sang out cheerfully. Sanosuke appeared   
out of the hallway, then thrust glasses into their hands, giving no one a   
chance to decline the offer. Kaoru scowled, then sucked in air to scald his   
ears with admonitions-  
Oh, you... wait here a minute, would you? We have to consult on   
something, Meg said quickly, grabbing hold of Sanosuke's pant leg. The boy   
tripped and fell heavily on the arm of the couch, blinking owlishly.  
I have a name, y'know, he complained petulantly.  
Yes, yes, I know. Meg waved a hand dismissively. Now... Kaoru-chan,   
another reason I came by was that I wanted to discuss something with you and   
him... and your sister, if she's home.  
Misao's out at drama practice, Kaoru informed with a heavy sigh. But I'm   
sure Sanosuke and I are competent enough to make any decisions necessary...  
Meg eyed Sanosuke dubiously. He glared down at her.  
The dark-haired girl sighed and ignored him. she continued, the   
general practice after a breakdown such as Ken-san had would be to keep him   
under regular surveillance, to be sure medication is taken appropriately and   
any other needed measures are taken. When this was discussed, the doctor   
that had been observing him had felt that such an action wouldn't be   
received very well.  
Kaoru looked up at Sanosuke, who nodded soberly. Kenshin wouldn't deal   
well with that. He's gonna have problems as it is, taking the pills n all.  
Why is that? Meg inquired officiously.  
He thinks it's too expensive, and he's afraid he won't be able to take   
care of jou-chan and Misao without that money.  
Kaoru blinked at Sanosuke. He smiled a little sadly and reached over to   
muss up her hair. We're just gonna hafta work on im, right,   
she returned, trying to brighten her smile. It would be all   
right... Sanosuke was there to help them, to help tou-san, and he would   
make sure things would work out... he wouldn't let anything bad happen to   
them. He wouldn't...  
Well, with that in mind... I thought that perhaps, it would be best if I   
were to be that surveillance, Meg said calmly, quietly. Ken-san knows me   
already, and since I'm also acquaintanced with a few other members of the   
household, it would be easy for me to come by and see how things are. This   
would be on a daily basis, you understand...  
Every day? Sanosuke questioned.  
That's usually what daily' means, Kaoru pointed out sharply. Then she   
returned her attention to Meg, worriedly. It wouldn't take long for   
tou-san to figure out something was up, you know.  
I'm not suggesting you lie to him, Kaoru-chan! Meg looked wounded. It's   
simply a better thing for a man to see a pretty, friendly young woman   
checking up on him every day than a cranky old man he has no relation to,   
right? Someone nice to look at, who'll do all she can to make him... feel   
better?  
Kaoru opened her mouth to protest Meg's sudden interpretation of her   
position, but was overpowered by a much deeper voice, made brusque with   
outrage.  
Hey, now, whaddya think yer gonna be doin' here, kitsune? You just try and   
put your hands on Kenshin an' I swear to God I'll-  
Meg blinked in obvious delight, reclining again on the couch. Just   
a bit possessive, are we, Sanosuke? Is there something you'd like to tell   
the class?  
Kaoru looked up at Sanosuke in a resurgence of her insatiable curiousity.   
The teenaged boy was steadily turning bright red, staring in dismay at the   
dark-haired young woman who was watching him with smug knowing. The younger   
girl looked in between them a few times, then grew frustrated and punched   
Sanosuke's knee. He jumped, then blinked down at her. he protested   
weakly.  
she demanded.  
Sanosuke grinned sheepishly, then pushed off the edge of the couch. I'll   
go get Kenshin so we can discuss this, all right? he threw in quickly as he   
retreated for the kitchen. Kaoru started to chase him, then sank back into   
her chair with a heavy sigh.  
Just try to get an answer out of him... she gritted out, casting an   
annoyed glance up at Meg, who smiled and shrugged prettily.  
I should think the look on his face would be answer enough, Kaoru-chan...  
  
The discussion went much better than they had feared it would. Kenshin had   
agreed quite docilely, though there had been a certain resignation in his   
eyes that had hurt Sano a little to behold. It had to be bad enough for him   
that everyone knew of his condition... he seemed so ashamed of it. As   
though... as though he could have done anything to change it! But now,   
through all that... he had to feel he was losing control of his entire life.  
Though it was possible he'd never felt in control of it in the first place.  
And that hurt more than anything else.  
Sano pulled the bedroom door shut behind him softly, letting the latch   
click slowly enough that the wood didn't thump. Kenshin's position didn't   
change, back to him, shoulders drawn up slightly, knees to his chest,   
something that looked like a textbook balanced on his slim thighs, head   
bowed so he could read. His crimson hair was free from its usual tie, free   
along the line of his back that was always visible through the fabric of his   
shirt.  
he said softly.  
Kenshin didn't move, and Sano winced. Taking a deep breath, he crossed the   
floor in one stride and knelt down on the bed behind him, nudging one knee   
against the small of his back. The redhead made a soft noise of discontent,   
then turned his face towards Sano.  
What is it de gozaru ka? he asked quietly.  
Sano shifted to sit, peering worriedly into those crystalline   
depths. Are you... are you okay?  
It was a lame question, but the twitch of Kenshin's lips indicated that he   
understood. I... Sano... He shook his head, then fell silent, looking   
away. Don't. Everything is fine de gozaru yo.  
Sano scowled a little, then lifted Kenshin's sharp chin up with one finger,   
forcing his beloved to meet his gaze. He expected the other to attempt a   
smile, to allay his worry, as he had always done before... and yet, Kenshin   
looked obediently into his eyes, and the face Sano beheld was a miserable   
one.  
he said softly. See, you're not all right. He stroked a fingertip   
along his cheek, smoothing his thumb beneath Kenshin's eye and tracing the   
cheekbone. The redhead squinted a little, wincing immediately away from his   
touch. Though it was only a natural reaction, since he had indeed come close   
to grazing his naked eye, something twinged in Sano's chest, and he pulled   
away, wounded.  
Kenshin blinked at him, and seemed about to speak again when the   
once-clear gaze of those crystalline eyes became clouded, distracted. His   
lips moved, and then he froze, head cocking slowly to one side.  
Sano stared at him, an unpleasant churning in his stomach   
bringing with it a rush of adrenaline that prickled at his every nerve. His   
lover didn't even seem to hear him, eyes focused on something far away,   
every moment stilled...  
Stop it, Kenshin said softly, voice shaking, jaw clenched.  
Stop... stop what, Kenshin? If I-  
That's not fair de gozaru. Stop it. Stop it... It was as if he wasn't   
even listening, his voice distant, but the pain in his words so clear...   
Sano leaned forward, conflicted in his bafflement, but blindly wanting to   
comfort that harm he had done away, though he didn't know what... what he   
had done, other than prying, other than caring! He was only trying to help,   
and if Kenshin didn't see that-  
the older man continued to plead, shoulders beginning to shake,   
hands digging into the mattress beside his feet. Stop- none of them know,   
no one knows! I don't know de gozaru yo! I don't remember! How can it have   
been me if I can't remember any of it de gozaru ka? I- I didn't! It was him   
de gozaru yo! He'll take all credit if you ask him de gozaru.  
Sano froze in midair, his hands shaking where they had reached out to lay   
on Kenshin's shoulders, to draw him close so they could talk in some form of   
calm, so he could judge just how angry with him Kenshin was. What was he   
talking about...? It was like he wasn't even talking to-  
With a shuddering intake of breath, Sano waved his hand in front of   
Kenshin's eyes.  
There was no reaction.  
he whispered again, tense, beginning to ache all over as his   
muscles trembled with both the exertion of holding so still and a developing   
terror. The redhead again didn't respond to him, eyes still blindly staring   
at some point beyond the wall, hands digging so hard into the mattress that   
Sano was somewhat perversely reminded of how those small hands had clutched   
at and ripped those same sheets that still covered this bed in the midst of   
their lovemaking, only a few days ago... But the joy they'd shared in each   
other then was in no way mirrored in the utter despair darkening those   
beautiful features now...  
I didn't... he repeated, the smallest of tears welling in his eyes,   
threatening but not spilling over his pale cheeks just yet. I didn't. I   
didn't de gozaru yo. It wasn't- It couldn't have been- It was all so long   
ago, I- Stop it! STOP IT!  
Kenshin's tiny, delicate hands lifted suddenly from the mattress, and   
surged with an inhuman quickness to his ears, then to his cheeks, his eyes-   
Sano thought at first, was sure at first that he was only covering his ears,   
trying to block out whatever he was hearing inside his mind, and covering   
his face to hide from whatever he saw... But those fingers moved with   
terrifying force, digging down hard, and Kenshin sobbed aloud, his   
fingertips coming away stained crimson-  
Sano grabbed his wrists, tearing his hands away without caring   
for the violence of the movement, not caring that Kenshin might be angry   
with him for interfering, only caring to stop him, to end this, even knowing   
it was too late to stop him from hurting himself, as the blood painted his   
pale flesh...  
I couldn't have killed all those people!!  
The plaintive cry was the last thing Sano heard before he cracked a palm   
over his lover's cheek, knocking Kenshin's frail form backwards with the   
sheer force of the blow. Sano froze, looking dumbly at the palm of his hand,   
staring at the smear of Kenshin's blood across his fingers.  
  
Kenshin's soft cry broke the sudden spell, and Sano reached out to him   
plaintively, catching one hand, eyes aching in remonstration as he beheld   
the red mark of his palmprint on his lover's already-ravaged cheek.   
he gasped, a bitter surge of self-loathing choking him, oh,   
Gods, I'm so sorry... I- You were- I didn't know what to do, I- I thought   
you would-  
You thought I was going to hurt myself de gozaru ka? Kenshin sounded   
bitter, though his gaze was still locked to Sano's eyes, stunned...  
Y-yeah... Oh, Gods, Kenshin... Sano lifted one hand up to brush lightly   
over the bleeding scratches, the furious red mark from his blow... I... I   
thought, I... I didn't... He bit his lower lip, a sudden rush of tears   
choking him, and he cast his gaze away, drawing his hand back.  
He'd hit Kenshin.  
In all his life, he'd tried so hard... he'd tried to never hurt someone he   
cared about, like Yahiko, Katsu... There had been times he'd wanted to, so   
badly, to just beat some sense into them, to make them stop prying, to make   
them leave him alone... So when others had pushed him, it didn't take much   
to make him snap. But since... since he did love them, he'd never wanted to   
hurt them, he'd never really wanted to hurt them... or anybody...  
He just couldn't help it sometimes...  
But Kenshin... even if he had been trying to knock him from that state,   
that frightful trance, he... he'd struck him...  
What kind of monstrous bastard was he?  
Sano... Sano, I- I'm sorry... I just-  
What the Hell are you apologizing for? Sano snapped, feeling the torrent   
of guilt and self-hatred pour over his cheeks, looking up at the man he   
loved with all his heart and had just... beaten... I'm the one who just hit   
you, dammit.  
Kenshin stared at him, a thin trickle of red marking his jawline. Then he   
sighed, shakily, and reached out to stroke his cheek lightly.  
The trailing fingertips left heat, wetness, and Sano winced. Daijoubu de   
gozaru yo, Kenshin said quietly. You saved me from a far worse power de   
gozaru.  
What do you mean? Sano returned quietly, remembering in a burning rush   
those words Kenshin had spoken, eyes glazed over, ignoring every entreaty   
he'd made... Kenshin... what haven't you told me?  
Amethyst eyes met his, and the fear within their depths twisted his innards   
painfully enough to push a whimper past his lips. Whatever this was...  
What was it that they... Sano touched Kenshin's temple lightly, that   
they were telling you, about... killing...? The last fell from trembling   
lips, mouth gone dry.  
Kenshin's lips parted, and he stared silently into Sano's eyes, begging   
without words for... something...  
Sano answered, knowing somewhere deep inside that Kenshin   
needed to hear it before he could bring himself to go on. I will never   
leave you. No matter what.  
Do you promise de gozaru ka? Kenshin whispered, eyes wide, voice brittle   
and shaking.  
Sano brushed a fingertip across his nose, nudging the tip affectionately,   
knowing without any doubt that this was the truth... the truest words he'd   
ever spoken in his life. No matter what, he could never leave Kenshin... not   
when the other man needed him so much... not when he needed Kenshin so much.   
It was something he had never known was missing, a part of him he'd never   
known was incomplete until he'd felt it whole... No matter what the truth of   
this was, nothing could make him leave Kenshin's side.  
I swear on my life, he said gravely. I'll never leave you.  
Kenshin nodded, and when their gazes met again, he was smiling, such trust   
in his deep eyes... I'll tell you what I know, he said softly. That isn't   
much de gozaru na.  
'S okay. Sano reached out and drew Kenshin to his chest, resting his   
cheek atop his head. Tell me. I'll do what I can.  
There was a brief pause, then Kenshin sighed and began.  
I never knew my parents de gozaru yo. The only memories I have of my   
childhood are being in a dark place... and a man teaching me things I didn't   
quite understand. All I can remember... I thought it was a game de gozaru   
na. And it wasn't... But I don't know why de gozaru. And after that... I   
don't remember anything at all, until... I was eighteen.  
Sano jumped, then blinked incredulously down at his head.   
That... how did you-  
I wasn't in control, Kenshin explained calmly, as though it was nothing   
at all. Battousai had control of us for that time, and I don't have access   
to his memories de gozaru. So I don't know any of what happened in that   
time, because I wasn't there de gozaru yo. When I woke up again, I was   
eighteen and in some sort of government office, I believe de gozaru na. They   
told me I was going to America, and I would live a new life there... I told   
them I didn't know what life I had been living in Japan, but they didn't   
listen to me and left the room de gozaru. So I found myself out on the   
street... and a man- Kenshin suddenly stiffened in his arms, and Sano   
hugged him consolingly, rocking him a little until he calmed somewhat.   
There was a man, and he arrested me de gozaru... He took me to the police   
station and showed me pictures of... horrible things, people who had been   
slaughtered...  
  
Kenshin fell silent, and Sano tightened his embrace, still trying to   
comprehend all this... He'd read a lot on the conditions the doctor had told   
him Kenshin had, and he'd thought he understood them pretty well, but   
this... to see the schizophrenia in all its horrible action, and listen to   
him so casually discuss not being in control of his own body... It was   
frightening. More than a little frightening.  
They said that I had done that to all those people de gozaru yo, Kenshin   
said quietly.  
The very concept seemed laughable, at first, and Sano was tempted to point   
out that it couldn't possibly be true. Kenshin got queasy cutting hamburger,   
and usually had to sit down for a few minutes both before and after or he   
would pass out. How could someone with a constitution like that possibly   
ever...  
he gasped aloud, remembering how jou-chan had described the   
other personality that had overtaken Kenshin that time long ago. Kenshin had   
said, he hadn't been in control...  
Kenshin whispered against his chest in a small voice. That was the   
only thing I could think de gozaru. I- I couldn't stand it... The thought   
that I had been there, only sleeping... while we did these horrible things,   
oh Sano... His voice broke, and he nestled closer to Sano's chest, where   
his heart lay pounding. I... The people from the office came to the station   
and got me, and they told me that all those people had been enemies of the   
government de gozaru... They said I had been an agent for them since I was a   
little boy...  
A governmental assassin...? Sano whispered, heart pounding, hands   
trembling on Kenshin's arms. This gentle man... this warm, beautiful, caring   
man he loved so much and that loved him so much, who raised his daughters   
all alone, those girls that had turned out to be as wonderful as their   
father...  
A hired killer...? Trained since childhood...?  
If for only just a moment, Sano saw the redhead trembling against his chest   
in drastically different eyes... but then...  
You don't remember any of it? he whispered.  
It wasn't me de gozaru yo. It was Hitokiri Battousai.  
Kenshin looked up into his eyes, and the pain there was so immense... HIs   
Kenshin. Oh, Gods, his Kenshin... this couldn't be real.  
But a few moments passed, and he realized with a sickening twist of his   
stomach that it was. This was reality.  
But it hadn't... it hadn't been this man... it had been the one he   
struggled to keep away. Hitokiri Battousai. Not his Kenshin.  
And his Kenshin needed him.  
Sano leaned down decisively and kissed him, hard and unforgiving. Kenshin   
gasped against his lips, then melted against him with a whimper.  
I love you, he murmured against his mouth. I love you. I'll never leave   
you. Never. I love you. I'll always be here. I love you. I love you...  
Kenshin clutched him close, and Sano lowered him to the mattress, finding   
his lips again. It didn't matter. It hadn't been Kenshin. He'd always be   
here... always by his side... and he would take the pain away, take the pain   
away with his hands and his lips and make sure Kenshin would never cry   
again...  
  
*** *** ***


	12. We Were Going To Tell You

  
  
She rang the doorbell with her free hand, admiring the silly little song   
she had herself wired to the device as it echoed throughout the empty dojo.   
Were it during the day, there would be people here... Taking their lessons,   
or merely admiring the decorations, or doing projects for school on Japanese  
  
history and culture... or finding some excuse to be there to admire the man   
who ran it all.  
She was lucky. She lived here.  
Misao waited a few seconds more, then sighed and opened the door for   
herself. It was true the dojo had closed down a few hours ago, she was quite  
  
late... and the teachers who assisted Aoshi-sama left an hour after that.   
But Aoshi-sama lived here, so he never left... But he did stop answering the  
  
door if the bell rang. She had a suspicion he never actually did.  
She edged inside the door, then dropped her backpack on the floor and let   
it slam closed. There was no homework for tonight... and if so, she was in   
no mood to do it. It was too late... she was too tired... Drama practice had  
  
run late, and then she'd had to hurry out to her place...  
Misao sighed, then wandered into the darkness of the dojo, not wanting to   
go upstairs just yet. There was a certain tranquility in places like this,   
dark places, cool places, quiet places... Home was warm, bright, always with  
  
sound, and while she loved that, she loved it dearly, there was always   
something she'd missed...  
In the orphange she'd grown up in, there had been a forest, with a few   
trees near the back windows... she'd been on the second floor, and every   
time it was windy, a branch would scrape on her window, and she would climb   
out on that branch and sit in the tree, watching the moon and the clouds...   
and it had been that time she had always taken for herself. When tou-chan   
had adopted her, and she had met nee-chan, she'd forgotten about that tree,  
  
that forest, the blue-violet sky... and it wasn't to say she'd been unhappy   
with them, quite the opposite! She loved them, she loved them both dearly,   
and tou-chan made her feel safe, and nee-chan was the best and closest   
friend she could ever ask for, but... She missed her silence.  
But she'd found that again, one night... she'd made a wrong turn, and ended   
up in the state forest one time after a long drama practice. After following  
  
the road all the way through on a whim, as she did quite a bit, she'd found   
a lake, surrounded by a dark forest, lit by the pale moonlight...  
Tou-chan didn't question her when she came home late. Nee-chan poked   
every now and then, but she was easy enough to cow. But they understood,   
that everyone had things they didn't want to share. Sometimes they were   
forced to, and if there was a problem, they were all there for each other to  
  
support each other, like when tou-chan had broken down, or when nee-chan   
had lost it in the middle of the night after the fire alarm went off because  
  
the battery was faulty... Her time hadn't come yet. Not yet.  
But she didn't worry. If it happened, it happened, and she knew everything   
would be fine. Because tou-chan would be there, and nee-chan would be   
there, and now... Sano-san and Yahiko would be there. So everything would be  
  
fine.  
Misao stood a moment more in the darkness, then sighed and went to gather   
her backpack. Might as well get going upstairs.  
Her fingers had only closed on the left strap when the door opened. Misao   
froze in surprise, light spilling down the stairwell, along with one voice   
very familiar to her and one she didn't know that well.  
So... thanks again, for coming by, Nee-chan was saying, voice muffled   
but sounding strangely... shy...? unsure? I appreciate it, and I know it'll  
  
help   
Of course, Kaoru-chan! the unfamilar voice returned. It was a woman's   
voice...  
Misao blinked, then stood aside as a young, dark-haired woman came down the   
stairs, making her way with a careless grace that she couldn't help but   
notice. It took a moment for her to recognize the nurse from the hospital,   
who had been the nurse at the school when nee-chan had... She made a move   
to stop her, baffled as to her presence, but Meg Thompson merely   
acknowledged her existence with a nod and a smile and pushed past her, out   
the door and into the night.  
Misao blinked after her, an eyebrow quirked. Then she turned her gaze to   
the head of the stairs, perplexed.  
Kaoru was staring after her, the most peculiar expression on her face. One   
of.. apprehension, maybe? She was difficult to read sometimes. She wore her   
emotions plainly, but there were times when those feelings weren't clear at   
all, even to her.  
Misao considered asking her about it, but only for a moment. It was really   
a fifty-fifty chance that nee-chan would tell her, and she really had   
little desire to exert the effort. She was too tired... she'd find out in   
the morning.  
she called brightly up the stairs.  
Oh-Oh! Misao! Okaeri! Kaoru thundered down the stairs, then her hands   
clamped onto the banister and she met Misao's eyes with a gasp.  
Misao blinked at her cautiously, backing away a little.   
Nee-chan was usually the calm one, and it was never a good sign when she   
started taking on Misao's characteristics.  
Kaoru waved one index finger in her face. Meg is coming by every day to   
check on she said desicively. I'll make sure he takes his   
medicine. You poke at Sanosuke until he tells us if they're sleeping   
together. Then we'll go from there.  
Misao blinked, then nodded. Sounds like a plan.  
Kaoru nodded back, then bounded back up the stairs.  
Misao stared after her, then sighed and resigned herself. Once nee-chan   
got into an idea, she jumped in with both feet. It could be sure that   
neither tou-chan nor Sano-san would get a second's rest now, with her on   
the job... even if she had delegated it to Misao. Never could be sure with   
that girl.  
Misao glared at her backpack, then sighed again and decided to leave it at   
the foot of the stairs where it was innocently sitting. Aoshi-sama would   
know it was hers... and she really didn't feel like lugging it up the flight  
  
of stairs when she would just have to lug it back down the next morning, the  
  
damned thing. So she cast one last glance at the now-shut door, and ascended  
  
the stairs to her home.  
Kaoru waited for her to enter the apartment before closing the door behind   
the both of them. It was strangely quiet in the hallway, no tell-tale voices  
  
to indicate where everyone was... Misao blinked, then nudged her sister with  
  
one elbow.  
Where is everybody? she asked, her own voice soft by reflex. Even so, it   
seemed to echo throughout the tiny apartment, and the air of pure   
strangeness didn't go unnoticed.  
Yahiko's at a friend's house, Kaoru explained, her tone as hushed as   
Misao's had been. 'Tou-san went to his room, and Sano went in there with   
him a little while before Meg left. They were talking, I think, and there   
was a few seconds I thought tou-san was really upset... but it was only   
for a few seconds. Then Meg left, and here you are, so...  
Misao flumped onto the couch, then pawed about for the remote, bored   
and wanting to flip channels for a while. Kaoru sighed, then sat down beside  
  
her.  
You know, we should-  
Both girls froze at the loud thump that had echoed down the hallway, and in   
tandem, their heads swiveled towards the sound, and they popped up above the  
  
back of the couch like prairie dogs in their colony.  
Did you hear that? Misao hissed.  
Kaoru nodded, waving a hand at her, distracted.   
They listened raptly, hearts racing, breath labored in anxiety, and were   
rewarded with another loud thump, this time accompanied by the unmistakable   
sound of mattress springs complaining. Another thump followed in swift   
succession... then another... and another...  
Misao burst into smothered giggles as she realized what exactly was   
causing those rhythmic sounds , burying her mouth in her hands and shrinking  
  
into the old couch, shaking violently in laughter. nee-chan hissed   
at her, her tone still tight in worry. What's so funny?  
Misao dove for the remote and turned on the television, biting her lower   
lip to hold back the hilarity she needed so badly to express, and turned up   
the volume as far as she could. Luckily, she had left the TV on the channel   
she knew showed loud action movies at this time of night, and the racket of   
a random car chase soon overpowered the tumult echoing up the hallway.  
her sister protested, trying to snatch the remote away. What-   
what's going on?! What if there's-  
They are so screwing back there! Misao hissed, vibrating in helpless   
mirth. In tou-chan's room! How dense are you?  
Kaoru stared at her, then her cheeks darkened, eyes growing painfully wide.   
Misao giggled, gasping for breath, then scooted closer to the television as   
a thump overrode the explosion in the movie.  
Sanosuke and... and Kaoru was bright red. Misao nodded,   
unable to breathe anymore from laughing.   
Oh, my God... Misao punched her on the arm, stomach starting to hurt.   
This is too much... I don't need to be hearing this...!  
They stared at each other for a few more seconds, then the movie went to   
commercials and Kaoru joined her in embarassed laughter.  
  
  
He creaked an eye open with only a grunt in reply, tightening his grip on   
Kenshin's slim waist. The redhead stirred in his arms, velvety skin   
quivering beneath the rough pads of his fingertips.  
Amethyst eyes were regarding him when he resigned himself to waking up   
fully. An unreadable expression glimmered there, something akin to worry,   
concern... Sano blinked at him owlishly, then winced as his gaze again took   
in the angry red marks on his lover's cheeks. Those gashes... and the print   
of his hand... how hard had he slapped him, for the marks to still be   
there...? After an hour?  
What is it de gozaru ka? Kenshin whispered huskily, running a palm along   
the arch of his back, his fingers gentle.  
Sano closed his eyes, unable to look upon the damage he had both caused and   
been unable to stop, choking back a nauseous surge of guilt. He shook his   
head, not willing to explain, not wanting to show...  
  
He said nothing, though twitching inwardly at the knowing tone to his   
voice. No matter how inconsequential the emotion, Kenshin always knew... and  
  
he hated that. He couldn't hide anything from the little redhead, anything   
at all... Especially when it was something that Kenshin knew was bothering   
him.  
There was a brief silence, then Kenshin's head slid to the back of his   
neck, gently pulling his head to the thin shoulder. Sano didn't resist,   
burrowing his face into Kenshin's warm skin, pushing up beneath his chin   
like an insistent puppy. His lover held him gently, fingers stroking through  
  
his hair, the other hand a firm pressure against the small of his back. It   
was a sense of warm security, the feeling that there was nothing else in the  
  
universe, that the world was only the few feet across of the bed they   
shared, that nothing was happening but the steady beat of Kenshin's heart   
just beneath his ear...  
And in the gentleness of the little redhead's touch was nothing that could   
indicate the deadly presicion of a man who had coldly slaughtered   
thousands... only the love and concern of one who was worrying over the one   
they treasured most, the softly petting fingers reassuring earnestly that   
everything was going to be okay...  
Sano let his eyes slit open, unable to stop the tranquil rumbling of a   
contented purr as Kenshin stroked his hair and his back. It was calm... all   
was calm, quiet, serene...  
Everything is going to be just fine de gozaru... Kenshin whispered into   
his hair. I'm sure of it. I'm sure of it ge gozaru na.  
Sano said complacently, tightening his grip on his lover's waist   
and closing his eyes again. For now, he could believe it... If only for now,  
  
in the calm warm afterglow, Kenshin in his arms... Everything would be fine.  
Everything would be fine.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
came the cheerful voices as he opened his bedroom door, a bright   
chorus of greeting that instilled the deepest of dread in his heart.  
Kenshin checked his watch hastily, noted that it was indeed five in the   
morning, then looked helplessly into the two pairs of blue eyes, one darker   
and one lighter, that peered at him expectantly.  
Why are you two awake de gozaru ka? he inquired with trepidation.  
Misao-dono grabbed one arm, and Kaoru-dono the other. They dragged him   
easily into the tiny living room, sat him on the couch, then let go. Kenshin  
  
blinked up at his daughters dumbly, his mind refusing to comprehend anything  
  
out of the ordinary this early in the morning. Why on Earth would they be   
awake...? He woke the girls up every morning, after he was dressed, and   
recently, after he had gotten Sano up, so he wouldn't have to explain how   
they were both-  
In the same bedroom-  
Last night-  
His stomach churned in sudden panic, and Kenshin lifted a vain hand to stop   
his youngest as she returned to the bedroom door that still hung open.   
he protested helplessly.   
his younger daughter said firmly, ignoring him and kicking the   
faded wooden doorjamb. Put on a shirt and get out here! Her imperious   
command was answered by a famliar, annoyed groan, the mattress squeaking,   
and then a mortified silence.  
Maybe some pants, too, Misao-dono amended.  
Kenshin felt his cheeks beginning to grow hot as his innards twisted   
unmercifully in the worst of dread. He cast a furtive glance at Kaoru-dono,   
needing to see her sweet face, hoping to read forgiveness there... Because   
no matter what anyone had said, this matter didn't only deal with him and   
Sano. It dealt with the girls too, and Yahiko, and they had the right to   
know... and they had been denied that...  
Kaoru-dono eyed him silently, then looked away, without evincing any sort   
of emotion at all. He winced, not knowing what to expect and feeling so   
helpless, wishing frantically that he would wake up back in bed any second   
now... This couldn't be happening, it just could not be happening... Not   
now...  
Sano stumbled into the living room, Misao-dono pushing him with a   
business-like air, though she was barely visible behind him. His chocolate   
eyes were baffled and large, his gaze settling on Kenshin, blinking down at   
him plaintively. Kenshin met his beautiful dark eyes, then mouthed a silent   
, drawing his shoulders up and returning his gaze to his feet. How  
  
could he have forgotten...?! The children... Misao-dono must have come home,  
  
and Kaoru-dono had already been there... and he and Sano... they had... Oh,   
Gods, how could he have forgotten?!  
Kaoru-dono coughed, and Misao-dono pushed Sano firmly in Kenshin's   
direction. The dark-haired boy sat heavily beside him, tugging in irritation  
  
at the shirt he had apparently put on backwards, biting his lower lip in   
obvious anxiety.  
You two sit tight, Kaoru-dono pronounced ominously, and then the two   
girls disappeared into the kitchen.  
Kenshin cast his gaze up to his lover's, and Sano yawned, mournful eyes   
blinking rapidly as he attempted to remain awake. he started to   
ask, then blinked owlishly, not seeming to possess the presence of mind to   
finish the phrase.  
Kenshin sighed fondly, then reached up to tug at his collar, instinct not   
allowing him to let Sano remain in such disarray. Fix your shirt de   
gozaru, he said softly. I don't know, I think- He coughed, cheeks   
flaming. Sano, last night-  
Okay, then! Misao-dono's voice announced officiously, the girls   
reappearing from the hallway, both with chairs. They sat them down a few   
yards from the front of the couch the two outed lovers sat on, in almost   
perfect tandem- a irregualrity that frightened Kenshin even further. The two  
  
rarely worked in cahoots, but it was never a tremendously good thing when   
they did. In continued sychronization, they sat promptly on those chairs and  
  
leaned forward, bright blue eyes of complimenting shades boring deeply into   
their victim's souls.  
All was silent for a few agonizing moments, then Sano tugged his shirt into   
place with a frustrated grunt. That sound seemed to break the ice, as it   
were, and Misao-dono nodded sharply, as though to begin the inquisition.  
Exactly when were you two planning on telling us you were boinking like   
rabbits? she asked sweetly.  
The rush of heat that prickled through the base of Kenshin's skull and neck   
was not a pleasant one, and he stiffened, hands clenching painfully on his   
thighs. The two girls stared at them expectantly, and though he wanted so   
badly to look to Sanosuke for reassurance, for safety, he bit his lower lip   
and sat up straight, prepared for the first time in a long time to face the   
consequences of his actions. And for the first time... the consequences of   
his feelings.  
We were going to tell you de gozaru yo, he began, voice shaking   
violently, shoulders tense, stomach aching... We were... and it was only a   
fault of mine that kept it from you at all de gozaru. I- I- He bit his   
lower lip, unsure of how to go on... He shouldn't apologize for how he felt,  
  
he shouldn't... but it felt as though he should...  
Kaoru-dono nodded solemnly. So... how long has this been going   
on, exactly? There was little emotion to her tone, as though she was   
inquiring about the weather or something so inconsequential... and it was so  
  
unlike her that Kenshin felt his heartbeat pound doubly fast in his thin   
chest. Was... was something very wrong here...?  
Since the hospital, Sano answered for him, voice soft and rumbling low in   
the still air of the early morning. Kenshin closed his eyes, reassured some   
unexplicable measure that he was there beside him.  
Well, that's not very long, Misao-dono commented, nudging Kaoru-dono's   
elbow. I guess they just jumped right into bed, ne,   
I guess you're right, imouto-chan, Kaoru-dono responded, looking over at   
her sister, lips twitching. I never would have expected tou-san to have so  
  
active of a libido... But I guess you learn something new every day, right?  
You would be right there, Misao-dono returned solemnly. I could have   
sworn tou-chan was just asexual... But I guess Sano-san's constant attempts  
  
to get in his floofy pants had to pay off in the end.  
Kenshin stared at the exchange silently, unable to breathe, seeing at last   
the tell-tale sparkle of mischief mirrored in both pairs of blue eyes, the   
shadows of smiles that danced on their lips...  
They were...  
They were playing with them. Teasing them. All along, they had been   
playing...  
Kaoru-dono... Misao-dono... he whispered, wanting to smile, but needing   
to be sure. Kimi-tachi wa... You don't mind...? You don't mind this de   
gozaru ka?  
Kaoru-dono looked over at him, and she finally smiled, that familiar bright   
smile of hers that said everything was okay... We figured it out a long   
time ago, she said gently. We just needed proof.  
I mean, really, Misao-dono broke in, voice laughing. It doesn't take a   
genius to see you two are hot for each other. With the looks, and tou-chan   
hiding and turning bright red practically every time you speak, Sano-san...   
And you're both so obviously gay that it was only a matter of time.  
Kenshin let himself smile, such a relief descending over him that he could   
barely breathe, beaming foolishly at the children he loved so dearly, unable  
  
to say a single word... They... they didn't mind? It had been the only thing  
  
left, that could have shattered his dreams, if his precious daughters had   
objected to this new love, this love he was becoming sure he couldn't live   
without...  
Kaoru-dono said more seriously, now that the preliminaries are out   
of the way, we have some things to take care of.  
Misao-dono agreed quickly, sitting up straight. Her eyes   
centered unerringly on Sano. A member of the family is a member of the   
family. That means chores, responsiblities, and all that comes in the   
package. If you're gonna be with our father, Sano-san, you're gonna be with   
us too.  
Which lead to the second point. Kaoru-dono picked up Misao-dono's thread   
seamlessly. Sanosuke, tou-san needs a solid committment, and so do we.   
Yahiko needs it too. So what you both have to understand is this can't just   
be a casual fling. If it's nothing more than that, it'd be best to end it   
now before things get even more complicated.  
Kenshin stared at his feet, bright red. It seemed... it seemed to be quite   
a lot to be demanding of a boy who was only nineteen... To require a   
committment after... well, what in reality hadn't been very long at all...   
And only twice...  
All right, Sano said firmly.  
The decisive words startled Kenshin from his sad contemplation, and he   
started, blinking in wonder at his dark-haired lover, who sat so tall and   
strong beside him, jaw squared, shoulders back in unconscious dignity.  
I know that, you two, he continued. I knew that a long time ago. And I   
wouldn't turn my back on Kenshin or you two for the world. I... He glanced   
down at Kenshin, and his beautiful eyes softened. I love you, Kenshin, he   
said softly. And you know I'm never gonna walk away.  
Kenshin felt his lower lip tremble, and he nodded tearfully in return. I   
know de gozaru na, he returned, voice shaking.  
There was a long pause, then a heavy sigh from across the room.  
Oh, stop it, you two. It's too early for watchin' mushy crap.  
Kenshin chuckled nervously, Misao-dono's voice breaking the spell. Sano   
grinned down at him.  
So what are my chores, naa, koishii? he teased.  
Kenshin considered that for a few moments, eyeing his beloved, so eager to   
be accepted into the home he had managed to make for himself, for his   
children...  
Take out the trash on Thursdays, he said at last. And do the dishes de   
gozaru na. That leaves Misao-dono with keeping up the living room and   
hallway, as well as her room, and Kaoru-dono with keeping finances and her   
own room de gozaru. I will cook and clean the bathroom de gozaru... as well   
as pay the rent.  
Sano blinked dumbly at him for a few seconds, then shook his head and   
laughed softly. Mataku... gotta wonder what I've gotten myself into...  
What's Yahiko-kun gonna do? Misao-dono piped up, voice thoughtful.  
Kenshin took a moment and quickly reconfigured the chore list in   
his mind. He'd always had somewhat of a talent for organizing things like   
that... he had baffled Misao-dono the one time she had gotten him to play   
one of her video games, on the Playstation he had scraped together all his   
spare income to buy her one Christmas... He'd been quite good at   
  
the various characters in order to conserve supplies and still get a good   
result. It was all the same thought process, really. There isn't really   
much he could- Oh! Keep up the grocery list. That's what he can do de   
gozaru. Kenshin thumped his fist into his palm, smiling brightly.  
Kaoru-dono broke in, voice more serious. Just... as long as this   
is what makes you happy, we'll both be with you all the way. It only matters  
  
that everyone's happy, right? That's what you always told us,   
Kenshin felt his face soften, and he nodded, smiling gently. As long as   
everyone's happy de gozaru, he agreed.  
Okay then, Kaoru-dono said quietly, smiling in return. I guess we're all   
settled.  
Kenshin blinked up at her, then nodded, his heart light in his chest.   
Everything was going to be all right. For the first time, he could be   
sure...  
Everything was going to be fine.  
  
*** *** ***


	13. Blood On Steel

*** *** ***  
  
Repeat after me, then-  
Repeat after me, then- the class parroted obediently.  
Das Bucherregal-  
The response was little more than most of the class attempting to hide their voices behind the few who actually knew how to say the word. The teacher sighed and scowled at them in disappointment.  
Sano slid further down in his desk, trying to ignore the undeniable fact   
that he was still in class. It wasn't as though he disliked German... in fact, he did enjoy the language, if for no other reason than it made a moderate amount of sense and had been easier to learn than English had. But second period was a bad time for him to take anything he couldn't sleep through. And he felt bad sleeping through Frau Snyder's class, though he had done it on a number of occasions.  
Aufpassen, bitte- Sano! Herr Sanosuke!  
Sano winced and raised guilty eyes to the blond woman's sharp gaze. She smiled and crooked a finger at him.  
Komm hier, Sanochen.  
Sano blinked hopefully at her, then when it was apparent that he wasn't getting any quarter this time, shoved up from his desk and stalked to the front of the room, eyeing her cautiously. It was rare he allowed a teacher to call him anything but Sagara or Sanosuke, but he had a special relationship with Frau... back from German One. He'd acted up in class and gotten a detention, and when she had asked him what had prompted his behavior... First, he had exploded, and railed against her for interfering, and threatened her with immediate harm if she continued... then, she'd frowned and placed a hand on his shoulder, reaching up so far, and... He'd softened. He'd had no choice but to soften. And he'd looked away, and whispered he was sorry, but he had his reasons for being the way he was. And she'd smiled and nodded, and asked him only to try and remain calm, and let her know if there was a problem before doing anything drastic.  
She was a good person, Frau was. She tried hard to help every one of her   
students, and even if she was hard on them sometimes, it all turned out well in the end.  
And dammit, he could speak German.  
So he'd let her use the nickname, knowing it was easier to use in the midst   
of speaking German and not really minding the familiarity.  
Was, Frau? he asked suspiciously, glaring down at her.  
She grinned, then pointed. Geh in die Ecke.  
Sano glared venomously, then obediently stomped over into the corner so she could continue her discussion of prepositions. He barely knew what a preposition was in English or even Japanese, let alone yet another language.Why did everything have to be so difficult?  
He stood there silently until she waved for him to sit again, and smacked   
Kelsey lightly on his way back to his seat. She scowled and punched him viciously in the leg. She had seemed ticked off about something recently, something that dealt with him that he lacked any knowledge of. Of course, that wasn't anything new, but just more common recently.  
Sano heaved a sigh and slid back into his desk, resting his knees on the back of the chair in front of him and leaning his head back to look up at the ceiling. These little tiny desks just weren't built for someone of his stature... it wasn't comfortable at all unless he sat like this. Of course, it pushed slowly at the desk in front of him as he slid down in the seat, until he had to sit back up and manage to work the other desk back towards him, but the kid who sat in front of him was nice enough, and he probably didn't care. Probably didn't even notice. Those honor students were off in a world of their own, most of the time.  
It was amazing, really, that he was wasting his time thinking about such   
little, stupid things. Just yesterday, he would have been hunched over his desk, foot tapping rapidly as he thought, preoccupied with his worries about Kenshin and what they were risking together... But today, since that unexpected conference that morning with the girls, he was so much more at ease, so much calmer... It was a real load off the both of their shoulders, he supposed.  
So he could actually... relax...  
Sano dimly heard chairs scraping around him, and with a glance at the   
clock, he realized Frau wasn't talking anymore because it was five minutes to the bell. She usually gave up on the class about then. He sighed, eyed his backpack, then decided to stay sitting down a few seconds more. He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, letting his muscles relax, feeling pain swell in his lower back and then ease away as the tension melted into nothing...  
Wake up!  
A hand slammed into the back of his skull, and Sano yelped in pained   
surprise, sitting up so fast that his ratty sneakers squeaked across the tile. A familiar face quirked a lopsided grin down at him.  
Lemme guess, Sagara. Forgot about the English essay, didntcha?  
Sano blinked dumbly, then swore and rubbed at his forehead angrily. Tell me it's not due today, he begged plaintively.  
Sorry. No such luck.  
He struggled up from his desk, then pushed his knuckles into Joe Richards's arm in a familiar mock punch. Damn you.  
Hey, at least ya know ahead a' time, right? Joe shoved him back.  
Yesterday would've been nicer. Sano glared forbiddingly, then kicked him and went to pick up his backpack. Joe wasn't a friend so much as a friendly rival... they'd gotten into their share of fights, over the years, and Sano had always won. Well, had the upper hand when they got broken up. And that was pretty much the same thing as winning. But there'd never really been any lasting hard feelings, and there'd really been no hard feelings to start any of those fights. Joe was just almost as hot-tempered as he was, so little things set them off. But neither really had any wish to see the other fail, because that would lose them a rival, someone to strive against.  
Did you do it? Sano asked resignedly, slinging his backpack onto one   
shoulder. Unlike a lot of people he knew, he had no difficulty hauling abouthis books. He didn't have a lot of them, after all.  
Me? Well, kinda. Joe shrugged and leaned against the wall next to the   
door, kicking absently at the cracked areas. I had stuff to do for the Key Club, and Sherman kept me busy most a' last week and the weekend. So, yeah, I did it, but it's lousy.  
You've always got crap t' do for Key Club, you n Kelsey. Sano shrugged   
that off as unimportant, seeing as it was nothing new, and glared at the clock, willing the hands to move faster. He didn't especially like his English class, but he was looking forward to swinging by the guidance officeto visit Kenshin. It was on his way, after all...  
Sydney does most of it. We just clean up. He looks like a little girl, but   
he works like nobody's business.  
Sano didn't react to the unfamiliar name with any sort of curiousity, but   
nudged him with a grin. The ones who look like little girls got a lot to prove, he observed.  
What's this about little girls?  
Sano coughed, then blinked down into Kelsey's unforgiving eyes. he began helplessly.  
Luckily for him, the bell rang before he could go any farther, and Sano fled out the door as fast as he could, hoping to escape the coming wrath. He did so successfully, losing Kelsey in the crowd before any blows came his way. By doing so, however, he ended up facing the exact wrong way to get anywhere near the guidance office. He growled and began pushing through the sea of people.  
The figure appeared at his side as though out of nowhere, simply materializing in step with him, no sound of his approach evident to give him away.  
Himura could easily lose his job, you realize, Officer Fujita observed   
coolly.  
Sano froze, every fine hair on the back of his neck prickling in the sudden   
chill that swept over him. He turned, as though his limbs were weighted down, everything drawing to a terrible halt as amber eyes glinted down at him and then were gone...  
He watched the policeman melt into the crowd, his head and shoulders still   
evident over the heads of the students, and turn the corner, as silently and quickly as he'd come. The terror that seized him was as real as he'd ever felt, his heart stilled, his palms sweating, his mouth dry, limbs quivering...  
He knew.  
All his being was focused on that awful truth, the sly knowing in those   
inhuman eyes... How had he known? How could he have known? And if he knew,   
who had seemingly no connection with anyone or anything, who else knew? If one person knew, anyone could know, and it wouldn't matter if jou-chan and Misao had accepted them, because no one else would... No one else would take the time to care, to look at what was really going on, no one would care enough and Kenshin would lose his job and his dignity and-  
All the calm he'd had only moments before burned to ashes in the helpless   
fury that took his heart, the choking rage he knew so well, that roughened his voice and tightened his lips and forced the blood so quickly through his veins that all was tainted crimson in his gaze...  
So deeply taken in that frenzy, he didn't feel any pain when his fist crashed through the locker, only the fierce joy of feeling the metal give way under his fingers, something he could control, something he could destroy, something that complied with his wishes and yet felt no suffering for it...  
He pounded that metal again and again, ripping and tearing with his right   
hand, the cold metal burning against his bruising knuckles, the pain he felt now only an irritant, not mattering... it didn't matter. Nothing mattered.   
Nothing mattered anymore, nothing at all, he had failed to protect Kenshin,   
he couldn't even take care of one person! He was such a miserable fuck-up that he couldn't even protect his lover, the one person who needed him so much... He couldn't take care of him like he promised he would, and so now... now... what did it matter that he was bleeding?  
The twisted metal gave way under his vicious assault, and the scraps of   
what had once been a locker door fell at his feet with such a pathetic clank that tears stung his eyes. It was so damned pathetic, that lump of badly painted sheet metal... unable to withstand even one blow, unable to hold anything secure, as it was supposed to do...  
Sano sank to his knees, staring unblinkingly at the latest victim of his   
brutality, and he felt a single tear track down his cheek, hand burning as he cradled the hot wetness to his chest, staining his white shirt crimson.   
Blood on fabric... blood on pale skin... metal shining in the slanting   
sunlight... knowing glinting in amber-gold eyes... paper fluttering down from the dark blue locker... tears falling freely from amethyst eyes...  
He'd never been any better than that lump of metal.  
Liquid marked along the twisted steel, tainting the pure silver of the   
inside a malignant scarlet. The obscene pattern of his blood and his tears fascinated a morbid mind, and Sanosuke watched himself in the metal. His essence was there, the truth of what a pathetic excuse for a human being inhabited his mind and body, and he watched it take form in the purest of self-loathing.  
Nothing more than blood on steel.  
If he were to strip all the pretense away, all the lies and all the assumptions, there he was... blood on steel... an impurity on something thatwas created to be uniform. A knot in wood. Something that had to be cut away, washed away, in order to make anything of what remained... a liability to the whole.  
A weakness to those he wanted to strengthen.  
A weakness.  
If he had never met Kenshin...  
Sano crumpled onto the tile floor with a pained whimper, taking hold of one jagged edge of the twisted heap and flinging it far from him, unable to stand the sight of it any longer, unable to look the nakedness of his heart in the eye and not look away. The thing was abhorrent. He... he couldn't stand it...  
If he had never intruded in Kenshin's life... if he had kept his temper and   
not smashed Westbrook in the face... if he had done the decent thing and refused his offer... if he hadn't fallen in love with him...! He wouldn't be in danger now, and he might never have had that breakdown, and he wouldn't have to worry about his job, and he could have lived on just as he had before, with no problems, nothing, nothing... If only...  
  
The anguished voice tore at the fragile fabric of his mind, and Sanosuke   
sobbed aloud, his shoulders trembling as thin arms wrapped around them, Misao whispering words he couldn't bring himself to understand in his ear, trying to draw him up from the floor...  
He knew, somewhere in the back of the shards of his mind, that she was   
there because she had Spanish second period and her class was right across from this bank of lockers. He also knew that Katsu was in her class too, andso was probably in the area somewhere. But the only feeling that floated on the broiling surface of his thoughts was the one that this was a place she shouldn't be. A place no one so innocent as her, as jou-chan, as Kelsey or Yahiko should be... A place of unending torment they should never have to know, and he would give his life to make sure they never knew... This agony that maybe only Kenshin could understand... because he lived in that same hell every waking moment. Only... Kenshin couldn't perceive reality as it was... and Sanosuke feared any moment, that his tenuous grasp on what was   
real might be disproven...  
He knew he had never given their relationship away, to anyone... but   
somehow, what if he had? What if he had and didn't remember? He knew he hadn't harmed anyone by his attack on the inanimate locker... but he could see, so clearly, a face where that blue steel had been... If his fist could puncture that metal, what would it do to a human skull? Maybe Misao's... or jou-chan's... or Katsu's... or Kenshin's...  
He couldn't hurt them... he didn't want to hurt them, and he wouldn't hurt   
them! He wouldn't, and no amount of worrying could make him hurt anyone he loved.  
Though a snide voice he knew so well nagged at the back of his mind,   
reminding that it was too late for that... he... he had... The furious red print of his hand on Kenshin's pale cheek... he could lose his job'... he'd already caused irreparable damage by his very presence in the man's life.   
He'd already hurt him...  
But... how could he ever walk away? Even though... it would be so much   
better for everyone, for him to disappear, to simply vanish off the face of the earth and stop interfering in their lives, hurting them, putting them in danger...  
He was vaguely aware of two voices hastily conferring behind him, one   
higher and one lower, and though he knew they were voices he recognized, voices he knew, he couldn't bring himself to care... It didn't matter.   
Nothing mattered. Nothing would ever matter again. What had he done...? Oh, Gods, what had he done? First Sagara-sensei, then Kenshin... he wasn't the   
only one who had depended on Sagara-sensei... and yet, when he'd seen those men leaving things in the back closet, why hadn't he told him? Why had he been such a coward? Why hadn't he done something? Why couldn't he control himself?! Why-  
Misao's thin hands were replaced by ones he knew much better, ones that he had grown up beside, knowing each calluse and the work that had created it, each scar because he had been there... Katsuhiro said nothing, only holding his shoulders, not judging him, not pushing him, not... not doing anything but... what he had always done...  
Katsu... why hadn't he ever tried to help Katsu? He knew his father beat   
him, he knew his mother was too much of a drunk to care, and yet he'd never said a word, never extended a hand to the boy who'd been his best friend and so much like a big brother, never judging him, always there... Why hadn't he...?  
Sano collapsed against Katsu's skinny chest, silent tears pouring down his   
burning cheeks, not able to say a word but knowing the other understood him anyway. He always had. It didn't matter... Nothing mattered... Nothing mattered but that he'd failed everyone... failed everyone he'd ever loved, and doomed them all...  
The buzzing of anonymous voices faded as the Spanish teacher shooed them to class, standing a protective watch over Katsu as he attempted to hold Sano   
from the floor. He felt himself a dead weight against the other, not trying to hold himself up, watching the scarlet blood spot the dusty tile through the bitter tears that clouded his muddied eyes. It was the only evidence he could find of his continuing life, that his blood continued to pump through his veins and out the multiple abrasions that laced his right hand. His heart was stone in his breast, his breathing nonexistent, any motion limited to the miniscule twitches of his pupils to follow the stream of crimson wetness from his fingertips to the floor.  
Time melted away, marked only by the steady drip, falling to splatter   
across the floor in artful patterns, mesmerizing motifs...  
Until cool fingertips drew over the pulsing heartbeat in his neck, a gentle   
embrace replacing the firm grasp of Katsu's hands, a light fragrance he couldn't pin down to any description but knew so intimately well infusing his lungs... Sano obeyed this angel's touch without a thought to protest, nestling with a desperation into his Kenshin's secure arms. It was the one thing he knew for the absolute truth... no matter how well he knew Kenshin would be better off without him, safer without the threat of their relationship, he couldn't bear to give this up... he couldn't leave him... he needed this... And to know, that Kenshin needed him... How could he desert him?  
So he lay in his lover's arms, against his slender chest, and sobbed into   
his shirt, uncaring for how stupid and childish he must look. Kenshin rocked him slowly, humming soothingly, stroking his hair, soft lips brushing over his forehead, gentle, reassuring... In time, the tears that fell so freely from the ends of his dark lashes dried, and he closed his aching eyes, temple pounding against Kenshin's heartbeat, falling steadily in time with that rhythm. He breathed, or at least tried, the pain in his shattered hand surging to the front of his mind for the first time since it had crashed   
through the locker.  
Kenshin whispered into his hair, Sano, aisuru... Daijoubu ka?  
Sano whimpered in reply, the melodic Nihongo caressing his ears, and he   
slitted open his eyes to peer up at Kenshin, clenching his jaw in unforgiving agony. Kono... te... Then, in broken English, Kenshin, my hand... it hurts...  
the redhead soothed. He paused, as though realizing that about three teachers were looking on, and he froze. When he spoke again, it was in quiet English. Everything is going to be just fine, indeed it is. Don't worry. Don't worry, you'll be fine, you will...  
Sano closed his eyes with a pained smile, then slumped without another word against his beloved again. He could get up later... right now all he wanted to do was rest here... in the saftey of his arms, the gentleness of his touch, and not worry for anything else, anyone else... he would tell Kenshinabout Fujita later...  
Later...  
  
Mr. Himura?  
The voice startled Kenshin from his silent pondering, and he jumped up from where he had been leaning on the wall. He had been standing by the main   
office for more than an hour now... He had watched them pack his poor Sano into the ambulance to take him to the hospital... the general consensus had been that he had broken more than a few bones in his hand, and required more  
medical attention than the nurse could provide.  
They hadn't let him go along.  
In all truth, he had only asked once, and had been afraid to insist any   
further. He would have to have provided some sort of reason for accompanying  
him... And he couldn't exactly say, well, he's living with me, and I'm the closest he has to a guardian... Though, it was true. He would have to get there as fast as possible after school let out...  
But as for now, Kenshin blinked up at the blond-haired woman, who was... he knew... Ah! Mrs. Snyder! he exclaimed, proud he had remembered. She was   
the German professor. Sano had her class second period... which would have been right before... He sobered almost instantly.  
Could we... could we talk for a few minutes, somewhere else? She cast a   
quick glance inside the office, through the large windows beside the door. About Sanosuke.  
Kenshin squashed the immediate anxiety that flared inside him at the   
mention of Sano's name. It was probably a legitmate request about his well-being, but... Every day that had gone by since he had first felt the boy's lips on his he had expected any passerby to call him on his   
transgression...  
Of course, he said calmly. My office is just down the hallway, it is.  
They walked in silence, but the tension was enough to set his hands shaking by his sides. Kenshin firmed his jaw, willing himself not to show the fear that gnawed at him. It was only a few more steps...  
Once he had swung open the door and closed it behind the woman, he felt   
much more at ease. The hallway was one thing... but this little office was his refuge, his hideaway, and he could lock the door and pretend he wasn't there if he wanted to be left alone. So he felt much safer there.  
Mrs. Snyder sat after a brief hesitation on the small couch that he had   
placed against the wall opposite his desk. Kenshin plopped down into his swivel chair and faced her, folding his hands in his lap so he wouldn't fidget.  
She looked at him silently for a moment, then sighed. You seem to know him rather well.  
Kenshin blinked, then nodded, unsure of how else to answer. Any explanation would be fatal to his continued employment, and he didn't want to flat-out   
lie, so a short answer was better than none.  
In your opinion... She hesitated again, her dark eyes cast to the carpet,   
as though she wasn't sure she wanted to say what was on her lips. But the words fell anyway, though reluctantly. In your opinion, is he in any danger?  
A cold hand gripped his heart, and Kenshin bit his lower lip. It hadn't   
been something he'd wanted to think about... particularly lately, with all the disturbances from his own condition and their relationship, and such...   
But it was a subject he didn't dare ignore, for fear of something terrible   
happening... something worse than what already had.  
he said softly, husky voice pained. I know he is. He has   
demonstrated a dangerous tendency towards self-destruction, a frightening lack of self-respect... I don't know what happened today, indeed I don't, but I can only hope he will be able to tell me in time... before it's too late to do something for him. He shook in the chair, fingers twisting together in his lap, heart aching and fluttering. It was true, and he couldn't ignore it. Sano... it wasn't as though he came out and said he hated himself, but his every action, every word supported the theory so... His lack of control over his anger, and then his intense fear of harming others, those little things he had confessed in the middle of the night, his lack of caring when he injured himself, but an obesessive protectiveness of others... It hurt. It hurt so badly, to know he was in such pain...  
There was a long silence in the small room, and then the blond woman's warm voice broke the quiet.  
I can tell you care for him very much.  
There was no condemnation or even curiousity in her tone, only the   
observation of something accepted as fact, even a bit of regard for that emotion. Kenshin found himself nodding in agreement before he even thought about what she had said. Catching his slip, he sighed in irritation and cast an anxious glance at her to see what the teacher's reaction would be.  
Her features were only sad, contemplative, and he relaxed somewhat. It's   
good that he knows people care for him, she observed, then stood to go. I'll let you know if I notice anything, Mr. Himura.  
Thank you, Kenshin returned, the words heartfelt. Even though she didn't   
know it... he was thanking her lack of observation as much as what she had seen. I will attempt to keep you and his other teachers aware of his condition, indeed I will.  
He watched her exit the small office, then stared at the door long after it   
had closed behind her, his heart still pounding beneath his breastbone. It hadn't even been a close call... She hadn't even hinted at the prospect of impropriety between himself and Sanosuke, and yet... he couldn't stop shaking...  
And this overwhelming guilt... He couldn't be there, by Sano's side,   
holding him close and promising he would be all right, and everything would be fine, because... only because...  
He couldn't do anything about it, and Sano knew that, he knew that Sano   
knew that and didn't expect him to do anything about it, but still... he should be there. He should be there with him, like Sano had stayed beside him, and held him close, and told him everything was going to be okay...   
That he wouldn't leave him... No matter what, he wouldn't leave him...  
No matter what.  
He should be by his side.  
Kenshin stared at the framed pictures he had set on his desk. There was one of Kaoru-dono and Misao-dono, and one of all three of them... The pictures were from a vacation they had taken a long, long time ago... The girls looked so young...  
They would both want him to be there.  
Because...  
Sano was family now.  
Kenshin gazed for a few moments more on those pictures, reached out a   
fingertip to stroke fondly across their young faces, and then stood, catching up his jacket.  
He should be there.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
So... what happened? Kelsey's soft mahogany eyes were fixed unerringly on the side of his face, hands stilled on the cafeteria tabletop. There had   
been no chance for them to talk last period, after all the commotion with Sano being taken to the hospital, and them being shooed off to class with no respect for their involvement.  
I don't know, Katsu answered truthfully, staring down at his soda can.   
His fingers still shook, innards twisted and unsettled. He hadn't been able to eat, and no complaint echoed yet from the depths of his empty stomach. Hehad always hated... seeing Sano cry... It wasn't as though he never did, butas of recently...  
When they were growing up, Sano had always been the idealistic one...   
believing in fairy tales and happy endings, trusting everyone because he couldn't understand that not everyone was trustworthy, loving unconditionally... After Sagara-sensei had died, and his parents refused to take the orphaned boy and his infant brother in, he'd seen that idealism crushed... A innocent, trusting, loving boy became a bitter, paranoid, and uncontrollably violent man, all while Katsuhiro had looked on. Silently.  
But every now and then, he could still see flashes of the little boy Sanosuke had been, buried deep under the shields he had erected to protect himself from the world. And that little boy had been more and more evident ever since that guidance counselor had entered his life... For maybe the first time, Sano was trusting in someone, investing everything in another, without thought for himself, or keeping himself from being hurt again.  
And he'd sworn to himself... if Himura ever hurt Sano...  
Of course, he knew that Sano had felt the same way when he'd first fallen   
head-over-heels for Kelsey. He'd never let it be obvious, but there had simply been something about her... him... that he couldn't resist...   
something he couldn't bear to be without...  
Something that was important enough that he didn't care if Kelsey was male or female. It still disturbed him a little that he didn't know for sure, butwhen it came right down to the fact of the matter... he didn't really care. Kelsey was Kelsey, whether that was a boy or a girl. He pretty much swung both ways, anyway.  
What, Katsu? The laughing frustration in her voice alerted him that he   
had been staring at the side of her face for quite a while now, not speaking a word.  
He blinked owlishly, took a long swig of his generic-brand soda,   
then let his always-fuzzy mind return to the point at hand. All I know is... he busted a locker, and they think he broke some bones in his hand.   
His voice sobered as he remembered, Sano's powerful hand limp and wet with his blood, hanging helplessly to brush against the floor...  
I know that, stupid. What I wanted to know is why! She smacked a hand   
against the tabletop, obviously losing patience. He was just fine in German, the idiot. What did he have to... Her voice softened, and Kelsey sighed, gazing with strained eyes at her hand, lips trembling. Why'd the idiot have to go and hurt himself like that?  
Katsu peered at her worriedly, took a quick cursory glance about the   
cafeteria, then slid a thin arm around her back and drew her close to him. I don't know, he said softly into her dark hair, wincing at her shuddering breathing. But I'm worried about him too, Kelsey...  
Oh, I know you are! She smacked his chest, but without much conviction.   
You're always worried about him, doing his work for him and bringing him lunches and doing everything for him... There was an amazing amount of bitterness in her tone, and Katsu peered down at the top of her head, surprised.  
You're not... He hesitated to continue, not wanting to appear presumptuous, and barely able to believe that she could possibly be jealous of his relationship with Sano.  
Jealous? Wouldn't you be? she responded with typical bluntness.  
Katsu blinked dumbly, trying to wrap his mind about this prospect.   
He'd never seen his interaction with Sano in any light but as that of siblings... he loved Sano like a little brother, and naturally worried for him, and wanted to make sure he ate and took care of himself... He'd never even considered...  
He sighed, resolved to try and puzzle this out when the drugs wore off   
entirely. Do you want me to make you a lunch too? he asked plaintively, hugging her a little.  
There was a long pause, then Kelsey giggled a little and tickled him.   
That'd be a nice gesture, she said coyly, fluttering her eyelashes up at   
him. With a cute little note on the napkin?  
Whatever you want, he agreed resignedly, but smiling a little against his   
will.  
And do my German work for me?  
Katsu scowled.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
The lights hurt his eyes, and Sano groaned, squinting irritably up into the   
florescent panels and squirming to wake himself up fully. Where was he, History? It was rare he fell completely asleep in any class but History...  
The aching pain in his right hand soon reminded him otherwise, and he   
remembered in a horrible flash everything that had happened. Fujita... the locker... Kenshin... oh, Gods...  
So you're awake, are you?  
The voice sent chills along his spine, and Sano grimaced, casting his gaze   
across the pristine white hospital room to take in the figure in blue scrubs  
lounging in the doorway.  
he said aloofly.   
Don't think I don't know what that means, Meg warned with a certain   
amount of irritation in her low voice. She entered the room, a clipboard in one hand, then sat primly on the chair beside his bed.  
I know you know, Sano responded carelessly, closing his eyes and leaning back in the uncomfortable hospital bed. You're an evil supernatural   
creature who's going to devour my soul the first chance she gets. But until then, how about you get me some painkillers, fox lady?  
Do you really believe that? The amount of disbelief and condescension in her voice would have choked a cat.  
Sano slit open one eye, measuring. And if I do? he inquired lightly.  
Then you're an idiot.  
Well, I suppose I'm an idiot. Sano hmph'ed and attempted to roll over.   
For some reason his mind refused to comprehend, his arm refused to move, and he eyed it with some irritation.  
I suppose you are, the dark-haired nurse returned, whose thin hand had   
quite effectively pinned his arm to the mattress.  
Sano scowled at her. She scowled right back. You shouldn't be moving that hand, if you ever want it to heal correctly, Meg warned. You did a real number on your hand... get in a fight?  
You could say that, I guess, Sano considered that, then a nasty grin   
twisted his lips. But then, it's really none of your business how I did it. You're not my therapist, just a nurse who won't go away.  
Cranky, are we? Meg patted the back of his hand, then smacked it   
unforgivingly. Sano yelped in agony, eyes watering, then fixed a forbidding glare on the dark-haired woman. See? It doesn't help anyone for you to be so snippy. Her onyx eyes sparkled with a cheeky mischief, and she rose from his bedside.  
Some doctor you're gonna make, Sano grumbled, glaring after her. You're an evil, evil woman, Meg Thompson.  
Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho!... was the only answer as the door swung shut   
behind her. Sano winced, then shook his head and closed his eyes to the blinding white walls that surrounded him. His hand hurt... and that conversation had gained him nothing but the beginnings of a headache.  
The steady ticking of the clock's second hand lulled him to complacency,   
and Sano sighed softly, melting back into the unyielding mattress. He remembered... the last time he'd been here...  
I love you, Kenshin, he whispered aloud, remembering that it had been   
here, in this hospital, that those words had first passed his lips... The fear that had consumed him then was still easy to recall, the certainty that Kenshin would never want him, that he was setting himself up for the worst of heartbreaks...  
And yet...  
Something in his heart softened, his chest growing warm, and he smiled   
alittle. Kenshin... His Kenshin...  
In that instant, the door that had fallen shut flew open so hard and fast   
that it rattled against the wall, the glass in the window nearly shattering with the force of the blow. Sano blinked owlishly, startled out of his calm and not the least happy about it at the moment, then struggled up to face the door and the intruder.  
His forbidding scowl softened into a welcoming smile almost immediately.  
Himura Kenshin stood panting in his doorway, white umbrella clutched in one fist, blood-red hair plastered to his pale cheeks. He was soaking wet...  
he said with some amount of relief, closing the door behind him   
and stumbling into the room. Daijoubu de gozaru ka? The sedative seems to have worn off de gozaru na...  
Sano returned, taking in the bedraggled sight with some amusement.   
Kenshin... koishii, tell me it's raining.  
Kenshin blinked at him, then scowled cutely and dropped his umbrella on the floor beside his hospital bed. Of course it's raining de gozaru yo, he returned somewhat peevishly. It's pouring outside. You haven't noticed de gozaru ka?  
Aah... iya. I've been out for a while, it seems, Sano observed   
sheepishly, reaching his good hand to brush wet hair from his lover's eyes. Kenshin blushed prettily, then sat lightly on the edge of his bed. I mean, what is it, three thirty or something?  
Kenshin looked suprised, then his long eyelashes lowered shyly, and he cast his gaze away. It's a little after one, aisuru, he said quietly.  
Sano stared at him, then looked up at the clock, baffled. It was about five after one... But that would mean school was still in session...  
I left school about an hour after they brought you here de gozaru,   
Kenshin explained a little bashfully. I... I couldn't stand the thought of you being here all alone, when you were by my side so often when I... had myproblems de gozaru. He lay a delicate hand on Sano's arm, then patted it gently. I wanted to be here for you de gozaru yo.  
Sano smiled, then reached across to take that hand in his good one.   
Thanks, Kenshin, he said gently. That... that means a lot to me, sweetheart. I just... I don't wanna jeopardize your job... I don't wanna be a problem to you.  
Kenshin's deep eyes fixed on his, and the redhead scooted closer to lean   
against him, a soft sigh echoing from his lungs. You could never be a problem to me de gozaru yo, he said quietly, fingers clutching his with an incredible strength. I love you. You... you're more important to me than that job could ever be de gozaru yo.  
Sano rested his cheek against Kenshin's soft hair, then kissed his forehead gently. I'm glad you think so, he murmured, his bandaged hand aching in   
need to touch his lover... I... Kenshin... He bit his lower lip, remembering that morning... Kenshin, I...  
What is it de gozaru ka? Kenshin nuzzled against him softly, voice   
muffled in his shirt.  
Kenshin, today... Sano grasped his slender fingers tightly, trembling as   
he remembered... The police officer assigned to the school... Fujita... he...  
Kenshin went rigid against him, nails digging suddenly into his palm. Fu-   
Fujita? he whispered, voice harsh and indescribably bitter, sending an unpleasant jolt through his entire form. Is that what he's calling himself de gozaru ka?  
Sano leaned back a little, baffled at Kenshin's sudden   
shaking beneath his fingers. The redhead's eyes were narrowed, lips tight, expression one he'd... never seen before...  
And it scared him more than a little.  
Has he... has he been bothering you de gozaru ka? Kenshin was staring   
straight ahead, his teeth digging hard into his lower lip, shoulders drawn up and shaking, such... fury... such fury lurking in those beautiful amethyst eyes...  
He knows about us-! Sano blurted out, unthinking, only seeking to return   
the expression in those eyes to one he knew, even if it was despair... He'd never seen Kenshin so angry, he'd never seen anyone so angry... and he wasn't sure he wanted to know why... To understand why he was so furious over the simple mention of the man's name...  
He does... of course he does... Kenshin clenched his jaw, lips white and   
bloodless, shaking his head slowly. Sano stared down at him, heart pounding in his chest, fingers shaking where they were still entwined in his lover's.  
he whispered plaintively.  
There was no reaction, the redhead still staring blindly ahead, head slowly   
shaking back and forth, jaw shaking.  
Kenshin, please, he whimpered softly, squeezing his fingers hopefully,   
leaning closer to him. Kenshin, you're scaring me, koishii...  
The frightened words seemed to startle his beloved from the horrible trance he'd seemed locked in. Kenshin blinked into his eyes, then sighed and squeezed his fingers in return. Suman... It's only, Sano... do you remember, the story I told you of my past de gozaru ka?  
Sano nodded silently, not sure he liked where this was going.  
The man who arrested me, back in Japan... his name was Saitou Hajime de gozaru, Kenshin said softly. He had been following all the things Battousai had done... and he apparently became obsessed with it after the goverment recovered me de gozaru. He... this officer Fujita you speak of... he is Saitou Hajime de gozaru yo.  
You mean... he knows everything...? Sano whispered, fear gripping him so strongly, clutching Kenshin's small hand in his, the hand that the redhead felt so stained by the blood of innocents, but had been only gentle and loving in its every touch to him... whenever those fingers had brushed his skin, they had given him nothing but joy... And he could never see how anyone could see this man as a murderer, when he was so caring, so loving, so gentle...  
Hai de gozaru, Kenshin said softly, leaning close to him again. So, you   
see... It doesn't matter what he knows... He could ruin me any day he wished de gozaru. But it remains that he will do no such thing de gozaru yo. He wants his own justice... and he is not one to harm others in the search of that de gozaru yo.  
Just you, Sano retorted, feeling a familiar sense of rage rise within him. Kenshin-... Kenshin, I'm not gonna stand for him hurting you either, you know that.  
I never expected you to de gozaru na. Kenshin smiled gently, then lifted   
Sano's hand and kissed each knuckle softly. Sano flushed, blinking shyly into his lover's deep eyes. I know how you want to protect me, Sano, he continued, stroking his palm with his fingertips. And... somehow... His own cheeks darkened. You make me feel safe de gozaru na... And I need you. I need you to stay beside me and love me like you have until now de gozaru yo. If I know you'll always be there, then no matter what... I know everything will be fine de gozaru.  
Sano smiled, feeling tears stinging his eyes, then leaned forward and met   
Kenshin's lips with his own. Kenshin hummed softly in contentment, moving forward to be closer. He let go of his bitterness for a few moments, allowing himself to pull his love close, knowing... Kenshin wanted him still, no matter how it would harm him in the end... it just didn't matter, because they needed each other. They needed each other, and anybody else could go to Hell... nothing was going to come between them, not ethics, not law, not past wrongs committed...  
Kenshin held Sano close to him, and they kissed for a long time, secure in   
each other, as the rain pounded against the windows...  
Nothing else mattered. And nothing could come between them. Ever... and   
nothing could make Sano leave his side... ever...  
  
*** *** ***


	14. Ah, Christmas!

  
*** *** ***  
  
They sat in silence for a few moments, Kaoru's hands tight on the steering wheel, Misao staring down at the dusty floormat. A steady stream of people passed by in front of the tiny car, the one the family owned, which had been donated for the  
girl's use after Sano's transportation had been added to the household assets. It was a little car, but quite reliable, and it had not once let them down, even through Misao's abusive driving.  
So what happened, exactly? Kaoru managed through a clenched jaw, fingers   
shaking.  
Sano-san busted another locker. They took him off in an ambulance. That's   
all I know. Can we go now, nee-chan? We've got to go pick up Yahiko-kun, y'know. Misao didn't lift her head, her hands clutching harder and harder with every passing second in the legs of her jeans.  
All right, Kaoru conceded, leaning over to switch the ignition. What a day it had been... first she couldn't go through lower B, with the-  
she whispered, interrupting her own thoughts, where? Was it...  
In front of the Spanish room, after third period, her little sister clarified. The blue lockers, where-  
Oh, my God- Kaoru felt her stomach heave, and it took all the control she had to not be ill right there, the car spinning before her eyes and forehead exploding into aching pain. She'd tried to go through there, after the beginning of third period, to take something down to the office for her English teacher- She'd thought it had been spilled paint or something, like they were repainting the lockers red or something, for some sort of change, though she'd thought at the time they should probably fix the heating systems before repainting lockers, but- the twisted metal- the scarlet stains-  
Oh, God, she whimpered, burying her face in the steering wheel. Oh, God... that... that was blood...!  
She felt Misao's hand on her back, tight voice concerned, urgent. 'Nee-chan, what are you-?  
I tried to go through there, at the beginning of third period-! she rasped into the old plastic, tears stinging her eyes. I thought- I thought they were working- oh, God, that was Sanosuke- that was all his-  
'Nee-chan, he's okay, Misao soothed, leaning against her back, a thin arm   
stretching around her waist to hug her reassuringly. He's gonna be fine... he broke a few bones in his hand, they said. They wouldn't let me stay, but I went and got tou-chan... and I think he skipped out and went to the hospital after him. It's okay, nee-chan. It's okay. Don't worry.  
Kaoru nodded weakly, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to force away the images... God, there had been so much blood... Just like... Just like when-  
She stopped her thoughts before they could veer near that subject, and sat up, turning the ignition firmly. Let's go, then, she said strongly, disentagling herself from her sister's worried arms. You're right, Misao. He'll be fine. Let's go get Yahiko, and then we can go see them, okay?  
She could feel Misao blinking at her in surprise, but she greeted that with a brief silence, then spoke up with considerably more cheer in her voice.   
Hey, y'know... we get to tell Yahiko about tou-chan and Sano-san. He wasn't there, this morning.  
Kaoru found it somewhere in herself to smile. Yeah... he's gonna be really mad he missed that...  
  
*** *** ***  
  
Ich... moecthe... alles...  
shouted a triumphant voice, its owner slamming the shop door closed behind him. I WANT TO EAT EVERYTHING!!! BRING ON THE DOUGHNUTS!!!  
Kelsey threw the closest available object at Joe Richards, who dodged it with amazing success and plopped down on the stool beside her. You're lucky Mr. Sherman is here, she warned him, scrambling for her pencil. Otherwise, you would be lacking that sack of air on top of your shoulders about now.  
Cranky, cranky... Doin' your German, I see. Joe leaned over her shoulder, then complacently stole the paper and tossed it across the dingy room.  
Kelsey stabbed him in the arm with her pencil and scowled, then pasted her   
sweetest smile on her pretty face and sat up. she lilted. Get me my homework, sweetie.  
The dark-haired boy swept it off the ground and deposited it before her with a typical sunny smile. he said proudly, then went back to whatever it was he had been doing. It involved a calculator and lots of numbers, so Kelsey paid it no attention and went back to her homework. She was done with math courses. Never touching another calculator again.  
Where is Sherman, anyway? Joe leaned on the table for a few moments, then   
began spinning around on his stool.  
Did you take your Ritalin? Kelsey inquired tersely, trying frantically to remember how to conjugate .  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, shuddup.  
a familiar female voice pronounced, is in an important meeting. Protecting our funding. So he left little Sydney in charge for our planning of the recycling this Saturday.  
The door slammed, and Kelsey let herself glare venomously at the dark-haired girl who leaned langorously onto the table, her low-cut t-shirt straining at the seams to contain her impressive and well-accentuated bosom.  
And you were chosen to convey this message why? she gritted out, fingers   
clenching on her pencil so hard she could feel its pliable plastic bending beneath her grip.  
Because I- Aimiee began, lips pulling white beneath her lime-colored lipstick.  
Let's get started! Sydney sang out, cutting off the impending conflict, placing his clipboard and calculator onto the table in front of Joe. I worked out how many more recycling drives we need to run, according to the supplies we have acquired from previous drives and how much more we need. If we are to get everything up and ready to move by spring break, as Mr. Sherman requested, we need to hold a drive every other week until then. Or, as an alternative, we could hold them every week for half the time and spend the remaining two months constructing the things we need, instead of staying extra time after school and on weekends and being required to   
explain the time used to administration and the janitorial staff. This speech finished, the dark-haired boy smiled cheerily and fell entirely silent, waiting for their ruling.  
Kelsey blinked owlishly and looked helplessly at the other two. Aimiee was   
busy inspecting her nails, and Joe looked blank.  
Maybe we should get the whole Key Club together before we decide something so big, she suggested hopefully.  
Yeah... where's Anthony, anyway? Joe hopped up from his stool, then leaned over and sent it spinning before he peered out the door. He said he was gonna be here...  
The others will follow whatever we decide to do, Aimiee threw in, sounding resigned. They don't care about schedules.  
Kelsey agreed grudgingly.   
We should wait for Anthony, Joe repeated.   
Is right here, intoned a familiar voice.  
AAGH! Geez, man! Don't do that, givin' me a heart attack...  
Kelsey swiveled about to offer a welcoming smile to the other boy, who stalked in past Joe and carefully set his filled-to-the seams backpack on the floor. I was at a football meeting, he informed them, running a quick hand over the dark hair shaved close to his skull. Sorry I'm late, I didn't want to just leave and miss something. What have we been doing?  
Before anyone could open their mouths, Sydney cheerfully repeated his   
entire speech of only a few moments of before, this time adding to the end, We have yet to make a decision.  
There was an astounded silence, each member of the Key Club staring at their youngest member in something resembling both awe and worry.  
Anthony coughed, breaking the silence. I vote for getting it done quickly, he said stiffly, then sat on Joe's vacated stool next to Kelsey. It seems to give us the most leeway, and attracts the least suspicion. Which, in reality, is not something we need to be handling at this stage.  
Joe responded emphatically, nodding. It was really a surprise to no one... in every decision like this, he waited for Anthony's decision and then agreed. And he wasn't the only one.  
I'll go with that, Kelsey seconded, patting Anthony's muscled arm. You're right, as always!  
All right, whatever. Aimiee picked in irritation at one nail.  
Sydney blinked cutely, surveyed each of their faces, then nodded and smiled   
brightly. Yes! It's decided, then! I'll make up the schedules, and Mr. Joe, you can put them on the announcements as usual, and Miss Aimiee can help Mr. Sherman with the setup as usual, and Mr. Kelsey can do the outside advertisements, as usual... If you'll work up the finances, Mr. Anthony, I think we're set!  
Kelsey winced inwardly, then stared down at her... his... German homework.  
All right, then. I'm going. I'll see you all next meeting. Anthony rose abruptly, crossing the dingy shop to catch up his backpack and stalk out the open doorway in a span of less than ten seconds. Joe looked about, then followed, slinging his near-empty bag onto his shoulders as he tore down the hallway to catch up with the other.  
Kelsey sighed, then put his homework away, resigning himself to finishing it during first period tomorrow. Tonight was movie night with Katsu, after all, and it was no fun putting off any of that for schoolwork.  
Katsu...  
For only a moment, Kelsey placed his palm against his shirt, pushing the fabric down to his flat chest, destroying the artful folds that made it appear there was something beneath there that there wasn't. Sydney was the only one he never could fool... Everyone else thought he was... a girl...  
It was such a stupid thing. Katsu wasn't homophobic, after all, far from it... Sanosuke was flamingly gay, and Katsu loved him all the same, and it didn't seem to bother him at all... Of course, he'd found that out too late.  
He and Katsu had already been when Sano had finally begun to trust   
Kelsey enough to be himself around him. After all, he'd just assumed, that like any other boy, he'd have been disgusted... It wasn't a far-out assumption, after all.  
And it had been too late, after he'd found out he'd been wrong, to say... oh, by the way, I'm not really a girl... He... he would find out someday. But until then... it wasn't hard to just avoid anything that would give it away. He'd just keep it up.  
She would keep it up.  
Until that day.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
This is the room, I guess... Misao peered again at the room number she had written down, then back up at the plate above the door, then nodded firmly. Yeah, Sano-san's in here.  
Kaoru took a deep breath, then cast a worried glance down at the   
dark-haired boy who stood unmoving by her side. Yahiko... are you going to be all right with this?  
Of course. Yahiko refused to look up at her, voice shaking the tiniest bit. Of course I'm fine with it. Why wouldn't I be? I'm sure I've seen worse.  
Kaoru felt Misao's eyes on her, and when she met her younger sister's gaze,   
the amount of helplessness in those blue orbs made her ache. She smiled a little sadly at the younger girl, then knelt down to look the boy in his dark eyes.  
she said gently, reaching out to take his shoulders, it's okay to be worried. You saw us when tou-san had his breakdown, we were all wrecks! And we're a lot older than you are, you know! It's fine if you're a little scared to see him.  
Yahiko's dark eyes searched hers, the hardness she had seen there only a   
few seconds ago wavering and struggling to melt away. She smiled gently, squeezing his thin shoulders. He was so small... and for perhaps the first time, she saw the beginnings of the little boy he was shining forth in gathering tears.  
But you're girls, he said weakly.  
You don't have to hide your feelings just because you're a boy, Misao said quietly, kneeling behind Kaoru. Kaoru shifted a little automatically, and her sister slid in closer. Sano-san has always been like that, hiding away everything that he thinks makes him weak. You told us yourself, right?  
Yahiko wavered, looking back and forth between them, his frame shaking a little beneath Kaoru's gentle grip. But Sanosuke's so strong, he  
finally whispered, chin quivering. He's strong and he can take care of himself. I want-  
But do you see how unhappy he's made himself? Kaoru interrupted, voice   
nearly breaking in urgency. Don't you see that? He pushed people away for so long, and now... Now he...  
Now he wants to need someone and he isn't sure how, Misao finished softly.  
Yahiko gazed at them silently, and the pain in those young eyes broke Kaoru's heart. He was only ten... why should a ten year old boy have to suffer so much, before he even really knew what life was about? He had been there, witnessing the torment of the others, bearing his own without a complaint or even evidence of his personal agony. Just... a little boy... never allowed to be a child... so much like Sanosuke... so much like tou-san...  
So much like all of them...  
She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around the little boy, letting her own aching empathy spill over her cheeks as she pulled him close. Don't hide your pain away, she whispered against his ear. That's what we're all here for. None of us are alone anymore.  
None of us, Misao echoed softly, grabbing them both close to her. We're... we're a family now. And we're gonna stay that way, Yahiko-kun. We're all gonna be together from now on. And we don't have to be scared anymore. Of anything. It's all gonna be all right.  
The three held onto each other, both girls crying freely against each other, until finally the dark-haired boy choked and wept into Kaoru's shoulder.  
They didn't have to be scared anymore. They were all going to be together, no matter what. Nothing was ever going to tear them apart, ever again, not law or illness or injury... they would never leave each other, from this moment on...  
  
  
He felt his voice crack with sleepiness, and Kenshin winced, opening one eye to the dimmed lights of the hospital room. How long had it been since he'd fallen asleep? The last he remembered was the steady beat of Sano's strong heart beneath his ear, the warmth of his arm about his back, the gentle rise and fall of his breathing... They must have fallen asleep like that, wrapped up in each other's arms...  
He squirmed a little, then peered up at his still-slumbering lover's features. He looked so peaceful, so innocent, while sleeping... The cares and worries of the day melted from his thoughts, leaving him to dream of pleasant things... And he looked as though he hadn't a care in the world.  
Kenshin drew a gentle hand along the sharp curve of his jaw, contemplating with a soft sadness that... that couldn't be the truth for him... He should be able to live on, worrying about nothing more than his next exam, maybe the mean teacher he had next period... not those things he had to deal with every moment of every day... Matters of life and death, they were... or so he had come to fear.  
He should be able to be a little boy... a teenager... to move about from new experience to new experience... To never have to worry about the things he did...  
he whispered forlornly, tracing his strong cheekbone. Such a beautiful child... Such a wonderful child. Who had never truly been a child. Who had been forced into adulthood at the tender age of nine. He could have had such a wonderful life... if he had been born and raised as he deserved, with all the luxury and love any boy could ever wish for, with his every want catered to without fail... Instead of living from day to day, hoping he would survive the harsh night, to live on and protect his only family in the world... With no one to take care of him... No one to kiss him on the forehead every night and whisper I love you, Sano...  
It was no wonder he...  
Kenshin's eyes fell upon the bandages that stretched partly up his forearm, the blood still staining the pure white cloth where it touched his hand. It still twisted his heart, to remember, the soft whimpers that had clawed out of his throat, the sounds of his blood dripping, dripping... falling to stain the floor... his pain...  
Oh, Sano, doushite de gozaru ka...? he begged softly, knowing his plaintive voice reached ears still deaf to him. Why...? Why would he react so badly, to... To the simple affirmation that one person, one person alone, knew of their affair, even though he had no involvement with how Saitou could have known... To explode so... To hurt himself... to knowingly bring harm to himself because... only because...  
How could he still hate himself so much, when he knew how much Kenshin   
loved him? How much all the family loved him! Kaoru-dono, and Misao-dono, and of course Yahiko, and his friends Katsuhiro and Kelsey he'd spoken so often of... He was such a wonderful person, and they could all see it, it was why they loved him so! There was some undefinable quality about Sano... and his loyalty, his humor, his gentleness... protectiveness... tenderness... his passion and fire... There was such life within him, such kindness and capacity for love...  
Why couldn't he see that?  
You know all it is you are, Kenshin whispered, remembering those words Sano had spoken in such helpless anger that time... You know all you are, and yet you can't bring yourself to love that person de gozaru yo... And yet, so many of us who have never been able to fully trust... have found ourselves loving that person against our will de gozaru...  
He smiled sadly, then returned to again lie his head against Sano's beating   
heart, taking reassurance in the undeniable truth that at least for now, Sano lived on, and was well and strong... and at peace, in his dreams...  
  
Kaoru sighed, feeling the effort of that exhalation shake her entire frame. God, she was exhausted... It wasn't even five yet, and she had homework tonight... so much for that... maybe she'd just stay home tomorrow...  
She slumped against the wall, feeling the cold plastic burning through her shirt. It felt curiously good... her stomach had been unsettled, and apparently the lower temperature helped to calm that. So she remained leaning there, eyes closed.  
What a day...  
Once they had finished their spontaneous bonding session, Misao had noticed   
that the lights were off in Sanosuke's room, and they had decided to wait for a while in case he was sleeping. Yahiko and Misao were taking a walk around the waiting areas, and had invited her along, but she had declined, pleading fatigue. They had accepted that excuse and gone on without her.  
So she was here. Alone. In the quiet.  
She didn't know how much time had passed from when she'd first leaned against the cold wall and when she felt the warm arm press against hers, another figure leaning there next to her, a warm and exotic-scented perfume drifting to her senses.  
He really did himself in, didn't he, Meg's low voice observed.  
Kaoru blinked open her eyes, shifting to gaze at the older girl in quiet surprise. Meg smiled down at her, and there was a certain amount of sadness in her onyx eyes.  
You've seen Sanosuke? Kaoru asked hesitantly, knowing she should probably move back from where their hips remained snugly pressed together, but afraid to lose the sudden... comfort...? Comfort? Was that the proper term for...?  
I checked in on him, Kaoru-chan. He seemed all right then, after the sedative wore off. She shrugged prettily. It's not regular practice to medically sedate someone after anything but a emotional outburst, so I suppose he must have showed some violent opposition to being treated.  
Sounds like Sanosuke, Kaoru admitted with the tiniest fond smile. So... he's all right, then?  
Yes, I think so. Ken-san went in there with him a few minutes after I left, so I thought it would be fine to leave them alone. Meg winked, then leaned back against the wall again. Her shift in position did nothing to alleviate the lack of space between them, her thigh rubbing against Kaoru's as they stood in silence.  
Kaoru stared at the floor, her heart pounding so loudly in her breast that it seemed to echo down the long hallway, bouncing off the tiled walls and amplifying... God, this was uncomfortable... And it was even worse, to think... she didn't mind... All the space in this hallway, along this wall, and Meg chose to press her slender body so close to Kaoru... continually rubbing closer as to push into her body heat... which seemed to be tripling with every thudding heartbeat...  
So, Kaoru-chan... Meg murmured, leaning closer. Kaoru shuddered minutely.  
she whispered, forgetting for the briefest of moments to speak in English. Her mind... wouldn't work... wouldn't work at all...  
Are you going to be all right to go home tonight? You seem so... shaken up... Her voice coarsened to something that could only called a purr with those last words, and Kaoru felt herself shivering uncontrollably, not knowing why, not willing to admit why...  
I- I guess so, I- I have school tomorrow, and homework, and you said Sanosuke was okay, and tou-san is here, and... and... She could feel herself rambling, and winced, wondering just how stupid she must sound, hating her lack of control over her speech patterns at times, hating her utter stupidity and... and...  
If you're sure... There was the strangest feel to those simple words, an unspoken... an unspoken... something... Kaoru felt her heartbeat increase tenfold at those three words, those three syllables, a shiver raking her entire frame, resonating through the form pressed to her side, her body quivering in... in...  
Meg, I- Kaoru couldn't bring herself to force any more through her lips, everything frozen into that moment...  
Until Meg shrugged and stood away from her, turning on her boot heel and   
taking a few steps down the hallway. Then I suppose I'll see you soon, Kaoru-chan, she breathed, fluttering her dark eyelashes against a pale cheek, and was gone down the expanse of the hallway.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
It had been a remarkably quiet week.  
Ever since that day, that dark, horrible day, that day they'd all spent in the hospital waiting and worrying by Sano's side, everything had returned to normal.  
Or at least as normal as it could be in this household.  
Misao-dono, get back in the window de gozaru yo! Kenshin called into the living room, husky soprano harried and strident. If you fall again-  
I WON'T! returned the distant voice.  
  
There was a loud scuffle in the living room. Kenshin blinked down the   
hallway, then smiled warmly at Sano as the tall boy dragged his younger daughter back in the window.  
Misao, I swear to God- he warned, deep voice rumbling through the expanse of air that separated them to tingle across Kenshin's cheeks. If you fall out that window and break your neck I will never forgive you- STOP WIGGLING!!!!  
Misao-dono wailed. There were a few more loud   
thumps, then silence.  
Kenshin smiled to himself, then reentered the kitchen. Sano would handle the children... he had dishes to wash, and lunches to make for tomorrow... His own, Kaoru-dono's, and... Sano's, perhaps... He felt his cheeks heat a little as he contemplated that.  
He thought for a few more minutes, then blushed deeper. He felt so... domestic.  
  
He jumped, startled from contemplating what kind of sandwich Sano might like to blink into the dark blue eyes of his eldest. H-hai, Kaoru-dono? he returned, feeling curiously sheepish.  
When are we going to go get our tree, tou-san? It's the first day of December tomorrow, so... we need to go sometime soon, right? Kaoru-dono cocked her head, leaning in the doorway.  
Kenshin blinked dumbly for a few moments, then cast a glance   
at the old calendar he had hung over the sink. Oh, my... You're right, aren't you de gozaru ka? He gazed at the calendar a few moments more, still baffled. December...? Already? It had been the beginning of November when he had spoken with Shishou about Sano and the... situation... And it had already been a month?  
And Christmas was already coming.  
Christmases of the past had always been the highlight of his year. Buying presents for the girls, and seeing their pretty faces light up in delight, knowing he had made them happy with his choices... And the decorations... and the colored lights... and the smell of pine floating through the little apartment... It was indeed a wonderful time of the year.  
Maybe it would snow!  
We can go as soon as you want de gozaru yo! he said brightly, smiling with a sense of cheer that seemed to burn through his entire being. Tomorrow, or even this evening, perhaps... Oh! I should get the decorations de gozaru! He dropped the soapy towel he had been holding and rushed past Kaoru-dono. The decorations in the closet downstairs that Shinimori-dono let them use... the garlands and the tinsel and the nutcrackers and the wreaths and the mistletoe and the ribbons and the bulbs to hang upon the tree and the other ornaments and the nativity scene with the goats and the sheep...  
He slid down the stairs nearly headfirst and skidded into a turn, bare feet falling in nearly-silent thumps onto the wood-paneled floor. The closet... Ah, there! And all his decorations, waiting peacefully inside, just biding the time until another holiday season...  
Ah, Christmas!  
  
Kaoru watched after her father, bemused. The redheaded man was so much of a child when he was happy... And he'd always been insufferable when the holidays arrived. Christmas in particular... though any holiday was a bright time to him.  
Thanksgiving had been an interesting affair this year, with Sanosuke and Yahiko with them. It had never been anything extravagant, but this year had been even a little more restratained, because as a whole they'd been quite unsure of how to conduct things. But it had turned out fine in the end.   
And it was amazing how much the boys could eat in three hours.  
Kaoru noted with a moderate amount of amusement that her mind hadn't included her father in the boys. Well, he was the consumate mother...  
She pushed the thought away with a minute shrug and stuck her head back in the living room. Sanosuke and Misao were having some heated discussion, while poor Yahiko sat on the couch trying to read something for school, throwing dark glowers in his brother's direction every time he turned a page.  
I was trying-  
To commit suicide? Are you crazy? If ya wanna see the man, go downstairs! It's not gonna getcha anywhere fallin' out the window!  
Would you two SHUT UP?!!  
Kaoru shook her head with no small amount of fondness and moved fully out of the hallway. Hey, guys... she began feebly.  
If you hadn't INTERFERED-  
Kaoru snapped. Christmas alert!  
Her younger sister froze in the midst of whatever she had been threatening Sanosuke with, turning wide blue eyes to Kaoru's position by the wall. Her parted lips mouthed the single word , not a sound escaping her throat.  
Kaoru nodded.  
Is he downstairs already? Misao sighed, shaking her head in consternation, then pushed past Sanosuke and flopped onto the couch. Aagh... Already?  
It is December tomorrow... Kaoru pointed out, wondering inwardly if she was the only one who ever knew what day it was. They had a calendar! Why didn't anybody look at it?  
Misao pondered that for a while. The small room was silent.  
Kaoru shifted back and forth, waiting impatiently for whatever her sister was going to pronounce, no doubt with characteristic pomp and splendor.  
Well, I guess it's time for Christmas! she said cheerfully.  
Sanosuke coughed faintly. began the rough voice, 'jou-chan... Misao... just why is there a Christmas alert'? And should I be worried?  
Christmas is tou-chan's favorite time of the year, Misao informed, craning her neck to peer up into Sanosuke's deep brown eyes. He floofs about the house singing Christmas carols and hanging decorations everywhere and buying presents by the cartload. It gets kinda scary.  
Sanosuke blinked, then peered over at his brother, who had looked up from his textbook. The two shared a long, silent gaze, then looked back at Kaoru and Misao in startling tandem. We... This'll be something new for us, Sanosuke explained a little sheepishly, casting his dark eyes to the worn carpet. Decorations and all. I mean, we'd get each other a present and all, just for fun, but we've never really had anything bigger than that.  
Kaoru crossed the floor and stepped up beside him, laying a hand on his strong shoulder. It'll probably be quite the shock, she advised him with a smile. But you'll get used to it. If you can deal with tou-san on a regular basis, it only takes about that and half again to handle him at Christmastime. And he'll probably give you an allowance of the savings to buy presents for everyone. He always saves up a lot extra for holidays.  
Sanosuke grinned down at her, and before she could dodge, that familiar   
rough hand descended onto the top of her head to playfully muss up her hair. It'll be fun, he returned with the beginnings of cheer sparkling in the depths of his eyes. Naa, jou-chan? All of us bein' together an' all.  
Oh, God, they're a perfect match, Misao moaned, throwing her head back onto the arm of the couch. This is gonna be quite the Christmas...  
  
The strident soprano echoed up the staircase and into the small apartment, virtue of the door Kenshin had left open in his mad rush downstairs. Kaoru eyed the older boy, who winced and took off at a quick jog to bunch up the rug beneath his feet and then thunder down the stairs, calling an obligatory,   
Kaoru watched him go, then heaved a sigh and sat down beside Yahiko, taking a cursory glance at the textbook. He glared at her and turned it away from her field of vision. She blinked, then hmph'ed in offense and looked over at the sprawled figure on the loveseat.  
Misao cracked open an eye under her scrutiny, then struggled up to look at her correctly, mischief beginning to sparkle in those eyes. she teased, leaning forward a little, ya gonna invite Meg to Christmas dinner,   
Kaoru blinked at her, feeling her innards twist in a strange sense of guilt, not understanding why, not comprehending the knowing look in her little sister's blue eyes, her skin tingling unpleasantly as a rush of nervous adrenaline shot through her veins.  
Wh-what do you mean? she asked in forced innocence, unable to force the   
feeling that some wrong she'd done had just been uncovered. She hadn't done anything, after all! Nothing at all! Why did she feel so guilty? And why was Misao asking her these questions? Why was she looking at her with those sly eyes?  
Oh, just that I saw you two gettin' all cozy at the hospital. Just figured. She leaned back on the cushions, her sharp, teasing gaze not leaving Kaoru's face once. Am I wrong?  
About what?! Kaoru sputtered, her fingers twisting unknowingly into knots in her lap. What do you mean, cozy'? I don't know what on Earth you're talking about!  
Misao shrugged, stretching lazily. If that's how you wanna play it, fine. I'll just wait until you admit it. She squirmed about and buried her face in a pillow.  
Admit what? Kaoru interrogated, feeling a strange sense of frightened urgency rise in her throat. She cast a harried glance down at Yahiko, noticed he was studiously ignoring them both and studing multiplication, then let herself ignore his presence.  
Oh... I'm not gonna say a word until you do...  
Kaoru jumped up from the couch, stomping one foot on the floor in exasperation, glaring down at her.  
There was a pause, then a growl of consternation, and Misao exploded up from the loveseat to glare her in the face, feet sliding gracefully to the floor. she pronounced with an agonizingly slowness. Kaoru waited in both annoyance and a certain amount of fear.  
ARGH! God, nee-chan, you're so dense you don't even see it when- GAH! Misao spun on her heel and stalked away from her, heading for the kitchen. Before she reached the door, however, her blue eyes glinted in the weaker light, her face set in hard lines of frustration.  
You think she's BLAZIN' HOT and you won't ADMIT IT! she snapped, then slammed the kitchen door behind her.  
Kaoru stood in astounded silence, then felt something twist within her. What... what was she saying...?! Meg was a girl! A girl! She wasn't- she wasn't-  
A shiver ran its burning fingers all the way down her form, her traitorous mind dragging back the remembered feeling of the older girl pressed tightly to her side, that long, silky black hair falling over her shoulder, the rough purr of her low, hoarse voice as she spoke...  
Kaoru stood in the middle of the floor, hands clenched at her sides, trying hard to forget that feeling... the way that electricity tingled over her suddenly-aching skin, the cool, ethereal hand gripping her heart so tightly to send it racing and shuddering in her breast... She wasn't. She wasn't. She was overreacting. That was all. It couldn't be any more than that. An overreaction. Misao was judging too quickly. It was only... It didn't mean anything that she could appreciate that she... she was attractive... she was provocative... she was dark, beautiful, voluptuous, enticing, seductive, all those things that... that...  
Just because she could see that... just because she could appreciate the effect such qualities brought on the unsuspecting viewer... just because... that didn't have to mean anything! Anything at all!  
Did it?  
No! No, of course not! Misao was being silly. She was only being silly. Overreacting. There had to be a perfectly innocent explanation for why she... why the thought of that slender physique against her side, the soft push of her thigh against her as she'd shifted, shifted ever closer, rubbing into her shaking body, the smooth yet substantial curve of one breast against her thin arm... why those thoughts... made her ache so... stirred her so...  
There had to be a perfectly innocent explanation.  
And she wished she knew what it was.  
Oh, God, how she wished...  
  
Get the box- aagh! Oro!  
Sano caught the sagging cardboard on the edge of his fingertips, then grabbed the huge box tightly to chest by the sole virtue of a good deal of luck and a helpful push from Kenshin's side. He staggered under the immense weight, the ominous shifting of whatever contents this thing held making him list helplessly to one side.  
But the contented sigh that echoed from the other side was well worth the   
struggle, though muffled by the container of Christmas ornaments. Sano grinned faintly, though the expression was a bit pained. Should I- gah- Should I take these upstairs? he called plaintively, unable to see the tiny redhead over the wall of cardboard.  
Of course de gozaru! came the bright response. Put it in the living room de gozaru. I still have a few more, so...  
Yeah, yeah. I'll be back. Sano grimaced and inched over towards the staircase. He wasn't about to question how on Earth they'd managed to get these damned things up to the apartment in previous years, considering this was making his arms ache and he was probably stronger than Kenshin, jou-chan and Misao put together. And there were still three more of this mammoth size, with all the little ones besides! That had to be a damn big closet...  
He made his way up the staircase step by agonizing step, taking about a minute for three feet up the slope. It seemed an eternity until his sneaker thumped into the door at the top, and Sano heaved a tired sigh of relief before he kicked the wood with all the strength he had left.  
Silence.  
Sano scowled, then took a deep breath before bellowing OPEN THE GODDAMNED DOOR, MISAO!!!! at the top of his lungs.  
After a few more seconds, his arms straining, the hinges creaked and swung the wooden barrier out of his way. Sano staggered into the hallway and set the cardboard box carefully on the hardwood floor, then collapsed on top of it with a whimper.  
Misao observed cheerfully.  
he growled, willing his muscles to stop aching. Go help your father or I'll beat you senseless with a broom.  
A foot nudged his side. Abuuuuuuse... I'm gonna tell my daddy and make him stop sleeping with you if you keep being such a horrible stepmommy.  
Stepmommy my ass, he grumbled, lifting his face blearily from the crinkled top of the cardboard box. I ain't nobody's stepmommy.  
Yup! Misao has two daddies! the younger girl chirped brightly, just before stepping not so lightly down his back and one leg to bounce down the stairs, singing something Sano would rather she didn't remember the lyrics to in the morning.  
he told himself resignedly, pushing with a grunt to his knees, then to his feet, they warned you, didn't they, Sagara? Can't blame anybody but yourself...  
With a sheepish scratch at the back of his neck, he went back down the stairs. More decorations to bring up, after all... maybe there'd be good food in store, this Christmas... maybe some mistletoe...  
A wicked grin curved his lips, and his pace fairly doubled.  
  
*** *** ***


	15. Here And Now

  
*** *** ***  
  
Kaoru, could you take this down to the nurse?  
She jumped from examining theabsentee list, heart fluttering in inexplicable   
anxiety. She'd been unable to concentrate, to calm down, ever since... ever since... those words...  
she returned, unable to bring any real brightness to her voice. The   
secretary smiled in thanks, though a little concern showed in her eyes, and handed her a few papers held precariously at the top with an old paper clip. Kaoru slid off the stool, not caring to look through the papers. It didn't concern her, and it didn't matter to her. She... all she could think...  
She had to be overreacting... creating something that wasn't there... she   
couldn't really be...  
The dulled tile clicked beneath her heels, and she watched her feet, not wanting to see the other students who passed, look in their eyes, know that they weren't worrying about any more than how they could stay out of class the longest without being caught... nothing like what her sister had imprinted into her thoughts... and what she couldn't shake away...  
She couldn't really be...  
She laid a blind hand on the badly painted door, pushing it open and turning into the area that should have been cleared by the swinging barrier, only to bounce off the jamb and trip over her own feet to sprawl in an unladylike pile on the cold white tile. If only to add further insult and injury to her present frustration and embarassment, a heel caught in one of the chairs that was always placed there for visitors to wait in, and the heavy metal frame toppled over, pinning one leg painfully to the floor.  
she squeaked out, then winced and squirmed, trying unsuccessfully to rock the chair off of her thigh. The weight of the seat was digging hard into the bunched muscle in her upper leg, painful and unforgiving.  
Suddenly, the weight shifted, lifting slightly. The screw on the edge of the seat caught with the sharp ripping of fabric in her jeans, and deeper-   
Kaoru cried out, feeling the cold metal tear at the vulnerable flesh it had dug its insidiuous way into as the chair had fell. She struggled-  
Stop moving, you silly girl! snapped a familar voice. It's caught. If you stop moving, you won't get hurt much worse than you already have!  
Kaoru froze, feeling her entire body begin to quake. she stuttered, staring at the dirty white tile.  
Yes, yes, yes, I'm here again. Now hold still!  
Kaoru squeezed her eyes shut, that same hand clenching into her heart, only   
deeper, harder, twisting at the sound of that voice... After a few agonizing minutes, Meg's soft grumbling intensifying as she struggled to extricate the metal screw from Kaoru's leg without injuring her further, the older girl sighed and finally lifted the metal frame from the ground, setting it off to the side with a heavy thump.  
Gentle fingertips settled onto the torn flesh, and Kaoru shied away with a hiss of pain. It felt like a deep cut... it had gone through the denim of her jeans, and into the skin... Perfect. Just perfect. Now she looked like a clumsy idiot on top of everything else... In front of Meg...  
Can you get up? the low voice inquired, an unreadable taint coloring the businesslike edge.  
Kaoru pushed against the cold tile with both elbows, trying desperately to save whatever face she could. It was only a cut, after all, she'd had worse... Much worse. So she made it up to her knees after only a few seconds of frantic effort. It was only when she tried to stand...  
One knee went weak, limp, the gash throbbing in excruciating pain, and Kaoru listed to her right side with a whimper. Why couldn't she stand? It was only a cut... a little scrape... why were her knees like water?  
Kaoru closed her eyes, not wanting to watch the room spin as she fell for the second time. What... what was wrong with her today...? Everything was in a fog, a grey fog, as though she were watching her own life through a window darkened with condensation... Nothing mattered... she just... wanted to sleep... wanted to hide... away from all the prying eyes... Everything...  
And yet, for the second time, just before the freezing tile would have met her side, before she would have crumpled to the ground and not gotten up again, firm arms caught her, lifting her, sweeping her feet from the ground, cradling her to a warm form, a slender shoulder... Kaoru slitted open one eye, not comprehending with her clouded senses, fighting from behind hazy thoughts to see...  
Meg lay her down on the cot, Kaoru staring up at her blankly, lips trembling in pain and confusion, forehead throbbing. Onyx eyes scolded her silently, just like the time before... just like...  
You hit your head, didn't you? Of course you can't stand just yet. Stupid little girl, the dark-haired woman berated, slim hands busied inspecting the wound on the back of her thigh. Would you pay attention to what you're doing? Maybe if you were a little more aware of your surroundings you wouldn't be walking into doors. Did you ever think of that, hmm?  
Kaoru blinked, then cast her eyes aside in some amount of embarassment. She   
heard Meg sigh heavily, then one hand patted her knee, and the older girl stood from her bedside. she continued, voice softer and gentler. I'll go get some ice and bandages for you. It looks as though you're going to have quite the bruise, Kaoru-chan. I'll be right back, so... why don't you take off your jeans and just wait.  
Kaoru froze.  
Meg's black eyes sparkled, something light and mischievous silhouetted by   
something... darker... deeper... And if just for a moment, before she turned away, it seemed a bright flame gleamed within those depths, burning...  
She stared after the dark-haired woman, the beat of her heart renewed to   
double-time within her thin chest, a cold sweat slickening her palms, something... aching... shuddering... She trembled, staring blindly at the badly-painted concrete wall, lips pressed tightly together.  
She was overreacting.  
But... the way her eyes had sparkled... was she just teasing? Or was it... was it something... something besides... Why would she have asked her that? She had to inspect the gash, probably... But couldn't she do that without...  
Unless she wanted to bandage the leg entirely... which would make sense, she  
supposed... but still... But still! Why would... the look in her eyes... oh, God, what was going on?  
Kaoru's fingers twitched, and she swallowed hard, throat suddenly painfully dry. Why did this have to happen to her? Why couldn't things just be simple? But nothing was ever simple. Her parents died. Then the man who adopted her became sick... and never got better... He would never get better... and then he fell in love... and now... she was... she was... she was...  
No. She was overreacting. And there was no reason this should be scaring her so badly. She was overreacting. She was confused. Her life had been in enough of a tumult lately, it only made sense that she was a little confused. She was making things up, seeing things that weren't really there. There was nothing to really make her think... she was reading too much into...  
Finally, frustrated enough to not care anymore, Kaoru kicked her shoes off,   
then tugged off her socks as well, stuffing them down into their respective shoe and placing the pair down next to the cot. She was being ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. It had been a perfectly innocent request. Meg had to take care of the cut, after all. That was her job. Anything else... anything else was just her imagination. It had always been overactive. Why should now be any different?  
Her fingers hesitated on the cool metal button, and she bit her lower lip. Well... down the hatch... she was a doctor-in-training, after all, so she would never abuse that power... She was simply being silly and paranoid. She was so good at being silly and paranoid...  
So she inhaled sharply, then ripped the button from its slit and undid the zipper in one fell swoop, struggling out of the tight denim and kicking it to the foot of the cot before she could change her mind. The gash burned in recrimination for the drastic shift, and she whimpered and squirmed until the pain eased. Bruises and cuts on their own were one thing, she had dealt with those all her life, but she was still queasy when it came to a cut and a bruise as a dual injury. It hurt so much worse, and it took so long to heal, no matter what you put on it, and she always got them in the most   
unfortunate places...  
At least she was wearing a long shirt today... Kaoru tugged at it petulantly until she managed to sit on the hem, pulling the cloth to a few inches down her prickling cold thighs. That stretched it uncomfortably over her shoulders, but it was either show off her embarrassing lack of a bosom or completely bare her legs. Her gangly, scarred legs. God, how she hated razors... and tree branches... and erroneously placed kitchen knives...  
All right, then, announced Meg's voice as the dark-haired woman reappeared from her small office, a small roll of bandages in one slim hand. There is such an appalling lack of a filing system in there... sorry about the wait, Kaoru-chan!  
Kaoru was silent, staring at her bare feet, knowing her face was beet red but not willing to pull up her knees to hide it. That would undo all her painstaking work of obscuring that part of her body anyway, and at the moment, she'd rather be blushing than half naked.  
Meg paused for a moment before kneeling back on the tile, her sharp dark eyes unreadable. Kaoru shivered in the chill air, her fingers shaking where they held the edge of her shirt, the bruised cut throbbing uncomfortably. She couldn't force anything through her dry throat, trembling lips, and her lungs ached from the disappearing air... She was frozen within the darkness of the older girl's eyes, her fathomless eyes, the onyx that was neither warm nor cold, but only... a pure mystery...  
Then Meg winked.  
Aren't we a shy little thing? she purred coyly, then knelt down to peer closely at the wound. Silly little girl... ashamed of herself... Kaoru found herself scowling, but watched those slim fingers ghost across her quivering thigh with nothing less than absolute fascination, a shock taking her every sense at the quick touch... A shock that bit at the pain nerves there, and yet danced on into other receptors, to tingle across her   
skin and through every fiber of her being. It was something... something like she'd never felt before... something she couldn't identify...  
Or rather, didn't want to...  
This is a bad one, isn't it...? Meg pursed her perfect lips, then sighed and shook her head. I'd be worried of a lasting scar, but I'm sure that's not a problem, little tomboy that you are... With those words, a fingertip flicked over a particularly long scar that spanned her leg from knee to upper thigh. You're fairly drawn with these, Kaoru-chan!  
Like you've never fallen down in your life? Kaoru snapped, finally out of patience, and her pride taking precedence over the unidentifiable flutterings beginning in her stomach.  
Oh, I have, of course I have! Meg blinked innocently up at her. I just don't make a common practice of it, Kaoru-chan!  
Kaoru grumbled and looked aloofly at the ceiling.  
She heard a soft, dry chuckle, and a slender hand patted the side of her leg. A long shiver ran down her spine, and Kaoru bit her lower lip, willing herself not to show it... not to show it... even though her mind was refusing to communicate exactly was was...  
Her teeth dug farther into that vulnerable flesh as the dark-haired girl began wrapping the thin bandages around her wounded thigh. The cotton fabric stung on the open cut, but she held back any whimper of pain out of pride, unwilling to show weakness before... this girl...  
Meg announced.  
Kaoru jumped in startled surprise, having been too engrossed in her thoughts to notice the process of bandaging any more. O-oh... Thank you, she managed lamely.  
Only my job, Kaoru-chan, the dark-haired girl reminded with a alluring smile, standing gracefully. You can get dressed again, if you want...  
Kaoru blinked, then nodded shakily, reaching for her jeans as quickly as possible without seeming odd. The hard fabric was so reassuring... and within three seconds, she was squirming into the confines of the garment again, gasping sharply as the rough motion scraped the gash again. But the stab of agony cushioned through the few layers of cloth wasn't nearly enough to make her halt in ridding herself of that awful feeling of vulnerability, to those dark eyes...  
Within a flurry of motion that lasted under a minute, Kaoru found herself standing beside the cot, hands shoved uncomfortably into her pockets, eyes fixed firmly on the floor. I-I brought those papers... she offered softly, struggling to keep her voice steady. Did you-  
I got them off the floor, yes, Kaoru-chan, Meg interrupted dryly. Are   
you going to be all right to walk today? That was-  
I'm fine.  
Kaoru winced inwardly at the abruptness and sharpness of her own voice, but   
continued towards the door and didn't look back. She had to figure this out... and at the moment, the only sensible option seemed to be to get as far away as possible, let herself calm down, work through it on her own... make it all make sense...  
Well, I suppose I'll see you tonight, the young woman called after her. Say hello to Ken-san for me, Kaoru-chan!  
The door swung closed after her.  
Kaoru watched the fluorescent lights embedded in the ceiling shine off the lumps of brown paint that spotted the door, an inexplicable tightness choking her throat...  
And turned away, returning her gaze to the dusty floor that every other student in the school tread, the same as her, everyone going the same way... One foot half the length of the other ahead, going as slowly as possible while still appearing to move as the best possible rate... Half-foot-length to half-foot-length, looking only a few tiles ahead...  
Oi, called a familiar, cheerful voice, the smile on his face so evident in those words. Sanosuke passed her, agenda in hand, the other raised to fondly shove at her shoulder. He was walking opposite her, most likely heading back upstairs to class from the bathroom, taking the longest possible route, of course...  
She smiled up at him, feeling her spirits lift, if just a little. It was nice to see Sanosuke pass by with a smile on that face of his, instead of the dark glower she was so used to seeing set in his features... It was strange, how the different exercise of only two muscles could change someone's appearance so completely, from brooding and forbidding to gentle, boyish, full of life... Even cute, in both applications of the word...  
Go to class, Sanosuke, she scolded fondly. He scowled down at her and   
continued on his way, pace not varying in the least; a long, bounding stride, long legs taking the hallway six tiles at each step, gaze cast far down the hallway to see things coming from afar.  
In such bright spirits...  
Kaoru watched him for a few moments, until he turned the corner by the guidance office, aching deep within herself...  
Such bright spirits...  
  
Sano tossed the flimsy agenda into the air, humming some stupid song he'd   
heard Misao blaring in her room this morning, some random J-pop she'd found   
somewhere...  
Never get away... Hihiri made! he sang aloud, remembering that much for   
some reason, then continued humming. It was a damn catchy thing...  
As he passed the guidance office, his gaze was inevitably drawn to the second door, the one to Kenshin's office... it was obvious that the entrance was a relatively new addition, and badly installed, to boot. In fact, they probably had stuck it in back when they were redoing the roof... a few years ago, his freshman year? Probably. He didn't really remember much from ninth grade...  
But none of that really mattered so much, anymore...  
His lips curled in a silly little grin, and he barely caught the agenda, eyes fixed on that door, knowing that his Kenshin was right back there... His Kenshin...  
Thus, his attention was elsewhere when he tripped over the bucket. Sano swore, briefly but filthily, tangled up in the plastic pail, the thin film of water over the bottom threatening to soak one leg of his jeans. He kicked at it irritably, only succeeding in flinging water everywhere, then flumped against the floor to swear some more.  
He hadn't fallen very hard, so the shock to his hand only came when he leaned onto it. His right arm had gone, simply by biology, to catch his body before he'd fallen completely, that hand splayed over the dirty tile still as he'd struggled.  
His wrist bent, and the daggers of agony lanced with unforgiving swiftness   
through the torn tendons and coursed over the chipped bone, every tiny muscle complaining, torturous pain catching like flames over the hand he had nearly destroyed in his rage only a week ago... Sano gasped sharply, tears springing to his eyes, lips tightening as his jaw clenched.  
he hissed, squeezing his stinging eyes closed, willing himself not to break down and cry like a little girl in the middle of the hallway. But damn, that hurt... He lifted up gingerly, letting his wrist fall limp, the throbbing torment only intensifying as blood rushed freely through the abused flesh...  
Sano picked himself up painstakingly slowly, managing to shake the bucket   
off his foot with only minimal effort. His hand hung down, a dead weight, and he was truly afraid to move again, feeling that blood pulsing so fast through his veins, so dreadfully sure that it would burst free again if he moved too fast, too sharply... just like before...  
He could still see the bloodstains on the floor...  
And with only one last glance at that door, he continued down to the stairwell. He couldn't go running to Kenshin every time something went wrong... and he knew, that if he did, the little redhead would look up at him with those big, sorrowful eyes again, and ask, oh, Sano, why? in that despairing, miserable voice, unable to understand that it wasn't because of him that Sano had been hurt... Just like the hospital... It wasn't his fault, it couldn't have been his fault, and yet...  
Kenshin would take all his pain away and bear it on his own, if only he could...  
Sano looked down at his shattered hand, the tiles far beneath it, walking much slower this time, half-foot-length to half-foot-length. Maybe if he was more careful, and paid more attention to the here and now, he wouldn't trip over things... watched the road ahead instead of getting distracted... just get back to class. Worry about the rest of it later. Later, when there was time. There was no need to worry about this now...  
And maybe Kenshin wouldn't blame himself anymore.  
He would do the same as his lover, if it were possible... if there were any way for Sano to take all Kenshin's sorrows away, if there were any possible way to make sure he woudn't have to suffer anymore, he would do it, without a second's hesitation... He'd never met someone who suffered so much, and yet bore up still, with a smile... Though that smile was one that could break at any time, he still tried to wear it... and succeeded, most of the time...  
Why couldn't things work out, just for once?  
And which class might you be going to? inquired a soft voice.  
Sano froze, his hand throbbing faster, the pain cutting that much deeper, vibrating to the frequency of that sly tone, the chill of his presence taking hold of all his being...  
He spun, remembering without effort the training that had brightened some of his early years, falling immediately into offensive stance, leaning back lightly on his left foot, hands fisted at his sides, the tip of his right sneaker lifted from the tile as the rest of his weight went to that heel.  
Officer Fujita... Saitou Hajime... gazed down at him with a vague amusement   
floating over the frozen amber of his narrow eyes. Sano snarled, a familiar adrenaline prickling through his veins, setting him afire, lips tightening as his eyes narrowed to fiercely glittering slits, the rushing blood and building rage sending everything crimson...  
Yare yare... the police officer observed, shifting almost imperceptably, redistributing his weight just as Sano had, just not as dramatically. Do you react so violently to all authority figures?  
I know who you are, Sano growled, voice rumbling deep in his chest, unbearable anger making him quiver... This man... this was the man... This was the only man alive who could still endanger his Kenshin... his beloved Kenshin... This lightning strike from his past, that had the potential to destroy everything he had worked for, the happiness he so rightly deserved...  
He wouldn't let it happen. There was no way in Hell he would stand by and   
let this asshole take away everything Kenshin had achieved, his peace, his freedom, his life... on the basis of something he hadn't done... something that someone else living in his body had done... It hadn't been Kenshin. And even if it had been, it wasn't his fault... It wasn't his fault! He'd only done what he had to so he could go on living!  
If it took everything he had, he wouldn't let Saitou Hajime take any of   
that away.  
The tall man cocked his head, as though only further amused. Well, if course you do... It only follows that the Battousai's woman would know all of his affairs, now doesn't it?  
Battousai's WOMAN?! Sano yelped, barely able to comprehend what had just   
passed his ears. His woman? What the Hell was-  
Saitou cocked his head, expressionless.  
Damn you! Just shut up! Sano snapped in barely expressible frustration, refusing for the moment to switch back to his native Nihongo. English, as strange and confusing as it was at times, nevertheless had some choice phrases he preferred to use in their full glory, rather than settle for a substitute. And he planned on using a few...  
You think you know him, don't you?... Saitou took a slow step forward, but Sano refused to back down in his stance.  
I do know him, he snarled in return, feeling a certain pride swell in his chest. You're the one who doesn't know him.  
I know the killer, the dark man said coolly. The man who slaughtered innocent women and children in their sleep so there would be no chance of anyone identifying him as the killer of their fathers, husbands, sons... The man who refused to take responsibilty for his acts and fled instead across an ocean. The man who endangers thousands of innocents every day by his very existence. He is a murderer. And a liar. And you are deluded if you think any differently.  
Sano felt something break deep inside him, an ache beyond any words he   
could ever hope to express. You motherfucking bastard, he hissed, then tensed- springing forward to swing into a high puch, muscles exploding into fury-  
A thin hand caught his, fisting tightly but not painfully around his fingers, stopping his forward motion with the exertion of only one arm, the shift so fast as to throw him off balance, to stop his attack with only a mild touch-  
Sano stared down into glimmering gold eyes, an undefinable fire burning there, such power within that gentle touch...  
Stop, Sano, Kenshin said softly. He's beyond you.  
  
*** *** ***


	16. Gold And Amethyst

  
  
The boy's eyes stared down into his, deep, fathomless, agonizingly innocent and gentle eyes... He seemed so surprised, so baffled, to be thrown off his childish attack with only a touch...  
Sweet little fool... He knew what he was.  
He let that shaking fist fall, turning away from that boyish face that pained his so, to meet eyes he knew well, slitted amber eyes that laughed with triumph. Idiot, to think this meant he won... He would never win, not now, not ever, not while those precious children still lived, not while little, still-innocent Sano stood to his back, in danger...  
Stand down, Saitou Hajime, Hitokiri Battousai said coolly, tensing easily as a familiar prickle ran down his spine. It had been so long... So long had that pacifistic, loving child ruled over them... but it mattered little. When Battousai was needed, Battousai would be there... because Himura Kenshin could not be trusted to handle a situation like this.  
Battousai. You truly expect me to back away now? There was little to no challenge in the taller man's voice, only mild questioning. It had always been rare to see Saitou break his calm. It appeared things were no different now. So close to seeing you meet your just end?  
My end? Battousai cast a quick glance about, spied the bucket that lay on one side by the wall, and took a slow step towards it, returning his golden stare to the wolf who stood a few yards away. Tell me you're kidding.  
Yare yare... such confidence, when you've not fought a man in a decade... Saitou cocked his head, smugness glimmering in the inhuman amber depths. You've been rotting in complacency in this backwater hole, dwindling away to a mere shadow of the thing you once were...  
His fingers closed on the thin metal loop of a handle that spanned the top of the bucket, and Battousai let himself smirk a little. Oh, how little he understood... You're completely wrong, as always, he revealed with more than a little relish. You're the one who's been rotting, searching and searching for me without rest, without sharpening or furthering your skills, spending every waking moment struggling to come closer and closer to your own death... While I've been only sleeping!  
With an explosion of power from his legs, Battousai sprung at only half his speed across the hallway, feeling his feet leave the ground and not fall back until he had landed on one heel beside his once-and-now opponent, swinging the janitorial bucket in a smooth arc towards his head. It felt good to move again... And it was a relief that little Kenshin had kept them in shape. Or those threats would lack about half their force... and no matter how he let himself speak, defeating Saitou as he was now would require more than the previous narrow margin. He wasn't eighteen anymore...  
How old was he...? He'd lost track...  
His wrist shook with the impact as a nightstick clashed into the base of his impromptu weapon. Battousai grinned ferally. This wouldn't be an easy fight... things had never been easy against this one. But it wouldn't be so difficult to end it swiftly... if everything went in his favor...  
So he changed path within a shaved half of a second, bending nearly double and diving forward through the widened space between Saitou's knees to roll across the floor and catch a heel, springing back forward with that added velocity to catch the recoiling nightstick within the confines of the bucket. With a quick coil of the muscles in his arm, he released the handle and flung both his weapon and Saitou's backwards down the hallway, in little Sano's direction.  
Battousai stood again, heart pumping wildly and blood churning, but not a bead of sweat broken across his skin. Saitou stared down at him, similarly unruffled. An unassuming hand went towards the black belt of his uniform, and Battousai noticed too late the other weapon there. A handgun....  
His own palm went instinctively towards his hip, and when it encountered nothing but dead air, he cursed mentally and froze. Dammit, Kenshin! You couldn't even carry a pocket knife? How much of a deluded idiot are you?  
The very air about them seemed to freeze, and Battousai searched his agile mind for anything he could use to his advantage. Anything at all... It would be too difficult to get down the hallway in time to retrieve either the bucket or the nightstick, and neither would have a chance of standing up to the firearm the other man carried. In fact, nothing short of another gun would, and since little Kenshin would never dream of owning one, let alone carrying it, he was most likely out of luck. And it would be humiliating to run... Not to mention the danger to all the others... It had been so much easier when he'd been protecting no one but himself...  
But times changed, and battle plans had to change to fit the times.  
So he could do nothing but-  
This looks like quite the old-West standoff! exclaimed an unfamiliar voice.  
Battousai had felt the tell-tale prickle of another's presence only the instant before the unknown man had spoken, and his gaze snapped directly to the figure that had paused beside Saitou.  
He was a tall man, dark-haired, not unattractive... Disturbingly aware eyes gazed out of a face that was darkened in places by the unmistakable ravages of burns, taking in both Battousai and Saitou, then lingering on Sano behind him.  
Shouldn't you be in class? he inquired mildly. The voice was soft, but the undercurrent of ominous warning was nearly tangible.  
Battousai stared unwaveringly at the man, unable to shake the strange feeling that prickled just outside the range of his senses. Why...? It wasn't a feeling he cared much for. Did he know him?... No. He had never seen the man before. he was certain he had never seen the man before...  
Little Kenshin's awareness nuzzled insistently at the edge of his, insisting he was familiar, for some reason. Familiar... he must work in the school. That would make sense, if he was familiar to the little one... It would make sense. But why the unshakable feeling of foreboding, of distrust...?  
Sure, Mr.Sherman, he dimly heard Sano's deep voice reply. I was just goin' back... stopped to talk to Mr. Himura, here.  
Ah. So I see... The sharp gaze flicked over each one of them once more, then away, seemingly disinterested. See that he gets back then, Mr. Himura...  
The term of respect seemed a sly joke from those lips, and Battousai bristled. He didn't know just why, but he did not like this Sherman person. He didn't like him the slightest bit...  
The three watched the strange man pass them and continue down the hallway towards the language and History building, seeming not even to breathe. There was total and complete silence, until the soft squeak of heel against floor.  
On that note, said Saitou's voice dryly, I shall take my leave.  
Battousai fixed a sharp glare on him, then nodded his grudging consent. Do as you will. But the next time we fight, blood will stain the floor, and it won't be mine.  
As you say...  
Once the tall man was gone around the corner, he felt a weight lifted from his shoulders. and sighed in some relief. Perhaps next time, he would be more prepared... It would be a good idea to prod the little one to carry a defensive item of some sort. A pocket knife, a handgun...  
  
The soft voice was so pained, so frightened, that the constant nuzzling at his mind became a more frantic pushing. The little one wanted to come back... He was pleading, in his warm husky voice, and Battousai turned to face the boy, relinquishing control with a little sigh. All was safe now. He would do what he could about the next fight that was inevitably-  
-and his poor Sano, to have to see all that... Kenshin blinked, feeling the other recede, and stumbled forward, aching for the confused fear in his soft brown eyes. he whispered, oh, Sano, are you all right? Did he-  
I'm okay, Kenshin, but... Sano reached up a shaking hand, then let his long fingers settle onto the skin of his cheek. Kenshin blinked up at him, brow furrowing in worry. he whispered. You were...  
Kenshin nodded a little sadly, trying a reassuring smile for his beloved. he whispered gently. I heard Saitou outside the door de gozaru. And he... he pushed through. What was happening de gozaru ka?  
Sano's lips moved, but no sound came forth. It's not important, he finished finally, something undefinable in his deep eyes. Don't worry about it. It's all over now, naa?  
Kenshin agreed softly, taken with an immeasurable relief. It's over now de gozaru yo. For now.  
Sano smiled down at him, his fingertips still resting against his cheek, the warmth of his hand radiating against Kenshin's skin, seeming to sear down into the bone. I should probably get back to class, he whispered, but there was little conviction in his tone.  
Kenshin scowled up at him, recognizing the soft light that was dancing in those eyes. Sano, go to class de gozaru.  
I'm sure I could milk a few more minutes outta Lasek, the boy considered aloud, that spark fanning into a burning fire within the depths of those beautiful eyes... He doesn't care if I'm there or not. He'd probably be glad to get rid of me.  
Kenshin protested faintly, his heart fluttering, taken with the heat that burned from both his gaze and his touch.   
I wanted to get some things revised for next semester anyway... Move some stuff around, put some things places... Think you could do that for me? The sly innuendo in the teenager's deep, rumbling voice was nearly unbearable.... and Kenshin blushed deeply, squirming, casting his gaze to his feet.  
S-Sano! You should go to class de gozaru! he protested weakly. I can help you with your schedule a-after school or you could make an appointment with the office or... aagh... Sano, go back to class de gozaru yo!  
Sano pouted. Aww, Kenshin... he cooed softly, tracing his jaw with one graceful fingertip. Just a few minutes... it's not gonna hurt anybody...  
Kenshin scowled at him fiercely, trying to repress another flush. Behave! Go to class de gozaru yo! With a good deal of effort, he managed to wrench himself from the light touch and fled to his office door. His fingers fumbled on the handle, and he mumble faint annoyances under his breath, then sighed as it finally obeyed and opened beneath his hand.  
Are you sure? the boy grinned mischievously, eyes dancing.  
Kenshin scowled, then thought a moment and smiled slowly, leaning back into his office. I'm quite sure de gozaru, he returned slyly. And besides, I'm not so sure I want anything that would only take a few minutes...  
His ears caught a frustrated as the door closed.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
It came upon a midnight clear... that glorious song of old... from... erm... anou... from angels...? La la la la la la la laaa... to touch their harps of gold!  
The crystal soprano echoed throughout the small apartment, accompanied by cheerful thumps as Kenshin placed various pins in various wall to hold up various decorations to decorate the walls in various places...  
Sano poked his head into the hallway, eyeing the little redhead bouncing around the living room with no shortage of caution and worry. He had gotten into the boxes directly after they had gotten back from school... paused briefly to cook dinner... then dove right back into it again. And he'd never once stopped singing.  
Admittedly, Kenshin had the most beautiful voice he'd ever heard, without a doubt, but his grasp of tune and actual lyrics wasn't always the best... He seemed to make it up as he went along, and some choruses weren't always the same tune... or rhythm... But he had fun. And Sano guessed that was more important than anything else.  
He sighed, judged that now was a safe a time as any, and wandered down the hallway into the half-decorated living room. Kenshin was at the moment balanced precariously on the edge of a kitchen chair, humming something that seemed to be vaguely related to Jingle Bells, and hanging garland along the edge of the ceiling.  
Oh wie man da singt und lacht in einer Winternacht, hey! Sano added along with a grin, remembering the raucous good time they'd had singing foreign carols in German class that day. Need some help, koishii?  
Kenshin twisted about, large amethyst eyes peering down at him hopefully. Ah, Sano! he said cheerily, leaning over a dangerous amount to nudge Sano's arm with one foot. Go get that other box and find the nativity scene with the goats and the sheep de gozaru.  
Sano knelt obediently by the cardboard box, pulling it open. Are we Christian in this house? Not that it really mattered, but it would probably be good to know what religious affiliation he was sleeping his way into...  
Oro? Oh, not especially. I just like the goats and the sheep de gozaru. And Misao-dono likes to play with it. And it was free if you bought a crockpot de gozaru yo.  
A... crockpot...? Sano peered up at him, bemused and struggling not to burst into nervous laughter.  
Hai, hai. It was a nice crockpot... I had it for several years before Kaoru-dono accidentally burnt out the bottom de gozaru. Then I bought a new one and got the snowglobes with the frogs and the bunnies de gozaru. Those over there, see? Kenshin waved a distracted hand over at the little coffee table, where indeed sat two snowglobes, one decorated with frogs and the other with white rabbits.  
Sano eyes the snowglobes, then the nativity scene he held. Then he blinked owlishly up at his lover. Kenshin, sweetheart, where on Earth did you buy those damn crockpots?  
Kenshin laughed merrily. The same place I buy all my crockpots de gozaru yo!  
Sano opened his mouth, blinked down at the decoration he held, then resigned himself to accepting the untold volume of crockpots and free gifts thereof and lifted up the nativity scene with a heavy. It was a nice one...  
Where's it go? he asked fondly, peering up at the blissfully humming redhead.  
Kenshin pondered, then pointed. On the cabinet, there... With the dishes.  
Sano stumbled across the floor and obediently placed the heavy box onto the shelf/ Wanna arrange the things yourself, or...?  
Let the children do it later de gozaru, Kenshin suggested. Perhaps Yahiko can join them this year... Do you think he'd like that de gozaru ka? There was a dreaminess to his voice... and Sano felt his heart turn warm in his chest.  
I'm sure he would, he returned, carefully placing the little animals and other carved figurines beside the nativity scene. He'd never say it, but he does love having... siblings, I guess...  
I'm glad. I know the girls love having a little brother now de gozaru na... Everything fits together, even though it hasn't been very long at all de gozaru yo.  
Sano crossed the floor again, unable to wipe the silly grin form his face. I was just gonna say that, he informed. Stop readin' my mind, koishii. He reached out and tugged hard on Kenshin's precariously balanced leg.  
Aagh- ORO! SANO-! The little redhead toppled off the chair with an outraged squeak, tumbling into Sano's waiting arms. He grinned and bounced his slender beloved in his embrace. Kenshin squirmed about, then scowled cutely up at him, eyes scrunched up and lips pulled tightly in a familiar pout.  
You oughta be more careful, he advised with a cheeky grin. Fallin' all over th' place.... gonna hurt yourself, tiny little thing. No bone mass, no cushioning... Ya'd just snap right n half. Oughta eat more. Drink your milk.  
Sano- Sano, I would not have fallen if you hadn't- Oro! My bone mass is fine de gozaru yo! And I eat enough-  
Sano dropped him calmly-  
  
-and caught him right before he hit the floor, folding easily to his knees and bringing Kenshin easily to the floor. His lover blinked up at him in mute surprise, eyes wide, lips slightly parted.  
  
Sano drew a hand along his cheek, gazing down into his crystalline eyes, not speaking a word, knowing Kenshin could read it all in his eyes. You're too beautiful to not be breakable, he whispered.  
The redhead blushed deeply, casting his gaze away, and Sano leaned down to kiss him softly, pulling him tightly to his chest, fingers tangled in the fall of crimson hair. Kenshin sighed softly, quivering with unspoken delight under his fingertips, and snuggled closer, arms sliding around his shoulders. Sano tightened his grip on the back of Kenshin's neck, moving one arm to hug his waist tightly, letting the fingers of that hand drift freely to run light caresses over a slender thigh. Thin little redhead's thin chest heaved shakily, his breath catching with a husky gasp against Sano's lips.  
Sano pulled back from him only slightly, eyes half lidded and his own breath starting to come faster. he began to whisper, ore wa-  
In that instant, the telephone rang in the kitchen.  
Sano swore briefly and filthily, clutching Kenshin's slender form to his side stubbornly. Kenshin made a soft noise of discontent.  
I- I have to get that de gozaru yo. he whispered against Sano's pounding heart.  
I know.  
But regardless of that knowledge, he held him close a few more short moments, inhaling deeply against his soft hair, hands gripping more tightly on his thin sides. For some reason, he was more than loath to let him go... For some reason... Something he couldn't read in his own thoughts, something that spoke of terrible anxiety...  
  
He loosened his embrace, allowing the redhead to slide up from beside him and hurry into the kitchen. Sano watched him go listlessly, remaining on the carpeted floor, hands limp by his side, the right aching a little...  
He heard Kenshin answer the phone, a little breathless from having moved quickly, but otherwise calm and businesslike. It was only a few seconds later that his voice dropped to inaudible.  
Sano stared down the hallway form his position on the floor, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his chin on his arms, something pulling harshly at his stomach. It seemed impossible, that the slim figure he'd seen flit up the hallway was the same one of this afternoon...  
He'd not thought about it until then, but the harsh ringing of the phone and the breaking of his amorous haze had shifted it loose to float about his mind. Battousai... had it truly been Battousai?... and Saitou...  
Those gentle amethyst eyes had transformed to glittering, cool, golden orbs that had seemed so tranquil at first, and yet... burned deep within with... some fury, some rage, some violence that had seemed unthinkable at the time...  
He didn't understand. And a little voice inside him suggested he never would. It was Kenshin... but not Kenshin... how could he have two such drastically different people inside him? How could someone live like that? And... why had Battousai protected him? There was so much his mind refused to connect, and yet it all seemed somewhere just beyond the reach of his grasping hands. Kenshin...  
The click of the telephone being returned to its receiver in the kitchen startled him from the sad puzzle, and Sano craned his neck to peer over the couch down the hallway. There was no Kenshin exiting, and no sound from the kitchen. Just... an oppressive silence... Complete silence, no sound from either the girls' room where they were doing homework with Yahiko or the kitchen where his beloved still stood.  
A floorboard creaked, and Sano staggered to his feet to pad across the rumpled carpet in the hallway and peer worriedly into the kitchen. he called softly, who was that on the ph-... Kenshin...?  
He found his lover in a miserable ball against the cabinet, face buried in slender hands, shoulders stiff and trembling. His long crimson hair fell forward to shadow his hidden face, draped over his shoulders and arms like an artful shawl, sliding softly over the folds of his shirt as he shook. Tiny whimpers crawled their way out of his throat, arms tensing as his hands quivered violently against his white skin.  
Sano murmured in deep concern, kneeling down on the tile beside him, laying on his thin shoulder and squeezing tightly. What... what's wrong? Who was that?  
No answer came to him for a long while, but Kenshin lifted his pale face from the cradle of his hands and let sorrowful amethyst eyes entreat him silently. Sano furrowed his brow, then understood without a word and shifted to sit beside him on the floor, drawing Kenshin close to his chest with the secure embrace of one arm, his fingers drifting gently over the back of his neck, toying with the strands of crimson hair there. Kenshin clung to his chest silently, shivering in his arms, nuzzling his face deep into Sano's shirt and breathing deeply but shakily.  
They sat in silence for a long time, holding onto each other, curled up in the corner of the tiny kitchen while the clock ticked steadily above them. After what seemed like an anxious eternity, Kenshin lifted his head and looked up into Sano's eyes.  
It was the social workers at the agency, he sad softly, lips trembling. They're sending an employee out in three months to check on affairs in the home situation de gozaru. They're- they're going to evaluate me again de gozaru.  
Sano hugged him closer, understanding with a sudden pang of guilt why this was bothering his love so much. It certainly wouldn't look good on records that the father was carrying on an active relationship with someone only a little older than the children... And they wouldn't care about finding out the entirety of the situation. No one would ever really understand it, unless... Unless...  
I... apparently, on a routine check of files, someone got wind of my... problem awhile ago... and they discussed it with the hospital de gozaru. And now they're coming back. Kenshin huddled into his chest with a shaky sigh. In three months de gozaru yo.  
Sano closed his eyes and leaned against his hair, pulling his lover close. What could he say...? There was nothing he could...  
So he just held him close, letting the redhead rest against the warm beat of his heart, stroking his hair and aching deep inside.


	17. My Little Girl

  
The clock read two-thirty.  
And yet, at that hour of the morning when anyone with any common sense was asleep, the television was playing its light through a darkened living room, silhouetting the figure that was slumped alone on the couch in white radiance balanced with the shadows of night.  
It was that light that allowed him to see the tears that streaked her cheeks, but the shadow that hid anymore than that evidence of the girl's distress.   
Sano closed the bathroom door silently behind him, shivering slightly as the cool air from the hallway rushed over his bare chest. Grateful he had decided to slip his jeans back on rather than scoot out here naked, he stood motionless for a few seconds, staring at the girl who apparently was too wrapped up in her emotions to notice he was there.  
A few months ago, he would have been hesitant to interfere. It would have been none of his business, and she probably wouldn't have welcomed his concern. But... somehow, things were different now... and he was glad for that.  
he called softly through the darkness. Why're you up?  
Kaoru jumped visibly at his voice, a hand flashing to wipe at her eyes and cheeks, frantically trying to hide the tears. I-I couldn't sleep, I- Her voice broke, and she huddled into the couch as though trying to hide herself from his gaze. D-don't worry about it, it's nothing-  
'Jou-chan, you're crying, he broke in sternly, padding across the carpet in bare feet to sit lightly on the rumpled couch next to her. Don't go an' tell me nothin's wrong. Come on, huh?  
The younger girl shook her head, rubbing at her eyes with one knuckle. she protested weakly. I- I just-  
Sano reached out and took hold of one of her thin shoulders, shaking her gently. You what?  
She trembled violently beneath his touch, then lifted plaintive blue eyes to meet his. Her pretty face was flushed and streaked with tears, lips trembling, eyes puffy from crying far too hard and too long. she forced out, voice cracking. How can you be... how can you be so comfortable with-... with...  
Sano blinked, not comprehending for a long moment, then squeezed her shoulder tightly. With what? he queried uncertainly. I don't get what you mean.  
Kaoru shook her head and looked down, refusing to meet his eyes. Her body shook, and he could hear her struggling to breathe deeply. Something in that rattling breath ached deep inside him, and Sano grabbed her close, hugging the girl tightly to his naked chest, rocking her back and forth slightly and stroking her hair lightly like a little child. She shuddered in his arms, then a long track of wetness marked his skln as she began to cry softly against him.  
How can you be so comfortable with who you are? she whimpered against his shoulder. With- with being- being- different- different from everybody and knowing that so many people hate you without even kn-knowing you- just because... just because you... How can you be happy when so many people hate you?!  
Sano stilled his hand against her hair, struggling to understand what those words meant, what on Earth she was talking about... What could she-  
Oh.  
Oh.  
Dammit, he had been right. Why did he always have to be right when it was so inconvenient for everybody? Dammit, dammit, dammit...  
he said softly, you mean because I'm gay, right?  
She nodded silently against his chest, refusing to lift her head again.  
Sano exhaled slowly, carefully trying to figure out an answer. He resumed petting down her bed-tousled hair, breathing softly to reassure her, like a little child...  
Because I'm me, he said simply, unable to think of any other way to say it. There was a time when I couldn't really accept it, y'know... but I guess there's no use in beating myself up over something that's impossible to change. And I guess, too, it makes it easier having people around who don't mind. It's just the way I am, and anyone who can't accept who I am isn't worthy of my time. I wanna be able to wake up in the morning and see myself in the mirror, not some shield I make so no one can hurt me.  
Kaoru was silent for a long while, then she shifted a little to look up at him. You... you don't care what anybody thinks of you? she whispered, brow furrowed.  
Sano blinked down at her, then smiled a little. Sure I care, he refuted. I care what you think of me. And your sister, and your dad. But anybody who's not gonna take any time is useless as far as I'm concerned. And... He felt his face grow more serious. I'm not sayin' it doesn't hurt when somebody you've never seen before in your life passes you in the hallway and calls you a faggot. It hurts every time, but some things are more important, I guess.  
It's just not fair! she burst out, thumping a fist soundly against his chest. Sano jumped. It's not fair that people just can't see you for who you are! It's not like you chose some horrible deviant lifestyle, you're just different, and that's not bad, why should it be bad?! It's just not fair!!  
Sano caught her hand, locking his gaze with hers. Kaoru blinked, then fell quiet, a sudden vulnerability shadowing her face.  
she whispered shakily.  
You don't have to be afraid, he said gently, squeezing her fist in his larger one. Look, I know it's hard to deal with at first. But it gets easier once you can accept it. And God knows no one's gonna look down on you, in this family. We'll all be here for you.  
Her eyes wavered, and her lips parted as though she were about to question him, but then she relaxed with a tiny smile. Of course you'd know, she whispered, but the bitterness implied was completely absent from her voice. But... Sanosuke... Misao, she tries, but I don't think she really understands, completely... and   
Hasn't accepted it himself, Sano completed with a sad smile. Yeah, I know. But, listen, whenever you need me, you know I'm gonna be here...  
I know... Kaoru smiled, if just a little. Sanosuke... I know... but...  
he completed with a grin, hugging her a little. He softened, cuddling the girl close. 'Jou-chan, I'm always gonna be here. Cause... I know it doesn't make much sense, but I feel like... I dunno, I guess, I've always felt like...  
Kaoru watched him silently, her eyes sparkling uncertainly.   
You're my little girl, he whispered. Because you're my little girl.  
With those words, a bright smile broke over her trembling lips, and Kaoru hugged him tightly. She didn't say a word, but Sano could feel her body calm as he hugged her back, rocking her gently.  
His little girl.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
It was somewhat of a relief.   
Actually, it was much more than that... She felt as though she could breathe again, a little easier now, the release of knowing someone knew, and she could still feel safe... She didn't have to worry about it alone anymore, torture herself in the depths of the night wondering and denying...  
But still, there was that feeling...  
Kaoru tapped her pencil against her book, distracted from the poem she was supposed to be reading. It was a Cummings... and though she did like those, this one wasn't connecting in her mind. Sometimes obscure lines made perfect sense. Other times they were just so much nonsense.  
One day anyone died I guess... and no one stopped to kiss his face...  
Kaoru jumped at the soft voice from next to her, then blinked over at the boy who sat across the small aisle from her. Anthony was pouring over the poem, dark brow furrowed, lips moving as he read it aloud softly, lost in his concentration.  
She watched him for a little while more, admiring his countenance enviously. Anthony was one of the more intelligent people she had ever met, always struggling to attain the best grades possible in any class. He was juggling three advanced placement courses, not an easy task for anyone, as well as keeping up membership in the both the football team and the Key Club. And speaking the best French out of anyone in their class. He probably knew this poem inside and out by now.  
Suddenly the dark-haired boy jumped, his quick eyes flitting over to her. Kaoru blinked again, then pointed at the book and shrugged, fixing a pained expression on her face. He smiled faintly, rolling his eyes in answer, then returned to staring fixedly at the lines.  
The room fell back to studious silence for a good fifteen minutes before the door across the room rattled as a fist pounded at it. A collective jump and gasp echoed throughout the class, then someone giggled nervously, and the sudden tension broke, everyone shaking with laughter. The tall blond girl who sat by the door leaned over with a sigh and wrenched the handle open.  
A boy poked his head in, then entered the room. He carried a few papers stapled at the top carelessly in one hand, the other shoved in a deep jeans pocket.  
Anthony jumped at his entry, one hand falling to cover his English book in what almost seemed like anxiety. The tall, gangly boy flicked a glance in his direction, then grinned and lifted the hand holding the papers, mouthing a cheery   
These are from in-school, he informed their teacher, leaning forward and handing her the papers.  
Kaoru stared at the messenger in perplexity. She'd never seen him before... At least, she was fairly sure she hadn't. He was tall, thinly muscled, with tall spikes of blond hair decorating his scalp. His eyes were bright, active, lips seeming constantly twisted in a half-smirk, half- cheerful smile. A soccer player, most likely.  
The blond boy bounced his way back towards the door, pausing a moment to lean down by Anthony's desk, take a quick glance at the book, grin mischievously and punch his shoulder. Anthony blinked up at him, then smiled a little, an expression that was sadly rare across his face.  
Go to class, he suggested softly.  
The bright-eyed teenager laughed and sauntered out the door.  
Kaoru stared after him, puzzled, then let her eyes fall back to the dark-haired boy who sat across the aisle from her. Who's that? she asked softly, leaning a little towards him, curious for reasons she didn't take the time to examine.  
he said succintly. Joe Richards.  
Kaoru shrugged, accepting that, then returned to her reading with a sigh. She was going to have to do this tonight... Everything about this poem was refusing to connect in her mind. She was too hungry... maybe she'd be able to concentrate better after lunch, but they were going to do a preliminary discussion of what the class thought it meant then. And save the personal interpretation for homework. They were supposed to be doing that now, but true to form, no one was.  
How about we talk about this for a while? Mrs. Jackson suggested with a quirk of one dark eyebrow, standing up from behind her desk. We can finish it up after lunch, but I think I'm seeing enough blank stares to know some of us are completely lost.  
There was a murmuring of general consensus from about the room, and she sat down at a free desk. I know Cummings can be hard to stomach sometimes, she offered sympathetically. But does anyone have an idea of what a possible idea of this could be?  
The resulting silence was broken by a quiet cough, then a deep voice.   
No one loves anyone, Anthony said abruptly. By picking those names for the main characters, Cummings is saying that people just go about their meaningless lives without caring about those who are different, like it says is. No one loves anyone, and so there's no real feeling or emotion about anything. No one cares.  
Something uncomfortably tight clenched about her heart as she watched the boy who sat next to her. His long fingers were curled into a fist, trembling against the edge of his thick English book, his voice so rigidly controlled that it seemed it would break any moment. He seemed... angry...?  
The bell rang in that instant, and the room exploded into motion as books were shoved into backpacks, lunches were pulled free of the mass of textbooks already there, and all inhabitants poured through the door and into the hallway. Kaoru found herself at the back of the rough line, and scowled with frustration as her stomach grumbled. This was not the day to make her wait for lunch.  
As she made her way into the crowded hallway, two voices made themselves evident above the clamour. They were laughing roughly, speaking in short bursts and making their way towards her.  
Kaoru sighed and leaned against the wall, staying out of the way and waiting for Sanosuke. He was laughing at something his companion had said, shoving at him with one hand while carrying his backpack with the other. It was that blond... Joe RIchards, Anthony had said. Apparently, Sanosuke knew him too. It did make sense... He seemed like someone the boisterous senior would know.  
Oi, Sanosuke called, waving his free arm cheerfully. Kaoru sighed, but smiled obligingly and made her way across the hallway to his side. He switched his backpack to one strong shoulder and draped an arm casually over her, squeezing her close in a quick half-embrace.   
Joe leaned over and grinned at her. he said brightly. You're in Tony's class, huh? Damn geniuses, right, Sagara?  
Yeah, yeah. Too smart fer your own good, missy, Sanosuke warned playfully, mussing up her hair. Gonna bite ya on th' ass one day.  
How, in getting a decent job after I graduate from college? she asked dryly, peering up at them. Joe was tall, too... Why was everyone but Misao taller than her?  
I think she just insulted you, the blond said innocently, prodding Sanosuke.  
Shuddup, you- oh, look, there's Anthony. Go catch im an' leave me alone, punk. Sanosuke shoved the other boy in Anthony's general direction, and Joe obediently stumbled off.  
Hey, Tony, waitasecond, wouldya?!  
Kaoru smiled up at Sanosuke, nudging at his chest with her head. I didn't know you knew him, she offered.  
Aa. E's in a bunch a my classes. NIce kid. Sanosuke grinned down at her. And as for you, jou-chan, are you feelin' better t'day? You look pretty happy.  
Kaoru cast her eyes to the tile and nodded, heart swelling suddenly in her thin breast. she said softly. I... I am feeling a lot better. Thanks for... for listening to me this morning, Sanosuke. I... I guess I just needed someone to understand.  
Sanosuke's arm tightened around her back, drawing her reassuringly close. I know, he said softly. It's hard, at first... For a while, it was all I thought about, over and over, but after some time... I don't even think about it anymore, really. Even... HIs voice dropped even further, enough that Kaoru had to struggle to hear him. Even every day, when I'm with your tou-san, I don't think about it... It's just... the way things are, and it doesn't even seem strange until something reminds me. So I guess... I guess what I'm sayin' is you'll get used to yourself after some time. And it's all gonna be fine.  
she repeated softly. I'm glad.  
They walked along in comfortable silence for a moment, then Kaoru summoned the last bits of her courage and peered up at him.  
Were you surprised? she asked shyly.  
Sano blinked warm dark eyes down at her, then smiled and shook his head. he answered kindly. Not at all. I figured, actually... I was just a little startled that I was right, s all.  
You figured? Kaoru glared at him.  
Sanosuke blinked, obviously confused, then grinned and shook her a little. Calm down, girl. It's not like you radiate it or anything. It's just... I dunno, how you reacted to a couple a things I said, and the way you act around the kitsune, and stuff like that...  
Kaoru furrowed her brow, nudging his side in bafflement. What on Earth are you talking about, Sanosuke?  
He laughed, then shook his head quickly. Sorry. That nurse lady, Meg. I just- I dunno.  
Kaoru stared at him, then sighed and shrugged. You worry me, she said dryly, then focused her attention on descending the stairs while not tripping over either Sanosuke or herself. It would be embarrassing enough to fall on her own, let along dragging poor Sanosuke along with her. Besides, he'd probably crush her.  
I worry you? the dark-haired teenager repeated with mock surprise. Why, jou-chan! I'm glad you think so highly of me to worry! Somebody so stupid and galumphy as me-  
SHUT UP OR I WILL THROW YOU DOWN THE STAIRS RIGHT NOW!!!!  
  
Kaoru said brightly, thrusting a brown bag into his hands.  
Sano stared down at the paper bag in silent perplexity, trying to find a comfortable way to sit on the stupid bench. Why the administration had decided to make them sit at table-bench combinations like elementary school was beyond him. All he knew was that his legs didn't fit beneath the table, and he was going to have bruises on his knees. Normally, that never would have bothered him... but if Kenshin saw him all bruised up he'd worry, and then he'd fret over him for hours...  
What's this for? he asked stupidly.  
It's your lunch, the younger girl advised him with endless patience. Eat it. Tou-san made it for you this morning and I picked it up with mine when you left it at the house.  
I didn't know he- Sano stared at the simple, crinkled bag, unreasonable tears beginning to swell in the corners of his stinging eyes. Kenshin had made him a lunch...  
There was a brief silence, then a heavy sigh from across the table. Kaoru shook her head in faint exasperation and opened her own, tearing into the prepared lunch with a ferocity he'd only seen equally on animal documentaries and Yahiko eating anything meat-related.  
Sano pulled gingerly at the folded top, unwilling to rip it and almost afraid to open it. No one had ever made him a lunch before... Katsu had given him extras from his own lunch before, and he'd bought a pre-made lunch sometimes when he'd had extra money, but... This was too much, far too much.  
He peered at the contents, taking each little bag out and laying it carefully on the tabletop. A sandwich, cut carefully into two little triangles... Something wrapped in aluminum foil, probably a soda of some sort... Cookies, probably some of the ones Kenshin had made two nights before... One of the brownies... Even a little napkin... With something written on it...  
Sano blinked owlishly and unfolded the white napkin, then peered at the meticulously drawn characters. It read, very simply, Aishiteru... Kenshin.'  
He felt his lower lip tremble, and Sano bit down on it firmly. He didn't need to burst into tears in the middle of lunch. Not like he hadn't before, but at least he'd had a decent reason the last time. It was stupid to cry over one word, something he'd heard from Kenshin's own lips many times before...  
He was started from tearful daze by the heavy thump of a tray next to the jou-chan, as well as the bench next to him shaking as two more bodies wedged their ways in. Misao waved at him cheerily from where she now sat next to her sister, and Katsu gave him a silent nod before Kelsey attached firmly to his arm again on the other side.  
What's it say on the napkin? Misao queried the instant before hs emade a quick snatch for it.  
Sano recoiled, then hid it in his pocket with a growl as Katsu leaned over unassumingly. Don't you people have anything better to do? he protested.  
What, than interfere in your personal life? Have we ever? Kelsey responded innocently.  
The entire table dissolved into laughter as each fought to dig the little note from his pocket.  
  
Kaoru slid her hands into her jeans pockets, peering up at the ceiling. That was the first time she had met Sanosuke's friends... They seemed to be nice people. Misao had told her that the long-haired Nihonjin, Katsuhiro, was in her Spanish class... And Kelsey was apparently his girlfriend. There was no question that the two of them knew about Sanosuke and his relationship with her tou-san, as comment after comment about that napkin had been dropped about every two minutes all the way through lunch.  
It was good he didn't have to hide it from everyone, she supposed... but still, it couldn't be ignored that the more people who knew meant the more people who could accidentally disclose it to someone who shouldn't know. And she knew they wouldn't do it on purpose... but that didn't mean it couldn't happen. Just someone passing by the lunch table could overhear... and that would be disastrous.  
But she didn't need to worry about that now.  
Kaoru smiled to herself, remembering the tears that had shimmered in Sanosuke's dark eyes as he had held the simple brown bag lunch in his strong hands. He was like a little boy, sometimes... And though it was more than a little sad he had suffered enough neglect to react so strongly to such a small gesture, it was also comforting to know he wouldn't be suffering it any longer...  
They were all together now.  
All of them... They were a family. They had been a family before, tou-san and Misao and herself, but... there had been something missing that she had never noticed until... well, until Sanosuke and Yahiko had moved in with them, and tou-san and Sanosuke had fallen in love. There was something more complete about them now. And it felt nice.  
It felt nice, to know that she could go to him when she needed comfort... that when tou-san needed someone to take care of him, he had someone he was able to be weak with... Tou-san had always been there for them, but when he needed to be held, when he need someone to tell him that everything was going to be all right, no one had been there. Because he refused to let her and Misao when he was in pain.  
So now... Now they all had someone. And they all had each other.


	18. Come What May

  
The counter beneath his fingertips was jarringly cold, and Kenshin blinked amethyst eyes owlishly down at the surface several times, struggling to wake up completely. It had become harder and harder to drag himself out of bed every morning, ever since... Well, it had been easy once. Perhaps because it had been lonely... all alone in the small room, muted colors seeming to only stretch out the silence... So he had woken early, eager to be up and around, to be doing things, to be alive and know it...  
But nowadays, to wake so warm, so comfortable, with Sano lying peacefully beside him, his breathing steady, a little rough but not loud, beautiful face smoothed in slumber... It was hard to get up. He wanted to lie there, quiet, happy, cuddled against his side, listening to him breathe, with... nothing threatening on the horizon... Just peace...  
But the fact remained that he had a job, and the girls had school, and Sano had-...  
Sano had school...  
Even now, that thought still escaped him every now and then, the recognition that he... Sano was still a boy... still in school... And yet...  
Got my lunch yet, Kaoru-dono's voice demanded as the girl stuck her head into the kitchen, hanging precariously on the doorjamb by virtue of her left arm. I have to get into school early today-  
Hai, hai- Kenshin interrupted distractedly, rummaging around on the counter next to him and coming up with her bagged lunch in a matter of seconds. Here, Kaoru-dono. Be careful driving de gozaru...  
I will, I will, she promised. Have a good day.  
You too, Kaoru-dono! he called after her with a sunny smile. He watched after his daughter for a few more moments, then returned to pondering what he had forgotten to do. It seemed there was something missing... a truly infuriating feeling, like he had lost something...  
sang a cheerful voice, just before Kenshin found himself lifted off the floor in a rib-crushing embrace.  
squeaked out of his lungs as the air fled, Kenshin squriming helplessly in Sano's powerful arms, flailing his free arm and kicking his feet back and forth in an effort to slip free. S-Sano! Anata ga-  
Sano set him down lightly, then spun him about and placed a warm kiss on his forehead. Yahiko's ready to go, his young lover informed, gazing down into his eyes. We can leave whenever you're ready.  
Kenshin nodded up at him wordlessly, still a little breathless. How Sano thought up new ways to scare him out of his skin every morning was beyond his reasoning ability, and he had long given up trying to prepare for it. If he only put that creative mind to his English essays...  
Do you have your lunch de gozaru ka? Kenshin inquired, feeling a delicious rush of domesticity rush through his veins with those simple words.  
Sano's lips parted, then he smiled, if a bit shyly. he whispered awkwardly, a-about that... I... I never...  
Kenshin blinked up at him, taking a small step closer to rest a palm over the beat of his beloved's heart. What is it de gozaru ka? he inquired softly, worriedly, watching the little shimmer of tears beginning in the dark depths of Sano's chocolate eyes.  
It's just... I dunno, no one's ever... No one's ever packed me lunch before... Sano looked away quickly with a wry chuckle. How pathetic does that sound, huh?  
Kenshin smiled, heart swelling with both joyful pride and pained empathy. he murmured, reaching up to stroke his cheek gently, it can't be expressed how painful that is, both for you and for those who care for you, but... I'm glad if you are happier now de gozaru na...  
I am, was his quiet affirmation, and Kenshin relaxed at his deepening smile. I'm... well, I'm a lot happier now. I'm happy now...  
Then I'm glad de gozaru na. Kenshin smiled brightly up into his face. I want you to be happy, more than... More than you could ever imagine, aisuru...  
Aw, stoppit! Sano's eyes twinkled with renewed cheer, lips twisting into a quick grin. You get too mushy an' sweet an' I'm not gonna be able to hold myself back!  
Kenshin almost giggled, blushing bright red and casting his eyes away. S-Sano... Sano, I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about de gozaru-  
Oh, don't you get all innocent on me, the dark-haired boy purred, catching his loose hand and brushing soft, quick kisses over the fingetips. Not when last night, you-  
interrupted a dry voice. You'll have plenty of time to do that after you take me to school.   
Kenshin blinked, then squirmed away from Sano, cheeks stained scarlet with embarassment. S-sumimasen, Y-Yahiko, just a moment de gozaru yo- Agh, ororororororo....  
Sano's warm chuckle only flustered him more.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
Have a good day de gozaru! Kenshin called brightly after Yahiko as he made his industrious way to the front of his elementary school. He was such a good child... With his backpack full to bursting, and his homework enfolded carefully in his notebook... And that half-smirk, half-smile fixed firmly on his dark little face...  
Yahiko was turning halfway to cast back an obligatory wave, smiling a little shyly, when two small arms clad in a fluffy blue jacket closed around his shoulders. A small blond boy hugged onto him firmly, a big smile on his lips, and waved cheerfully back to the car.  
Who might that be de gozaru ka? Kenshin asked softly, smliing in bemusement and waving back as they pulled away from the curb.  
Ah, that's Michael, Sano answered lightly. Yahiko's friend. Thinks they're gonna get married someday. Cute little thing.  
Kenshin smiled faintly, then settled back into the passenger seat with a comfortable sigh. Sano grinned over at him from behind the wheel.   
Kinda creepy when the kids have love lives, huh?  
Depends on what you consider a child de gozaru, was his soft reply as the old car pulled up to a stoplight.  
He felt Sano's eyes on him, but refused to acknowledge it, looking out the window and pretending to be raptly interested in the man mowing the grass in front of the post office.  
  
Kenshin was silent, twisting his hands together in his lap.  
Sano's voice was soft, almost... despairing... You're always like this on the way to school... C'mon, what is it? A gentle hand brushed over his cheek, and Kenshin shivered a little under his calloused fingertips. Tell me what's goin' on, koishii...  
Kenshin let his gaze meet Sano's concerned eyes, and he sighed a little. Sano... it's only... Going from home, to school... I have to go between two mindsets, and so do you de gozaru. I only prefer the mindset I can have at home de gozaru yo.  
Sano said nothing, but his his hand settled onto Kenshin's thigh lightly, his thumb rubbing gently against his shaking leg. Kenshin closed his eyes with a shaky gasp, the gentle touch searing through his blood, accidentally crossing the border between comforting and provocative, or perhaps... not so accidentally...  
Kenshin whispered, almost pleading, warm fingertips tracing along the inside of his slim thigh, burning... The tell-tale, prickling ache growing agonizingly quickly...  
The harsh blatting of car horns from behind them startled the two out of their rapture, and Sano jumped back to the wheel, hitting the gas so hard they squealed through the green light. Kenshin shuddered, folding his hands together primly.  
Too much... this was too much...  
  
*** *** ***  
  
The office door creaked open, and Kenshin lifted his face from the desk calendar, hoping frantically that there was no pen smeared on his cheek this time. He just couldn't stay awake... The flood of students wanting to change their second semester schedule hadn't started yet, and he had... really... nothing to do... at all...  
The lights were off, and had been for some time, so it took his eyes a moment to adjust to the light flooding in through the open door, and a moment longer to recognize the silhouette that stood there.  
Kenshin gasped, starting up in his chair. Sano held a long finger to his tightly smiling lips, then closed the door behind him. His other hand deftly slid the lock closed.  
At the resounding click, Kenshin felt his heart stop.  
Sano slid forward across the carpeted floor, then knelt slowly before the swivel chair, resting his arms on Kenshin's knees. His dark eyes were considering, quiet, but a familiar flame burned in those chocolate depths.  
Kenshin whispered again, acutely uncomfortable, heart pounding violently in his chest. He recognized the look in those eyes... was becoming familiar with it... so familiar... Sano, we-  
The dark flame in his eyes seared him, and Kenshin trembled silently, Sano's hands resting against his knees, the dark-haired boy knelt there in considering silence.   
They sat there a long while, then Sano shifted a little, twisting one leg beneath him in a position so awkward as to make Kenshin wince, then laying his head in Kenshin's lap. It was so childlike, so strangely submissive, and for some unknown reason, so painfully heartrending... Kenshin stroked his fingers through Sano's unruly hair, gazing down at his closed eyes in puzzlement.  
Sano, what... what is it de gozaru ka? he whispered, heart fluttering within his thin chest in quiet anxiety. No answer came readily from his young lover, that taut, muscled, and yet achingly gaunt body curled around his legs, face buried in the rough fabric of his pants, fingers scraping along his calves...   
After what seemed like hours, Sano lifted his head to peer up into Kenshin's eyes. His gaze was warm, steady, agonizingly trusting... I just wanted to come see you, the boy said softly. You were so upset, today, in the car... I wanted to see if you were feeling any better.  
Kenshin closed his eyes only briefly, hurting suddenly, something clenching his heart and refusing to let go. he returned, voice barely audible, oh, Sano... I tried to explain de gozaru... It's just... It's this... His hands fell of nearly their own accord to cradle Sano's face in his palms, holding the other's gaze to his, lips smiling in some pathetic attempt to reassure him. I... We can't be like this, here... We can't be lovers here de gozaru yo. It's too much, for both of us... You have to suffer enough, and I could... I could be fired easily de gozaru. It's too dangerous for us to be the same here as we are at home. And I wish so dearly that it wasn't so de gozaru na.  
Sano caught his hands, fingers twining quickly with his. His voice grated suddenly, catching deep within his throat. I can't just pretend that I don't- Kenshin-? The anger that had been building so quickly in his first few words broke into a childish plea with his name, a sudden swell of emotion tearing through the former placid calm of Sano's dark eyes. Kenshin, you- You can't really expect me to...  
To lie de gozaru ka? Kenshin completed quietly, casting his gaze away in more than a little shame. Sano... there's nothing else we can do de gozaru. I... I don't see that I could ever deny... If I were asked directly, I don't believe that I could deny my love for you de gozaru yo.   
Sano squeezed his hands tightly, then tugged sharply. Kenshin followed his indication without a thought, sliding to the ground with him, crawling into the teenager's willing arms and curling up silently on his lap. He didn't want this to interfere so much... It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't-  
This isn't fair-! Sano whimpered into his hair softly, his arms tugging his trembling body close. Why did it have to happen this way, Kenshin...?  
Kenshin closed his eyes, pressing his cheek to Sano's shirt, desperate for the steady pulse of his heart and the warm radiance of his skin, needing the touch... His beloved breathed harshly against the top of his head, rocking a little on the carpeted floor, cradling him tightly. It... it was...  
Sano's lips brushed over his forehead, and Kenshin lifted his face without a thought, lips trembling and parted, willing and waiting for his kiss. Sano moved forward to meet him, and Kenshin sighed against his seeking mouth, letting his fingers tangle in the soft locks of dark hair at the back of his neck. The heat that caught in his rapidly pumping blood was one he was becoming acquainted with, one that racked his slender form in shivers of excitement and familiar anticipation...   
Sano's strong fingers pushed in soothing massages along his spine, rubbing in rhythmic circles, hard enough to almost hurt. Kenshin felt a little pleased whimper escape his throat, the muscles there melting under Sano's practiced ministrations. His thighs widened around the boy's hips, thin form sliding more easily to fit against his chest, head burrowing into the hollow beneath his chin. He eased under his hands, eyelashes fluttering against his cheek, the white fabric of Sano's shirt sliding down beneath the pressure of his cheek to bare the strong chest there... The hot skin, the beating pulse of his heart... Sano...  
His fingers pulled the button-down shirt from Kenshin's waistband, and the redhead shivered but did nothing to halt him... Possibly the most shameful thing about this whole affair, were it ever aired, was that... He did nothing to stop him... He wanted it too much... He liked it too much... He loved him too much...  
Sano's mouth found his, urgently, ardently, desperately... And Kenshin pushed into his touch with a smothered, breathless moan, fingers tangling in the dark mess of his soft hair, rubbing against his strong chest, tightening the grip of his legs, wanting this more than he could identify and in that moment... not caring where they were...   
Just this once. It wouldn't hurt anything, to break the rules, just this once... Sano deserved that much from him. They could steal the time away for themselves today... forget the world... They weren't counselor and student. They weren't adult and child. They weren't guardian and dubiously emacipated teenager. If for only right now, they were lovers and that was all...  
If for just this once... what harm would it do?  
  
*** *** ***  
  
The snow was beginning to fall.  
His eyes were half-clouded with thought as he watched the flakes fall outside his office window, spiraling gently to the ground far below. Snow... White, fresh, new... Made everything pure again, brushing away the dirty surfaces beneath. Blanketing the world.   
He'd always found it to be an appropriate suname for himself.  
After all... Fresh, new... unexpected...   
Mr. Snow?  
The voice startled him from his repose, and the young president spun about in his opulent office chair, not bothering to brush away the thin line of white powder across his otherwise-pristine desktop. It wasn't as though his recreational activities were a secret... Yes, Gary? he asked calmly.  
I have those hospital reports you asked for... his associate reported crisply, laying a thin stack of papers on his desk. Is there anything else you wanted on this case, sir?  
Oh, this isn't an investment matter, Eric said coolly, casting a sharp glance over the reports. Just... some personal business... in accordance with the sponsorship at that high school. Remember, the one I had you organize a few months back...?  
The Key Club. Of course, sir. If that's all...  
Eric waved a dismissive hand, pouring over the documents. A two day admission... for a breakdown supposedly resulting from schizophrenia. And they let this man adopt? Tsk...  
Well, he would have to see about that, wouldn't he?  
Eric cast a glance at himself in the full length mirror by the door. The man wouldn't even recognize him... It had been some time, after all, and he was quite a new person now.  
The dye job might have had something to do with that. A head garbed in platinum blond was drastically different from one with drab black hair.  
He lay the papers aside, then found a fond smile on his thin lips as his eyes caught the lone picture on his large desk. Letting his glasses slide down his nose, he traced the old, grainy photograph with one neatly manicured finger.  
We'll see about that, won't we, sister? he chuckled softly.  
  
*** *** ***   
  
Kenshin still whimpered against his chest, softly, holding his shoulders tightly as they both struggled for breath. Sano lifted his face from the sweat-slickened shoulder, shuddering with the waves of ecstasy still breaking over him.  
The voice was cracked, rough with strain. He blinked bleary eyes down into Kenshin's beautiful face, then winced at the marks on his lower lip. They... they had gotten a little rough, hadn't they...?   
Sano, aisuru... Get dressed and go to class.  
But I'm tired, he protested weakly, but nevertheless pulling back and pawing about for his clothing. I don't wanna leave you here...  
I'll be just fine de gozaru, his lover promised with a faint smile. He sat up as well, finding his pants without much difficulty. I have a couch in here if I need to sleep de gozaru. But you have a History quiz, if I remember correctly, and you cannot afford to miss anymore of that class de gozaru yo.  
But I'm tired, he repeated petulantly, struggling into his shirt.  
Well, you should at least be content de gozaru na! Kenshin scowled at him, the effect quite nullified when he yawned expansively and rubbed cutely at his eyes. Go to class. I'll see you later de gozaru.  
Sano pouted. Kenshin eyed him.  
  
After a few embarassing minutes of finishing dressing and stumbling about trying to find the door, Sano waved a fond goodbye to Kenshin, who blushed faintly and sat heavily on the couch.  
Don't be too happy with yourself de gozaru, he warned, amethyst eyes sparkling. I pay for your food. You need me in this job as much as I do de gozaru yo.  
Yeah, yeah. Sano winked and pulled the door closed behind him, swinging his backpack onto one shoulder. Well, at least he could sleep after the quiz. If Kenshin heard about another failed test, there'd be no end to it...  
Hey, it's snowing... he observed out loud, eyes caught by the fluttering white flakes. It was winter... almost the end of the first semester... almost Christmas. Break started at the end of the week, actually...   
He leaned against the window, watching the snow flakes dissolve as they touched the ground. Winter... Half a year to go. Half a year before he graduated... and they wouldn't have to worry about the ethics anymore... It'd be legal in every sense, not just in a few...  
You should sue him, Sanosuke.  
The voice sent chills racing along his spine, limbs stiffening, eyes flying wide.  
He spun about, finding cool green eyes amidst too much mascara, heart pounding in his chest, blood racing, hands shaking. he managed, voice barely working, scratching along the insides of his throat for more reasons than his swallowing of ecstasy only minutes before.  
You should! the blond girl said excitedly, hands clutching her agenda tightly. That's sexual harassment! You could get him fired, or worse.  
What the Hell are you talking about...? he whispered, frozen in place, wanting to throttle her, wanting to run, wanting to cry, wanting to bust another locker, wanting to... What the Hell are you talking about-?!  
I heard how he was threatening you in there, Sanosuke! Her shallow emerald eyes were full to brimming with concern, her crimson lips trembling. I didn't know he was making you live with him... I mean, I knew you were... p-poor, but... Threatening to starve you if you told anyone...! That's horrible!  
Told anyone what? he hissed quickly, heart beating in his throat. N-no, look, he was just joking, he... The rising panic began to choke him, throat closing up. It wasn't... We...  
Everyone sees the way he looks at you... she whispered, the concerned and yet conspiratory air heavy in her voice. It's obvious, Sanosuke. And he's not supposed to do that! He's a man, for God's sake, and he works here! I know there's some kind of law about that, I just know it. If he's- if he's- Suddenly, one hand clamped onto his wrist, and the blond girl buried her face in his chest with a loud sob. He's not supposed to do that! There has to be something I can do- You shouldn't have to- ohhhhhh...  
Sano stared down at the top of her head, trembling silently, lips parted but no sound willing to issue forth. She... dammit, she was really, actually worried... in her stupid little way, she really was worried.  
But if he told her the truth...  
It could go two ways... she could believe that he was trying to protect Kenshin out of some twisted sense of responsibility or loyalty... or she could believe that Kenshin had fooled him into thinking he loved him. Either way, she would never believe that... that they were truly in a loving, committed relationship that they simply had to hide.  
No one would ever believe that.  
Sano found himself putting an arm around her back, staring blankly out the window as the snow fell. It wasn't melting anymore... There was going to be an inch or so before the day was out...  
No one would ever believe it.  
Samantha, don't cry, he managed awkwardly as the girl burrowed her way into his shirt with a wet sniffle. Look... don't. Just don't. Forget about it.  
  
Sano grabbed her chin, lifting her tear-stained face, a sick feeling of nausea twisting in his innards. Do you trust me? he whispered, feeling his voice rumble in his chest, his fingers tight on her chin.  
O-of course I trust you, Sanosuke... The tears in her eyes were dimming, the flushed cheeks darkening further as she began to blush, her crimson lips smiling, parting, trembling.  
Then let me handle it. Everything- He swallowed deeply. Everything's gonna be fine, Samantha. Don't you tell anybody anything, all right? Trust me to take care of myself. He fought hard to control his hands from shaking, his chest aching without ready explanation, heart pounding faster and faster and threatening to choke him...  
He had to convince her... and if that meant lying... if that meant playing upon her ridiculous infatuation... he had to convince her. No matter what. Because if she... if she told anyone... everyone would know... and then... Kenshin... Oh, God, Kenshin...  
Nothing would happen to him. He was the victim, or so they would believe... the immature teenager who became the prey of a pedophile, a poor orphan who relied on this man for a place to live and ended up compromised and threatened and abused and raped and hurt and... No one would do a thing to him. When it was him in the first place... him who insisted that they not give this up, no matter the consequences, when there had been no real consequences for him in the first place...!  
Everything would fall on Kenshin.  
I- Sanosuke- But I can help you-! she protested, eyes wide, her fingers digging into his arm. I can-  
he interrupted, voice firm, insides trembling. I have to do this. This is something I have to do. I have to. Just me. I'll handle it. Don't say a word to anyone. Act as though everything is all the same. It'll all be fine. I promise. Just- Just go back to class. Go. I'll be fine.  
A-Are you sure...?  
Sano broke away from her and set off at the steadiest pace he could muster, ignoring the falling snow about him, ignoring her gaze on his back, ignoring everything except the growing guilt that screamed at him, the pain that gnawed at his chest.  
He couldn't let Kenshin know. Kenshin had to go through enough, what with the adoption review coming up and his job and the girls and Saitou... he didn't need this too. He couldn't let him worry about this too. It was too much. Too much, not now, not now...  
He whispered the last aloud, each word pounding to a step. Not now... too much... it was more than they could handle...  
But no matter what, he had to be there by Kenshin's side. He couldn't desert him, not now, not now... Not ever. Kenshin needed him. Kenshin was lonely and Kenshin needed someone to comfort him... Kenshin needed him.  
And he needed Kenshin, dammit. No matter the cost.  
No matter how many lies he had to tell. No matter what he had to do.  
No matter what. Whatever happened, he would be there by Kenshin's side, no matter what.   
Everyone deserved that.


	19. Marks of the Past

  
"I'm cold."  
"Hush, Misao-dono. We're all cold de gozaru yo."  
"But I'm COLD!"  
"If you don't stop whining, girl, I'm gonna make sure ya got somethin' to whine about!"  
There was a brief silence in which the three crammed into the tiny backseat attempted frantically to smother their amusement, waiting eagerly for the pronouncement from the passenger side.  
"Sano, don't threaten the children de gozaru," came the fond warning.  
"I-I'm not- Hey!"  
The five puttered along in the rattling car, more cold air pouring from the vents than heat, Misao grumbling under her breath and occasionally elbowing Yahiko, who grunted and shoved her back. Kaoru sat as far to the window as she could; peacefully pretending she was the only one in the car. It was either that or there would most likely be bloody carnage the next time Misao complained. With that in mind, neither Yahiko nor Misao tried the slightest to get her attention.  
Kenshin fiddled absently with the radio, not expecting anything but faint bursts of static, his fingers stiff with cold. It wasnt as though the lack of car heat was new to the family, but neither was Misao-dono's love of complaining. They just had one more passenger crammed into the back seat. And he didnt have to drive. Just give directions every now and then.  
"Sano- turn left de gozaru," he said calmly.  
"Oh." The dark-haired boy blinked and started to slow down, obediently hitting his turn signal.   
"Your other left, aisuru."  
"Dammit!"  
"Maybe you should paint l's and r's on his shoes," Misao-dono suggested, leaning up from the back seat, voice too serious to truly be serious, dark blue eyes sparkling. "So he'll never forget."  
"So yer sayin' you've never messed 'em up?" Sano snapped, cheeks coloring slightly, eyes avoiding anything but the road as he turned.  
"Yup. I never forget!" Misao-dono said proudly, smugly.  
"That is what they say about elephants, Sanosuke," mentioned a dry voice from the backseat. "So of course she'd never forget."  
Sano guffawed, and Kenshin looked quickly out the window to hide a smile. It was no secret where Yahiko had picked up the tendency towards using insults as humor, but his caustic wit was quite advanced for a fifth-grader. In fact, hed been surprised at just how intelligent the boy was. Because no matter how much he loved Sano, and how much that emotion clouded his judgement at times, he knew as well as anyone that he wasn't, as Misao-dono would say... the sharpest tool in the shed... the brightest bulb in the box...  
"Are you calling me an ELEPHANT?!"  
"I'd certainly know. You've been sitting on me for half an hour."  
Kenshin shook with restrained laughter. Even if it was an obvious falsehood, since Misao-dono weighed much less than she should... He couldn't help but...  
"This is it, isnt it?" Sano nudged him.  
Kenshin jumped, blinked rapidly, swallowed his mirth, then nodded quickly. "Hai. It doesn't matter where you park de gozaru."  
"They bring us back on a wagon!" Misao-dono interjected cheerily, momentarily ignoring Yahiko's slight in favor of childish excitement. "And they cut down the tree, and they'll wrap it for you, and sometimes there're dogs runnin around, an-"  
"Misao. Out of the car," Kaoru-dono interrupted, speaking for perhaps the first time in the entire trip. "My legs hurt."  
Kenshin held the door open as the three children popped out of the cramped backseat. Once Kaoru-dono had exited with only a minimal amount of tripping and banging her forehead against the interior walls, Kenshin locked the door and pushed it closed.  
"Letsgoletsgoletsgo!!!" his youngest daughter cried in excitement, then without any further warning, grabbed onto her sister and somewhat-adopted brother and tore off with them in tow.  
Kenshin smiled after them, the warmth in his chest enough to combat the chill in the early winter air, then met Sano at the gravel driveway that led into the fields of evergreen trees, pulling his scarf tightly around his face, taking special care to hide the long scar on his cheek the best he could.  
He felt dark eyes following his movements, and Kenshin blinked up into his lover's visage, feeling strangely... self-conscious? It was silly to feel that way around Sano, about anything... especially something he saw every day, something he brushed his fingertips across with familiar gentleness, something his lips had pressed to with quiet reverence in the middle of the night...  
And even now, a gloved fingertip traced the first few inches, Sano's bottomless eyes puzzled and a bit a contemplative. "You never did tell me how you got this," he said softly. "Must be quite a story."  
Kenshin caught his hand, pulling it gently away, shaking his head only minutely. "Not now," he whispered, the short words a barely spoken plea. "I'll tell you later, Sano. Later. Let's... Let's just go help the children pick out a nice tree de gozaru."  
"O-okay..." The concern in the teenager's voice made him smile, and Kenshin squeezed his fingers. "I-I didnt mean to- uh..."  
"I know. You didn't de gozaru na." He lifted that smile up to his beloved's face, and he saw the boy relax. "Daijoubu de gozaru na."  
"Kay. Lets go, then!" Sano's face brightened into a cheerful grin, and he tugged on him, pulling Kenshin close to his side as he began to walk. Kenshin fell into a quicker step beside him, seeing as Sano's regular stride was almost twice his, then noticed with the smallest of flushes that the boy hadn't let go of his hand.  
This was... new...  
Well, not new, so much, as, well... just... It wasn't something they had done in public before. There had been many times at home, when Sano had taken his hand and just squeezed it tightly in his fingers, in reassurance or even in teasing, but... It wasn't as though they did the regular things that two people did when they were...  
Well... they weren't dating, in any real meaning of the term. They didn't go anywhere alone or do anything, really... nothing that new couples would do. They... they just spent time together. With the children... and alone... but it wasn't as though they went out to movies or such.   
Four months.  
That was really all it had been, four months... Was it conventional for two people who had been together four months to already be living together?  
Well, it hadn't even been four months. He had known Sano for four months. It had been somewhat less that they had actually been... together... And it had only been a few days after they had first confessed to any real feelings for each other that they had... well, that they had...  
It had been one day.  
It hadn't even been two days after their first kiss that they had first slept together.  
"What're you angsting about, sweetheart?" Sano inquired.  
"O-oro?" Kenshin blinked, startled out of his brooding thoughts by his deep voice. "Angsting de gozaru ka?"  
"Yeah, angsting. I know that look. 'Sides, Ive been talkin' at you for the past two minutes and you haven't heard a word Ive said." Sano scowled down at him, squeezing his hand briefly. "Somethin's botherin' you and I'd like t' know about it before you get hold of a saw."  
Kenshin chuckled faintly, unable to shake the thought of his tiny, skinny little self on a rampage with a rusty coping saw. Why can't my life be normal de gozaru kaaa?! he would be screaming... "I... I was just thinking de gozaru na."  
"You? Thinking? Naw." Sano grinned at him. Kenshin scowled in return, and his face softened. "Seriously, though, what's up?"  
Kenshin craned his neck to look up at him, his feet carrying him along the familiar path without need for direction. "How long do you want this to last de gozaru ka?" he asked seriously.   
Sano blinked at him, eyes large. "Forever," he answered, without the slightest pause for thought. "Rest of my life and whatever's beyond, too. I thought you knew that."  
"I-..." Kenshin considered him silently, wondering how to phrase this, then sighed. "The rest of your life de gozaru ka? Are you sure? Imagine, Sano... decades down the road, you'll be in your thirties and I'll be past forty de gozaru. By the time you can legally drink, I'll already be thirty de gozaru yo. You're willingly giving up the rest of your youth for a man who'll be dead a decade or more before you de gozaru na. And not only that, one who is more likely to commit suicide than roughly ninety percent of the world population. One whose shell is stained with the blood of uncounted souls. You know what you've been put through these past few months... do you want to endure that for the seven or more decades you have left to you de gozaru ka?"  
"Kenshin..." Sano looked stunned, perplexed even, nearly tripping himself on the gravel. "Mataku... what brought this on? I thought we had worked this all through already... I know what I'm doing, and this is what I want."  
Kenshin nodded, something inside him more relieved than he could ever express, but wordless anxiety still eating away at him. "I just... Sano, you know how much I love you de gozaru... Shikashi... I think that somehow, this has moved a little quickly between us de gozaru yo."  
"It's been a long time!" Sano protested, almost laughingly. "We tiptoed around this for a while, y'know..."  
"A long time?!" Kenshin laughed aloud, barely believing. "Sano, twenty years is a long time. Even one year is a long time de gozaru yo! But four months...?"  
"All right, all right." Sano lifted his hands, indicating his concession. "But still... Kenshin, I already feel perfectly comfortable with you, so I-"  
"That's the problem!" Kenshin interrupted, spinning in front of him, halting their walking with a palm to his chest. "Sano... We've been together for less than four months de gozaru. If our relationship has already gone beyond where it feels new... I don't know if..." He trailed off, unwilling to speak the sentiment that lingered at his lips.  
"If it's gonna last?" Sano completed soberly. Kenshin nodded, unable to meet his eyes.  
"Look..." Gentle fingers lifted his chin, and Kenshin nearly shied away from his touch, afraid of what this conversation would bring, regretting having started it in the first place... "Im not sure I ever felt like this was new between us, koishii," Sano whispered softly. "There was never... never any of those giddy butterfly things, y'know, that everyone always talks about...? I just always felt like it was right for me to be by your side like this, like... Oh, I dunno..." His cheeks were beginning to darken slowly with obvious embarassment. "Like... dammit, this is gonna sound really stupid."  
"Like what?" Kenshin returned, eyes locked to Sano's dark ones, lips parted in anticipation for something he couldn't name.  
"Like I was just finding what Id been looking for," he completed with a soft sigh, blushing deeply. "Like... like you were a part of me that I had been missing since I was born, or even before, and I wasnt so much meeting you for the first time as I was just... just finding you again."  
Kenshins eyes stung with sudden tears, and he looked away, his heart fluttering in his chest, a warmth spreading through his veins. Why did he always have to say things like that... Things that were so unbearably sweet and yet came from his lips and his soul as the unshakable truth...?  
"So... I guess it was just what we were both looking for," the boy said awkwardly. "I mean... you seem happy, the way things are... And I know I am..."  
He nodded quickly, biting his lower lip and blinking tears away. "We both wanted to find security in each other de gozaru," he said softly. "Is that what you're saying de gozaru ka?"  
"Yeah. I think it is." Sano squeezed the hand he still held tightly, then pressed it in one smooth motion to where his heart beat, beneath the heavy fabric of the winter jacket they had bought him last week. Then he smiled, and Kenshin couldnt help but smile back. "Lets get movin', huh? Im sure they've already got fifteen trees they want by now."  
"Hai," Kenshin smiled, then pulled his beloved after him as the groves of Christmas trees enveloped them. Holidays were a time for reaffirming love and family, after all...  
So, if all went as it seemed it would, this would be a wonderful Christmas.  
  
" Nee-chan- You go that way, Ill go this way, Yahiko-kun can go that way, and we'll canvas! We'll canvas! And find the best tree on the lot! Remember-" Misao struck a pose- "It's gotta SPEAK OUT to you! It's gotta STAND OUT amongst all the other ratty ones! It's gotta be TALL! It's gotta be FLUFFY-"  
"It's gotta fit in the living room," Yahiko interjected dryly.  
Misao waved a distracted, gloved hand. "Yeah, yeahyeahyeah. So GO!"  
Kaoru shook her head and set off, burying her face deep within her scarf and peering over the floating threads. Trees... Trees. So many scraggly trees. It really didn't matter if she looked or not. Inevitably, Misao would find this year's "dream tree", and refuse to accept any other. Then they would all buy it and go home. And 'tou-san would decorate it and sing and they would watch cheesy movies until New Years. It was how it went every year.   
Well, Misao got more and more insistent on hanging the mistletoe everywhere to "trap" Shinimori-san. And she was less successful every year. Shinimori-san was no fool.  
And the movie collection grew larger and larger. They were never necessarily Christmas movies... just silly things, like old musicals and comedy routines and made-for-TV sentimental movies. And 'tou-san would watch them and weep into his popcorn. Christmas... It was always a big production, this time of year.   
Kaoru sighed, huddling deeper into her thin coat. She knew that 'tou-san did the best he could, but... there had to be a little extra money in the budget to get her a decent coat! She was going to catch a terrible cold in this thing, and there wouldn't be money for her hospital bills... Between everyone in the house, there were seven jobs being worked. Admittedly, all but one of them were part-time, but still! There never seemed to be any extra money...  
All the money went into 'tou-san's medication. It was horribly expensive, and he took so much of it... Two pills a day... He did need it, but...  
"You must be terribly cold, miss," a quiet, smooth voice observed.   
Kaoru jumped, scrambling back over the frosted ground, eyes flying wide and searching wildly for whoever had addressed her. The voice had shocked her... There was never anyone in this tree farm when they came. Especially not someone who sounded so young...  
Her gaze settled on a well-tailored grey suit, stark against the subdued evergreen of the trees that surrounded them. The strands of hair that floated along pale cheeks were the same color as the snow that carpeted the cold ground, eyes a sharp blue, the unnatural shade of contacts. He stood a few yards from her, arms crossed over his chest, head cocked to the side as though he were considering her very carefully.   
Kaoru stood dumbly, staring silently at the handsome young man as his gaze took her in. There was such an air about him, one that shivered along her spine, the feeling of... difference... What was it, in those cold eyes, that captured her? It wasnt the fluttering of girlish infatuation... That feeling, she knew all too well.  
It was almost like... recognition...  
"Are you all right, miss?" he inquired softly, taking a step towards her, eyes narrowing slightly.  
"O-oh! yes, I- I'm fine, sir, thank you, my coat's just fine..." She reddened in embarrassment at how her words fell over one another. It was bad enough that he must think her desperately poor. He didn't have to see her as an idiot too. Even if she was...  
"That's good to hear," he smiled slowly, casing her figure with one cool glance. Kaoru shivered, taking a step back, the snow crunching beneath her booted heels. There was something in those eyes... something that...   
"Kaoru-dono! There you are de gozaru- aah-"  
She started at the familiar husky tone, whirling around to see her father's pale face poking out from between two evergreen trees. The feeling of relief that swept her was choking, and she merely stared at Kenshin for a few moments, blessing his existence for reasons she couldn't name.   
"Oh, hello..." Kenshin said awkwardly, stumbling over his English. "Miss Kaoru, are you group known with each other?"   
Kaoru furrowed her brow, then smiled faintly at the lapse in grammar. Her father must be flustered, for him to do that... He didnt show that English was his second language very often, but when he did, it was horribly glaring.  
"Not really," she said soothingly. There was a dark worry on Kenshin's face, an expression she wasn't very used to. He was a very calm man, but when he was worried, he showed it dramatically... just like everything else about him, really. "We just met."  
"Eric Snow," the blond man interjected, the undercurrent to his voice one that shivered along her spine. "I'm Eric Snow."  
"Kenshin Himura," her father said softly. His amethyst eyes were narrowed to glittering slits, lips tight and white against his flushed skin. The suspicion that darkened his face was one that was eerily familiar... that winter so long ago... "This is my daughter Kaoru."  
"Its good to meet you both," Eric said politely. With that, he turned his back to them and vanished into the rows of would-be Christmas trees.  
Kaoru watched him go, dumbfounded. The prickles that bit at the back of her neck only intensified until she felt a hand on her shoulder. She jumped and turned to look into her father's glittering eyes, shivering in the cold and the unspecified fear that still coiled in her thin breast.  
"Who was he?" Kenshin said softly, gazing into her eyes with a curious intensity.  
"I dont know..." she said honestly, blinking. "I just now met him..." She furrowed her brow, staring worriedly into her father's darkened face. "Whats wrong, 'tou-san?"  
Kenshin was silent for a long time, then smiled weakly, squeezing her shoulder and then backing away. "I once knew someone named Snow," he said with an obviously false lightness. "Thats all de gozaru."  
"'Tou-san..."  
"Let's go find Misao-dono!" he suggested brightly. "I'm sure she's already found us a tree de gozaru yo."  
Kaoru stared after him, unable to identify the worry that was beginning to gnaw at her.  
Something wasn't right.  
  
The building was dark and quiet this time of night, no cars parked out front, no children running about excited about their lessons or adults conversing beside the front door. The atmosphere here was always a peaceful one, but never stifling.  
Or so he had noticed, on his surveillance trips.  
One gloved hand paused at the door, tracing the grain of the wood carefully. Outside, it appeared to be nothing more than a regular apartment building, a bit rundown, but nothing that indicated disrepair. Quite unassuming, for a structure that housed so many dark secrets.  
He let the door creak open beneath his fingers, knowing that the intrusion would not go unnoticed, but not worried in the slightest. He came without intention of harm, after all, and the warrior who resided within was widely respected for his honor.  
Unless, of course, the reports of his mental decline were true.  
The click of his boot heels was softened by the worn carpet beneath them, his breathing echoing in the utter silence of the entry hall. It was a remarkably peaceful atmosphere, one he appreciated, considering the events that led to his visit.  
In a simple gesture of respect, he slid out of his footwear before venturing onto the practice mats, inclining his head in a shallow bow to the fore. It was a comfortable feeling to be surrounded in the practices and decoration of his far-away homeland. He looked forward to the day when he could go back there... America was nothing compared to his Japan.  
He simply stood by the wall, waiting for the dojos lone occupant to acknowledge his presence.  
"What is it that you want, officer?" a cool voice murmured.  
"The same thing you do," he answered with similar detachment. "The same thing brought us from Tokyo and Kyoto, you know that as well as I."  
The black-haired man was silent to that, contemplating his crossed legs.  
"Shinimori Aoshi," Saitou said quietly. "Commander of the elite forces of the Tokyo Police Department."  
"Not anymore."  
The response was sharp, cold, and Aoshi stood abruptly to stalk across the white mats, back to Saitou. He watched the young man silently in his pacings, arms crossed over the dark blue of his uniform. The man hadnt changed a bit from his days in Tokyo... not one muscle had lagged from inaction. If anything, he seemed twice as powerful as he had been ten years ago.  
"It is hard to be a commander when your strike force is dead," Saitou mused aloud, head cocked to the side as he watched cautiously for a reaction.  
Aoshis back stiffened visibly. Saitou bit back a smirk. It was just as well. Shinimori would be of no use to him if he retained that collected logic of his days in Tokyo. He had, after all, been a prodigy... So many praised his skills without knowing how being a commander at fifteen would affect him.  
And it was them who had paid for it, and who would be paying for it long after they were retired. The force could have been something to respect with men like himself and Shinimori at the fore. Instead... They had become nothing more than the pawns of corrupt politicians.  
Possibly the depth of evil... causing others to suffer just to fatten your paycheck.  
"What was it they were called? The Oniwabanshu?" he mused, keeping one eye on the dangerously tense muscles along his lean back.   
"You don't have any idea what brought me here," the man hissed, whirling to face him, eyes hard chunks of blue ice in a face that was as beautiful as it had been as a boy, if not even more. "You don't know the half of it, Saitou Hajime. So stay out."  
Saitou blinked amber eyes in mild surprise. "Shinimori... Its not like you to get so riled up..." he observed. "One would think that such a fire burning in you would have brought your revenge about so much faster than this."  
Aoshi glared at him venomously, saying nothing.  
"Surely, living beneath the Battousai all these years, allowing him to rent from you... You must have had some sort of plan." Saitou moved across the mats soundlessly, under the pretense of examining a hanging ink painting. "He must be no match for you in his current state."  
"He has no idea who I am in his current state."  
Saitou paused, then cast a glance over his shoulder. "Curious he recognized me, then," he said dryly.  
Aoshi whirled about to meet his gaze, eyes unnaturally bright, nearly crazed. "Youve made contact with Battousai?" he hissed, hands clenching into fists at his sides. "How? When?"  
Saitou dismissed his questions with the wave of one hand. "That's not important. All that is important is that this task be carried out." His eyes bored into Aoshis. "It's impossible to make a count of the innocent lives that were ended by his hand, to measure the blood that stains him. Any interpretation of justice demands he be made to answer to his actions."  
Aoshi said nothing, but looked to the floor as though avoiding his gaze. Saitou eyed him silently, then felt his thin lips twist in a smirk.  
"Perhaps there is something else that holds you back...?" he insinuated slyly.  
Aoshi merely padded up to the door hidden artfully in one wall, seeming to ignore him.  
"Perhaps a little girl...?"  
Saitou smothered a nasty chuckle, noticing how his shoulders drew up and shuddered just before the door closed behind him.  
"I supposed my purpose has been met here... at least for now," he observed aloud, kneeling to slide back into his shoes before leaving.  
  
The flickering of the computer screen was the only light in the room as Aoshi closed the door to his office behind him. It was gratifyingly silent in the room, save for the slight buzzing of the monitor.   
The desk was spotless, all papers ordered in their respective folders and placed in their respective drawers. Newspaper clippings, Internet printouts, pictures... All things he could gather to remind him. Because... without that tether... he would go mad.  
If he hadn't gone mad already.  
It had been one thing to wish for his revenge. He could have lived with that, taken care of it easily. It was true that Battousai never would have suspected him.  
He still remembered that day, when hed first met with the man who so desperately wanted to rent the spare apartment above his dojo. The stilted English he'd heard over the phone had led him to the absolute knowledge that the applicant was a Nihonjin, like himself. But in meeting the man... seeing the shock of red hair... at first, he'd thought he'd been wrong.  
But then... the violet eyes... the pale skin... that scar...  
He'd been thrown by the horizontal slash that had made it a cross. Even then, he had doubted what he had been so sure of. But when the man showed absolutely no sign of recognizing him... only smiled with that genial cheer... He'd had no idea what to think.  
But he was Battousai. He had to be Battousai.   
The strike force he had commanded had been formed to track down that infamous assassin. Everyone on the force had been sure that their success was only weeks away.  
And then they had all been slaughtered.  
It had come in the form of three snipers, all government operatives, he was to learn later. Government operatives assigned to protect Battousai. To protect him because he was in the employ of the government itself.  
It had been that day that a bright new recruit had been escorting them to their briefing. He'd been enthusiastically showing them pictures of his baby in the taxi. And as he had lain dying on the sidewalk, hed caught Aoshis sleeve and begged her to take care of his baby girl. Her mother had died in childbirth, he'd said. She had no one left in the world, he'd said.  
And he had no one left either. And no stomach to stay under a government that would deceive and kill brave souls who dedicated themselves to the protection of others just to save their political careers.  
So hed taken the girl, resigned, and come to America. America, where Battousai had been sent to live out his life. The man who had caused the death of his comrades, and the girl's father. And he'd given her to the best orphanage he could find, knowing that a life dedicated to revenge was not one a child should grow up amidst. Not a child with those bright laughing eyes.  
That little girl he had saved, who would be adopted by Himura Battousai.  
"Misao..." Aoshi whispered, staring blankly at his latest tally of the teaching profit.  
How could he take Battousai away from her...?   
  
The tree was beautiful.  
Kenshin leaned against the door to his and Sano's bedroom, watching the lights sparkle in the darkened living room. The girls had already gone to bed, and Yahiko had been persuaded fifteen minutes ago that he needed a few hours of rest if he was to actually get up in the morning. Sano was washing dishes for him, the darling.  
The chill that had clutched him that morning had not yet fled his heart, the trembling worry still racing through his blood. Those eyes... no matter how altered they were with either physical surgery or enhancing contacts, he knew them nevertheless. He would never forget those eyes, that smirk... Though it was on a bigger face now, that chilling, crazed glare would always remain the same.   
It was strange how eyes that looked almost the exact same could wear so different expressions.  
Kenshin entered the bedroom, pulling the top drawer of his dresser open. The mess of papers and books there was carefully pushed aside, and trembling fingers pulled a faded photograph from the darkness.  
His fingertips smoothed over the pale face framed by luxurious black hair, sly and knowing eyes winking at the camera.   
"Tori," he whispered quietly, the familiar pain lancing through his heart again.  
  



	20. Ties That Bind

  
"Tori..."  
Kenshin contemplated the photograph, wistful memory clouding his vision. She had indeed been a beautiful woman... inside and out. A beauty that was now lost to this world.  
He still remembered those days so well, the film of ten years not interfering in the clarity of his mind's eye in the slightest. And the pain had never dulled. It still ached deep within his heart whenever he had cause to remember her, the first kind face he had seen in America, the first person he could call a friend in all of his existence to that point. Admittedly, the young woman had been somewhat of an enigma to him while she had lived, and his perception of her was little clearer in hindsight. But no matter how she had confused him and still did, he owed her his life, his happiness... He wouldn't be who he was today without Tori.  
The government of Japan had sent him to America soon after taking him into custody, proclaiming the action to be in the interest of his own safety. But they refused to simply set him free in the vast, alien world of the West. They'd promised him a contact... and that agent had been a beautiful young woman with coal-black eyes and luxurious long hair.   
How she had come into communication with the Japanese government was a part of her past she hadn't deigned to divulge.   
All they had given him was an address and the name "Tori Snow". When that address had been that of a house of ill repute, he'd had absolutely no idea what was going on, what on Earth he was supposed to do here. It had explained the reaction of the taxi driver, though. He had entered so bewildered, so confused, that every girl in the room had smiled and giggled. But when he had asked for her, and explained his business, Tori had become all business, sending her current "client" away and leading him upstairs.  
She had taken her charge extremely seriously, schooling him every day in the things he would need to know for his citizenship test, quizzing him on his English, making sure he was ready to live in a world he had never seen before. Every morning, when the "traffic" was the least, he would meet her there in her loft and they would work. And work... and work.   
It had been sometime within those months that Tori's manner towards him had begun to change. She had always been kind, and yet she'd remained aloof and distant in the early days. Perhaps it had been his childlike nature, perhaps the simple fact that he was someone in her life not expecting her to serve his whim. All he knew was that when his visa was in danger of being reviewed, with no background for the government to check, she had been quick to propose a marriage to protect his legal status.  
And he hadn't been slow to accept.  
It had been at the hasty marriage ceremony that he had met Tori's only family- a twelve-year-old boy with pitch-black hair and crazed eyes. Eric was already in a gang by that age, dealing illegal drugs on the side, and a constant source of worry to his older sister, with no parents to speak of. Kenshin had known from the start that Eric hated him, and probably always would. He was, after all, invading in their relationship... and he had gotten the distinct impression that the boy would not take well to that. As far as Eric had been concerned, Tori was his, and no other man would touch her. He claimed his drug sales were an attempt to save money to buy her out of prostitution, to "save" his elder sister.  
To have her for his own.  
He had voiced these concerns to Tori, but she had shushed them away, reassuring him that Eric was only trying to be a man before his time. She had promised that everything would turn out fine.  
It was only a sad irony now, those soothing words.  
If only the boy had known his rabid jealousy came to be baseless... The memory of the wedding night was a humiliating one, no matter how he looked at it. He had possessed absolutely no clue as to what he was supposed to be doing, and Tori, because of her "profession", of course knew far too much. It just hadn't gone right at all...  
Perhaps in part because of that fiasco, the attempt at a romance had fallen flat on its proverbial face.   
But Tori had refused to desert him. She had stayed right there, helping him study, keeping him company, stroking his hair when he had nightmares about things he could barely remember... She had been his mother, his big sister, his friend... And he had taken care of her the best he could. He'd cooked for her, cleaned up her room when she didn't have customers, bolstered her ego after... "work"... They had been there for each other, at a time when both had just needed someone to lean on.  
Disaster had struck innocently at first. They had scheduled a last minute study session before he went to take the citizenship test the next day, and it had been then that Eric had demanded Tori go with him to a movie. She had turned him down, of course, telling him they could go anytime and Kenshin's test was more important.  
The assassins had come that night.  
He had been their target; he'd known that for sure. But Tori had taken the knife for him, staying true to her promise to look after him, as she had gasped in her dying breaths. With her last vestige of strength, she'd dragged the edge of the blade across his cheek, smiling through the blood that stained her lips, whispering that if he should see any reminder for the rest of his life, she'd rather it be one of her love for him- as a man, as a friend, as the child she would never have.  
It hadn't been necessary... He would never forget her, and hed begged her to understand that as she lay dying in his arms. It was her influence that had made him the man he was today... and though he was by no means perfect, he was worlds better than whoever he had been in Japan.  
Her influence, and Shishou's.   
It had been Eric, at the tree farm. Eric Snow, brother to Tori Snow, the boy who was technically his brother-in-law still...  
A man he wanted nowhere him again.   
Nowhere near his daughters.  
"Kenshin?"  
He jumped, head snapping up from contemplating the photo, then relaxed almost immediately as his eyes met Sano's dark ones. "Are you done with the dishes de gozaru ka?" he inquired lightly, pushing up from the mattress and returning the treasured picture to the drawer.  
"Yeah, yeah... What were y'lookin at?" Sano plopped down onto the bed, bouncing across to his side of the mattress and stretching out languorously with a blissful sigh.  
Kenshin let his eyes wander over the teenager's sprawled figure, trying to subdue a smile. He looked so comfortable, so happy...   
He was so beautiful.  
"Just some old things," he said softly, resolving to tell Sano all this later. It might not amount to anything, after all... It would do no good to spread panic when he was perfectly capable of taking care of the girls if need be. He had done it before, he could do it again.  
Christmas was only a week away. He would tell Sano after then.  
He sat lightly beside his lover, then stretched out to curl up against his side. Sano murmured happily and cuddled him tightly to his chest, petting his hair fondly. Kenshin closed his eyes with a soft sigh, relaxing into his familiar arms.  
It was times like these when he was sure nothing could ever happen to them.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
"The tree looks lovely," a familiar voice commented.  
Kaoru started up from her English book, then coughed to regain her composure. "We decorated it yesterday," she explained. "It's the last thing we do, usually."  
"I wish my apartment was big enough for such a nice tree..." Meg pouted, setting her bag down on the counter. "I can only get poor little twigs."  
Kaoru blinked, then contemplated her book for a few moments while the dark-haired girl puttered about, making sure 'tou-san's pills and things were in order.  
"Do you- uh..."   
Meg's onyx eyes fell on her, bright with sly interest.  
"Do you want to come for Christmas?" Kaoru blurted out, feeling her cheeks burning. "I'm sure 'tou-san wouldnt mind, and everyone should have somewhere to go for Christmas... uhm..."  
There was a throaty chuckle, and Kaoru peered up at her almost fearfully. Meg smiled at her, eyes sparkling.   
"Of course I'll come!" she chuckled, one delicate white hand patting her arm. "Would I pass up such a chance? I'm more intelligent than that, Kaoru-chan!"  
A chance for what...? Kaoru considered asking her that, but in her long indecision, Meg stretched and picked up her bag again.   
"I have to get back to the hospital," she informed, smiling obliquely. "Walk me to the door?"  
Kaoru blinked in bewilderment, but stood obediently and followed the dark-haired nurse to the front door. There was silence but for the squeak of the floorboards beneath her feet, the crinkling of the rug...  
"Well, I'll see you tommor-"  
"Oh, look! Mistletoe!"   
The sudden, unexpected kiss did so much more than take her breath away; it knocked her in the chest, crumpling her lungs and halting her heartbeat, exploding beneath her breastbone and sending so many stinging flares of heat along each nerve. It was fear as much as it was enjoyment, if not more, Misao's accusation ringing through the blood pounding in her eardrums- _You think she's blazin' hot-_ What was happening here?! Like it was nothing out of the ordinary, just to lean down and take her lips and running delicate fingertips through her hair, very lightly, just little touches, nothing more than tiny, sly caresses that seemed to know and delight in the absolute havoc they were causing...  
And when Meg drew back from her, after what seemed like both an hour and no time at all, Kaoru could do nothing but stand there and stare, lips still parted, heart thudding so violently it seemed it would burst from her breast and run away. The coal black eyes surveyed her, then the long eyelashes fluttered and she turned to the door.  
"M-Meg..." She wasn't sure if the plaintive whisper even came out, her burning eyes locked to the slender back as it sashayed out her front door. She continued to stare after her long after the walnut door had clunked shut.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
The letter had come that morning.  
He had ignored it until he had finished with the classes for that day, the last before winter break. It hadn't had a return address, and the envelope had been typed, so it hadn't seemed important at the time.  
But it had weighed upon his mind more and more as the hours passed, and never being one to ignore his intuition, it had been the first matter attended to after the last student had straggled out his door.  
The words themselves had been more than mildly worrying. And the very intention of the note had been a warning, and for anyone to be warning him anonymously about...him...  
It had worried him all the more. And he didn't like being worried.  
So, since he had vacation, and nothing better to do with his time, he had decided to eradicate the source of the worry. Namely, by observing the situation himself. Nothing escaped his eye, after all.   
So he knocked on the door and waited patiently.  
It was hard to find a student who had more in his brain than so much mush. So if it meant he had to watch after this one, then no one was touching his bakadeshi. Not while he lived.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
The room was stark and bare, darkened and silent as the snow fell innocently outside the loft window, blanketing the asphalt below. It was a total absence of sensation or stimulation of any kind...   
He lay on his back, skin bared to the silk sheets, staring blankly at the ceiling. He couldn't even hear his own breathing, the quiet intake of air and exhaling through his thin, parted lips. There was nothing, nothing at all, nothing to distract him, nothing to take his attention away from whatever it was he wanted to think about...  
And now... what he wanted to think about, more than anything...  
His breathing roughened, but only a little. He still remembered those eyes, so gentle and yet so sensuous at the same time... The long, silken hair she had so often let him braid and toy with to his heart's delight as a small boy... She had let him sleep curled up next to her, head pillowed on her ample breasts, up until he got his first erection...   
She had been frightened... and there had been something delicious in that fear, something that aroused him even in recollection. She hadn't understood what she had done to cause it. He had tried to explain how she made him feel, but she had refused to hear a word of it.  
It was pure biology that made them siblings. It was fate that made them soulmates. He was sure of it.  
He had been making headway, until that man had intruded. It had been so frustrating, that she would be willing to give herself to a man who barely looked or acted like a man, that daft redheaded faggot. They had been married, and she had ignored his protests.   
It had been his fault. If he hadn't been in the way, he wouldn't have had to take out that contract on his head. And if he hadn't had her so under his sway, she wouldn't have taken the knife for him. It was all his fault she had died.  
He'd spent those ten years planning his revenge. He'd wanted to hurt him as badly as he'd hurt him, all that time ago.  
But in all his wildest dreams, he'd never imagined a chance as sweet as this.  
He'd partnered with the Key Club because he'd known the man worked there. He'd encouraged his paranoid fantasies, knowing it would only help him. Anything that would hurt Himura, anything at all... And he'd kept tabs on him through his connections at the hospital, with Jim on the board. He'd even managed to arrange an early review by the Department of Children or whatever they were called now. But through all his careful planning, he'd never expected...  
Himura had taken his sister away. And now he was going to take her back.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
The cell phone was cold in his hand, vibrating as it rang, the tone repeating forlornly, over and over and over and over and-  
"Hello?"  
"Oh! Hi, Tony?" Joe started from where he had been sitting on the sidewalk and sprang up. Apparently he did have reception here! "Hey, it's Joe. Are you gonna come down?" His voice shook a little, and he winced. It wasn't gonna do him any good to sound like a schoolgirl asking to be tutored by her crush. He was just inviting him to a friendly game of basketball at the Y. A little one on one. That was all. Not a big deal.  
"Oh... I am coming, still. I got caught up in cleaning out the church basement."  
Joe grinned to himself. That was Anthony for you. Everybody's typical Boy Scout. "'Kay, then. I'll see you in a little while...?"  
"I'm on my way now." The familiar voice blended into static for half a second or so, and Joe winced away from the phone. "I'm on my cell, Joe. I'll be there in a few minutes." With a harsh beep, the connection was cut, and a dial tone sounded in his ear.  
The blond shrugged and turned off his own cell, scuffing one sneaker over the cold cement. It was getting cold... it was December, after all. Almost Christmas.  
Joe patted the bulge in his coat pocket, a grin pulling at his lips. Tony was gonna love his present, he really was. It had taken a crapload of work to figure out what he would like, but really, it had been there, staring him in the face! Great presents were always obvious, after all.   
He merely paced back and forth, that silly grin widening his face, until headlights swept over him and the familiar truck pulled to a stop in the front row of parking spaces. The driver's side door swung open, then closed with a whoosh.   
"Hey!" he called cheerily, loping over to Tony's truck with a bright grin on his face. "Glad you could make it in time, man!" He clapped one gloved hand onto the dark-haired boy's shoulder, pulling him eagerly over to the sidewalk. Anthony was stoically silent, but acquiesced to being dragged across the asphalt.  
"You seem excited," he observed quietly.  
Joe grinned at his best friend, then let him go and dug into his coat pocket with gloved fingers. Once he managed to get his bulky gloves around the messily wrapped package, he yanked it free and presented it with a goofy smile.  
The surprise in Anthony's dark eyes was worth all the trouble. He merely stared at the package for a long moment, then blinked into his eyes, the uncertain shining in his own contagious enough to set Joe smiling. "You... that's for me...?" he asked softly.  
"Yup!" Joe said proudly, thrusting it at him again. "Merry Christmas, Tony!"  
Anthony took the present from him, blinked at him once more, then opened it carefully, pulling the tape from the wrapping paper and delicately sliding the bow aside. Joe watched impatiently, bouncing on his heels.  
"A book...? Joe, that's unlike you." There was a gentle humor in his voice, and Anthony smiled slightly up at him.  
"Yeah! It's a buncha' poems by that Cummings guy you were talking about." Joe stabbed a finger at the title of the thin book. "You seemed t' really like him an' all, so-"  
"Thank you," Anthony interrupted, smiling a little more. "Thank you, Joe. This means a lot. I- I didn't get you anything, though..."  
"'S okay!" Joe shrugged. "I wasn't expecting anything. You wanna go in and-"  
"Wait."   
He jumped and turned back.  
There was a curious intensity in Anthony's dark eyes, something he had never seen there before. It was dark and bright at the same time, an anxiety, a fear, and yet... anticipation...  
"Do you know about the plan?" he asked quietly.  
"The wha'...?" Joe blinked at him, not understanding the look on his face, the frightening severity in those dark orbs...   
"Then this is my present to you," Anthony said calmly. "The plan. This'll save your life someday soon, Joe. So listen well."  
  
*** *** ***  
  
The pure snow was dotting his long black hair, the tangled locks that fell carelessly in his face, shading pale skin and sharp blue eyes. When it all melted, he was going to be absolutely soaked...  
Kelsey clucked in the back of his throat and brushed a gloved hand over Katsu's head, pushing the snowflakes away and pulling his hair out of his face. "You're like a little kid!" he scolded, fingers falling in a light cuff on his boyfriend's ear. "You'll catch your death one day, and then where will I be, hmm?"  
Katsu blinked at him apologetically, then scratched at the back of his neck and scuffed one boot over the snow-covered sidewalk. "Sorry, Kelsey," he muttered obligingly. "I'll be more careful."  
He smiled and tossed his hair, taking care to not alter the way his thin coat fell. "Good. Now, I have to get inside before I freeze to death, poor frail me." Kelsey batted his eyelashes and waited expectantly.   
Katsu blinked, then smiled a little shyly and kissed him firmly. Kelsey found his fingers curling into the fabric that hung from his winter coat, eyes fluttering closed, Katsu's long hair tickling his cold cheek, and yet... warm...  
"G'night... I'll bring your present by tomorrow," Katsu promised.  
Kelsey watched him go back to the car, shivering in the winter's night air, the space in his heart he was so accustomed to by now feeling all that much wider, that much more painful, aching and stabbing into him without mercy.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
The figures added up nicely.  
No matter which way he looked at it, the plan was flawless. There was nothing that would seem the least bit suspicious until the very moment it would be carried out... and that was only the beginning. There would be nothing to connect any of it back to him until he stood triumphant.  
The supply of iron was right were it needed to be. The money was coming in perfectly, thanks to Snow. He would be the last appendage to cut away... He seemed so oblivious to everything! A reliable source of revenue even after he knew the full extent of what it would be used for.  
Well, not the full extent. He could trust no one to know the full extent.   
After all his planning... it was finally happening.  
And no one would be able to stand in his way.  
"Mr. Sherman?"  
Mack raised his eyes from the paper, then cocked an eyebrow at the boy who stood in the door, typical smile fixed on his delicate features. "Yes, Sydney, what is it?" he asked patiently.  
"It's eight o' clock, Mr. Sherman," he continued, the cordial expression not breaking in the slightest, as it never did. "Shall I call the others for the meeting?"  
"No, Sydney..." Mack considered that for a few moments, tapping his pencil on the kitchen table. "No, Sydney. That won't be necessary for tonight."  
Sydney nodded and vanished from the door.  
He watched after him for a moment, then shook his head and returned to contemplating the papers. Sydney still unnerved him, even after all the time the boy had lived with him. Somewhere inside him still lived the little boy who'd run from the burning house covered with blood and screaming, eyes wild and unseeing... the killer still lived there within his mind. And it was for that he would be useful.  
Sydney would always see the man who had rescued him from an abusive brother as his benefactor. The only way to live and prosper was to be strong, stronger than those who opposed you. The weak would die, the strong would live. That was the mantra the boy had been fed ever since that night. And it was that he would live and die by.   
His own words...  
The words the army had taught him. You had to be strong to live. And he had lived, while those others hadn't... and those who had court-martialed him never would have lived through that. Those who didn't fight were weak, were corrupt.  
Weak... and they didn't deserve to live, or to dictate the lives of others.  
One finger absentmindedly traced the long scar that ran the length of his jaw, one of many that served to remind him of that injustice, that travesty of so long ago. So very long ago...   
But as they said, revenge was a dish best served cold.  
And his would be sweet.  
"Mr. Sherman..."  
Mack pushed back from the table slightly, enough to allow the girl to settle down into his lap where she liked to sit best. One manicured hand stroked over his chest while her head laid on his shoulder, long dark hair spilling over his back.  
"Yes, Aimee?" he asked softly, sliding an arm around her thin waist.  
"Have you taken your inhaler this evening?" she queried. "You've been doing a lot of heavy work... you need to take care of yourself, not just worry about us..."  
Mack closed his eyes and restrained a smirk. "Yes, I have. Don't you worry... You and Sydney take very good care of me. So I'm going to take care of you in return, make sure you get everything you deserve." Everything she deserved... Everything she wanted... If it served him.  
The girl purred and snuggled into him, and Mack only smiled.  
The day would come...  
And that day wasn't very far away.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
  


* * *


	21. There's A Time To Give

  
Every year on this very same day, he faced the same thing at sunrise. Barely six o' clock, but the bright blue eyes gazing raptly into his own held no evidence of sleepiness or the remaining fog of slumber.  
"Up! Up! 'Tou-chan, it's Christmas, get up!"  
Kenshin yawned sleepily and stretched, making a show of taking a rather long time. "Maa, Misao-dono..." he protested faintly. "It's still dark outside de gozaru na... can't you wait a few more-"  
"Bakadeshi, the sun rose five minutes ago. You two are the only ones still in bed. Get up now or I will be forced to dunk you in cold water."  
Kenshin jumped at the cool voice, having forgotten in the haze of his lost sleep to expect it. His Shishou stood in the doorway, fully dressed and sipping absently at one of Yahiko's juice boxes, which he had deemed an appropriate replacement for his sake until Kenshin broke down and bought him some. It didn't seem to matter how many times he told the man that he didn't allow alcohol in the house. He had been demanding it ever since he had set foot on Kenshin's doorstep three days ago.  
Shishou hadn't bothered to explain why he had come. He had merely arranged his glorious self in front of the television and demanded sake and beer nuts. Needless to say, he and Sano had gotten on quite well.  
The older man's presence had evoked just as much worry for Kenshin as it had frustration. It wasn't that he minded his company... he liked his Shishou very much, no matter his tendency to tell embarrassing stories about Kenshin's college days. It was only... He never deigned to lend a direct hand unless he felt things would fall apart without him.  
It had never occurred to Kenshin to wonder why Shishou always knew all his troubles, even the ones he didn't tell. He just did, and it wasn't to be questioned.   
But, nevertheless... it was Christmas, and such worries could wait.  
"Hai, Shishou," he murmured obediently, struggling up and yawning profusely.  
"Score, ya stinky old boozehound!" Misao-dono cheered, jumping up and down on the old floorboards and clapping the tall man on the shoulder. "I've never gotten him up that fast!"  
"Word to the Master, annoying weasel girl," Shishou intoned.  
Kenshin eyed them both suspiciously, then leaned over to shake the snoring lump that was his young lover. "Sano..." he called patiently. "Sano... time to get up."  
The response was nothing but an incoherent groan smothered into a pillow and mess of sheets. Kenshin sighed and shook him harder. Still nothing.  
There was a quiet cough from the doorway, and he blinked up to behold a now-familiar figure lounging against the wall. "Allow me, Ken-san," Meg-dono said dryly, then took on a purposeful air and slinked over to Sano's side of the bed.  
He quirked a feathery eyebrow and watched. No matter how many times he saw her, there was still something about her that escaped him, some intangible quality that made it fascinating to watch her. Something that spoke of things that remained hidden, no matter how well you knew her... something mysterious... And sometimes... there was a darkness that was barely visible behind those coal-black eyes, a sadness, a wistfulness, furtive enough to make him wonder if he had ever seen it at all...  
Meg-dono leaned down and whispered something in Sano's sleeping ear, her eyes twinkling in obvious delight. Kenshin couldn't even begin to fathom how she thought this would help to wake him, unless-  
"HOLY- Get AWAY FROM ME YOU SOULLESS KITSUNE!!!-" The mattress creaked in protest as Sano sprang to sudden life, the strength that lay in his arms propelling him over the double bed, where he promptly buried his face in Kenshin's leg and began to whimper.  
There was a brief silence.  
"It's Christmas, Sano," Kenshin offered hopefully, patting his unruly hair in reassurance.  
Large brown eyes met his, and he smiled.  
Sano whooped and catapulted off the bed, catching Kenshin up in his grip and bolting into the living room.   
"ORO-"  
"Sanosuke, would you quit manhandling my father?"   
"Sorry, 'jou-chan." Kenshin found himself unceremoniously plunked on the couch next to a yawning Kaoru-dono, who scooted close to him and laid her head on his shoulder with a sigh. He patted her hair fondly. Kaoru-dono had never been much of a morning person either... Sano sat on his other side; Shishou had already taken the chair, which left Yahiko and Misao-dono on the floor. Meg-dono had already seated herself on the arm of the couch next to Kaoru-dono... which had been greeted by an unprecedented flinch.  
There was no time to ponder that, however, as Misao-dono practically flung herself into the embrace of her unsuspecting tree, digging out the first present from its proverbial evergreen bowels... or boughs, as the case may be...   
It was far too early if he was giggling at silly puns.  
"Okay, okay..." Misao-dono squinted at the label, brushing her tangled hair from her face. "It's to... It's to Yahiko-kun, from me! Wow!" She thrust the haphazardly wrapped box into the dark-haired boy's face.  
Yahiko blinked at it owlishly for a moment, then shrugged and worked studiously at unwrapping it, which took a good minute, considering it was held together with copious amounts of tape. It was a rather large package, too... and rather strangely shaped...  
Finally, Yahiko managed to pull a book out of the mess of shredded paper. He cocked his head, reading the title, then turned an incredulous face to Misao-dono.  
"Midget Pimping for Fun and Profit?" he asked dubiously.  
"Yeah! I even gotcha a pimp hat, look!" Misao-dono dug into the package and removed a large, purple felt hat with a bright red feather sticking out from the top, a leopard-print pattern covering the brim. She shoved it onto Yahiko's small head, fairly bursting with pride.  
"I didn't know there was a market for midget pimps," Sano observed mirthfully, breaking the astonished silence. "Where in the name of God did you get that, Misao?"  
"A commercial during Springer!" Misao-dono dove for the tree again.  
"Where else?" Kaoru-dono observed from Kenshin's shoulder.  
Kenshin sighed, then leaned over a little to Sano. "It's Misao-dono's greatest ambition to be on the Jerry Springer show de gozaru," he confided. "She refuses to rest until she has a reason to call them."  
"Oh, I've got reasons!" Misao-dono contested from the depths of the tree. "I've got reasons, baby!"  
"I would say you do," Shishou observed into his Juicy Juice, then fell silent again, looking obscenely satisfied with himself.  
The process continued like this for some time, the pile of presents beneath the tree much larger than anyone there was used to. It had always been one present from each person to everyone else, so each of them would get two... But with that same rule, everyone got... everyone got six presents this year, counting the guests. Nearly a half hour later, Yahiko had gotten all of his presents. After the questionable book and hat from Misao-dono, he had unwrapped the complete set of Harry Potter books from Sano; a crisp new textbook on the history of Japan from Kaoru-dono; the latest shooting game from Meg-dono, for the old Playstation; and finally, an electronics kit from Kenshin himself, who had noticed the boy was enamoured of such things. The dark-haired boy sat amongst the shredded wrapping paper, small hands wandering over his new possessions, eyes alit with a quiet happiness.  
Misao-dono was next. Yahiko had bought her a rather plump stuffed elephant, and remarked rather caustically that they looked enough alike to be twins; she gave him a sharp look and lunged, but the attack turned into an enthusiastic hug at the last moment. Kaoru-dono had managed to find a rather rare Fushigi Yuugi artbook for her, to which the younger girl seemed permanently attached, moaning blissfully about her Hotohori-sama, whom she loved just a smidge less than her Aoshi-sama, it appeared. Meg-dono had bought a hairpiece for her, one that appeared to be reminiscent of a bridesmaid at a medieval wedding; it consisted of a silver headband that pleasantly contrasted her dark skin, with trailing ribbons of a sky-blue fabric, to be braided into her long hair. In an insight Kenshin found as surprising as it was endearing, Sano proudly presented his messily-wrapped gift- a CD of songs by a Japanese group named Weiss. She cuddled that as fondly as she did the absurdly large stuffed bear Kenshin had bought in a fit of weakness.  
Kaoru-dono crawled down from the couch for her turn, yawning sleepily but fighting but a smile of anticipation all the same. Yahiko had bought her a calculus workbook large enough to make Kenshin's head ache, but she received it with an eager glint in her eye and a grateful smile to the young boy. Misao-dono, in her infinite wisdom, presented a copy of Final Fantasy VII; explaining, as though everyone should see the logic inherent in her purchase, "It's got a girl with big tracts 'a land and a moderate amount of crossdressing. Great for you." Kaoru-dono held Sano's present in her hands for a moment, as though pondering it, before she ripped the paper open. To her obvious delight, it was another CD, as he had given Misao-dono. Hers, however, was the greatest hits compilation of a group called the Barenaked Ladies, which made both Meg-dono and Misao-dono chuckle for reasons unknown. Kenshin's own present, a heavy winter jacket he'd bought some weeks ago, seemed almost to bring tears to her sleepy eyes. But she had saved Meg-dono's gift for last, and opened it carefully with hands that seemed to shake. It was a lovely blouse of a pure white silk, with clinging sleeves and an ornamented collar. Kaoru-dono stared at it for a long time, cheeks coloring, then murmured a "thank you" and clambered back onto the couch with Kenshin.  
Meg-dono was apparently next, sliding gracefully down to the floor as though observing time-honored tradition. Misao-dono presented her gift proudly, which turned out to be a copy of a computer game called "The Sims"; she explained quite knowledgably that it enabled the player to create simulated people and control every step of their lives. It struck Kenshin as quite appropriate for Meg-dono, for reasons he wasn't quite sure of. Yahiko had bought the dark-haired girl a CD, a compilation of "Disney Pop Hits", as the label read. She cooed thanks at him, embarrassing the poor boy completely. Sano's present was next, in an old battered gift bag instead of a box. To the surprise of no one, it was a stuffed fox. Meg-dono simply quirked an eyebrow at Sano, who grumbled something incomprehensible and looked away. But as Kenshin peered up at him, he could see a tiny smile trying to force his way through... But his attention was soon drawn elsewhere, as Meg-dono had reached happily for his own present, which was a long black raincoat styled to look like a forbidding trenchcoat. This aspect delighted her, but there was something else in that smile... something wistful, something that made his heart swell as she glanced up at him with eyes alight. That light didn't abate in the slightest as she opened her final gift beneath the tree- Kaoru-dono's, one the poor girl had agonized over ever since inviting Meg-dono to Christmas with them. It was a pair of earrings, a very simple half-moon design done in silver metal, a small star dangling from each on a short linked chain. It was plain enough in design and yet seemed so elaborate in thought... somehow like the girl herself.  
For some reason, everyone in the room expected Kenshin to open his gifts last, so by default, it was Sano's turn. His Shishou had come too late, and without any notice, so no one had time to buy him presents. He had dismissed this, of course, claiming that seeing his bakadeshi as a housewife was gift enough for him. He had brought a rather large bag with him, though... He'd said quite abruptly last night that he would give his presents out at dinnertime, and not one of them should bother him before that. No one had as of yet, but that would change as soon as Misao-dono remembered, he suspected.  
Sano flumped onto the carpet with typical grace, leaning forward and pawing at the first package, from Yahiko. It turned out to be a pair of pink, lacy panties, which Sano stared at for a moment, then chortled and put them on his head like a frightening little hat. It was hard to disturb the boy anymore... The second present was from Misao-dono, a thick book called Chicken Soup for the Father's Soul. Sano stared at that as well, then his dark eyes teared and he mussed up Misao-dono's hair. Kenshin managed only a smile... the way those girls were looking at him... his girls... Their girls... If they had accepted him as their father, then who was he to nitpick...? Kaoru-dono's present was next, and Sano ripped open the careful wrapping to reveal the complete set of James Bond movies on video. The absolute glee that sparkled in his eyes was truly something to see, and didn't even flag when Meg-dono slyly queried if he had similar luck in relationships. It was possible Sano didn't understand the implied insult, and it was true that only Shishou snorted, but one preferred to think he was still reveling in the glory of his box set. He soon set into the next, which Meg-dono had bought for him. It was a rather official-looking book until one read the title- The Idiot's Guide to Human Sexuality. At this, Sano turned rather red and put it aside, to the girl's jubilant chortles. His own gift was last, and Kenshin found himself twining his hands together in his lap. He'd thought long and hard about his gift for Sano... it had been a difficult choice... And after all his struggle, this had simply cried out to him, and he'd bought it, almost as a reserve in case he couldn't find anything that seemed more grand...  
But in the end, this was it, and still it filled him with a strangely warm feeling... as though it was right...  
Sano's hands framed the snowglobe, chocolate eyes peering into its depths. Beneath the softly falling snow was a little tiny house, lights glowing from the windows as though a welcoming fire burned within. And written along the base was the lone, simple word... "Home".  
"D-do you like it de gozaru ka?" Kenshin prodded anxiously, uncertain how to read his dark, pondering face, leaning forward on the couch. Had it been too simple of a gift after all? He had no idea what Sano had gotten him... and he didn't want-   
"Are you kidding? I love it!" Sano continued peering into the depths, voice husky, almost choked. "This is perfect..."  
Kenshin smiled, relieved beyond all measure, then patted the top of his head fondly. "I'm very glad de gozaru na," he returned with a light sigh. "Now, I suppose it's my turn de gozaru ka?"  
At that, Misao-dono sprang up, digging behind the tree so aggressively that the branches wobbled more than a bit, ornaments jangling. Kenshin slid to the floor, eyes wide, watching the tree tip dangerously, hover there... and then return to its original position, thankfully. His youngest reappeared in a few moments, clutching a bulky package to her thin bosom and beaming.  
"We decided to theme your presents this year, 'tou-chan," she explained with a proud grin. "So this big one's from everybody, 'kay? It's got lots 'a little parts, but it's mostly one present." That speech accomplished, she plopped the gift in his lap, which looked as though Sano had wrapped it with his eyes closed. Kenshin took a deep breath, then proceeded to unwrap the mess they had lovingly prepared for him.  
The first thing he managed to pull free was a CD... or rather, a two CD set, titled "Ultimate Broadway". He blinked at it, then flipped it over to examine the back. "Oklahoma... My Fair Lady..." he read aloud. "Carousel... oh, my..." It was difficult to contain a fair amount of excitement. He had always loved musicals, as long as he could remember! And to have his favorites all together on two CDs! Songs he knew all the words to, songs he could hum, songs he had never heard! And all the best love songs!  
"'Tou-san, there's more," Kaoru-dono reminded, gently taking the CDs from his hands. "Keep looking!"  
And there was more! Kenshin practically squirmed with excitement, nimble fingers pulling the paper aside. A book...? "The Phantom of Manhattan?" he read aloud, then peered about hopefully for an explanation.  
"It's a sequel to The Phantom of the Opera. I know you hated the ending, so..." Kaoru-dono smiled and tapped the cover. "I think you'll like it..."  
Kenshin smiled brightly at his oldest, then opened the hardback book and flipped quickly to the last page.   
"Ohhhhh! Dame-!" Kaoru-dono smacked his hand and snatched the book away. "You have to read the whole thing first!"  
"De gozaru," Kenshin conceded with a disappointed sigh, then dug blissfully into the mass of wrapping paper again. Next... next were more CDs! He pulled them out in quick succession. Highlights from Jesus Christ Superstar! Both soundtracks to Moulin Rouge! Michael Crawford singing Andrew Lloyd Webber! Wonders beyond wonders!  
And finally... He pulled forth a thick book, a large book as well, titled "Great Songs Of Broadway". Vaguely puzzled as to how one could write such a large book on the subject, Kenshin flicked it open, and then realized with possibly the silliest big smile ever that... it was sheet music, it was all sheet music, and he knew how to read sheet music, and he could sing from sheet music, and play it on the piano if they ever got one-  
"Thank you all so much de gozaru yo!" he blurted, and promptly threw his arms around the closest person, who happened to be Shishou, or rather, his legs.  
"Oh, get off, you fruit. I had nothing to do with it. Haven't I told you not to hug me?" Kenshin merely pouted at him and moved onto Kaoru-dono. After he had hugged all the air out of her lungs, he proceeded to do the same to Misao-dono, Yahiko, and Meg-dono, respectively. Misao-dono hugged him happily, Yahiko somewhat gingerly, and Meg-dono rather enthusiastically. After he had managed to extricate himself from her embrace, he cuddled into Sano and was blissfully silent, running his fingertips over the covers of all his CDs and books.  
There was a content silence for some time, each occupant of the tiny living room rummaging through their gifts, flipping pages, hugging toys, trying on hats. Misao-dono snatched his Broadway CD set and put the first in her Playstation so they could listen, setting it on shuffle. A familiar jaunty tune from "The Music Man" filled the small living room, and Kenshin sang along under his breath as he flipped through his sheet music.  
It was because of the bright trumpets that no one but Meg-dono heard the knock at their front door. She rose gracefully to her socked feet and made her way to answer it before anyone could be a good host and do it for her. Only three in the room knew of the Christmas tradition, so the three others sat in confusion as Kenshin winked at his girls.  
"You have mail," informed a cool voice.  
"Aoshi-sama!!!" Misao-dono squealed, tearing over the carpet to the door, leaving the rug bunched up beneath her feet. There was a brief scuffle at the door, as she no doubt flung herself into his arms... or rather, his chest.   
After Misao-dono had been pulled off the poor man and everyone had reassembled in the little dining room behind the couch, Shinimori-dono fixed his ice-blue eyes on Kenshin and handed him a bulging black garbage bag, blank face simply daring him to thank him for the gifts hidden within. Once his arms were free, he set a few packages on the table that actually seemed to have come from the post office, and turned his back to go.  
Kenshin coughed, hesitant as always to break the silence. Shinimori-dono was a very good and kind man, but there was something in those cool eyes sometimes, something almost like... animosity...? Bitterness? Something that made him quail under his gaze, even though he had no idea why.  
But Misao-dono would never forgive him if he kept silent.  
"Would you like to come for dinner de gozaru ka?" he asked bravely. "We have several guests, as you can see, and we would all be grateful if you would join us."  
There was a long silence, Shinimori-dono turning back to scrutinize his face, a flicker of surprise so brief he doubted its existence passing through his eyes. Kenshin blinked up at him hopefully.  
And then Shinimori-dono's eyes moved to Kenshin's side, to the bright blue eyes that implored him with all their bargaining power, the full lips that quivered in genuine wishfulness.   
"I suppose so," he said abruptly, and then was gone down the hallway and through the door. It creaked shut after him.  
Misao-dono nearly shrieked with excitement, throwing her spindly arms tight around Kenshin's shoulders. "Aoshi-sama is coming for dinner!" she cheered directly into his ear.  
"Oro." Kenshin attempted to pry her off, then sighed and patted his youngest on the head. "Hai, hai. Do you want your presents de gozaru ka?"  
"PRESENTS!"  
It took some time to convince Misao-dono to calm down and sit around the table so that the presents could be passed out in a civilized fashion. Shinimori-dono always brought his Christmas presents in such a fashion, as though he was ashamed of having a soft spot in his heart for them.  
Especially for Misao-dono.  
There were more presents this year, even one for each of the guests. There was a box of strawberry Pocky for Meg-dono and an engraved sake chawan for Shishou. Sano and Yahiko had been added to the renewal of their membership to the dojo, and each had also been given a year of free lessons, which was an extravagant gesture for the recalcitrant man. Kaoru-dono's present was a pristine white gi, which was all the more appreciated considering how old and ratty the one she used was. His own gift was a shiny new spatula. One could never have too many spatulas.  
Misao-dono's present was last. The girl lifted a black box out of the nearly-empty bag. It appeared to be a jewelry box, about as long as her hand. Her eyes sparkled with nervous excitement, her fingers shaking as she pried it open.   
She lifted out a long necklace, the silver chain glinting in the lamplight. Against her arm bumped a stone set in the same silver, a dark blue jewel that echoed the shade of her eyes nearly exactly. Misao-dono draped it over her thin breast, lips parted and yet silent. It was evident she saw it just as beautiful as Kenshin did, if not more.  
And how expensive it must have been...  
The long, wondering silence was broken by a quiet cough. Everyone started and looked obediently up at Shishou, who waited expectantly.  
"Are you going to open the other packages or not?" he snapped impatiently.  
"Oh, of course!" Kenshin jumped, feeling his cheeks heat. He had been so caught up in Misao-dono's stunning gift that he had forgotten the two mailed packages. He picked up the larger of the two and peered at the careful lettering on the front.  
"Himura Kenshin and Sagara Sanosuke...?" he read out, puzzled. The return address was one he didn't recognize, the handwriting neat and prettily slanted.  
"Well, open it!" Sano leaned over his shoulder and tore into the wrapping without a second thought. Kenshin 'oro'ed, but curious himself, opened the top of the box once it was visible.  
"SCORE! Cookies!"  
The wrapped platter of what appeared to be recently baked chocolate cookies was snatched out of the box before he could prevent it, Sano whooping in triumph and sniffing at the plastic cover, as though he wasn't quite sure how to get it off. Before he could figure it out, however, Kaoru-dono managed to wrestle it from his grasping hands and escorted it to the kitchen with a huffing sigh.  
"Mou," Sano complained, and flumped into a chair.  
Kenshin smiled at him fondly and unfolded the letter that had been underneath the plate of cookies. The writing seemed in the same as on the package, only instead of in English, it was written in Japanese characters. More curious than ever, he sat down as well to read it.  
"Himura-san and Sagara-san," he said aloud. "I hope this letter finds you happy on Christmas Day. I know we have never met face to face, but I know you two quite well. Two men who have known each other as long as my husband and Himura-san could only be the best of friends or the worst of enemies, and it's truly a shame that it had to be the latter. According to him, anyway. Hajime truly isn't as bad as he would want you both to think. Why, just yesterday he helped two little girls cross the street in front of the post office. But that isn't the point. I figured that since he has been such a thorn in both of your sides, you at least deserved some cookies. So here they are, with my sincere apologies for his behavior. With sentiments of holiday affection, Saitou Tokio."  
The silence was deafening.  
"He's MARRIED?!" Sano sniggered, burying his face in the tablecloth. "And she sends us COOKIES?!"  
"Tokio-dono must be like Buddha to handle him every day de gozaru na..." Kenshin observed soberly, holding the letter like a holy artifact. "Truly a woman to be admired."  
'I've grown accustomed to her face', observed the music.  
  
Kenshin hummed to himself during the instrumental presently playing from the living room, carefully settling the turkey into the stove. It took some delicate maneuvering to keep it flat enough so that the stuffing didn't spill out of the turkey and onto the floor. But he loved the work. It was what made cooking fun.  
"Ken-san?"   
He jumped, then blinked up into Meg-dono's coal-black eyes. She was leaning against the doorjamb, arms crossed over her substantial bosom. There was a brazen questioning in her features, one that stabbed him to the core and forced him to pay attention.   
"What can I help you with de gozaru ka?" he asked politely.  
"Would you like me to help you for a while?" she queried, sashaying forward to lean on the counter.   
"If you would like to," he said cheerily, offering her a cutting board and a clean knife. "I'm making a fruit salad, if you would cut the cantaloupe for me."  
She went to it carefully, and soon showed skill he wasn't surprised to see in her. The feminine proficiencies were obvious in her. She was beautiful, smart, rather domestic, and quite wily in her own way.   
They worked in silence for some time, then Meg coughed a little. "Ken-san?" she inquired. "I've wondered for a while now... is the 'de gozaru' speech pattern common? I've never read about it or heard about it in my classes."  
Kenshin paused, peering down at the watermelon he had been cutting into small chunks. "I... I don't think it's common de gozaru..." he said quietly, hands stilled. "I... I learned to speak this way when I was very young."  
"Oh. I see."  
He blinked, not comprehending the strange look in her dark eyes, but shrugged it off and continued chopping. He really didn't know where the speech pattern had come from. He only had vague memories of the time before he had come to America, as he had been very young then, only just forming as a consciousness. All he knew was that it had seemed right to him... it had seemed to be right for him to speak that way, even when no one else did.  
Of course, things that seemed to be right to him rarely were right to anyone else.  
They kept working in silence, strangely comfortable silence, until the stove began beeping for him to take the turkey out. Kenshin jumped, smiled sheepishly at Meg-dono, then knelt to remove the main dish from the oven.  
And then it was time for Christmas dinner!  
  
She held the box tightly in both hands.  
The elegant wrapping that had covered the present lay in shreds over her lap, the lid open to reveal a single piece of paper inside. She was trembling still, the impact of that simple slip of paper still rocking her to the core.  
"For one free photography sitting at Tsukioka's Portrait and Photo Studio. Copies will be kept by the recipient and sent to the undersigned, originals kept by the studio."  
It was signed 'Eric Snow'.  
Tsukioka's was run by the mother of Sanosuke's friend Katsuhiro... he was always complaining about how capitalistic the whole place was. It was incredibly expensive to get even one copy of a picture there, let alone have multiple copies sent to two people. Why would he pay that much money for a girl he had met once at a Christmas tree farm? Why would he want pictures of her, all dressed up...?  
"Hey, 'jou-chan?"  
She jumped, closing the box with a compulsive jerk of her arm. Sanosuke stood in her doorway, hands behind his back and a vaguely apprehensive look on his face.  
"What is it?" she asked calmly, putting the box to the side like it was nothing at all.  
"I got somethin' for ya," he explained, almost a little bashfully. "I already gave Misao hers, but I couldn't find you."  
"O-okay..." Kaoru sat back, eyebrows raised.   
He sat down beside her on her bed, the springs creaking a little under his weight. With a quick grin, he pressed a tiny little box into her hand. Kaoru blinked at him, then pried it open, puzzled.  
It was a tiny little ring, two little silver bands entwined to hold a crimson stone. It glittered in the palm of her hand, the jewel so dark as to seem a faceted drop of blood. She lifted her eyes to Sanosuke, unsure what to say, feeling something warm inside her chest. It was beautiful... and she knew there had to be a reason he would buy such extravagant gifts for her and her sister. And she wanted to know what it was.  
"I figured... I dunno. I wasn't here for your sixteenth birthdays, and I know that's a big deal for girls, usually, and I felt a little bad for not being around, and-"  
"Sanosuke," she interrupted, as touched as she was bewildered. "It's not like we're your illegimate children you've been hiding from all your life. You've only known us for a while. There's no reason to feel guilty for not having known us before."  
"I know." He smiled a little. "I know, 'jou-chan, I do. But I feel a little guilty anyway, an' there's no fixing that. So I wanted to do somethin' about it now."  
Kaoru returned the smile, then slipped the ring onto her finger, surprised at how well it fit. She felt Sanosuke's eyes on her, and she turned to him, hugging onto his broad shoulders, a peculiar sensation of completion filling her until it felt almost choking.  
"Daisuki," she managed into his shirt. "...'Tou-san."  
And he pulled her close.  



	22. Departure

  
"Mr. Himura, report to the main office, please."  
Kenshin heaved a sigh, setting his pen down. It felt silly to hear a name called over the intercom like that, that authoritative voice calling a staff member to their proper place just as it would a student. He had no idea what they might want him for this time, but he rose dutifully, preparing to do as the static voice commanded.  
There was a soft clink as his old pen bounced off the empty bottle that graced his desk. Kenshin paused, a smile making its way to his lips. Yes, the empty sake bottle...  
Shishou had presented them each with one at Christmas dinner. And each had indeed been filled with alcohol, even Yahiko's. It had been impossible to explain that everyone in the house but Kenshin and Meg was below the legal drinking age. Shishou was adamant in his gifts.  
But that hadn't stopped Kenshin from confiscating them the second his old teacher had left the apartment. Only Misao-dono had protested, and she had been easily pacified with one of the cookies that Saitou Tokio-dono had sent. He'd let Sano have his, but only after he had promised not to tell the girls. And Shishou had insisted that "the men of the house... and you, bakadeshi" sit together and drink in silence.  
So they had. And it had been nice.  
The next day, Shishou had left. And they had taken Kaoru-dono to get her photos done, though she had refused to say who had sent her the gift. An admirer, perhaps. She had to be simply swimming in those.  
Kenshin touched a fingertip to the front of the ceramic bottle, where a very old photograph of him had been securely attached. Each bottle had been ornamented with one- his was a shot of himself from the college performance of "Jekyll and Hyde". He had been the lead, and he'd loved it so... It was a fond memory as much as it was an embarrassing one.  
Shishou simply loved to embarrass him, though...  
"Mr. Himura, to the office please."  
Kenshin winced and bolted out his door, not taking the time to lock it. He sounded rather peeved now... But it wasn't far at all to the office, so he slowed down one he rounded the corner.  
The vice principal, for that was who had called him, had made a habit of calling him to mediate disputes. Apparently, his "success with subduing that Sagara kid" had made its way to the higher authorities rather quickly. And now, of course, whenever there was a problem with a student, call Himura! Hell fix it!  
He truly couldn't say that it bothered him. After all, the Guidance department was usually so busy with scheduling that there was no time to help troubled children. He had no skill at blocking out class periods, and had made a rather large mess of things more than once, so they left him out of such projects. He preferred spending time with the children, anyway. It was why he had taken the job in the first place, to maybe help someone in need.  
It made him feel quite good. And that wasn't a feeling he would push away.  
So he arrived at the office in ridiculously high spirits, albeit a bit late, humming some song from his Christmas CDs below his breath and smiling cheerily at everyone he passed. He got the usual amount of strange looks, but more than one staff member smiled back and even a few students did too.   
Kenshin made his way down the thin hallway to the assistant principals office, expecting the usual sounds of a rebellious student- grumbling, swearing, kicking chairs. But when he was greeted by nothing by silence, curiosity assaulted him like never before. He'd never been called here for anything but subduing combatants. What could this be...?  
He poked his head into the office, then entered fully, not speaking a word. The dark-haired man at the desk waved him to a chair, and Kenshin sat obediently.   
The foreboding air in the small room was impossible to ignore. The florescent lights glinted off the engraved nameplate, Horace Sanders, catching his eye before he could think to ignore it. Sanders. He'd not known his name before. This man had only been the assistant principal, the one who wore the green coat with the fur around the collar, the one that looked so warm when they had fire drills or bomb threats when the temperature was in the teens. He had been faceless and nameless. Only a commanding voice.  
"Mr. Himura. Kenshin Himura, am I correct?"  
"Yes, that you are," he returned, voice seeming unnaturally loud in the stillness.  
"Very good." Horace scribbled something on the sheet of paper that sat on the pristine desk in front of him. "Kenshin Himura, I expect your letter of resignation on my desk by two this afternoon."  
The shock that went through him was numbing, tingling through every last fiber of his being, strangely cold and yet burning all at the same time. The bottom dropped out of his stomach, his heart skittering up to his throat. He couldn't move a muscle.  
And somewhere, voices were laughing.  
"Re-resignation?" he whispered, lips shaking. "But-"  
"It makes for less of a mess than if I simply fire you," Horace informed matter-of-factly, as though this were simple business. "If you don't resign, however, you will be fired. This just makes it a bit easier on the both of us."  
His lips moved, but no sound came forth. Fired. _Fired_.  
"But why...?" he finally managed, the voice that issued from his throat a pathetic and thin one. His eyes hurt. He couldn't focus. His throat was growing cold.  
"A young lady advised us to your..." Horace coughed, and Kenshin felt every muscle stiffen. "Well, your untimely breach of ethics. In addition to that, your medical records came under question. A schizophrenic who sleeps with students simply doesn't make for a valued employee. I'm sure you can understand that, Mr. Himura."  
Someone had found out.  
Those were the only words that cycled through his mind, the only ones distinguishable amongst the delighted jeers from Shinta-tachi. Only Battousai was silent. Shinta and the voices that floated on her wings were relishing this pain, cheering how she had been right all along, that nothing good in his world would ever last, that he had been betrayed again.  
Again.  
He rose wearily from the uncomfortable chair, arms hanging slack by his sides. Finally. It had finally happened again. Things had been too perfect. And in one moment, everything he had feared came to fruition. With one stab of the knife, she was gone... with one unperturbed sentence, his life was over...  
"I sent one of the janitors to help you clean out your office," Horace called after him, sounding as though he expected a thank-you. "And before you go, you had a phone call... One of the secretaries cleaned up the notice. Something about the agency doing its adoption review this week. Good luck with that, Mr. Himura."  
He stumbled out of the small office, the latest blow shaking him even further than he believed possible. Now they came. Three months since Christmas, each day filled with nothing but happiness all through the family, the only problems solved within days, and now they came... after he had been fired.  
Schizophrenic. Sleeping with a teenaged boy. History of violence. No livelihood.  
He was simply the model parent.  
He should have expected this. It had all worked too well. Everything had some together, everyone had been happy. _He _had been happy.  
He couldn't be happy.  
She didn't _deserve _to be happy.  
It was what she had been told ever since she was born, after all. She didn't deserve happiness, and she wouldn't have it. Kenshin was really a fool to think it, Battousai even more pathetic to struggle for it.  
Shinta giggled and pulled the door to Kenshin's office open. It was actually quite funny. All destruction was funny, if you looked at it right. Irony, black comedy, it was all the same. Hopes dashed to pieces, lives torn asunder. Truth be told, she missed the old days. There was nothing more enjoyable than mocking a dying man. When the last thing they would ever hear was her laughter, well...  
It was a shame she could only mock the little queer anymore. He just cried and poisoned her with the damned medication. It wasn't much fun.  
"Well, lets close this chapter of my life, Mr. Oliver!" Shinta sang gaily, throwing the door open.   
The janitor the little brats had christened Ollie, among many other less kind nicknames, raised his scarred face from where he had apparently been contemplating the floor. Shinta and Ollie had amused each other over the year, sharing a sense of humor.  
But never would it be said they were friends. Much the opposite, truly.   
"So they finally kicked you out, hm?" Ollie observed, placing one of the many picture frames into the cardboard box on the floor, after a few misses. The old man was very obviously blind, having been injured in some silly war he refused to speak of.  
"Finally!"  
They packed in silence. And when the consensus was a conclusion, Ollie shuffled towards the door.  
"Oh, Mr. Oliver?" Shinta called sweetly, sitting lightly on the couch. Ollie turned back, the cloth he wore over his ruined eyes twitching as his brows rose.  
"Tell Mr. Sherman the best assassin Japan has ever produced is looking forward to bathing in his traitorous blood," she informed with a tight smile. "Killing him and his Key Club will be great fun. Oh, and you, of course, and Sanders. What a joy."  
No surprise registered under the scar tissue, but she hadn't been expecting any. Ollie merely nodded and left.  
Shinta giggled and then promptly went back to sleep.  
Kenshin stared at his empty office in utter desolation. It was gone. Everything was just... gone.  
He picked up the white sheet of paper that had been left on his desk and began his letter of resignation.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
"Sano-otou-chan! Get me a soda!"  
"Get yer own damn soda, girl. You've been sittin' on yer ass playin' that thing all day. I've got my own stuff t' do."  
"MOU!"   
"Shut up! I'm sick 'a yer complainin'! You've got legs, y'know. Stop usin' 'em for hangin' out the window and get your own soda."  
Normally, such an exchange would only make him laugh, being able to understand the undercurrent of playfulness and fondness that ran beneath the abrasive language as well as the girls could. Sano didn't sound like that when he was angry, only when he was teasing.  
But the man sitting at the dining table with a clipboard and a pen didn't know that, and he wouldn't learn it in a week. He would see it only as verbal abuse, endangering the children. A man who had a lover who verbally abused his children wasn't reliable.  
Of course, his mind had been made up the minute he passed through the door. The first thing he had asked Kenshin was how old Sanosuke was. He had answered truthfully that he had just recently turned twenty, but had found nothing to say when the social worker reminded him that Kaoru-dono was only two years younger. When Meg-dono had come later that day to check on his medication, he had asked what it was for, and afraid to lie, Kenshin had confessed to his schizophrenia, though he had managed to keep Battousai a secret as of thus far.  
He had known when he had first gotten the phone call before Christmas that this would be hard. He had hoped it wouldn't be a disaster, but it truly didn't seem that he would be that lucky.  
The first two days, they had truly been a picture-perfect family. As perfect as a family could be with one parent schizophrenic and the other barely older than the children. But after that, they had disintegrated into their usual patterns of teasing and roughhousing and such. They were a loud family, true, and it didn't come across well to others all the time, true, but they were happy. They really were happy. He had told them all about his lost job, but it hadn't even ruffled the waters. They had held a quick financial meeting, let Kaoru-dono work the figures out, and had decided that they would get by fine if he got a part-time job until he could find somewhere to hire him full-time. He had started a job search that very moment, with Misao-donos eager assistance. It had really been a remarkable display of teamwork, and he had hoped at first that it would win them some points where Mr. Richards was concerned.  
However, he had the sinking feeling that it wasn't going to matter very much.  
"Mr. Sagara," came the harsh, clipped tone. "Speak with me in the kitchen."  
Sano stopped in his perusal of the comics page, and glanced over at Kenshin. He could do nothing, only look down at his feet and shiver. These interrogations came at least once a day, Mr. Richards calling one of them into the kitchen to find holes in their family ties.  
This was the last day. He had never spoken to Sano. This was their last day to convince them that everything was fine. Tomorrow, Friday, Richards would make the pronouncement, and everything would be perfect, or everything would be over.  
There was nothing he could do anymore.  
  
Sano flumped down into the wooden kitchen chair, trying to force the belligerence from his face. It was a natural reaction to someone preparing to ask him stupid questions, but it wasn't going to help them any.  
"First, Mr. Sagara, how do you feel about the children?"  
"I love them," he responded hotly, fingers clenching into his jeans under the table. "I love them like they were my blood. They call me Dad now."  
Richards didn't even twitch, writing busily on his damned notepad. "And how does Mr. Himura feel about them?"  
"The same." He struggled to not sound condescending. "He's their father too, y'know. He's known them since they were little girls."  
"You have a sexual relationship with Mr. Himura."  
"Um, yeah."   
"How does he interact with the girls?"  
Sano blinked, not understanding the sequence of the questions. This entire process had never made sense to him, and it made even less now. "He's a good father, really loving and affectionate. He makes sure they know how he feels about them, and they feel safe and secure with him."  
"Have you ever seen him touch them in a sexual fashion?"  
"_You SICK SON OF A BITCH!!!"  
  
_ He had expected the explosion ever since he had heard Sano sit down. It had even taken a little longer than he had expected. They managed to stop him before the boy had punched Richards in the face. It had taken some speed and some creative maneuvering, but between the four of them, it had been done exactly in time.  
Now all five sat in the kitchen, the cloud of guilt that hung over them painfully smothering. Yahiko didn't even protest when Kaoru-dono pulled him tightly into her lap, as though to reassure him. The dark-haired boy patted her arm, letting her hold him, if just this once. Misao-dono sat on the counter next to them, the chairs being either occupied or too close to Richards, and Kaoru-dono tugged her close with her free arm.  
Kenshin pulled up a chair next to Sano, casting a forlorn glance to his children.  
Misao-dono offered him a weak smile. He gave them both the brightest reciprocation he could manage, then met Yahiko's dark eyes. The boy gazed at him soberly, a familiar glint of worry hardening his expression.  
Yahiko had always intimidated him, if just a little. He was so much like Sano, and yet his opposite in just as many respects...  
And then he let himself glance up at Sano, who was still quivering with rage in his chair. The fury was just as evident on his face as his shame at not being able to restrain his volatile temper.  
"I was planning on doing this anyway, so you've made my job easier," Mr. Richards observed after they had settled. "I would like to ask a few follow-up questions to complete my report, and the agency's decision will be reported to you tomorrow."  
"Anything you need of us," Kenshin nodded, well aware of how pale he was.  
"First, Kaoru and Misao. Tell me about Mr. Himura's social life."  
"He doesn't have one," Misao-dono offered. "Never dated of went out nless it was with us. He never even showed interest in anybody, till..."  
"Tou-san and Sanosuke-otou-san still don't go anywhere unless its with us or Yahiko. We do things as a family." Kaoru-dono fell silent after having spoken her piece.  
Richards wrote for a few moments, then adjusted his glasses and looked up again. "Kaoru, Misao, and Yahiko." He was beginning to stumble over the names. "Has Mr. Sagara or Mr. Himura ever hit you or touched you in an inappropriate fashion?"  
"No."  
"Absolutely not."  
"Hell no!"  
"Mr. Himura, has Mr. Sagara ever hit you?"  
Kenshin felt Sano stiffen next to him, and knew in an instant what he feared so. It seemed so long ago now, the night he had confessed his past to the boy... It really wasn't anything he should have to report in circumstances like this. It was even a ridiculous question, there had been no behavior to prompt such an idea, but...  
"Not in anger," he answered truthfully. "There was a time I had gone into a sort of... fit, I suppose you would say, you would. He feared I would harm myself, and slapped me once to startle me awake. Nothing more than that."  
There was a long silence, broken only by the scribble of the mans pen. Finally, he coughed and lifted his head, the air of finality signaling his last question.  
"Mr. Himura, you are schizophrenic and have been hospitalized for this condition more than once. You have no job. You have no family these children can depend on should something happen to you. You are engaged in a homosexual relationship with a young man older than your own daughter by little more than two years. Tell me why this adoption agency should allow these children to remain with you."  
Kenshin stared at the tabletop, fists clenching by his sides.  
Everything depended on this.  
"Schizophrenics have children every day, they do. An illness rarely means parenting a child is impossible," he said carefully, calmly. "I have been hospitalized three times in the past ten years, I have. Any psychiatrist will tell you that is a very small to negligible number. Secondly, I may have no blood family, but there are plenty of responsible adults upon whom the children can depend, there are. I can give you phone numbers, if you wish. Finally, any court of law will tell you that homosexuality is not a sound reason to deny parenthood, indeed it is not. As for the sexual impropriety you have insinuated, I am aware of Sanosuke's youth, that I am. However, he was at a legal age when the relationship began. And," he paused to hopefully add the necessary emphasis, "he is _not my child._ Miss Kaoru and Miss Misao _are._ Yahiko has become so as well. You would have no legal backing to take these children away from me were they my own blood, indeed you would not. So you have no legal backing to do it now."  
"Noted." Richards scribbled some more, then stood up rather abruptly. "I will let you know of the decision tomorrow morning."  
They watched him leave, Kenshin trying to calm the frantic racing of his heart, then listened to him pull open the front door and thump down the stairs.  
And then there was silence.  
"I was waitin' for him t' ask if Mr. Sagara had ever touched Mr. Himura in inappropriate fashions," Misao-dono giggled. "Seemed next on the list."  
"Misao!"  
"Oro."  
  
He had kissed them all goodnight, even Yahiko in the bed they had made for him on the couch. They had tried unsuccessfully to fit him into the girls shared room, but he had insisted that he was fine where he was.  
Misao-dono had been in the bathroom when he had said goodnight to Kaoru-dono, while he had held her for a few moments and kissed her hair. So he waited in the hallway for her now.  
The door creaked open and then closed, Misao-dono's long braid undone and the loose hair hanging to brush the back of her knees. Kenshin smiled down at his youngest daughter, then took a few steps forward to meet her.  
"Are you all right de gozaru ka?" he asked softly, not sure how else to phrase it.  
Misao-dono patted his arm, her large eyes unnaturally bright. "I'm okay," she reassured with a weak smile. "I mean... even if we do get sent back t the orphanage, Ill be turning seventeen soon, so it'll really only be a year until they cant tell me where t go... and then we can come home."  
"You mean, you and your sister would come back to me even after you are adults de gozaru ka?" Kenshin caught her smaller hand in his, smiling almost tearfully.  
Misao-dono nodded, then straightened up on her socked toes and hugged him about the neck. He returned the quick, tight embrace, memorizing how her slight form felt in his arm, then kissed her on the forehead and let her go.  
"Oyasumi, Misao-dono," he whispered.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Mr. Himura," Richards pronounced, in a cool tone that proclaimed all too well that he wasn't sorry at all.  
He didn't have to go on. The silence that fell across the living room was a deafening one. Kenshin only stared at him, blankly, blindly, glad he had sent the girls out of the room, glad they wouldn't see the tears that were gathering in his eyes, glad they wouldn't see him break down like this, glad...  
Glad they wouldn't see the golden rage that was building inside his mind.  
"Why?..." he managed to whisper, to hiss, his chin shaking. The chill that was building in his throat made it difficult to swallow, difficult to breathe. "Why now, after they've been with me for almost half their lives? Why now?!-"   
"Its unfortunate the problem was not seen before now," he returned, the light glinting off his steel eyes. He had the look of a man sated in a triumph not entirely his, the look of a man who would rest well tonight only because of sleeping pills. The look of a man who had sold out to control. The look of those men in that clean white room that had told him he was going to America. A man who had convinced himself that he was doing the right thing.  
The chill coalesced into the ice he knew so well, the cold that frightened him more than anything else, and Kenshin fought it back, struggling to keep it away, before it burned, before it burst into-  
Inferno.  
"The only problem here," Battousai spat contemptuously, "is you."  
He rose from the couch, hands curling into fists. How dare he. How dare this shell of a man take his children away. No one touched those girls. Enough had been taken away from him, from them. He alone could protect them, not the agency, not the state institutions. The government had never been able to take care of itself, not in Japan, and not here! When a child was given to the highest bidder, the price was paid by innocence. The pain and guilt suffered in the dead of the night refunded every dollar, the knowledge it was wrong, that the little one couldn't bear the pain.  
That pain had created him, and he knew it. He had been born of the shame that burned through those eyes whenever that man had told him what a pretty little boy he was. How lucky he was that he was his father. How lucky he was that he loved him so much. How no one would ever understand what they did together. It was only training to everyone else, but it was love to him. And if he told anyone, they would laugh at him or think he was a bad boy and take him away, and put him back on the street, and he didn't want that, did he?  
How easy it had been to kill, when he'd seen that smile on every target.  
He wouldn't let that happen again. Not to those innocent eyes. So much like the little ones had been. Before everything. It wouldn't happen.  
He wouldn't let it.  
"Are you threatening me, Mr. Himura?" The cold assurance had broken into something that far more resembled panic. He knew his track record, did he? How nice. It would save him the problem of explaining before he got this danger out of the way.  
"Its not a threat, its a statement of fact," he explained serenely, even as his blood boiled. "You're the problem. And the only way to solve a problem is to eliminate it, am I right?"  
That panic had become fear, a true sickening fear that colored his features. Richards jumped to his feet, catching up his clipboard. "You have two hours to say goodbye to the children," he snapped out, backpedaling slowly. "Then someone will be sent to pick them up. Make sure they have all their possessions. You will never be seeing them again, Ill make sure of that. And this behavior will be reported to the agency as well as the police!"  
  
*** *** ***  
  
"The snow is beautiful de gozaru na."  
She started from staring into the road, gasping both in surprise and delight.   
"Tou-san!" Shed feared never seeing him emerge from his room again! Shed been fearing the worst ever since the social worker had left, not being able to see his smiling face tell her everything would be all right, that everything was fine and he would never leave her. But now, now would be that time, and-  
"...Tou-san...?"  
He wasn't smiling. He wore the same quiet look he had when he had told her the baby rabbit they had taken in from the cold when she was eleven had died, the same certainty of her tears, the same hopelessness.   
And he was carrying two suitcases, and her duffel bag.  
"Mr. Richards left this morning de gozaru," he said softly.  
"I-I know." Kaoru took a step forward, her throat tightening. There had to be some other explanation. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening-  
"I had a full breakdown those few months ago. I was fired last week. They cant leave that be de gozaru." His lips were white, arms stiff where they hung by his side.  
The long silence was agonizing. She couldn't force air though her lungs couldn't do anything but stare pleadingly, his soft eyes, his quiet and sad eyes.  
"You will be going back to the agency de gozaru."  
"The orphanage..." Kaoru whispered. "But... what about you? Will you... will you go back, back to how you were...?" He was just like her, he couldn't be on his own! How would she... how could she go back to a life without him? Shed lived with Kenshin for longer than she had known her birth parents!  
"I don't know." Even more painful was the silent sorrow he was struggling to hide from her, the sadness that was crystal in his eyes.  
The thin layer of snow crunched beneath one heel as he took a step closer to her. "For ten years," he whispered, "I have fought to keep Battousai hidden."  
Kaoru shuddered in the cold, looking away from his eyes, afraid of the severity of his words, afraid of this being real. They had never spoken of Battousai, not since that horrible winter so long ago. He knew how much she feared... him. That other man she had seen looking through her fathers eyes, speaking with his lips.   
"But all of this year has taught me something," her father continued, setting her suitcases down in the snow by the curb. His white hands were shaking, his jaw set. "Inside me," he whispered, looking deep into her eyes, "lives a vicious manslayer who will never change."  
Kaoru quailed beneath his eyes, but forced that aside. It didn't matter what Battousai was, it mattered what _Kenshin _was! "But you always went back to normal so soon afterwards!" she protested, wanting to grab onto his shoulders but afraid to touch him, fearing he would shatter, this painfully fragile man... "No matter how close he comes to you, you are yourself, tou-san! You're my _father_!"  
"If we stay together any longer, I will endanger everyone with each incident, and Battousai will return each time."  
This wasn't happening. This wasn't the kind, gentle young man who she had met all those years ago, who had taken her home and had taught her how to tango and do box-steps when she was only eleven. This wasn't the man who had given her such bright and reassuring smiles when she was sad.  
This was a man with pain and sorrow in his eyes. This was a man who knew he was helpless. A man who had lost hope.   
A man who had simply given up.  
"When I first met you, Kaoru-dono, you told me you didn't care about my past de gozaru." His white lips quirked in a fond smile, a loving smile, one that was sadder by the emptiness in his eyes. "I was happy about that."  
His chin began to shake, fingers clenching and releasing, eyes flicking down to the virgin snow to avoid the sight of him.   
The sight of him saying goodbye.  
"Day after day, I continued to rest my soul, and I really felt I could become a normal man de gozaru na."  
It was only then that his arms slid around her back, pulling her close to him, tight to the thin chest that was frigid in the cold. It was the desperate violence of the embrace that forced a gasp from her constricting throat.  
And she wanted to hold him. But her arms were unmoving.  
"Thank you for everything," came the husky voice she knew so well, the one that soothed her nightmares. "I am a wanderer. I must be wandering again."  
Her lips moved soundlessly.  
"Sayonara."  
She could feel the snow through the knees of her jeans as he released her, her fingers stretching out for his warmth. A wanderer. A man with no roots, no home.  
No family.  
"Tou-san," she begged, tears scalding her cheeks, palms digging for purchase in the snow.   
He was walking from her.  
"Tou-san..."  
And even she sobbed, all she heard was the snow falling.  



	23. Run To You

  
"Bastard."  
Even the word stung, the hoarse whisper raking his lungs, hands clenching in the cold sheets. His eyes ached. His chest burned. His body refused to move.  
"Bastard," Sano hissed again. Kenshin's side of the bed was cold. The apartment was empty. Not a note. Not a message on the answering machine. Just him, alone in their bedroom, and Yahiko, asleep on the couch.  
The bastard.   
He'd left.  
He'd been such an idiot, to listen to him. Kenshin had professed to being worried about him and Yahiko, told them to rest. He'd been so persuasive, promising he'd wake them if anything happened. Promising he would tell them what Richards had said, whenever he decided to say it. Promising nothing would happen.  
He'd searched the apartment the minute he had woken. The girls were gone, as well as everything they had owned. They had been taken away.  
They had been taken away, and that son of a bitch hadn't even told him. He hadn't even woken him so he could even... so he could even say goodbye.  
And he hadn't even left a fucking note.  
His knees nearly gave out as he stood from where he had been resting, the mattress creaking in protest. He hadn't taken anything with him. Not clothes, not food, not even a cent from the savings. He was just... just gone.  
Like he had never been there.  
His side of the bed was even perfectly made.  
Sano swung against the wall, felt every knuckle crack as it impacted. Bastard. He swung again. And again. And again. Son of a bitch. Another swing. How could he have done this? After everything they had been through- He pounded the wall, feeling the siding fracture and split, the plastic covering groaning, his fingers aching, his eyes burning, his cheeks wet. Bastard. Bastard. Bastard!  
"Sanosuke."  
His fist crashed into the wall one last time, and then he turned, knowing he was shaking with fury, knowing that fire was only fanned by despair. And he knew it was obvious on his face.  
Yahiko stood in the doorway, holding his pillow in one small hand, hair still mussed from slumber. There was no sleepiness in his eyes, though... only grim understanding. He knew, he knew even now what had happened.  
Sano slumped against the wall, hearing it complain under his weight, staring his little brother in the eye, bruised hand hanging by his side.  
"He's gone, isn't he."  
"Yeah," Sano said numbly. His chest was cold. "Gone. No note. He didn't take anything."  
Yahiko's dark eyes contemplated him for a long moment. Sano tried to breathe, his chest heaving and shuddering, his blood racing even as every fiber of him chilled, scalding him inside... Gone. He couldn't understand it. Gone. How could he? Gone. What had he done wrong? Gone.  
"Well?" Yahiko finally huffed, stalking into the room further, dark eyes flashing.  
"Well...?" Sano stared at him blindly, bewildered, aching, empty... even the rage had fled him. He was gone. Kenshin was gone. 'Jou-chan was gone. Misao was gone. They'd had everything. Everything. A family. A home. Love. Peace. Everything. And now it was gone, it had all been taken away from them while they were only sleeping, they woke up and everything was gone...  
"Aren't we going to go after him, dumbass?" Yahiko snapped. "He can't have gotten that far. Did he take the keys? It can't have been more than six hours since he left."  
Go after him.  
That thought raced through his brain like a drug, smoldering in his chest, burning him. Go after him. Of course. Go after him and punch his lights out, drag the asshole home. Of course. How dare he leave him here? How dare he leave him, after everything-  
"Get your stuff together, Yahiko," he said sharply, pushing up from the wall, cracking his knuckles against his palms. "We're going."  
  
"So he didn't take the car."  
"Nah, he's on foot." Sano scanned the sidewalks briefly, then ran the red light without even thinking. "Idiot. How's he gonna get anywhere on foot?"  
"Is he going somewhere in particular?" Yahiko was staring out the window, voice tense.  
"How the Hell should I know?" he snapped. "You know just as much as I do."  
They drove on in silence but for the screaming of his tires, the broken turn signal clicking on and off.  
Until he found the street he was looking for, of course, and pulled into a crowded parking lot. Sano cursed under his breath and parked on the grass, throwing open his door and clambering out. "Get your bag," he ordered hurriedly into the car, then slammed the door shut. Yahiko climbed out, bursting backpack in hand, puzzlement in his eyes.  
"What are we doing here?" he queried, following Sano as he made for the front door.  
"Just come on."  
It wasn't a very heavily guarded apartment building, but that suited their purpose at the moment, as Sano pulled his little brother up the front staircase and down the second floor hallway. Yahiko was silent, unprotesting, at least up until they reached the walnut door.  
"What are we DOING here, Sanosuke? I've never even been here before, do you think this is where Kenshin is-?"  
"No," Sanosuke said shortly. "You're staying here." With that, he rapped loudly at the door.  
"WHAT-?!"  
The door opened almost automatically, but only so far as the chain would let it. Two familiar coal-black eyes judged him, then the door shut again. After the jingling of the chain being removed, they were welcomed into the small apartment.  
"And what can I do for you, boys?" Meg asked calmly, eyes twinkling.  
Sano slammed the door shut behind them, and as an afterthought, he slid the chain back into place. He heard her gasp audibly behind him, and he turned back to face her, face set in hard lines.  
"The girls were taken away," he said harshly. "Kenshin's disappeared. I need you to watch after Yahiko while I go after him. He has all his clothes and things with him. I don't know when I'll be back."  
Meg stared at him, face paling, one slim hand rising to her lips. "Ken-san is gone...?" she whispered, dark eyes widening, undoubtable fear rising there, more fear than he could account for. "And Misao, and- and Kaoru-chan-"  
It was there her cheeks went bloodless, and she froze. Sano stared at her, heart pounding uncomfortably in his throat. He had never seen her so unsettled, so afraid... she had always been the cool one, the one no one could ruffle. For this to rattle her so badly, too...  
It meant his feeling about this wasn't mistaken. Something was going on here. Something more than they could see.  
Something just felt... wrong.  
"Can I trust you?" he asked seriously, taking a step forward, lowering his voice. "Somethin's goin' on here, girl... I need Yahiko to be with someone I can trust."  
Meg stared up into his eyes silently for a moment, then nodded, still pale. "You can trust me, Sanosuke," she affirmed softly, gravely. "I'll watch after him."  
Sano took her slim shoulders in his hands, watching her eyes. She trembled slightly under his grasp. She was shaken, it was obvious, shaken to the core... He'd never expected this girl to show weakness to him. Something was wrong, something was very wrong...  
"Meg," he said softly, "you know something about this."  
He didn't know why he thought it. But he did. She knew something. That was why she was so afraid, why she hadn't discounted his worries, why she had agreed so readily, why she had immediately become so serious at the mention of Kenshin's name.  
Meg shook her head, silken hair brushing over his fingertips, her full lips thinning as she bit them from the inside. "I- I don't know anything, nothing conclusive. I... I'm just afraid-" Her voice cracked, and she broke away from him, her arms crossing over her chest, tightly. "I'm just worried about them. That's all."  
"If you know something-"  
"I don't know anything!" she snapped, whirling back to face him, dark eyes flashing. "One of Jim's clients came sniffing around after Ken-san's medical records. He expressed some interest about the girls, looked through their records too. That's all I know! Jim sends him cocaine through the mail, he runs some insurance agency. I don't know any more than that."  
"And you're afraid he's going to do something to them." Sano caught her wrist. "Meg, come on-"  
She was silent after that, and Sano relaxed his grip, feeling how she shivered. Meg refused to meet his eyes.  
"Yahiko's going to stay with you," Sano said more gently.   
"Sanosuke-!" Yahiko spoke up for the first time, elbowing him in the side. "Why do I have to stay here? I'm not a little kid! I-"  
Sano winced at the hurt and anger in his voice. He turned from Meg, then knelt down, one hand settling on top of his little brother's head. He was so small... still only ten, still a little boy, no matter what he said. Just a little boy.  
"Yahiko, you're staying here," he said softly, firmly. "I need you to watch after the girls, do you understand? Meg needs to be protected too, if what she said is true. She needs somebody too. You stay here. You keep an eye on things. I'll go after Kenshin."  
Yahiko met his eyes, then nodded once, face somber. "All right," he said quietly.  
Sano clutched his shoulder, the small bones strong under his grip. "You'll be fine," he reassured. "You'll be fine. You're a strong kid, Yahiko." His voice roughened, and he clutched him tighter. "You're my brother, Yahiko, you'll be fine. And I'll come back for you, or die trying."  
"Give me your word," Yahiko ordered.   
"I give you my word, 'touto," Sano whispered. "And a Sagara never goes back on his word."  
With that, the boy nodded in grudging acceptance. Sano smiled down at his little brother one last time, then stood up and turned back to the dark-haired girl who leaned against the wall. She was pale, silent, trembling where she stood. He moved closer to her, then clapped one hand on her shoulder, feeling awkward.  
"You take good care of him, Meg," he demanded. "And yourself, too. I want you both safe when I bring Kenshin back."  
"I will," she whispered, lips still trembling. "I swear I will."  
  
*** *** ***  
  
He paused for a moment, then knocked on the fine walnut door, jaw clenched tightly. He refused to use the doorbell, he hated that stupid thing... it rang, and rang, and echoed... It was eerie, in such a big house...  
After a few moments, the door creaked open, and familiar blue eyes peered out at him. Sano tried to manage a smile for his friend, but was aware of how badly he failed when Katsuhiro winced.  
"Do you want to come in, Sano?" he asked quietly, but refrained from going on when Sano shook his head without a word.   
This was humiliating.  
"Katsu, I need some money," he gritted out. "For gas. And food."  
At that, his cool eyes went wide. "What happened, did Himura kick you out? I didn't know there was any problem, you should have-"  
"He's gone," Sano hissed, fists clenching at his sides. "The adoption agency took the girls away, and he just disappeared. I'm gonna go after him, I just, uh..." He winced, shamed, but plunged forward anyway. "I need some money. I'll pay you back, I-"  
"How much do you need?" Katsu asked calmly.  
Sano stared dumbly at him for some time, then blinked and shook his head, staring down at his feet. "I- I dunno. I guess a twenty-"  
The wallet was in his hand before he could complete the sentence. "Here's two hundred," Katsu informed, closing Sano's stiff fingers around the gift. "If you need any more, just tell me."  
"Th-thanks," Sano managed through numbness. He should have expected as much. Of course Katsu wouldn't expect him to take care of himself. Of course Katsu wouldn't ask why he hadn't just taken some money from Kenshin's savings. Katsu would understand why he felt he had no right to that money, that he had been a deciding factor in Kenshin losing those girls and so didn't deserve to touch their hard earnings. Of course Katsu would understand that.  
"So you think you can catch him with a wallet and a prayer."  
Every tiny hair on the back of his neck rose at the sound of that voice.  
"O-officer Fujita...?" Katsu's voice seemed very far away through the blood that was pounding in his ears. "Is there a problem? My parents are inside-"  
"Not at all." Saitou dismissed Katsu with a wave of a white-gloved hand, the light motion visible out of the corner of Sano's eye as the lean man approached him. "You realize your tags are expired. Ahou."  
"Fuck off." His voice was painfully cold, fists tightening by his sides. He had already slid the wallet into one pocket, that necessary treasure reassuring him with its weight. He wasn't going to deal with this bastard now. He had to find Kenshin, find him before something happened. He had to find him now.  
"You realize he's far gone by now," Saitou continued, tone practically conversational.   
"What the Hell do you know?!" Sano snapped, twisting to face him. "I wouldn't put it past you t' have a hand in this, you bastard. But if you dare tell me that-"  
"I know that he's gone off to become who he once was in defense of that taken away from him," Saitou observed, amber eyes glinting in the darkness. "I know that his instincts have enlightened him to what is transpiring around him, in one way or other... In short, he's off to fight for those little girls of his. And you're apparently not invited."  
"What are you TALKING about?" he snarled, chest heating. "There's nothing happening besides some idiot social worker and some rich guy on crack, from what I've heard! You're paranoid, lost in the past!"  
"Am I?" Saitou lifted his cigarette to his thin lips for a moment, taking a long drag and then raising one pencil-thin eyebrow. "I suppose a shop teacher with a dishonorable discharge from the army who is planning on using his students to overthrow the nation's government isn't a concern to you, then?"  
Sano merely stared at him for a moment, then doubled over, laughing so loudly he could hear the sound echoing off the walls of Katsu's house. Once his mirth had subsided, he looked up at Saitou again, wiping his eyes, grinning. "Are you INSANE?" he yelped, still quivering. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! A shop teacher? Overthrowing the government? You've been watchin' too much TV, man! Besides, why would anyone with an idea like that start HERE, in Hicksville, USA?"  
Saitou leveled a contemptuous look on him, one that was icy enough to shut Sano up. "Apparently, Battousai considered it enough of a threat to leave his home without more than the clothes on his back," he explained, as though to a misbehaving child.  
"Oh, come on!" Sano snapped. "You expect me to believe that's why he left? How would you know, anyway? Been out givin' speeding tickets, that's what you've been doin'!"  
"I know it because I've spoken to him," Saitou said dryly. "We met five hours ago and discussed it."  
Sano stared at him, the amusement suddenly fleeing and leaving him cold. "You've seen him?" he whispered, starting forward, nearly reaching out to grab hold of the man's sleeve. "Where? Where is he? Where did he go? Was he okay? What-"  
"He's going to follow a lead in a town some miles from here," Saitou answered curtly. Then he sighed, shaking his head as if in some regret. "Imagine, the two of us working on the same side... Perhaps those bums with the cardboard signs are right, it truly is the end of the world..."  
"What town?" Sano pressed eagerly. He could find him tonight and end this whole mess! He could drag him home and-  
"Nowhere you're going." Saitou eyed him with something that resembled skepticism. "He left you behind, ahou. For a reason."  
"What?!" Sano felt the pleasure that had been swelling in his breast shatter to indignation, to anger. "Whaddya mean, he 'left me behind'? He just WALKED OUT, he's not STABLE, you stupid asshole!"  
"Battousai knew what he was doing," Saitou informed coolly. "He left you because you are weak."  
"WEAK?!" Sano exploded. "What the HELL do you think you're talking about? I'm NOT-"  
"Look at yourself!" Saitou scorned, hard eyes glinting. "You're a child, a fledgling! You expect Battousai to think you're strong? He is an assassin who's killed scores of men, men with three times his physical strength, men with more training in self-defense than you could dream of. You are a classroom bully who can manage to incapacitate little children. Next to us, you are nothing. And you expect him to bring you along on his important jobs, little fledgling?"   
Weak.  
The strong win, and the weak lose. So it's the weak who are evil, in the eyes of history. You wanna be a good boy? Then you've gotta be strong.  
Those words echoed in his mind, those black eyes staring into his, pupils dilated with whatever drug he'd been strung out on... That boy had been barely older than him, and yet he had been powerful enough to destroy an entire orphanage with his influence.   
Those grinning eyes. Those triumphant eyes.  
And after that, he had struggled to be strong. He didn't want to lose again, he didn't want to lose everything to someone else's power. Never again. He wouldn't suffer that again. He wouldn't let someone destroy his life again.  
"I'm not weak, don't you DARE call me that!" he snarled, fists clenching harder, settling into a familiar stance, ratty sneakers digging into Katsu's manicured lawn. "I'm not WEAK."  
"You're a child. Battousai calls you his weakness." Saitou's tone was only faintly smug, his amber eyes dissolving into crimson as rage tainted his gaze. The red curtain fell, and he swung.  
He would show Saitou just how "weak" he was!  
His knuckles cracked on the man's forearm, and Sano grimaced. Blocked, so fast. But it didn't matter- he swung again, and again- He wasn't going to let Saitou even get the chance to fight back. If he just kept hitting him, if he kept up the steady battering, he'd be sure to win-  
When the fist crashed into his shoulder, just out of sequence with the blows he had been landing, the burst of agony came seconds after he felt his cheek meeting the recently cut grass. It was his left shoulder, it didn't matter so much, he could hit better with the right anyway- He pistoned his right foot into the ground and spun back, balanced still on the ball of his other foot, and threw all his weight into another swing.  
This time, the blow was to his jaw, and he had flipped himself back to action before he had even staggered back two feet. The next came to his chest, then to his forearm. And each time he threw himself back into the fray, he wouldn't lose this, he couldn't lose this, he wasn't weak, he wasn't WEAK-  
But it was the final blow when white-gloved fingers curled around his right fist, fingertips digging cruelly into the half-healed tendons, the ripped muscles, the bone chipped by sheet metal. Saitou knew his wound hadn't healed, Saitou had been there the day he'd done it, Saitou had provoked him into it, Saitou knew it was his only weak spot and-  
That hand clenched and Sano felt a scream of agony tear from his throat, his knees buckling, the bones crunching and scraping, oh GOD he could feel them breaking, slowly, fracturing through crack by crack-  
Until suddenly, those fingers released, and Sano collapsed with a whimper, cradling the hand that had so nearly be ruined again tight to his bruising chest. He could feel Saitou staring down at him, he could feel the contempt in those inhuman eyes, judging him, reviling him-!  
"You're nothing but a little boy," the policeman pronounced. "A fledgling."  
Sano watched the boots stalk away, nearly catatonic with pain he'd never dreamed was possible... and yet, he flexed his hand once he could bear to, and nothing was broken. Nothing was even really harmed.   
The bastard was just making a point.  
He stumbled to the car without saying a word to Katsu. He'd never come in contact with such great power before. He'd never seen anything like it. Kenshin had told him that Saitou and Battousai had been nearly equal in skill, all that time ago...  
How could so much power be housed inside Kenshin...?  
He pulled the door shut after him, ignoring the screams of pain from his hand. How dare he. How dare he leave him behind. How dare he call him weak, after all he had done for Kenshin, after all the times he had sacrificed to protect him, after all the times he had lied to save Kenshin's ass! After how much he had loved him, how much he cared, how he had promised to stay no matter what!  
Sano switched on the ignition and squealed out of Katsu's driveway. No. Saitou wanted to convince him he couldn't do anything, he'd show him, dammit, he'd show him! He'd show him, and he'd show Kenshin, he'd show Kenshin he wasn't weak!   
How could he say that...? After everything he'd done for him...?  
"More than that..." Sano whispered into the steering wheel, staring at his hand. "More than these wounds... Kenshin calling me his weakness hurts ten thousand times more."  
  
*** *** ***  
  
He'd been driving for hours.  
He didn't know what he had expected to find. His body in a ditch. Maybe just him walking along the side of the road. Or some kind of indefinable clue to where he was, where he was going.  
But he had expected to find something.  
Something. Anything at all. And yet, not a trace of him, as though he had never existed.  
Sano pulled up to a red light, decided to stop just this once, then leaned back in his seat with a heavy sigh. He thumped a fist against the steering wheel, staring blankly down the road. Nothing. Nothing at all. The little redhead had just skipped out of his life, damn him, like nothing had happened, nothing at all, damn him...  
His eyes settled on the dimly glowing lights of the Y, just across the intersection. Kenshin wouldn't be there, he knew that. Too many people, too loud, too friendly. He wouldn't be there, not in a state that would have driven him to just leave.   
To leave without his medication.  
He hadn't dared tell Yahiko that. Yahiko knew how important the medication was to Kenshin's state of mind, and Yahiko was smart enough to know what that would mean. He didn't want to worry him more than he already had. It wasn't something he even wanted to think about, not at all, not when Kenshin was wandering the streets, cold and alone, he didn't want to think of him walking on not alone...  
It was too much to think about.  
Annoyed at waiting for the light to turn, Sano pulled through the deserted intersection. It was late enough that there was absolutely no one around, and it was safe to drive like a maniac. He had never used to worry about stuff like that, thinking that if he got killed Yahiko would probably end up with better parents...  
But Kenshin had managed to convince him to watch his driving.   
Kenshin, who was lost somewhere without a car or money.   
The damn idiot.   
The anger was choking, blinding. The idiot had just left. Left, with nothing. Not bothering to consider how it would hurt him. What it would do to him. How it would tear him apart inside.  
Sano pulled into the parking lot of the YMCA, tires screeching in protest as he swung into a parking space. It was too dark to go looking for him now... If Kenshin had any sense, he would have found someplace to stay by now. A spare room in a sympathetic house. An all-night cafeteria somewhere. A homeless shelter. Anywhere. But he wouldn't be out walking, not now. No sane person would-  
He switched off the engine, that thought sinking into the pit of his stomach.  
And there was the rub, as 'jou-chan would say.  
Kenshin wasn't sane.  
Sano rubbed at his temples, eyes squeezed closed, aching. Empty. No matter how much it killed him inside, he couldn't tell himself that Kenshin was perfectly sane. He heard voices that accused him of horrible things. Every now and then, he would lose track of what he was saying and end up on the opposite subject. He shared his body with other people, though Sano had no idea how many. He saw things that weren't there. He saw faces in the walls and silhouettes in the windows. No matter how fine he seemed in everyday life, Kenshin was severely disturbed. He wasn't sane. And because of that, he had no idea how to predict him... He never knew who would be in control!  
He slammed the door behind him and stalked toward the glowing lights of the Y. He'd work out. His hand didn't hurt so much anymore, and-   
He grimaced. Weak. He'd show them weak. He'd give them their goddamn weakness... He'd work out, he'd train, and when he found Kenshin he'd be just as strong as him- if not stronger! Even stronger!  
Sano stalked through the darkened parking lot, stuffing his keys into his pocket. It was late, so the front lobby was deserted but for the receptionist, who Sano ignored. She made no move to stop him. She never had before, so why now? He scared the poor woman, and at the moment he didn't feel like being friendly. Not at all.  
It'd been so long since he had been there... Feeling lost, Sano wandered past the pools and down the hallway by the changing rooms.  
"Hey, Sagara!"  
Surprised at the familiar voice, Sano wheeled about, then blinked into a rakish grin. "Joe Richards," he greeted, raising an eyebrow. "It'd figure I see you here."  
"Well, I am a lifeguard." The cheeky grin didn't abate. "Whatcha here for, huh? Y'can't really sleep here, y'know. Can't trust those damn Village People."  
"Yeah, damn them and their funky disco beat," Sano retorted. "I'm here t' work out a little, that a crime?"  
"Oh!" Joe brightened. "Tony's back there on his break, I'll go with ya."  
Sano followed him obediently, silently grateful for the guide. "Tony?" he  
queried. "He your friend, there?"   
"Hey, now," Joe protested, voice good-natured. "Tony's a good guy."  
"Never said he wasn't," Sano answered, then left it at that.  
After a few moments of silence, Joe opened a door in the concrete wall, and Sano followed him in. It was a small room, ornamented with several punching bags, racks of weights, and other exercise equipment.  
The sole occupant of the room was one Sano recognized from the few football games he'd been to for minor vandalism reasons. He forgot what position he played, but Anthony had always been easy to spot. He moved fast enough, but the real thing that everyone noticed was his strength. He could knock people out of his way like they were cardboard cutouts. He was tall, muscled, dark hair shaved close to his skull, equally dark eyes glinting and focused.  
"Hey, Tony!" Joe called cheerfully, and the teenager broke away from the punching bag long enough to nod hello, give Sano a measuring look, then caught up a Coke bottle and took a long drink from it. Sano eyed it hungrily, then lifted his eyes brazenly to Anthony's.  
"Hey, can I have some of that?" he asked abruptly.  
Anthony was silent, then nodded and tossed him the bottle.   
Sano drank thirstily, then tossed it back. Anthony caught it easily, then returned it to its place by his foot.  
There was a long silence as Anthony contemplated the punching bag.  
"Hey, Tony, I'm gonna get goin', 'kay?" Joe broke the silence, voice hopeful. "I'll see you at the meeting tomorrow."  
"You'll actually be awake in time? It's an early one... I know it's not your forte." There was a note of sardonic humor in his tone, and Sano blinked in moderate surprise. He'd never expected the slightest bit of wit from someone so... serious.  
"Yeah, I'll be there! It's- it's important, right...?" His voice dropped off on that, and Sano blinked at him briefly. A sudden darkness had fallen over his face, a sudden hesitancy, even... even unease?  
"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow, Joe."  
Sano watched the blond leave, unable to shake the feeling that something seemed... well, just wrong...   
Within seconds, the sounds of fist against punching bag resumed, and Sano returned his attention to finding something to train with. Did he feel like lifting weights, or...  
And then something exploded.  
He spun, every danger sense he owned going off at red alert, only to see the punching bag Anthony had been attacking bouncing off the far wall. The chain that had held it dangled innocently from the ceiling, unbroken. Had it detached...?   
No. The top of the bag was torn... the chain had ripped through it. He had knocked it off, without even breaking a link of metal.  
There was a pulse of silence in the small room, and then Sano found himself blurting out like a little child, "How the Hell did you DO that?"  
Anthony turned to face him, a peculiar look in his dark eyes. "It's something I taught myself," he responded almost warily. "You know, how you can pull a tablecloth out from underneath a pile of glasses and not disturb them... It all has to do with downward forces and-"  
"I don't understand physics," Sano interrupted, waving a hand, heart pounding. "But you're saying... that if you hit it right, you can knock that thing off without breaking the chain, every time."  
Anthony nodded silently.  
Sano swallowed, then focused on him. "What would happen if you did that on a human body?" he asked, mouth dry.  
He appeared to consider that for a moment, then nodded, eyes glittered. "That's what it was designed for, the technique. If done with the right amount of force to a torso, it will knock a two hundred pound man five feet backwards. If done with more force and at the correct area, it could easily knock a bone so far out of joint it would be unusable."  
"Can you teach me how to do that?" Sano asked hurriedly, hungrily, hands clenching. "Can you? I mean-"  
"I can," Anthony said softly. "It was never meant to be taught, but..." His dark eyes cased his figure, his arms. "I can teach you... but first..."  
"Anything. Anything. What?"  
"How do you feel about the present government?" Anthony asked crisply.  
Sano stared at him for a moment, then blinked. "I hate it," he said honestly. "The government took away from me a man I once called my mentor, even my father. And it's taken away everything I had two weeks ago."  
Anthony stared into his eyes, then nodded.  
"It's based on resistance," he said calmly. "When hit, an object resists. A good deal of the force is wasted. If the first blow is of a certain strength, the object resists the force, but only uses as much energy as necessary. If hit in the instant it is resisting with a much stronger blow, the added force will move it without the force spreading to any other area of the object."  
"Wouldn't that disintegrate it?" Sano blinked, trying to make sense of this.  
"You've been reading too many comic books," Anthony observed, before moving towards the door. "I'll give you a month. You don't leave this room."  
"I don't have a month!" Sano interrupted, hands clenching at his sides. "I don't have that much time. I-" He grinned rakishly, a realization dawning upon him.   
"Seven days," he pronounced grandly. "I'll do it in seven days!"  
Anthony stopped and considered him for a moment, then sighed and shook his head. "You're determined...?" he whispered, a dark brow raised . "Seven days?"  
"Yeah!" Sano grinned, heart racing like mad in his chest. Yeah, he could do it! He could learn any fighting style now, now with his desperate ambition and flooding adrenaline...  
And suddenly, the glint in Anthony's dark eyes froze to ice, and Sano bit back a sudden sense of foreboding. Something didn't look right, there... something he hadn't thought to-  
"Fine. Seven days," the young man said shortly. "And as I have said, you don't leave this room."  
"What?!" Sano yelped, interrupting. "I have to EAT, y'know! And-"  
"There's a bathroom adjoined to this room," he cut in ruthlessly. " I work every night this week, so I'll leave you food enough when I leave. If you conserve it for meals or eat it all for breakfast is up to you. Before you even think of trying to leave, the door locks from the outside, and I'm taking the key home with me. There will be a sign posted outside to alert everyone that it is closed to public use."  
Sano stared at him, jaw hanging open.  
"And finally, at the end of the week..." Anthony's eyes bored into his. "We fight. If you haven't mastered the technique..."  
"I kill you."  
The door swang shut on those simple words, and Sano could do nothing but stare for what seemed like hours.  
And then he summoned his strength and blasted a punch into the nearest bag. All right. So he was a little weird. Okay, more than a little weird, maybe rather addled. But he could handle that. It wasn't as if he wasn't used to strange things by now. A homocidal teacher. He could handle that.  
He had to be strong.  
Sano grinned, eyes closed, the bag already yielding under his fists. "I'll get stronger," he muttered under his breath, finding his rhythm. "Wherever you are, Kenshin, wherever you might be... I'll get there!"  
"So wait for me there!"  
  
  
  
  



	24. Beautiful Dreamer

  
She had finally managed to cry herself out.  
Her eyes only ached now, ached and burned as her forehead throbbed. She was motionless, inert, in the spotless backseat of the car that had come to take her away. The car that carried all her luggage in the back. The car that her father hadn't stopped her from getting into.   
He had just walked away.  
He'd just said goodbye forever and turned his back on her.  
The man who was in the passenger seat, the nervous-looking one, he'd put the child lock on her door, she was certain of it. He must have been afraid of her opening the door and flinging herself onto the highway to end her life under a passing car. She would have, if she could summon enough energy to move. If she could even lift an arm to pull the door handle. She couldn't bring herself to even lift her head.  
He was gone from her life. Just like that.  
The pain had subsided, as much as she could expect it to. It had been thirty minutes on the road, the last twenty being long, twisting, back roads that she had never seen in her seven years living in the area. Not that she was paying much attention, really...Her eyes were too blurry...were her reading glasses in the luggage...? Of course they were, of course they were. 'Tou-san wouldn't have forgotten them, never, he had been the one who had taken her to get them the first time, and they had laughed over how hers looked so much like the ones that he used to read every now and then...He hadn't worn them for a long time, but she didnt know why...  
And she would never see those glasses again.   
It was the most absurd thing, but it was that thought that brought tears welling up in her eyes again.   
The car slid to a halt suddenly, and she blinked stinging tears hastily away, glancing up through the window in bewilderment. "This...this isnt the orphanage," she informed, voice scratching.  
"This is your new home, young lady," the woman behind the wheel informed crisply. "You won't be going back to the orphanage. You were adopted."  
"Wha-?"  
She couldn't manage more than that, staring dumbly at the huge white house that dwarfed the soft, snow-blanketed lawn that flanked the driveway the car was idling on. Adopted...? Already? She had been taken from 'tou-san only an hour ago, how had she been adopted already? Was there a waiting list? Had the agency known the decision that early, that they could already find a replacement?  
And for God's sake, why would someone who lived in a house like this be so desperate to adopt her?  
She could hear the trunk opening, her luggage being lifted out. No one had gotten out of the car. Then her door was opened. There was a man in a dark blue suit there with his hand on the door. A butler. He was waiting for her to get out of the car.  
This couldn't be happening.  
She lifted numbly, almost staggering out. Her shoes scraped over the pavement, where the snow had been carefully brushed away, and the butler or servant or whoever he was shut the door behind her, not reaching out the steadying hand that Sano-otou-chan would have. Or asking after her well-being. Or evincing any evidence of being human at all.  
"Kaoru."  
Hands took her shoulders, and Kaoru found herself crushed into a warm chest, what seemed to be a tie tack digging hard into her cheek, slender fingers tangling into her ponytail and stroking her neck, the back of her head, the other hand dropping from where it had caught her close to curl around her ribs, holding her tightly, holding her close.  
She had caught only the briefest glance of his face, but it had been enough- enough to recognize those unnaturally blue eyes. Enough to know the rigid molding of his platinum blond hair.  
"Mr. Snow," she managed to whisper into the white lapel of his suit.  
"Oh, Kaoru," he whispered into her hair, the smooth voice she remembered hoarse. "Oh, dear Kaoru, I hope it isn't too late...the things that man must have done to you..."  
She was silent, limp in his grip. His words made no sense. His desperation made no sense. Why...?  
"You're safe from him now," Eric breathed into her hair, cradling her to his chest. "You're safe from him now, beautiful little Kaoru, you're safe from him now...You're with me now...You're with me now..."  
She stared blankly, the snow that still fell from the heavens not even melting on the tip of her nose.  
"You're with me now..."  
  
*** *** ***  
  
It was only a minor setback.  
She hadn't even bothered to unpack her luggage. There was no use to it, really. It wasn't like she was going to be spending much time here. There was school, and drama, and then she'd probably go visit her dads and Aoshi-sama. So she'd be sleeping here, but that was it. Like a free hotel with bad food.  
Her "dads"...  
Misao grinned fondly, bouncing on the mattress and listening to the springs squeak. She had two dads. She'd figured it was only a matter of time until 'tou-chan fell head over heels for some guy...he didn't have it in him to love someone halfway. He was just lucky he'd fallen for someone who was just the same way.   
Sano-otou-chan would take care of him. 'Tou-chan would be fine, as long as Sano-otou-chan was by his side. They made a good team.  
So she'd go off to see them, and take 'nee-chan with her. And everything would be normal, or at least kinda normal.  
"Misao?"   
She blinked up from the floor, and smiled brightly at the doorway. "Hi, Sara!" she chirped. "Cmon in."   
The long-haired girl pulled the door shut behind her and plopped cross-legged onto the floor, arranging her long legs gracefully. "Nicole says to say hi," she informed. "She's trying to get her Trig homework done still."  
Misao nodded, bobbing her feet. The two girls were rarely seen far apart, nearly identical but for hairstyle; Sara wore hers down, and Nicole wore hers in a bun. Both were dancers, and both were in the drama club with her. Both also had lived at the orphanage all their lives.  
"Didja' see my sister?" Misao queried offhand. "I should go see her soon as possible, get our plans in order for visiting home."  
Sara blinked at her for a moment, then her lovely brow furrowed. "Your sister isn't here," she said softly, confused. "She was adopted already...didn't the old man tell you?"  
"Adopted?!" Misao jumped off the bed, jaw hanging open. "Adopted, already? What the fu-"   
"Misao...! So nice to see you back again!"  
"DAMMIT, GRAMPS!" She hadn't even heard the door open! She whirled on the old man, glaring as darkly as she could bring herself to. "Bargin' in on a teenaged girls room, what if I was NAKED, you pervert?!"  
"I dressed you until you were ten," he retorted, wizened fingers toying at the pink ribbon that was still ever-present in his long beard. "Nothing I haven't seen before, my dear."  
Misao scowled only a moment longer, then grinned and grabbed the old man in an enthusiastic bear hug. "Good t'see ya, Gramps," she said fondly.   
They separated after a few moments, ruffling hair and ducking punches. They had always been close, the two of them. Unlike her sister, the orphanage hadnt been a bad experience for her. Probably because she talked to people more. 'Nee-chan had always been a little shy.   
'Nee-chan.  
"Hey, Gramps-" Misao grabbed his thin shoulders, staring deep into his face. "Where's my sister? How on EARTH was she already adopted? Where is she? Can I see her?"  
"Look, Misao," he interrupted, stopping her. "I couldn't do anything, it was out of my hands. A rich young man adopted her immediately after the decision. I don't know where she is, Im sorry."  
The air of mirthful reunion that had been so light in the room was gone, her heart pounding in her throat. 'Nee-chan. She'd have to find her...she'd see her in school, on Monday, or at least be able to find her change of address at the office. There were things she could do, of course there were. There were always things she could do.  
"Yeah. Thanks, Gramps." Misao smiled brightly, reassuring. Of course there were things she could do. And she'd do them, and everything would work out fine. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Never put all your eggs in the same basket. Never aggravate a starving ferret. They were all truths of the world.   
But the most important truth of all was that no obstacle was gonna get Himura Misao down. No sir.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
They had been taken away that afternoon.  
The quiet glow of the computer screen was the only thing that illuminated his small study, the steady clicking of the mouse beneath sure fingers echoing in his ears. The two girls had been taken away, and Battousai had left. He'd left on foot, so silent that his senses had barely picked up the sounds of his exit. Not the way the man had moved about for the past six years, no clunking and swishing of socks over floorboards. It hadn't been the walk of the man who had lived above him for so long.  
It was the furtive motions of the assassin.   
The two boys had left soon after. They had taken the car, and left a hurriedly scrawled note that they might not be back for some time. There was no doubt that the child had been sequestered someplace safe. The other...the young man whose fighting spirit was so uncontrolled it burned anyone tracing it, he had gone after Battousai.   
He had gone after Battousai, and he would die.  
It was sad, but it was a sad fact. The boy would die, as would anyone who got in between Battousai and his apparent goal.   
It was fortunate Misao had gotten away from him. Or been ripped from him, however it had happened. She cared for Battousai. But she had been in danger every moment she was near him. And he had been powerless. Completely powerless to protect her from the man she loved as her father.   
The man who had to be the killer who had orphaned her. And yet...somehow...  
Aoshi shook the thought off, stroking the mouse absently, staring blankly at the scanned picture the man had given him, the picture that had been taken in Misao's infancy. He had been terrified, to be saddled with a five-year-old girl, a baby who could walk and talk and write her name. But she had seemed so unafraid...as though she didn't comprehend what was going on, or just...didn't accept it...  
He had given her to the orphanage as soon as he had found one he thought he could trust. And he had watched. And watched.  
It had been pure coincidence that Battousai had chosen to live above his dojo. But if he hadn't, he still would have watched Misao. She was his duty. She was his charge. He had promised a dying man he would take care of her, and so he would.  
Shinimori Aoshi did not break promises.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
The sun was setting.  
The wind had picked up a little, playing over the stiff, gelled spikes that covered his head, stroking his cheeks with a absent coolness that chilled him to the spine.   
Joe yawned expansively, stretching out on the shaded picnic table, twisting to the side in an unsuccessful attempt to crack his back. He'd been doing a bit of heavy lifting for the past couple hours...well deserving of a break, he'd say. Anthony and Frederick were still working, but they were about the only ones. Aimee had never started working in the first place, preferring to hang on Sherman like she always did. Kelsey had worked diligently for a long time, but now sat blissfully putting barrettes in Sydney's short hair. Sydney was just smiling patiently.  
The hull of the boat was taking shape.  
  
*** *** ***  
"And this is your room," Eric announced calmly, opening the last door in the hallway.  
She could only stare into the bedroom, lips trembling in more disbelief than she could manage. There was a four-poster bed with a ceiling canopy. The walls weren't painted, they were paneled. In mahogany. The carpet was as thick as a golf courses lawn, and colored a deep wine. There was a walk-in closet. An ajar door that led to a bathroom. A full bookshelf. A computer. A flat-screen television mounted against one wall.   
"Go on in, then," he encouraged, laying a hand in the small of her back and edging her forward. "It's all yours."  
She took one tentative step into the opulent bedroom, eyes wide. It was bigger than their living room had been, almost twice the size. Even the carpet was enough to make her feel plain, homespun, like peasantry.   
"Why...?" she mouthed softly, turning back to him. Her hands were weak, fingers quivering. "Why did you...why did you do this, Mr. Snow...?"  
A smile curved his thin lips, and Eric moved easily into the room. "Because you deserve better," he said obliquely, then cast his eyes down to her. "Kaoru...I'm not going to carry this charade of being your father. I'm barely older than you..." He trailed off, then his face brightened, as if coming to a realization. "How about, you just think of me as your...your brother?"  
All she could do was nod dumbly, and he smiled with delight. "Good, then," he murmured, one hand suddenly and swiftly settling on her arm. "I'll leave you to your room then...sister."  
When his lips brushed over her forehead, the shock was cold and immediate.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
The sun was setting.  
The hull was taking shape.  
He breathed slowly, feeling the scars in his lungs stretch and enlarge, sharp eyes taking in the fire of the twilight, the fire that would be real for the helpless gaze once his plans were complete.   
Aimee had left his side only moments before, fussing over Sydney as she did constantly. The girl meant well, but she was entirely useless to him as anything more than someone to watch after his inhaler and a soft place to rest his head at night. Though, he had to admit, she was remarkably good at that.  
She would be tossed aside sooner or later, just as they all would. In the end, most of them were nothing but willing pawns to him, living and dying as he pleased. Just as the men he had once called his comrades. Soldiers in a worthy cause. A cause they would champion without even knowing the reason why.  
It had been an accident.  
And yet, the discharge had been one of a criminal. He had been cut away as swiftly as though he had never existed at all. After all, if he had existed, if the instructions to set that boiler to that exact temperature and pressure had indeed been given him to his superiors as he had claimed...  
It was true that the explosion had taken out the informants. It was true that the information they might have provided would have shown the US attack to have been baseless after all, that the alleged Iraqi soldier who had committed those atrocities against the embassy to be an American agent of that strike force that didn't exist and had never existed, the force he had been a member of all those years.   
And because of that fortunate tragedy, a political upheaval was averted. The weak corruption of the government remained in place.   
And yet it was he who was ostracized as a fool, a traitor.  
It was useless to be bitter. It served him no purpose, not now, not when he was so close to grasping his destiny, his truth. The government was weak. All it took was one sex scandal to bring it all crashing down.  
He was strong. He had survived the fireball of that furnace exploding in his face. He had lived. While they had expected him to die, to die alone in the cold, to fade into history forgotten and useless and silent...  
He had lived.  
_The strong live. The weak die.  
_Mack Sherman watched over his Key Club, most exhausted and spent, some spread over park tables and benches, other on the ground. And yet the rest continued tirelessly. Shaping the recycled metal with the most inexpensive of tools. Consulting architecture manuals. They worked now, and they would continue to work until he told them to stop.  
Joe Richards had stopped working some time ago. The blond had neurotic energy, excited ambition, but once that was spent, he wouldn't lift a finger for anyone. Somehow, the boy had learned of the plan before he had been indoctrinated into it, somehow. Somehow, in the same way Joe always knew things. Perhaps he had been told. But none of that mattered.   
Because when it came to protecting their interests, Joe was the one to trust it to. He was quick and athletic, a soccer player. He had taken kickboxing lessons since he was five, and was an accomplished school brawler- he had won against every combatant but one. And beneath that wholesome and cheery exterior...there was a man with quite the healthy fixation on knives, medieval swords, and anything else that drew blood.  
He had seen the boy castrate a wood roach at one of their meetings, in one swift, bold stroke.  
Sprawled over the bench next to him was a shadow in grey and black, stringy hair falling into a gaunt face where it contrasted with pallored skin. Henry never made it to the after-school meetings, but he was always there when they met in the evenings and on weekends. He was reliable for work that involved any sort of electronics, with his delicate fingers...as well as security. His appearance was enough to scare away snoopers, as was his reputation. The track marks of needle injections along his thin arms, his cheekbones bloodied with heavy rouge, his reddened eyes. He was their intimidation, if nothing else.   
Seth was asleep near Henry's leg, lax in his duty of watching Frederick. The two weren't related, at least so far as he knew, but he had never seen them far apart. Seth was a mousy, singularly unattractive boy, pimpled and shriveled beyond repair. Frederick was plain-featured, muscled, tall and broad...and stupid beyond repair. Frederick was still working diligently, large fingers curled around a screwdriver and listening obediently to Anthony's orders.  
Anthony. Anthony Morrison. The dark-haired boy was paging through a manual, sharp eyes narrowed and flickering quickly over each word. The boy was intelligent, as much so as Sydney, if not more. He had joined the Key Club in his freshman year, and when he had been introduced to the plan, there had not been even a moment of surprise in those eyes. Only a silent nod. And just that simply, Anthony was one of them. He had never deigned to find out where his cold anger had come from. Why he still wore a cross every day, under his shirt.  
Eugene sat by him, staring blankly at the hull of recycled metal, jaw slack. There was nothing to say about Eugene, nothing to think. He was only there. He was manpower. That was it. He was a lump of manpower, no more.  
Sydney sat with the two "girls"...Aimee and Kelsey, the whore and the transvestite. Those two fought just as he had expected, and yet the conflict only spurred them to deeper and deeper expressions of their loyalty to him and him alone. Aimee, he had found on the way to his job interview...working in the truck stop. She had latched onto him then, and clung to him since...Kelsey had come soon after. He had rescued him from a group of teenagers who, being not from the area, werent under the apparent impression he was female and decided to act accordingly. Kelsey viewed him as a saviour, perhaps. It didnt matter. Love or obsession, it mattered little.  
And that left Sydney.  
The smile never left that round face now. That smile that had been borne of tears, of fear, of the fire that had billowed from the house behind him, of the blood streaking his baby-soft cheeks and hands.   
Sydney was his pride, if ever he had one.  
Horace was nothing but an organizational force, no matter his zeal for the cause. Oliver was cannon fodder who would, hopefully, take a few out along the way.  
They were pawns, only pawns of his, his soldiers in a vastly powerful army, an army that would be strong enough to live over the weakness and the corruption. If they lived, they lived. If they died, it was no matter.   
The fire that blazed against the far water was dying now.  
And yet the dream rose.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	25. How You Remind Me

Fire billowed crimson along the black line of the horizon, its heat so far away from where the chill soaked into their bones, where the night had already fallen over the frozen muddy shore. That darkness so distant swelled and grew over them, smothering, cradling in its grace these lost souls, these frightened voices clamouring harder and harder against the fragile mind, tearing and sobbing and screaming, and yet no answers would come. Why were they here? Who had brought them here, to this cold and unforgiving ground where the dirt colored a calloused heel with no rubber or fabric to hold it away.   
They stood barefoot in the reeds, muddy water lapping at their toes with nibbling teeth of ice. Was it even water, anymore?... The teeth of that beast grew more and more ravenous, until they darted backwards, yanking their vulnerable extremities from the dragon that curled invisible in the dead weeds. Now they could see its eyes, cold black eyes that laughed at their fear.   
They were here, and no one would say why.  
Loose strands of blood-red hair darted in the chill breeze in front of eyes, now amethyst, now ruby, now blood, now emerald, now amber, and he looked inside to the assemblage that stood guilty in the blackness.   
"Speak up," Battousai commanded, crossing his arms over his chest, tapping a booted foot against the insubstantial dark. "Speak up now. Who did this?"  
Parched lips set into a thin line, then parted, a tiny giggle dancing through light and unfettered. The girl drew perfect tapered fingers through her satin black hair, eyes like crystalline blood sparkling. "What does it even matter? Were here, arent we? Theres no use in losing sleep over it."  
Silence, the wind picking up enough to freeze the tears like diamonds onto their pale cheeks. Shinta faded, the filmy shapes that drifted behind her every step melting into blackness.  
Hands clenched in the cold twilight, empty and aching, grasping the wind that hurtled headfirst away from the terror of bloodstained fingers reaching out for their next victim.   
"Tears by neck by hand by throat," the cracked voice whispered, the hair tangled before crimson eyes so filthy to be colorless. "The water is red. The blood is red because the water is blue. The mouth is arching and screaming and playing with the sand castles."  
"Own up!" Battousai snapped.  
"Even the sun is crying."  
"Were at the park."  
"Shh." Long fingers curled in front of eyes squeezed shut. "Shhh. Dont be scared. Dont be scared."  
"Were at the park."  
Everything was all right. Everything was okay. They were at the park. Why? It was okay, you could feed the ducks if you wanted. The feathers are screaming with hate and fear and the water runs with the bulls in Spain and the rain is on the plane with the Pope. Everything was okay. Everything was okay.   
Ducks, ducks, duckys duckys. Chi liked duckys.   
Chi liked to play with the duckys. She threw the duckys bread and then they ate it and quacked. She wanted to pet the duckys but the duckys ran away and she couldnt catch them because Kenshin-nii-chans legs were too big and she fell down.   
Chi was cold. I t was really cold. Chi wanted to go home where she could hug on Sanosuke-nii-chan and he would be warm. He was big and nice but he didnt know her because Kasumi-mama told her to pretend to be Kenshin-nii-chan so no one would know. She didnt know why Sanosuke-nii-chan didnt know because Kenshin-nii-chan was tall and besides she wore dresses.   
Kenshin-nii-chan wouldnt wear dresses. She didnt like wearing pants. They itched her legs and felt funny. She wanted to go home anyway. It was dirty here and it was getting all over her shoes.  
She reached out her hands and drew Chi back to her bosom. The poor child would catch a chill here... As they all would, but the baby was most susceptible. It was her duty to protect the girl, and she would make sure nothing ill would come...   
Kasumi stroked a hand over Chis little forehead, soft emerald eyes closing in pain. Those two little girls... She had wanted to help them so badly, those poor children, and yet she had failed... She had failed to be there enough, to be a good enough mother, and now they were gone to goodness knows where...   
So she cradled Chi now, poor innocent babe that clung to her and sighed in her slumber, and rocked on her heels on the icy mud beneath them. There was nothing to do now, nothing to do but cling on to her children that remained and hope to stave away the evil that was coming.  
Sakuras arms went to cradle her ribs, lips pursing in a long sigh. It was too chilly for comfort out here, too much for her to deal with... Where was home, with its warm cotton sheets and even warmer bedmates...? There was no use for her here, not in the cold and the lonely night.   
Not in the lonely night...  
He was dimly aware of the tears frozen on his cheeks already, but the new flood scalded him, and stung his eyes. Himura Kenshin sobbed into his muddy and frostbitten hands, falling unashamed to his knees in the reeds that danced in the river. Where was he...? What had happened?   
It wasnt an unfamiliar feeling, to open his eyes as if from a long sleep and find himself somewhere he was so sure he had never taken himself... He had woken once in an airport clutching a one-way ticket to Milan... He didnt even know where Milan once, let alone how he had gotten to the airport... But never like this- never like this-!  
The only images that appeared in his memory were ones of the social worker situating himself in the chair Sano usually sat in, and he could remember being faintly annoyed at the liberties the man was taking with his precious furniture... But after that...? After that, only here, only the sun dying along the bay and the caked ground freezing his heels... his unshod heels... He was here, he was shoeless, he was hungry, he was cold and alone...  
Where was Kaoru-dono, Misao-dono, Yahiko, Sano...? Why did they let him come alone, why hadnt they come for him?   
The tears continued to come unbidden, soaking the torn collar of his shirt, dripping off his chin to spot the ground before his feet. He was afraid. He was lonely and afraid and he was alone again and he had no idea where he was... He never left the house, not alone, he was too scared that the darkness would come and he would return to himself somewhere so far away he would never make it back home. And he forgot so easily. There was never room anywhere in his mind for remembering what places looked like. He could get to school, but that wasnt very far away, and there were signs... at least he was rather sure there were. And he was afraid to walk around in case he got lost. But the sun was setting and it was getting dark... it was getting dark and then he wouldnt be able to see, he wouldnt be able to see the things that could get him in the dark- there was no one here, and he was all alone- he was so frightened...  
  
*** *** ***  
  
Blood ran freely over his knuckles, the marred tendons screaming with pain against the bones that had never fully reset. How many times he had broken his hands, he didnt know anymore- he didnt know if they were broken now, if that had been his wrist that had just snapped against the concrete wall. He didnt know, he couldnt know, he couldnt think. It was only the relentless pounding, faster and faster, ignoring the agony, ignoring the liquid standing in his eyes and falling in torrents down his back.   
To be strong- it was neverending now, to be strong, to be strong enough to drag him home and keep him there- a man who had killed thousands, the same one who made his ham-and-cheese sandwiches- to be strong, to knock down this wall and run free-  
He was only dimly aware that he had forgone his fists and was beating his forehead against the wall. Again. Again. Faster. To be strong. It had to be three in the morning now. Anthony hadnt come. He hadnt come for days, for weeks, for years, however long it had been , trapped in this little room with only his thoughts and his bloodstains for company, and he had eaten all the crackers and he was hungry, goddammit, hungry...  
Kenshin... it hurt, it hurt still and now it hurt even more. The one he had trusted the most had left him behind, had left him behind to brave the world alone, and he couldnt let him go alone- how could he let him go alone? How could Kenshin leave him alone? Left him behind here, when they were the same, no matter what they were the same... The same, and yet... Kenshin calling him weak... it hurt ten thousand times more than any pain he could inflict on himself with just a wall...  
A soft laugh echoed through the weight room, and Sanosuke sank to the matted floor, holding his forehead, barely aware of the wetness seeping through his fingertips. He couldnt leave Kenshin to take on the world alone, not when... not when they were so much the same.  
He had to be so frightened, in the cold and the darkness, all alone... It pained him to even think of the redhead wandering a solitary path along a road somewhere... All the things that could happen, all the things he dreaded. All the things he wanted to protect him from, with his own two hands... And he would. He would find him, no matter where he was, and he would protect him, he would save him, no matter what... No matter what could happen.  
And yet... it would be fine, it had to... Kenshin was strong, he really was... he must have been, so long ago. And he had seen it come back, he had seen it burst through... he had seen the assassin that Kenshin had been so long ago, he had seen the cold set of his lips, the golden stare, the superhuman quickness and delicacy that had guided his steps. Kenshin was strong. Kenshin had beaten Saitou before his eyes with nothing but a bucket, imagine what he could do with full resources... It would be fine. It would all be fine.  
It had to be fine. Or he didnt know what hed do.  
*** *** ***  
  
"Theres a grief that cant be spoken..."  
He was singing now. It was cold and his voice traveled, traveled on the frozen air, unfamiliar tones dancing on the wind that stirred from the reeds. He didnt know those words... he didnt know them, and he was dimly aware of a faint disgust being whispered along its melody...  
"Cant be spoken..."  
Wet, cold trails caressed his numb cheek, fingers touching him in the water, curling into his ear and soaking deep inside the fibers of his shirt. Coating him in the chill mud of the river, as he lay... the water pulling him down, cradling his flesh in a fond and freezing embrace... the red limbs bobbed in the eddies by the shore, red tempered with grey beneath his nails and white framing the parched lips, the wide staring eyes.   
He floated, floated alone, and he was alone in the universe, the stars lancing down to pierce his eyes with unforgiving light, sweeping the wispy clouds away with the dewy swords of angels. They were the eyes of gods, of the dead, of the screaming children who lay soaked in gore at the feet of their slaughtered mothers, accusing and crying the drops of rain that fell into his lips, lacing it with the acid that burned his chest and stole his breath. The stars screamed their hatred down into his eyes, ripping loose shards of frozen flesh to leave it dancing in a morbid ballet along the eddies of the reeds.   
More than he could say... the chill would lance in bullets through shattered and moaning nerves, the pain burning faster and more and more demanding, more than he could say, more than he could think, more than he could think or say or know, Sano, Sano, Tori, Sano, Tori, Kaoru-dono, Misao-dono, Sano, Sano... The faces flashed faster, cheeks liquid with fire and tears, Kaoru-dono, Misao-dono... Where was he, where were they...? Why couldnt he feel his arms? Why couldnt he feel anything, why did this seem so terribly serene, when he knew it was a horror, a horror of an insane and broken mind, lying in the freezing shallows of the water here by the bay or the river or whatever this water was, wherever he was, wherever he had flown to in his loss of consciousness... lying here in his clothes freezing to death, flesh turned a sick grey- where was he? Why couldnt he get up? Why wouldnt his legs turn, his arms tense, his body roll away from this torment here in the wet and cold?  
"Cant... be spoken..."  
Even his voice was dying now, shattering into pieces, dead, cold, whimpering like a kicked dog left to die on the side of the road, what was this? Where was he? What was he, why was he, how was he, when was he... who was he...?  
Why...?  
  
*** *** ***  
  
Seven days.  
He remembered that boast with only a grim smile now. Seven goddamned days.   
Seven goddamn days, and it would be this morning... this morning would be the seventh day. He didnt know how he knew. Maybe Anthony had told him, in one of the times he stalked in the early morning darkness to drop off his measly meals. Maybe his internal clock had kicked in.   
Seven days, and all he had to show for it was broken fingers.   
The memory of Anthonys feat seemed so far away now... how could it be possible, to hit that fast, with the right interval, to do what he had done? It must have been an illusion, some kind of trick, something impossible, now here he was, left to die by his own contract while Kenshin wandered the world without so much as a fucking umbrella.   
Sano leaned his head back against the concrete wall, slumping to the pile of mats with a hollow laugh, a laugh that became a groan when his forehead began to throb under the sticky wetness that plastered his temple. It wasnt that he was afraid to die...  
Yahiko would have Meg to stay with. At least hed found the boy someone... someone who could look after him with some actual success. But God, he wished he knew where his girls were...  
Kaoru had been taken by that man. Misao was in the orphanage.  
Sano felt his aching eyes slide closed. That was when things had gone so wrong... the day the cops had raided Sagara-senseis orphanage, the day he had been taken aside by an almost-sympathetic prison guard and told that sensei was dead, sensei had been murdered, sensei was gone and he would never come back... gone forever because he had never told about the bags in the back closet. Hed never told anyone because he had been too scared, and then they all got arrested for drugs that werent theirs, and sensei...  
"Sanosuke..."  
The gentle voice wrapped around his senses, and Sano forced open his eyes, blinking dumbly into the dim light cast by the single bulb in the center of the ceiling. He could have sworn... but no, it was just his imagination.  
"Sanosuke."  
Sano gazed mutely into crystalline blue eyes that crinkled with a sad smile, impeccably cut raven hair framing a pale face made thin by too long spent on the diet a tutors money could buy.   
"Sensei..." he mouthed weakly, trembling violently. Sagara Souzou stood there before him, draped in the soft raincoat he wore everywhere in the spring, white button-down shirt in perfect creases, khaki slacks trailing off into...  
"Youve got no legs..." Sano whispered, then emitted a harsh sound that was almost a cackle, sickeningly amused. "Legs... Youve got no legs!"  
"Sanosuke." Sanos attention snapped almost guiltily back to the apparitions face, and Sagara-sensei smiled wistfully down at him. "Youve done well, Sanosuke, you can stop now."  
"Stop...?" He gaped for a moment, then took a deep shuddering breath, remembering all the times... _Sanosuke, youve done well on the math, you can stop now... take a break, and well go on to the vocabulary..._"Sensei, I havent- I havent even done it yet, I cant just stop-"  
"Youve done your best." There was an almost imperceptible air of command to the spirits words, soft blue eyes hardening a bit as with an unruly child. "Youve done all you can, Sanosuke. If you stop now and beg mercy, the boy will not take your life."  
Sano trembled, but his jaw set- his jaw set, and he found himself struggling to his feet, ignoring the shocks of agony that took his frame. "Sensei, I..." His eyes misted over, stinging with sweat and helpless tears. "Sensei, I miss you... I let you die, and I didnt say a word, I didnt do anything, I just let you go..." He caught his hand back before it stretched forward in childish yearning, unable to bear the sight of it passing right through. "And..." That set resolve assailed him.  
"Sensei, theres a man... a wonderful man, who took me in just like you did. He took care of me, sensei, and... I got strong again, I was happy again, with him and his family..." His chin shook, and Sano clenched his jaw, but he was unable to restrain the thin falling line of tears down his bloody cheek, and so he cried silently as his own words shook him. "But hes in trouble now, hes in danger. I cant stop now, sensei. I cant-" He swallowed, and somehow, no matter the weakness in his limbs or the pain spreading throughout his body, Sano stood tall. Sagara Sanosuke stood proud and tall, and spoke the words that would be either his damnation or salvation.  
"I lost you, sensei. I cant lose Kenshin too, and I wont. I wont let anyone else feel what I felt when you died, not the girls, not Yahiko, not Meg, not anybody. I wont let it happen."  
Sagara Souzou smiled, the weak light of the bulb shining down through his figure. "Sanosuke... Im very proud of you."  
Sano smiled, smiled so much he could feel his jaw complaining, and fell into a deep faint.  
  
"Wonderful."  
The morning light of the YMCA hallway poured into the tiny weight room, casting illumination on a crumpled figure in the midst of the wrestling mats. Sagara Sanosuke, his bloodstained face smoothed and innocent, peaceful... and dead, from all looks of it.  
"I guess his heart just gave out..." Anthony surmised aloud, swiftly pulling the door shut behind him. He ignored the pang in his chest, didnt bother to distinguish it as remorse or simple mourning. He didnt bother with that, not when... this was business, that was all. The man had entered the agreement knowing there was a possibility of his death, and he had seemed to have no second thoughts. Death was his bodys own choice, and no fault of Anthonys... no fault at all...  
The dark-haired boy knelt next to the body, the metal of the cross he wore slipping from the collar of his shirt as he leaned forward to inspect the body. Hed have to give him a decent burial, somehow... the man had been a human being, one of great resolve and heart... it was really a painful shame to see him dead like this, the life that had seemed so vigorous in him flown to the heavens...  
"I would have liked to give you Last Rites," he informed the body, trying to force away his desperate regret. "You certainly deserved it."  
"Hey, dont judge me yet."  
The dry mutter from the white lips sent him backwards at least a yard in utter astonishment. Anthony watched speechlessly as the bruised and battered figure picked himself up from the fallen pile of mats, running one bloody hand through his tousled hair and fixing a bright grin on Anthony.  
He cleared his throat, forcing the bewilderment from his face. "Its the last day," he said sharply. "Your time is out."  
"Oh, that?" Sagara shrugged carelessly.  
"You realize you die today, if you cant perform the technique." Anthony frowned. His lackadaisical attitude was both annoying and worrying. Could it be that this man cared for his life that little? It wasnt as though he couldnt identify, but...   
Sagara uttered a noise that sounded suspiciously like pshaw, turned on one heel, and blasted the nearest punching bag clear off its chain and into the wall.  
Anthony stared in disbelief.  
"I figured it out this morning," the dark-haired man said casually. "Thanks, its really gonna do me a lot of good."  
Somehow, he found himself smiling. "I commend you," he said quietly. "I didnt think you could do it, Sagara."  
As the man passed him on his way out, a hand darted down and snatched Anthonys cross where it still hung over his collar. He tensed, but remained still, glaring deep into Sagaras face as quick dark eyes observed his ornamentation.  
"Whats the date?" the man asked softly, not meeting his eyes.   
"Its April third." Anthony studied his face, searching him.   
"He died this morning, two o clock..." The dark eyes sparkled, and Sagara grinned at him, flipping the cross back to him. "Maybe I could believe in all that stuff, after all."  
Anthony watched the man go, shaking his head slowly. Hed never believed it possible, to learn such a thing so quickly... there had been a fire in Sagaras soul to grow stronger, a fire that wouldnt let him rest. And to see him go today, it was as though he had walked through that fire and emerged new, cleansed...  
"Whos that?" a soft voice inquired.  
"Oh... a student," Anthony said casually, breaking his gaze and turning to Sydney. "We have a meeting today, right?"  
"Mm-hm." The boy nodded swiftly, the ever-present smile not wavering. "Mr. Sherman has some sort of announcement... I think its rather important."  
  
*** *** ***  
  
"Battousai."  
The rough voice stirred him, cruel fingers curling unforgiving into a grey-skinned arm. His eyes fluttered open, the blank stare emcompassing all and nothing. Amber lights assailed his darkness, then a strange smell... pine fresh air freshener...  
Kenshin started, eyes shooting open, hands clenching on the towel that surrounded him. His startled gaze took in trees passing by a car window, a familiar-seeming street, something almost soothing...  
His eyes flicked to the drivers seat of the small car, and strangely enough, the presence of Saitou Hajime there didnt frighten him.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	26. 26 Everything Old Is New Again

An update note- at this point, I'm going to be scrounging together free time to reformat and do some editing for the first 25 chapters. Really, WTF is up with the formatting? It gets worse every time I look at it! ;;

Author's Note- A reviewer asked me in an e-mail to alert you all to why this chapter has taken so long. It's a fair request, so I'll tell you the truth. There are a lot of reasons for the delay. First, I started this fic almost three years ago. When I started posting to ff.net, I already had more than ten chapters written, so the update schedule was regular. However, I'm now posting them as I write them, so there's more of a lag. Reason two, I started college this year, and in addition to the necessary adjusting I had to do, I had left my work on a separate computer, which found itself unplugged and half-packed away during the hurricane and several bad storms since September. (I live on the East Coast.) Reason three, as you can probably guess from just reading the fic, my own mental health leaves something to be desired, and I've suffered several bouts of depression since my last update. Reason four- and this is the most important- well… as I said in the author's note I was forced to delete… we've reached the half-way point for the plot. Beyond the fact that more things are going to start happening, and I have to do a lot more planning as well as rewatching of Kyoto hen, events have taken a turn for the worse. Bad things will happen, to everyone, as well as the unveiling of some bad things that have already happened. As I've spent so much time with these characters, both in writing them and planning them out, it's very difficult for me to deal with their suffering, so the writing is hard to do. Angst is more difficult than fluff, I suppose. You don't have to worry about me abandoning this fic, though… it's my baby, after all. So if update lag gets to be too much for you, e-mail me and complain. I can't thank those that already have enough… So, here we go again, I suppose. Chapter 26.

"Hey, Tony."

The casual and yet discomfited greeting broke the early morning silence, Joe Richards' mumbling voice reaching the ears of all gathered instead of the single boy he'd intended to hear. Anthony nodded curtly in return, not intending rudeness but rather a calm warning for quiet. Joe was late, as always. Were this any other meeting, it wouldn't have mattered.

But as could be plainly seen, this was no ordinary meeting.

An ordinary meeting would have them strewn all over the Tech Ed room, some munching on pilfered projects from the Home Ec courses down the hall, some hurriedly copying over Physics labs before the club period was over. Anyone observing a regular Key Club meeting would see them like any other high school club; good-natured, but at base scattered and unproductive. 

And that was how they wanted it.

Now, they met in the deserted Upper Lecture hall. Most students were unaware that there even was an upper part to the Lecture hall, let alone how to get to it. The Lower Lecture hall was used solely for Honor Society meetings and class housing during state testing, and Sydney could control the use of both the Upper and Lower parts of the hall with a casual request to Horace in the office. Not only was the location artfully hidden, special meetings such as these were held in the hour before classes started. After school, janitors were dangerously prevalent about the halls, and meetings were more obviously noticed.

In the Tech Ed room, the Key Club was a mismatched group of high schoolers who wanted community service on their college transcripts. 

In the Upper Lecture hall, they were a highly disciplined team, organized to the letter and exceptionally specialized. 

The Key Club was organized in two separate fashions, depending on what the situation called for. Each member was ranked in their respective ability in both physical altercations and public diplomacy. The four elite in each ability formed two teams; known fondly as the "Rumble Crew" and the "Polite Front". 

The "Rumble Crew" consisted of the blind janitor Ollie, Kelsey Hahn-Jones, the inseparable team of Seth and Frederick, and was headed up by the formidable brawling skill of Joe Morrison. 

The "Polite Front" was comprised of the vice principal known as Horace Sanders, the irresistible feminine wiles of Aimee Komming, the vast intellect of Anthony Morrison, and its cheerful leader, the enigmatic Sydney Shelley.

However, the entire Key Club was organized into a hierarchy of power and influence. Mack Sherman, of course, stood at the head as the conceiver and leader of the group. Beneath him were three: Ollie, the leader of the "dark ones", Eugene and Henry; Sydney, director of the "girls", Kelsey and Aimee; finally, Anthony, custodian of the "damagers", Joe, Seth, and Frederick. Horace answered to no one and everyone at the same time; he was one of Sherman's right hands, and yet was often ordered about by even Eugene. 

They stood in this formation now, three tiers of dedicated men and women ready to sacrifice themselves for a cause.

The youngest was fifteen.

"We are swords."

The room was utterly silent, silent but for the roughness of Sherman's voice, the harsh labor of his breathing. Each stood at full attention, parade detail: one hand in the small of the back, the other on their weapon holster.

"We are swords," Sherman repeated, quick dark eyes boring a hole into the wall behind their heads. There was a cool emotion to his voice, a powerful ice that seeped into their veins, a quick flash that maddened their veins. It was always the same when he spoke, always the same intoxicating influence that flooded the room. This man was power. He was power, and when he spoke, that power became part of them. They became part of him.

"Ten of us, bright gleaming swords." He was pacing now, arms crossed tightly over his chest. "Blades that have been sharpened and polished by years of abuse by the world that dares to tell us that it protects us." Sherman paused, as though collecting his thoughts. In the quickest of seconds, his gaze flashed to each of them in turn, settling like a hawk to its prey on Aimee.

It was the simplest of commands, and yet there was no inclination to disobey, or to even think of it. There never was the need to question, not for her.

"Tell them," he said quietly. 

"My papa and mama got married right out of high school." Her voice was a drone, almost as though reading a script set in the dusty tile where her eyes had frozen. "Mama was pregnant, and she couldn't get an abortion because her mother wouldn't let her. It was too expensive and she'd kill the baby. So Papa worked at the hardware store even though he was gonna go to college and be a doctor. Mama stayed at home with me. When I was ten, Papa didn't love Mama anymore. He'd bring other women home, and Mama would just drink and get disgusting drunk and eat until she couldn't move." Aimee fell silent, staring blankly at the floor.

After a moment of eternity passed, the rough voice raised again. "Keep going."

"So Papa got enough money saved up and started a store in town." Aimee continued as though she had never stopped, her meticulously painted nails scratching at her belt loops incessantly. "He and Mama got happy again, because there was money. Then the police found out that he had a union violation or somethin' stupid that could close down the store and make him lose all his money. So I screwed the officer to keep his mouth shut, and all his buddies who knew. They didn't tell, but then Papa found out. And he made me screw all his creditors too."

There had been no emotion in her tone through the entirety of the story, but her voice broke on the last, and she subsided.

"So a man made his only daughter a whore to get out from under the thumb of the government." 

The brief silence passed, and Sherman's gaze descended on Henry. "You. Go."

The thin shadow of a boy began his own story, voice a low hum of no emotion. When he was finished, Sherman called on Kelsey. Then Sydney. Then Seth, then Frederick. Abandoned children, all of them… stories of neglect, abuse, simple parental apathy… Henry, addicted to narcotics from the womb. Seth, the victim of vicious bullying, only finding security in Frederick, who was too retarded to tell his own story. 

Kelsey, pretty, feminine Kelsey… a boy. 

Joe stared at the floor, the pressure in his throat making him nauseous. Was this what Tony had meant, when he'd said it would be a trial today? When he'd said that, with dark, clear eyes, gaze directed somewhere down the hallway that Joe couldn't recognize… he'd never dreamed it would be like this. 

He wanted to throw up. He wanted to cry. But instead, he would keep his head bowed, his eyes firmly fixed on the tile in front of his feet. And pray Sherman didn't call on him. 

If those hawk eyes fell on him… what on Earth could he say?

"Anthony."

It took all the might he had to keep his eyes pointed down, to not snap his gaze to the back of the head in front of him, to the hard muscled neck and the shaved-short black hair, to the familiar back of the boy who had been his best friend for two years, the only reason he was even a member of the Key Club…

What could Anthony say? What was there with his life that could match the stories the rest of the club had told? Joe had slept over at his house a few times; his parents were nice enough, they weren't poor or anything, they seemed… normal. Sure, they were a little more religious than Joe's family, saying grace and praying a little before they went to bed, but it wasn't crazy or anything. 

Now that he thought about it… why was Tony in the Key Club at all?

Joe listened anxiously as the boy in front of him inhaled to begin his own story, hands clenching at his sides in both worry and some sort of sick excitement. Of course he wanted to know more about his friend… and yet, there was some part of him that waited in eager silence for whatever horror had gone before in Tony's past. Were his parents fundamentalist nuts? Did they run some kind of cult out of the basement? What could be so terrible about Anthony Morrison's life that would lead him to identify with all these others? 

"I have my own reasons for being here," came the cool voice. "They are no less than any of the others, or any greater. But they're also no one else's business, not even yours, Mr. Sherman. So don't ask me again."

The silence that fell in the room was one of disbelief. It was enough that Anthony had disobeyed a direct order from Sherman, but to do it in such a curt, cold way… it was unthinkable. 

It was a mystery to everyone involved, except perhaps Sherman himself, how he kept order. None of them could recall any member of the club ever having been punished for any disobedience… actually, none of them could even remember any disobedience. Sherman was simply always obeyed… fearing retribution never even entered into the equation. They obeyed out of their love for him rather than their fear… because in one way or another, they all did love him, with a fervor that was impossible to explain.

So this transgression of the usual code had left them all dumb and speechless. How could Sherman let it go by without some sort of consequence? And even beyond that, what sort of punishment could it be, for Anthony… Anthony, who was so instrumental to the operation of the club itself, who was one of their greatest?

Joe looked up as much as he could manage without raising his head, heart beating uncomfortably in his throat. Sherman's hawk-like gaze was focused sharply on Tony, his pacing halted, his powerful form still as a carved avenging angel, missing only the divine sword in his left hand. The other members stood in frightened silence, the same as Joe himself, some with their backs straight and eyes cast to the ceiling, others shifting uncomfortably and trying desperately to pretend they weren't there.

Suddenly, as swiftly as a passing heartbeat, Sherman nodded swiftly and broke his locked gaze with Anthony, letting his next step fall. "Eugene," he barked. "tell us."

With a mumbled affirmation, the boy set into a monotone tale of his own. No one was listening with more than half an ear; the shock was too much. Just letting it pass? How could he just ignore such a thing? It was almost a challenge of Sherman's authority, what Anthony had just done. Joe couldn't take his eyes off the proud line of Anthony's back, his shoulders firm and strong. He knew that his friend had his pride, something he would never allow to be compromised. He'd always been like that. But to see it demonstrated like this… it was a little awing, even a little scary. 

He listened to Eugene go on for a few minutes… his own father using him for scientific experiments… it seemed too absurd to be real. All of this seemed too strange, too out of the ordinary, too weird and too tragic. It couldn't actually be… no. It couldn't, it was some kind of stupid practical joke, some early April Fools they'd spent a month or so concocting. It wasn't like Anthony had a good sense of humor, after all, and this might be just his idea of a trick. It had to be.

It really had to be.

"Joe." Sherman snapped, the harsh voice startling him out of his reverie. "Joe Richards. Tell us."

"Tell you what?" It was a stupid response, maybe. Maybe it sounded like he was poking fun at the whole process, or maybe stalling for time. Both would be perfectly in character for him, and yet… yet, it was all he could think to say. He didn't have a tragic story like everyone else. He didn't have some secret past, or some debilitating affliction that would match anyone else's. 

But there was nothing for him to say.

"Tell us why you're here, Joe," Sherman elaborated. "What has brought you to our ranks?"

The thudding heartbeat ravaged his throat, thumping so hard as to run away. What was it, anyway? He'd joined, because… well, because Anthony was here. And Syd, and Kelsey. It was just a high school club, something you were in to be with your friends! Sure, they'd seemed a little serious about things… and he wasn't quite sure what they were building, or what it was for… but he'd never thought it was anything like this, not anything strange.

The silence was too much, so he cleared his throat. Something, anything. Anything to say….

"I joined 'cause this is where my friends are."

His voice cracked nervously, echoing throughout the room. It wasn't enough. It wasn't a reason, not like the others had. Nothing had ever happened to him, not like that… he was just a normal kid. He wasn't rich, he wasn't poor. His parents pissed him off every now and then, but he got over it. He was a little ADD, but who wasn't nowadays? He liked knives and stuff, he was good with them, but that was just because his dad indulged him in lessons when he was a kid. He'd never thought anyone else was any different… sure, people had bad lives in the world, but he never thought that it was… he'd never thought they were his friends…

It was like he'd walked straight into the Twilight Zone.

Sherman's dark eyes focused on him sharply, and Joe swallowed convulsively. Far be it from him to be scared of a teacher, but… 

He was scared. Shit-faced scared.

"These people are your friends." Sherman opened his arms, hands sweeping through the air to encompass the room. "These young men and women, these painful stories you have heard today?" The charred face was stern, empty eyes stabbing into him. "These tragedies?"

"Yeah. They're my friends." 

The silence that fell this time was even worse than those that had gone before, the pounding of his heart in his ears the only discernible sound. Was it enough? He didn't belong here, he couldn't belong here, not in this nightmare world where everything seemed to come straight out of a bad movie. 

And yet, a heartbeat later, Sherman nodded and resumed his pacing, eyes glittering with renewed purpose. Joe could only breathe a sigh of relief, stomach flipping itself back into its proper place. 

"The world we deserved has been taken from us." It was spoken as a matter of fact, accompanied by the precise clicks of his rigid pacing. "Each of us signs a contract with our birth- a contract with existence itself. We resign ourselves to existing in silence and ignorance, in subversion and obedience… but there comes a time when our dignity is compromised too far. There comes a time when bending any farther will break us." Sherman turned on his heel, facing to the front with a spin that spoke of military precision. "I have met that point."

Somehow, the voice that rasped like a snake's hiss from broken lungs boomed throughout the room, vibrating through Joe's chest. Unreadable eyes were blazing with power, stooped shoulders broad enough to carry their pains. 

"There comes a time when bending any farther will break us," he repeated, each word rumbling from his cracked lips like thunder. "There comes a time when a man must be a soldier, to fight for what is rightfully his. The battle has come to us now, and we must prepare ourselves."

The breath that had been trapped in Joe's lungs fled in a long rush as the director of the high school Key Club lifted an arm for them to go, a split second before the first bell rang.


End file.
